In-law Frustrations!

bean_2016

I have really been missing the bump! I was mainly a lurker but I have been missing you ladies! I am going to try and post more!

I don't know about the rest of you but there have definitely been some "in-law hiccups" around our place since we brought DD home.

Need to vent? Let's do it! 

bean_2016

My MIL has become very jealous that my parents were getting to spend "more" time with DD. DD had terrible colic and we were mainly in survival mode. I brought DD over to my moms daily just so I could take a breath. The hardest part is that I was trying really hard to include MIL but she still phoned me up and was extremely rude, making feel bad for spending so much time with my own mother. As if I needed that crap on top of colic..c'mon!

She has since apologized and told me she would work on it but honestly I'm still a little scared from the whole thing. I try and not talk to my husband because that's his mom and I don't ever want him to feel torn and I do really love her. So frustrating! 

linzoirv

My situation is the total opposite.

LO has been to my MIL's home dozens of times and spent the night last weekend while my husband and I were out of town on business. He loves being there because his cousins are over all the time; he gets to interact with other kids.

My parents' interactions with LO have been minimal recently. He's only been with my father once when we went over to his home for a few hours last month. He's never been to my mother's house...and probably never will. Haven't heard from her since May.

Family issues can be frustrating. But, at the end of the day, my outlook is that I am creating my own "little family"...who ever would like to be a part should definitely feel free to visit us/make plans with us. I'm not going to chase down family members because honestly...I feel like that's not my place to do so.

If your MIL wants to be more involved, let her lead the way as far as planning an outing/dinner, etc. If someone's reaching out, try to accommodate them as best as you can (baby is not sick, schedule is free, etc.) I would suggest having your husband there though for that first event to support you if grandma gets out of line.

wildtot

My mom has been the problem too. My MIL is fine for the most part. My mom frustrates me so much!! Recently she was lecturing me about how I should have taken LO to daycare earlier instead of 2 days before I start work so he can get use to it. Saying how I might be ok with it but he's gonna be the one to suffer. Really suffer?? Way to make me feel bad. She also complained about not seeing LO often and how I rarely answer her calls. I explained that I'm always busy with LO I barely have time to eat. I will gladly eat instead of talk to her. They she went on to say how she had it worse when my sister and I were little blah blah blah. Really?? She doesn't know the half of what's going on and I don't think I need to spread the news about my PPD and marital problems. Can't wait to see what they say when I tell them this weekend that we are moving to Colorado in two months. I'm doing what I have to do for my family and marriage.

bean_2016

@Knottie2891384 that is so tough! It's hard when you are trying to do what you feel is right for the little family that you are trying to start. It's hard for other family members to understand that you don't always have the time like you used to. I'm lucky if I get to brush my teeth before 5:00p.m. It's really annoying when family members try and make it all about them all the time.

korpatch

I guess I feel really blessed. I feel sorry mor my MIL because she loves so far away and I know how hard it was on my mom when she couldn't see my nephew very often. When they were in town I did keep handing LO to my mother to burp him. My mother has one rather hard breast due to a mastectomy when she had cancer. My MIL looked hurt till I explained it to her... Then she got it.
My SIL married to my brother won't ever put my LO down when she's around. I think it's funny. She's had second baby fever for several months now and they will be TTC in August. 
My brother however is the annoying on. My little guy was at his "witching hour" during a family dinner at my moms. My brother kept saying, "Parents always think it's so cute when their baby is crying, but it's terrible for everyone else." Eliot has been cutting a tooth, fighting naps and going through a wonder week for the past week or so... If my brother thinks he can get him to stop, do!!! Please! I'm going deaf in one ear and am exhausted from all the crying!

momofmanyinthemitten

My MIL had a pretty nosy MIL and her sister's a lousy MIL, so she is very conscious of how she is with us and our kids. FIL is a crowd favorite in our house as well. It's a good thing they're great because they live around the block from us. My mom teaches kindergarten and is a few years away from retirement, so she's super busy with school and lives 2 hrs away. She comes for the weekend when she can. I realize how incredibly lucky I am to have such great family support, but I have this problem called "I never ask for help." I should have overcome this malady by the 4th child, but it still plagues me. But, in all seriousness, I find that it's usually easier to have them all by myself and keep the daily routine than have help and upset the flow of our day.

loveymay

My MIL has been driving me crazy,  its usually little things though. I had a good relationship with her prior to getting pregnant. Once I was pregnant, she was so annoying and overbearing. Im trying so hard to ler things go and not get so annoyed by things she does. My DH's parents are divorced and both are remarried, so my LO has 3 sets of grandparents. Now that Im back at work, I want my weekends to relax and spend time with DH and LO. its hard because DHs famil live 2 hours away so they can only see LO on the weekend. MIL has been inviting herself over every other weekend. I know its good for them to visit, but where is the line drawn? I want and need m space without giving up my weekends. So frustrating!

