Pregnant after a Loss

Waiting to tell? What do you say instead??

My hubs and I have experienced 2 ectopic pregnancies since last September. Both times we let it slip a little early that we were pregnant, just to have to go back and share the news with everyone that we wouldn't be having those babies. We've decided that we really need to wait until we know for sure before sharing any news if and when we get pregnant again.

That being said, we have a few trips, weddings, etc. coming up and that sparked this conversation. When waiting to tell, what do you tell people when you're 1. having to leave work to go to the doctor WAY more than you ever do? 2. when you're at a social event and you're not having your usual vodka cranberry? 

Just wondering what cover-ups everyone has come up with?!

Re: Waiting to tell? What do you say instead??

  • No advice for work, but for social events you can say you're on an antibiotic and can't have alcohol while taking it. Or that you're just getting over being sick and not quite up to drinking yet. 


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  • I'm also not sure what you could say to work - I have a pretty flexible schedule so I could schedule appts when I didn't have meetings and just say I was working from home.  You could say you have a doctors appt, then a dentist appt, then eye doctor?  If someone makes a comment you can just laugh and say "I know it's funny how you end up doing all this health maintenance stuff at once".  Also, is there any chance you can get appointments before or after work?  My OBs office doesn't open until 9 but the ultrasound place opens at 7:30 so I had a few early ultrasounds before work.  I could also get bloodwork before work.  But in reality I'm not sure how many appointments there really are before you tell people.  I had an ectopic previously and for this pregnancy had HCG drawn every other day until it was between 1,000-2,000 and then scheduled for an ultrasound to find the pregnancy (that was at about 5 weeks) then repeat scan at 6.5 weeks to re-confirm (since all we saw was the sac the first time).  Then regular OB appts every 4 weeks starting at 10 weeks.  So I guess it kind of depends upon how your OBs office runs things, and how early you are comfortable telling people (since ectopic should be ruled out or in pretty early).

    For functions, agree with the above, either tell people you can't drink bc of antibiotics or being sick, or fake drinking.  You can easily get yourself a cranberry and Sprite drink that looks like a cocktail, or get a beer bottle and dump the beer and fill with water.
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  • I'm a bad liar...I don't like doing it... So when I've been asked why I missed an event or aren't drinking I say I'm not feeling well or I'm stressed and tired, which is super true! If people insist on asking where you're going if you have a doctor appt just say it's personal or leave it at "I'll be back soon".

    That being said I'd tell someone, just one trusted friend or family member, so that when you do feel rough (physically or emotionally) they can know what's up and support you. And not offer you a drink
  • We just announced this week finally because I hit 3rd trimester.  Apparently, no one finds it odd when you pop out of work for a chiropractic appt once a week...   ;)
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  • We tend to be pretty open about TTC. All of my friends know I do not drink while TTC so they just do not ask about it. You can always ask for a mocktail (cranberry and sparkling water is actually very taste) if you do not want to invite any comment. 
    As for work I went ahead and told my boss I had medical appointments and luckily he didn't ask twice about them. I did tell my one coworker because I needed the extra support at work and I would have told her if I m/c anyway. I hope you find a solution that works for you! T's and P's! 

    "Go in peace! I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil." -Gandalf 
    m/c #1 01/10/12
    BFP #2 01/18/13. EDD 09/10/13. Missed m/c 02/18/13. 
    BFP #3 5/1/13 My rainbow DS born 1/13/14
    BFP #4 11/11/15 spontaneous m/c 12/28/15
    BFP#5  Praying for another rainbow in February!

  • Thanks for all the input yall! Unfortunately it looks like I won't need to use them this month. But there's always next month, right?!
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