Pregnancy with older kids

kswiger06

I have been having some amazing times but also some not so Pleasant times with my older kids. I thought it would be fun hearing about how other families are including their kids with the pregnancy, and some of the challenges with a pregnancy.

I've looked but didn't see anything on this specific topic, please correct and inform me if I'm wrong

PerraSucia

Today while I was vomitting my son was pumping handsoap on my back. I started crying and he felt so bad and then I felt bad. It was a spiral 

kswiger06

So I have a 9 and a 7 year old at home. They are super excited about the baby and ask questions all the time. Sometimes it's fun sometimes I panick and Dodge lol... my ticker change is Thursday, so every Thursday we read about what's going on with the baby's development. I try to show them the objects comparable in size, they got a kick out of the little lego guys. I also read them symptoms I may be experiencing so they hear from a source that I really am sleepy all the time. It's so much fun, as I read a symtom my 7 yo daughter will say yeah, you've been sleeping a lot, or yeah you were grumpy lol
Unfortunately they have also been asking questions I'm not ready to answer like, how do they get the baby out? I told them there was "a special hole" but wouldn't elaborate and quickly distracted them with ice-cream.

I'm hoping others have had some different things going on that I can do at home, or better answers for those darn questions I don't want to answer.

kswiger06

PerraSucia said:

Today while I was vomitting my son was pumping handsoap on my back. I started crying and he felt so bad and then I felt bad. It was a spiral 

Oh no, it sounds like it would be funny in a movie, but that sounds awful. When I don't feel well, my daughter rubs her hand on my belly and I hurt her feelings, but I always have to ask her to stop. She doesn't understand that it doesn't help.

PerraSucia

@kswiger06 whooa my toddler knows what a vagina is. The more weird you feel about your body the more weird they will feel. I mean I know 9 year olds that have their period already. 

Momma0528

My three year old is totally comfortable knowing the baby will travel down the birth canal and then the vagina. I think maybe this is only strange if they sense from you that it's strange?  It's pretty natural, and I feel as if most kids understand that. 

Momma0528

Although we're a pretty open household. My 13 year old SD has a pregnancy app on her ipad to track the baby's growth. She asked me the other day if I was experiencing "increased vaginal discharge to protect the baby from outside bacteria." That one got me laughing. 

kswiger06

Oh my, I guess maybe I hold back because my son is 9 and daughter is 7. I was worried that having certain information might make them curious to see other bodies. I don't mind pictures but I don't want them inspecting each other. If I had only girls I'd for sure explain where the "hole" is I just hadn't felt comfortable telling my son about it yet. (This is not defensive or snarky, the tone could be misleading, I'm just giving reason why I haven't had the talks with my kids.) If you have a boy/girl at home how did those talks go? 

Momma0528

Do you have a good book?  I wonder if that might help! I think we have one calleD "what to expect when Mommy's expecting"-- and it discusses exactly how the baby is born, what happens as it grows. We used it for my SD when I was pregnant with DD. You could use that to segway into a good discussion, maybe? 

kswiger06

@momma0528 Oh thanks for the book suggestion. I'll get it from the library and look through it and hopefully find it helpful. Honestly I appreciate the feedback on my stuff going on at home, but have you guys done anything special or fun with your kids that keep them involved? 
Omg it ate a lot anyways I asked
So do you ladies have a son that you have already had this talk with about how the female body works? My son is very smart and could handle that talk, in fact he probably knows more than I'd like to think. But around here, and with our families people would think it's way to early for a boy to be informed with that detail about a woman.

PerraSucia

You know my son is really little so maybe it's just not weird yet, but I mean he showers with me and has seen me put progesterone in my vag for months. i hope to always normalize the human body with my boys and let them get to the age where seeing me naked is grosser to them than me. 

did your littles never bath together? I mean mines been penis obsessed since he realized he had one and I didn't. 

Partyof6?

My kids don't know yet.   When I was pregnant in February, they liked to see the picture of the baby development, and kissed and patted my belly.  I am still not sure how we've made it this far without telling, but my husband wants to wait until after the NT scan.   

I am pretty sure when my sister in law was pregnant and they asked some questions, I mainly told them the doctor gets the baby out and then distracted them with cookies.  Right there with you @kswiger06

I will have to look into those books, because I am anticipating more questions this time.   The twins are 7 and my youngest is 5.  

kswiger06

@PerraSucia lol you made me laugh. No the kids never bathed together. I would have been more open to them learning at a younger age because while I was young ( 8-10 years old ) I would help change my brothers diapers, and i was fine. But husband didn't want them "exposed" to each other and their bodies. Now that they are getting older I don't know if it's better to have a mature talk with them or wait until they get closer to puberty and around the time the schools do the talks.

PerraSucia

@kswiger06 oh man you can't let the schools do it you going to end up with pregnant teens.  Haven't you ever watched mtv. 

kswiger06

@PerraSucia oh no, I will tell before the schools, I just meant closer to when they do it. I believe they do it in 6th grade. Son is heading into 4th.

kswiger06

@Partyof6? You will have to keep me posted on what all they ask you so I can be prepared, and I'll do the same for you lol. 

glitterdragon-2

kswiger06 said:

@PerraSucia oh no, I will tell before the schools, I just meant closer to when they do it. I believe they do it in 6th grade. Son is heading into 4th.