Missingchampagne

My MIL tries really hard, but my SIL has an umbilical cord attachment to her. At nearly 40, she still lives with her. It's bizarre. Individually, they're nice people, but together they become one impossible Mega InLaw Monster.

It's the full spectrum of annoyances, from constantly telling me what my son MUST be feeling like "oh he's hungry" when I know he just ate, to larger things like telling me what religion to raise him ("oh don't Baptise him Catholic, Catholicism ruined my childhood!") and what actitivies he should get into when he's a little older ("I forbid you to send him to sleep away camp" and "he can't play basketball, he needs to be in soccer or like lacrosse"). They overflow with love for him, and I try to remember that... But if they could keep quiet, I would love that.

ivyvines6

My MIL issues are admittedly pretty petty... She loves LO and SO so so so so much, but she doesn't always respect that I'm mom and it irks me. Like when he's crying and inconsolable instead of giving him to me she does everything she can think of to make him stop crying which usually goes on for anywhere between 20-45 minutes all while smiling at me like she's doing this great service. She's also very consumeristic and is obsessed with clothes (they have a walk in closet and two guest closets full of her clothes with a one foot space designated for FIL's clothes) Everytime she comes over she buys him new clothes even though I've told her a MILLION TIMES that he doesn't need more clothes, and you're just making more laundry to stress me out with, or get him books! He loves books! But she still gets clothes. I put a no more clothing ban on Facebook so no one gets him clothes anymore and she bought him a onesie anyway a few sizes up. I'm just donating the excess at this point whether he wore it or not and I'm vocal about it too. But other than those two gripes, I can't really complain too much

nikkinbonnie

My MIL is very sweet and luckily lives on the other side of the country so her annoying things aren't too bad. The thing she does that bugs me is always commenting on how small Elli is. Elli is small and she's also big, she is very long and skinny. (95% for height and 35% for weight!). The doctor isn't worried, we do have monthly weigh ins but the pediatrician said this is just a precaution and I'm not worried at all. I EBF and she eats all the time. I think she's just built like her dad. My MIL doesn't ever say anything with any judgement or meanness, she's just always commenting on it. She did ask once if I thought there was something wrong with my breast milk but I shut that down really quick (and she really wasn't being judgy, just ignorant and curious). My worry is that Elli will probably always be small and MIL will always be trying to fatten her up. She's constantly telling DH he needs to get some meat on his bones (doesn't help that we are vegetarians- she thinks that's crazy). He is at a healthy weight, and actually a "little more meat on his bones" would put his BMI in the overweight category. Her definition of healthy is actually overweight. She says these things in a joking manner but I know I will constantly have to remind her that the pediatrician says Elli is healthy. 

redselig

I have been hating on mine and SO's parents since LO was born. No one has seen LO yet until now and only because I was the one who hopped on a plane. I get that living in a different country makes it more difficult but SO's parents are retired and are a 2 hour plane ride away. My dad has a better (still pathetic) excuse because he has to cross the Atlantic and he has to work. I know if my mom were alive she would travel to any corner of the world to see her grandson. Two thumbs way down for LO's grandparents.

korpatch

nikkinbonnie said:

My MIL is very sweet and luckily lives on the other side of the country so her annoying things aren't too bad. The thing she does that bugs me is always commenting on how small Elli is. Elli is small and she's also big, she is very long and skinny. (95% for height and 35% for weight!). The doctor isn't worried, we do have monthly weigh ins but the pediatrician said this is just a precaution and I'm not worried at all. I EBF and she eats all the time. I think she's just built like her dad. My MIL doesn't ever say anything with any judgement or meanness, she's just always commenting on it. She did ask once if I thought there was something wrong with my breast milk but I shut that down really quick (and she really wasn't being judgy, just ignorant and curious). My worry is that Elli will probably always be small and MIL will always be trying to fatten her up. She's constantly telling DH he needs to get some meat on his bones (doesn't help that we are vegetarians- she thinks that's crazy). He is at a healthy weight, and actually a "little more meat on his bones" would put his BMI in the overweight category. Her definition of healthy is actually overweight. She says these things in a joking manner but I know I will constantly have to remind her that the pediatrician says Elli is healthy. 

Having people constantly comment of babies size is soooo annoying! We have to opposite problem. "He's solo big!" I hear a ton of. He is, but he is proportional. Same category for height and weight (85%). I think it's easier to notice because he was below the 50% when he was born and there are so many tiny babies at our church.
My step grandfather was really pushing me to use formula at the begining because he didn't think breast milk was good enough. Now he keep telling me out guy is too big and we need to back him off the breast.

lreni529

My MIL drives me crazy all the time! It would take me hours to type all the stories but the most recent is when she asked to come for a visit.... Which I'm glad she does... But told my DH to make sure that I had DD dressed like a girl this time so she could take pictures.... What?!? I will dress my DD in whatever I please. Im not a pink frilly dress kinda girl. We dress for comfort so if that means a onsie and shorts, that's what she's in! .... I left her in what she had on.. Hehe 

She he then proceeds to come over, brings an outfit for DD, has DH change her, takes 50 pictures and then takes the outfit home.... Ugh ok I feel better now

Missingchampagne

I have a new one that blew my mind last week. My MIL had been pushing starting foods recently, asking me when and telling me what she thinks I should give Mason. I told her I wanted to hold out, and that in any regard, his first meal was a special experience that I wanted to share with my husband.

Last Wednesday when I'm picking him up from a short visit while I was at the dentist, my SIL says "oh but grandma over here tried to feed him... Never mind she didn't try to feed him anything".

Uhh, I made my feelings clear. Now I have to worry that they may sneak him solids behind my back? WTF?!

WBORDERS

Missingchampagne said:

I have a new one that blew my mind last week. My MIL had been pushing starting foods recently, asking me when and telling me what she thinks I should give Mason. I told her I wanted to hold out, and that in any regard, his first meal was a special experience that I wanted to share with my husband.

Last Wednesday when I'm picking him up from a short visit while I was at the dentist, my SIL says "oh but grandma over here tried to feed him... Never mind she didn't try to feed him anything".

Uhh, I made my feelings clear. Now I have to worry that they may sneak him solids behind my back? WTF?!

This would make me so pissed!! Not only are they taking the experience away from you and your husband they can be putting him at risk for allergic reactions to foods without you knowing. 

Missingchampagne

@WBORDERS Exactly. If something goes wrong and I have no idea what he has ingested, what can I do about it? 

korpatch

@Missingchampagne Wow... Just... Wow... I don't even know how I would react to that.

redselig

Missingchampagne said:

I have a new one that blew my mind last week. My MIL had been pushing starting foods recently, asking me when and telling me what she thinks I should give Mason. I told her I wanted to hold out, and that in any regard, his first meal was a special experience that I wanted to share with my husband.

Last Wednesday when I'm picking him up from a short visit while I was at the dentist, my SIL says "oh but grandma over here tried to feed him... Never mind she didn't try to feed him anything".

Uhh, I made my feelings clear. Now I have to worry that they may sneak him solids behind my back? WTF?!

randilea0110

MIL and FIL tried to feed dd donuts at 13 weeks. I almost screamed at them, but instead in a calm voice told them that I hoped they enjoyed the day with dd because they won't be seeing her again until she is 18, packed up the car and drove away. 

juana0909

MIL and I get along" ok" , aside from the fact she didnt want us to get married and didnt attend , and she critizies me and talks about everything she thinks i do wrong to H family even when im there,and that she always tells me Im either too fat or skinny or my boobs are too small or big,, or my shorts are short or why im i covering my self up too much you get the idea, but now she is mad because we dont take pictures with her and that we dont visit as often as we do my mother,,  my mother is the complete opposite so we visit more,, she didnt meet DD1 untill she was almost 2 years old and she lives 15 minutes away than got upset because she didnt know her, , its just so frustrating dealing with some1 like that specially when you dont want to start issues,, all i do is smile and say IDK,, 

bean_2016

juana0909 said:

MIL and I get along" ok" , aside from the fact she didnt want us to get married and didnt attend , and she critizies me and talks about everything she thinks i do wrong to H family even when im there,and that she always tells me Im either too fat or skinny or my boobs are too small or big,, or my shorts are short or why im i covering my self up too much you get the idea, but now she is mad because we dont take pictures with her and that we dont visit as often as we do my mother,,  my mother is the complete opposite so we visit more,, she didnt meet DD1 untill she was almost 2 years old and she lives 15 minutes away than got upset because she didnt know her, , its just so frustrating dealing with some1 like that specially when you dont want to start issues,, all i do is smile and say IDK,, 

Wow! That is a lot. It amazes me how people treat other people poorly and then just can't understand why you don't want to be around them. Good for you that you just keep a smile on your face. It's hard to take the high road sometimes but it sure makes you the better person!

ejled

MIL is all about gas drops and feeding baby. Like, she can let our a whimper and MIL insists she has a "belly ache". Okay, yes, sometimes she does and that is okay. Breastfed babies are particularly gassy. But I am not feeding her gas drops like candy!! And if it's not about giving her gas drops, she thinks she is hungry everytime she is fidgety or cries a little. And she proceeds to ask "does she need a bottle?"when she knows I AM TRYING TO BREASTFEED!! Granted, I have to supplement with formula. But still, let me decided when and how to FEED MY CHILD. Ughhh.

muzsk

Hmmm. I guess im REALLY lucky here. I couldn't have asked for a better MIL. She is soooo supportive, no interference and absolutely not nosy. She takes care of my boy all the time. My mum lives like 20 mins away and both my kids love granny and Grandpa to death. So for me its really great. 

korpatch

muzsk said:

Hmmm. I guess im REALLY lucky here. I couldn't have asked for a better MIL. She is soooo supportive, no interference and absolutely not nosy. She takes care of my boy all the time. My mum lives like 20 mins away and both my kids love granny and Grandpa to death. So for me its really great. 

This is my situation. My MIL and I have a few disagreements occasionally, but we are both open to talking them out and then getting some chocolate together. Lol. She does live a few states away (9 hour car drive without a baby). But she and my father in law come in town once a month and stay with my parents (who live only 8min from us). It's a huge party and everyone loves it and gets along great! I'm so thankful my in laws and my family love each other so much! My husband and I are trying to get his brother and sister to move down here so his parents will to. 

mumistheword

Well I'd like to vent about my in-laws but it's really actually been more frustrating from my parents lately. My dad stopped smoking around the baby for all of 2 seconds (1 visit) and has started right back up again. My parents had been living at my grandmothers while she was dying of cancer, and he wasn't allowed to smoke in the house. It was a nice way for us to continue to go over and bring the baby to a place that wasn't dirty, and covered in smoke. She passed away about a month and a half ago and the smoke smell is starting to creep into the house already. It really makes me sad more than anything, but I know that I won't have my lo around that. I grew up with it and have had asthma and other problems. Not to mention that he's always smoked pot and I don't see that changing. I remember smelling it as a child (never directly in front of me but on his person) and when I first smelled it in highschool so many memories of vacations and events etc came back to dad smelling like skunk. It makes me so apprehensive about bringing the baby around my parents and despite telling my parents how I feel I don't see them changing. They didn't put me first when I was a kid, so I can't imagine they would now. 

His habit is so obscene that he couldn't even come to the hospital to visit us the first time meeting his grandson (the first in the family) without reeking of pot. One of the nurses actually made a comment to us that we couldn't have pot in the room, and thought it was us! I was completely mortified, and told my mother that I thought he was a complete loser. 

stephpl

both my mother and my mother in law live on the opposite side of the country which I think has helped them not be invasive, but I do wish they were around for some free babysitting every once in a while! I think I'm lucky that they both seem to be aware that a) we are very smart and capable parents and b) that a lot of parenting rules have changed a lot since the last time they were parents!

One thing I'm interested to see play out is Christmas this year. My MIL is really into quantity over quality of gifts and I'm terrified that she's just going to vomit gifts in our house for DS1. She already buys useless things for him on a regular basis. We stopped for gas while visiting them once and she had to buy the gas station t-shirts for our son...in sizes he won't fit into for another 5 years or so... I'm already trying to make a list of items we might actually need for him by then to attempt to reign in the crazy purchases to something a little more useful...

loveymay

My MIL is the same with gifts, she'll get random stuff that we dont need or will never use. We have a small house and no storage space and Ive told her this too. I wish we could make a one gift only rule! Im worried Christmas is going to be present overload for my LO. Its all going to have to stay at her house though.