You should double check. I remember my school started explaining puberty when I was 9 (5th grade)

kswiger06

@GlitterDragon I will do that. They just seem so young and innocent still. 

glitterdragon-2

I agree @kswiger06. But they just explained puberty at that age, not sex.

kswiger06

@GlitterDragon oooohh. We did it in 6th grade but they did the whole thing even the sex. I'll definitely have to see how this school district does it, obviously it can vary a bit.

blush64

@kswiger06 I have two older sons but I have told them about their own body and female body parts from the time they could speak. It was a normal part of learning, this is your belly, that is your bum, this is your penis, girls have a vagina. That sort of thing. My oldest was just over 2.5 when his brother was born and when he asked how to baby would come out I asked what he thought and then told him the truth. 

At the time we lived with my niece as well who is the same age as my son. It did not encourage anything negative. By the time they were 7 and 9 they knew a lot more than how it came out.

Even if you are uncomfortable push through. Make it a normal thing and make sure they know they can ask you anything. (And will get a real answer) At those ages they might learn what that special place is at school and wonder why you didn't just tell them.

You husband disn't want them exposed to each other's bodies? It sounds so odd to me. My son bathed with his female cousin. She bathed with her younger brother. They all find it gross to hear about now but how could that possibly affect them negatively? It isn't like it continued until they were older. 

The schools my kids went to started the talk in grade one, more detailed and in depth as they get older. (Catholic schools) But I wouldn't want to leave something like that to schools. This is a great opportunity to talk to your kids and try to make it as normal as you can. 


Edit I think because my parents were so closed off I felt the need to do everything I could to ensure my kids experienced something different. I just wanted to add being pregnant is a perfect time to be more open at least about body part names and where the baby comes out. We all have to do what we think is best, just giving you my opinion. My sons are much older now and have always been very open about body talk and sex talk. (Sometimes they are more open than I am comfortable with but I pretend I am fine and feel thankful they talk to me.) 

Partyof6?

I think they were 5 when my sister in law was pregnant and they were asking questions.  The main one I remember was, but mommy, how did the baby get in there?  I am pretty sure I finally went with hmm, I don't know. 

We are just starting to enforce more privacy, my 7 year old son is regularly walking around naked while changing or getting in the bath, so his sisters for sure have seen a penis.  

I realize we are way behind many other parents I know, but apparently I get all prudish about it now that I have kids.  We'll need to come up some talking points! 

kswiger06

@blush64 my husband only has a brother 4 years older than him and a brother 9 years younger than him. He never saw a female body until he was older and thought it was inappropriate. At the time DD was born I don't
Respected his feelings on it but now that they are getting older I wish maybe we did it differently. Example my husband didn't want me changing DD diaper in front of son. He never got the chance to see. 

However since I'm a girl (obviously) and have a dd, I allow her to see ish things about my body. She knows I wear bras because I have bigger boobs than her. She knows she will too 1 day. She did ask a couple months ago about what was under my bra but I wasn't sure if she should see or just know that hers will be coming one day.

blush64

@kswiger06 We all have our own experiences and really past is past. Would have been a great and innocent way to learn more by helping change a diaper but so is pregnancy. I know you have to do what you are both comfortable with but pregnancy is a great time to teach them more. Books geared to younger kids might help if they want the visual but even just talking about it. Something very basic. Girls and women have a vagina. That is where the baby comes out. You can go further or just as far as you need to. The pregnancy opens up the conversation perfectly if you decide now is the time. I wouldn't wait too long. They will hear it somewhere eventually.

kswiger06

@blush64  changing my brothers diapers made it easy for me to learn about our bodies. My mom just said something like he has a penis, be careful with it. Lol then showed me how to wipe and stuff. 

I was the one who was pro telling the kids when they were younger so I think I might take the plunge... or at least start baby steps to see how it goes. 

blush64

@kswiger06 good luck! 

kswiger06

But still, I'd love to hear fun things you ladies do with your kids for your pregnancy if you have anything. My kids are so excited I'm just running low on ways to involve them. We basically do Thursday readings on what's going on inside. I will check out some books though, that was a great idea. I only have what to expect haha

Starfish113

My 7 year old asked me how babies are born and I explained the whoooooole thing. She was horrified of the idea of a baby coming out of such a small hole LOLOL. 

As as far as including them, I've done the same as you. I read to them changes on ticker day and we talk about the size and the development of the baby. And today I let them hear the heartbeat on the Doppler. They're just excited in general to talk about it!

kswiger06

Aww, I think we will take the kids to an appointment right before school starts so they can hear the heartbeat, then take them with us for the 20 ish week ultrasound. I think they'll love it.

Partyof6?

I caved and ordered a Doppler today.   That will be fun to let them listen to the baby.   My older daughter was really interested in the ultrasound pictures and I can dig out theirs from when they were the same weeks. 