Im still having issues with visits. For example this weekend: dh wont get home till super late Friday night, then has a game on saturday (coaching) and wont get home till late saturday afternoon. LO goes to bed at 7 and usually its a battle to get him down. So I dont want people over Saturday night. MIL wants to get together this weekend and she is bringing 2 other people with her to visit (ppl we dont know well). I work midnights and my Monday starts at 11p Sunday night, so I have to take a nap on Sunday afternoon. Which is likely when she wants to come over. I wish dh would just tell her sorry but this is not a good weekend for a visit. 

g&tlewis

My MIL decided to come over on Saturday. She gave us like an hours notice, and DH wasn't even home at the time. That's not that big of a deal. Annoying, but whatever. So LO loves to stand up. He still can't sit up on his own, but he loves to stand with someone holding up most of his weight. MIL decided that he's ready for a jumper. He's not. He's not even 4 months yet, and we tried to tell her that he probably won't be able to use a jumper for a couple more months. Meaning we are not putting him in one for another couple of months. We have already picked one out that we want him to have though. It's the Finding Nemo one. We both love the movie and felt like it was the sturdiest when we looked at them in person. Well, DH got a text today that MIL had taken it upon herself to order a different jumper that only got mediocre reviews. I'm slightly annoyed by it. I am grateful that she wants to do something for her grandchild, but I do wish that she would 1. respect our decision to not put him in one for a while, and 2. ask us before she just goes and buys a large item. Maybe I'm overreacting, but it definitely annoys me. 

It could just be because she did something similar for my wedding. DH and I only wanted babies breath for the center pieces. We got married in a garden that didn't need extravagant arrangements, and we were trying to keep it simple and cost effective. She decided that wasn't enough and tried to talk me into massive (expensive) arrangements. I politely declined multiple times, but two weeks before my wedding, she texted me saying she had just ordered flowers for my wedding. After an argument with me and a call from DH, she finally cancelled it. I guess I just feel like, once again, she isn't respecting our wishes and is just doing whatever she wants. 

She also decided that LO has a dairy allergy, because he was really gassy when he was a newborn. She has a dairy allergy. LO does not. 

loveymay

@g&tlewis  My MIL did the same thing, she bought a bumbo seat and brought it over one weekend. She didnt ask us if we wanted one or wanted baby gear that sits LO up. I had actually already ordered a Fisher Price sit me up but it hadnt arrived yet. Also I didnt want LO to usr a bumbo after reading mixed reviews of safety and that its not good for LOs spine/pelvis/hips (whether or not that is true is irrelevant,  I decided I didnt want him to use it). Anyway LO doesnt use it, and DH didnt want me to tell MIL that we dont use it. To protect her feelings? Idk, but it bothered me that she bought baby gear for LO withou talking to us first. I fear she will continue doing this and buy larger baby gear for LO without asking. Its not a huge deal but LO is my baby and I want to pick out what baby gear he'll use. Im also really worried that she will outbuy us for birthdays and Christmas. Like she'll buy big expensive toys that I feel should only come from Mom and Dad, know what I mean? 

redselig

stephpl said:

She already buys useless things for him on a regular basis. We stopped for gas while visiting them once and she had to buy the gas station t-shirts for our son...in sizes he won't fit into for another 5 years or so... I'm already trying to make a list of items we might actually need for him by then to attempt to reign in the crazy purchases to something a little more useful...

QBF:

This made me laugh. What compels people to buy such useless things?! I also have presents from people when LO is five, as if I'm going to remember where that item of clothing is five years down the road. 

redselig

ejled said:

MIL is all about gas drops and feeding baby. Like, she can let our a whimper and MIL insists she has a "belly ache". Okay, yes, sometimes she does and that is okay. Breastfed babies are particularly gassy. But I am not feeding her gas drops like candy!! And if it's not about giving her gas drops, she thinks she is hungry everytime she is fidgety or cries a little. And she proceeds to ask "does she need a bottle?"when she knows I AM TRYING TO BREASTFEED!! Granted, I have to supplement with formula. But still, let me decided when and how to FEED MY CHILD. Ughhh.

MIL is staying with me for three weeks and she too also insists that every whimper is a belly ache. Every time I put something in my mouth she questions whether it's good for the baby but doesn't believe me when I tell her that too much dairy DOES make LO gassy. I still see cheese on the table every day for lunch.

g&tlewis

@loveymay I completely understand what you mean! I'm perfectly fine with MIL buying things for her grandson, but I want to be the one to pick them out. We planned on giving the family a list of things we need/want for LO that we have picked out and researched for them to buy Christmas gifts. The jumper was one of those items. And yeah, I have a feeling she will outbuy us on gifts, too. Thankfully, DH is on my side about this one. He didn't really say anything to her, but he wasn't thrilled that she did it without asking first. 

yodiggity

Must be a generational thing with the gassy suggestions. My dad insists that LO has a "gas bubble" any time she cries when he is holding her.

Also, MIL/Dad/SIL and everyone else who has had a baby more than, say, 10 years ago suggests I put cereal in baby's bottle to "help her sleep" and/or "put some meat on her bones"....she doesn't have a problem sleeping and she is just a skinny baby, thanks. 

Missingchampagne

I definitely think there's a generational correlation to the whole "tummy issues are the one reason this child could be crying" thing. 

When my son was about 2 months I dropped him off with MIL, told her he had just been fed, and gave her the next approximate times for his feedings. I gave her two bottles, 8 oz each. I told her verbally and ALSO text her that she was to give him HALF per feeding. I told her the second bottle was just for an emergency, like the first spilled or for some reason I was very delayed. 

Well I was gone for about 5 hours (one, MAYBE two feedings if he was asking for it). In this time she managed to feed my 2-month-old 16 ounces.

"He was hungry. He kept crying. So I would burp him and just give him some more and he would stop, but then a little while later he was hungry again so I would feed him more!"

I could have killed her. He cried all night, and did not eat for a full day after that. It was like baby PTSD when he would see the bottle, he remembered how much pain he was in! His stomach was enormous and tight. I mean, I understand not wanting him to "go hungry" and having the best intentions and so forth, but where is the LOGIC? 4 oz to 16 is a jump of quadruple what I told her and she just thought nothing of it. 

There's been several other issues with things I've told her related to his care, that have resulted in him coming back to me completely miserable. Now she wonders why she lives around the corner, but I don't drop him off.

Frankly, I'm also at the point where I'm like, it doesn't matter what you think of my instructions, if I leave you a note that says "he enjoys watching The Sound of Music every day at noon" then you better be ready with some Do Re Mi at 11:59 for my little man. 

ladylolly89

Missingchampagne said:

I definitely think there's a generational correlation to the whole "tummy issues are the one reason this child could be crying" thing. 

When my son was about 2 months I dropped him off with MIL, told her he had just been fed, and gave her the next approximate times for his feedings. I gave her two bottles, 8 oz each. I told her verbally and ALSO text her that she was to give him HALF per feeding. I told her the second bottle was just for an emergency, like the first spilled or for some reason I was very delayed. 

Well I was gone for about 5 hours (one, MAYBE two feedings if he was asking for it). In this time she managed to feed my 2-month-old 16 ounces.

"He was hungry. He kept crying. So I would burp him and just give him some more and he would stop, but then a little while later he was hungry again so I would feed him more!"

I could have killed her. He cried all night, and did not eat for a full day after that. It was like baby PTSD when he would see the bottle, he remembered how much pain he was in! His stomach was enormous and tight. I mean, I understand not wanting him to "go hungry" and having the best intentions and so forth, but where is the LOGIC? 4 oz to 16 is a jump of quadruple what I told her and she just thought nothing of it. 

There's been several other issues with things I've told her related to his care, that have resulted in him coming back to me completely miserable. Now she wonders why she lives around the corner, but I don't drop him off.

Frankly, I'm also at the point where I'm like, it doesn't matter what you think of my instructions, if I leave you a note that says "he enjoys watching The Sound of Music every day at noon" then you better be ready with some Do Re Mi at 11:59 for my little man. 