I also have What to Expect When Mommy is Expecting in my Amazon cart.   

MommaBean

My 7yr old doesn't know I'm pregnant yet, but I look forward to reading weekly updates together, etc. 

He is a very curious kid and has asked me questions about where babies come from for years. I've always answered him accurately - never "I don't know" because I certainly do - because I think it's important that he know he can ask me ANYTHING and I won't make him feel silly or bad for it. For a long time, I was able
to just answer the specific question he had (ex. Babies grow in the mommy's uterus, breasts make milk, etc) without going into detail I wasn't ready for, but sometime around 6.5 he finally went there: "but how does the baby get inside the mom?"

At first, I told him honestly that I wasn't quite ready to tell him about that. Obviously that was not a long term solution. Then I consulted with my friend who teaches middle school Health and she recommend the book "It's not the Stork" by Robie Harris. 

I highly recommend this book. It's written for kids K-3 in consultation with doctors, parents, psychologists, and child development experts. It takes you all the way from what makes boy bodies and girl bodies the same and different through puberty, sex, conception, gestation, and birth. Check it out, @kswiger06. And read it yourself first, to see if you can get comfortable with it. 

I read it aloud over the course of several nights and encouraged him to ask questions on every page. He had lots! And loved the book - we read it twice and he wanted to buy a copy. I have a feeling he's going to ask to read it again after I tell him I'm pregnant. And we will. I think it's so important that he get honest and accurate answers from me no matter what so that he never feels embarrassed to ask a Mom question. 

@kswiger06 I understand your wanting to shelter your kids, but they're gonna hear about vaginas sooner or later, and better it be from someone who knows what she's talking about  I know this wasn't the purpose of your post, but I think this is so important!! I hope you can get your H on board!

Gingersnap

Ummmm.......we told DD today. She was elated, and asked if the baby would come out of my belly button. 
I said yes. 
I'm not ready to go that in depth with her. If she thinks it comes out of my belly button, I'm cool with that, I mean she's only 3. 

kswiger06

@Gingersnap aww, I remember you had said you were waiting to tell her. I can just imagine her adorable smile with that beautiful red hair! My kids have moved past the belly button, I just don't know where they think this special hole is lol

Xstatic3333

@kswiger06 I'm a FTM, but on the sex ed topic I just wanted to bring up that a lot of schools aren't really allowed to talk about it in an accurate way anymore, depending on where you live, because of abstinence-only laws.  Those that do may be pushing it forward to HS.  I can remember being a 4th grader, though, and that's when I think most kids at my school figured it out and started telling dumb jokes about it. A well-written book can help if it's a tough thing for you to talk about. I learned what sex was because "reproduction" was right next to "reptiles" in my encyclopedia, and I was an animal nut little kid. Suddenly a lot of things made sense!

Partyof6?

My older kids were a c-section, so I also worry about that explanation also being scary? I think that was why the doctor gets the baby out was a good explanation at the time, lol.  And actually, to be technical, they also were conceived in a petri dish, so that makes their conception story a little more complicated too.  

poofwok

DS will be 2 in August so he still doesn't understand that I'm pregnant. I tell him I have a baby in my belly but it's not really registering lol. Maybe towards the end. But yeah, I can't relate too much yet!

Starfish113

Yeah it's better to come from you than come from school. With my DD, her brother is her step brother so we never had the giving baths together stage. So her first exposure to a penis was on the bus on the way to school! Lovely. But it changed my attiditide that I need to inform her more. 

Xstatic, we have the same thing here. I teach 7th and 8th grade health and it's sooooo watered down these poor kids aren't learning anything. And sadly, some of these kids are already doing things and really do need to know how to protect themselves. But since I'm a chemistry teacher, I stick to their canned, watered down curriculum. 

kirstynikole

PerraSucia said:

You know my son is really little so maybe it's just not weird yet, but I mean he showers with me and has seen me put progesterone in my vag for months. i hope to always normalize the human body with my boys and let them get to the age where seeing me naked is grosser to them than me. 

did your littles never bath together? I mean mines been penis obsessed since he realized he had one and I didn't. 

Mine is obsessed as well. lol He always looks at DH when they shower & then points at his like "see dad we're the same". It never fails that after he shower/bathes, he then gets out and always tries to come & see why I don't have one too. It's hysterical because I can see his little almost 2yo brain really thinking hard about why mommy is different. haha 

kirstynikole

As for this pregnancy and my son... this morning as I was puking he ran into the bathroom terrified. He ran right over to me, and started grabbing my arm , trying to hug me, trying to grab my face & sobbing. It took a good 5 minutes after I stopped for me to calm him down by saying I was ok. He was SO concerned with mommy being sick. My empathetic little boy- it made my heart burst. 

Partyof6?

@kirstynikole, that is my worry too with not telling them yet.   Luckily I have only been sick late at night or early morning so they have been sleeping.   I just don't want them thinking something awful.   

Babymakes5!

My kids hate me right now. All I do is lay down and run to puke. And all they do is play in the livingroom because mommy is broken.