Oh man. That made me angry for you just reading it! If either my mom or MIL did this they would not be getting any grandma time for a VERY long while. 

g&tlewis

I won't even leave my son with my MIL. I don't trust her with him. She didn't raise my husband (by choice) so she has zero babysitting privileges. She only gets supervised visits and thankfully not very many of those. It also doesn't help that I had to tell her to support his head when he was less than 24 hours old. 

randilea0110

My in-laws are filthy people. The last time we went to visit for the day with dd I was so disgusted that I told DH we would never go again. The house smelled of dog urine because they let their dog pee on their carpeted floor and then think that just soaking it up with a towel means that it's clean. The carpet was sticky, there were bits of crud all over the floor (it looked like they hadn't vacuumed in months!) the kitchen floor had bits of food all over it, and the front of the toilet had crusty urine on it and looked like it hadn't been cleaned in a year. FIL doesn't wear deodorant and smells of BO all the time. When they come to our house to visit (they rarely do because I won't allow their dog in our house) they spend the night and never shower. They stayed with us for 4 days and never once showered!!! On top of the filth, I don't like to let MIL feed dd. Every time she starts feeding her she thinks that she doesn't have to look at dd while she is eating and dd ends up spitting out the nipple so that my breast milk is just running down her cheek. I've gone to taking formula with us when I know MIL will be around because EP'ing is a pain and I refuse to waste breast milk! I love them, they are good decent people, but they are just disgusting and it's gotten worse over the last couple years. We are going up to visit tomorrow (making an exception) because BIL is in town and hasn't been home for 5 years, and I'm dreading it. It is supposed to be nice outside so hopefully we can spend the day outside and avoid the house. I already told DH that if it's too nasty that I will be taking dd home with me and that he can get a ride home from BIL or FIL if he wants to spend more time there. What's sad is that DH wasn't upset by this because he even realizes how disgusting their house is. It's just gross!!!  

Sarcasm101

Knottie9983816 said:

My MIL issues are admittedly pretty petty... She loves LO and SO so so so so much, but she doesn't always respect that I'm mom and it irks me. Like when he's crying and inconsolable instead of giving him to me she does everything she can think of to make him stop crying which usually goes on for anywhere between 20-45 minutes all while smiling at me like she's doing this great service. She's also very consumeristic and is obsessed with clothes (they have a walk in closet and two guest closets full of her clothes with a one foot space designated for FIL's clothes) Everytime she comes over she buys him new clothes even though I've told her a MILLION TIMES that he doesn't need more clothes, and you're just making more laundry to stress me out with, or get him books! He loves books! But she still gets clothes. I put a no more clothing ban on Facebook so no one gets him clothes anymore and she bought him a onesie anyway a few sizes up. I'm just donating the excess at this point whether he wore it or not and I'm vocal about it too. But other than those two gripes, I can't really complain too much

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What does that mean? You are dictating what people can generously give your LO? Why not just say thank you and either return the clothes or donate them? She is giving him a gift, be grateful. 

Missingchampagne

@Sarcasm101 I think @Knottie9983816 prefaced her post by saying "these issues are admittedly pretty petty" so she knows it's not a big deal. Before LO was born, I had already filled three giant drawers with newborn size and asked family members to move on to sizes 3-6 and 6-9 if they wanted to keep buying clothes.

If you're just swimming in clothing and returning or donating, I'm not sure why it would be horrible to post a polite note on FB to the effect of "Thank you everybody for your generosity, my little angel has enough to wear from now until college and Mommy has enough laundry too! If you would like to get little ___ a gift from here on out, we would love a great book to read and think of you!"

It's all in how you phrase it. If you told them "shove your clothes up your..." Then maybe not so much.

loveymay

@randilea0110 when my LO was about 2 months old, we visited my MIL and SFIL. SFIL was feeding LO a bottle and kept looking at the tv and not paying attention. The nipple kept going into LO's cheek. It drove me nuts! I finally took him with the excuse his diaper needed changing. I came back into the room and MIL finished giving him his bottle. Except each time LO wpuld pause from sucking (you know, to take a breath or rest a few seconds) she would pull the nipple out of his mouth breaking the suction. Apparently she thought he was forgetting to eat and needed to remind him the bottle was still there. Wtf? Sure if he's falling asleep maybe you gently wiggle the nipple to wake him, but he wasnt sleeping. I wanted to ask her if she continuously chugs an entire soda without stopping to rest or breathe? No? Then why do you expect a baby to do it? My nerves were shot after that visit!