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AOliveira11

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laurendiaz02

Ok, first, take a deep breath!  Don't let yourself feel like a bad mom. You gave birth to a beautiful baby and you're doing the best you can. Having a newborn is absolutely exhausting. Being home all day with a newborn is exhausting. Having no time for yourself is exhausting. I would ask your husband to watch baby to give you time to nap and shower so you can feel refreshed.  Don't beat yourself up. Unfortunately there is no parenting manual so do what works for you and your baby. If you're feeling overwhelmed and anxious I would recommend talking to your doctor. Hang in there mama! 

BPaisley

Don't be so hard on yourself! Now on my 3rd, I've learned that babies are all so different. My first was like you have described, I couldn't do anything. I'd try to put him down to workout or shower and he would always wake up right away and scream. If it makes you feel better, my 2nd was totally different, such an easy going baby. And, while I obviously responded much quicker to my firsts needs as a baby, I am certain that nothing I did made him the way he was. They just have totally different personalities, which is still evident as they get older. 

Also, just know that everything is really in short phases with babies. They change SO much in the first year! And they change frequently. Just when you think you've figured them out, they'll go and switch things up on you. Don't feel like the first few weeks are any indication of what will be in the coming months. You are not a failure! And nobody gets the hang of it right away. You will start to read your baby's cues better and understand her needs. And trust your motherly instincts - if you think she's hungry, she probably is.

purplefan1

"because I've basically trained my baby that every time she cries I will pick her up and soothe her". You haven't trained your baby this. Your baby cries because that's what babies do. They can't manipulate and they can't be spoiled. 

Take it one day at a time and if that because overwhelming take it 5 minutes at a time. And see if you can get the DVD the happiest baby on the block.

rlbrooks84

Like PP said you are not a faliure! Babies are not easy, some babies are more chill then others and sleep great others, get up a ton! I've had both, my first never mastered being a good sleeper and was colicky but we still wanted another and now we've had our 3rd! My LO was eating 5 oz at 2 weeks, I'd give her 3 oz and then a break with a pacifier and then another 2 oz. yes sometimes it all came up but only a couple of times. She stopped eating that much till this week, she turns 6 weeks tomorrow. It's okay to let baby cry it out if you need a break! It's important that you take care of yourself. I would talk to your doctor, I went thru what you're going thru with my first and ended up having PPD. Now I'm not saying you have PPD but I didn't get help that time and I always wonder if I missed out on that special time with my son because I was so depressed. You can do this and it will get better and easier!

KaylaR628

  I think we can all say we've been in this boat, and that it does get better!  Hang in there!  I know my mood is much worse when I am especially sleep deprived.  I also sink into a depressed mood when I haven't showered or done anything for myself in s day, so I began setting small goals for myself each day to feel more human and like myself.  For example, one was just that I would shower as soon as Baby fell asleep for her first nap of the day.  Does she sleep at all during the day?  Also, it can feel so hard to be tethered to a little human and not have freedom At all during the day.  I've learned to use my carrier around the house, which frees up my hands, helps LO feel safe and secure, and usually puts her to sleep!  Do you have s carrier?
  As far as training your baby that you'll pick her up every time she cries...even if this were the case, isn't that what we want??  Again, it's much harder than I imagined to have another human so dependent on you, but it is so so good for our babies to know we will care for them and nurture them when they need us, so don't ever feel bad about that!  Maybe that's an unpopular opinion, but from a developmental standpoint it makes sense.

26pointrunningfor2

You are doing a good job! Your laundry, the shower, while its great to get that stuff accomplished, our number one job right now is to take care of our babies. Hang in there and take a deep breath. You are an awesome mom already!

huskypuppy14

Like everyone else said, you are not a failure. I find it weird that the pediatrician gave you a certain amount to feed her at 3 weeks old! I'm BF so maybe formula is different, but if your baby is still hungry by all means feed her.  My husband also works a similar shift (3-midnight). So he takes the baby when he gets home. Since I'm BF I do the next feeding around 4 and then he'll take him again in the morning if I didn't get enough sleep. You should be able to shower when your husband is still home?   Please talk to your doctor too. Tell her how you are feeling.

Don't worry about spoiling her at this point- like others said you can't. And you are doing exactly what you are supposed to do when you get overwhelmed.- put the baby in a safe space and walk away and take a breather. You are doing great!!

Lizbeth86

You're doing fine! If only our little ones could tell us exactly what they want : ( I second Kayla's advice about the baby carrier. During my LO's fussy times I walk around with her in that and can do some laundry, load the dishwasher, etc. And she's quiet! Makes a big difference.

SoEnamored

I think the best thing you can do for yourself is adjust your expectations and give yourself some forgiveness. Otherwise you set yourself up for disappointment. Having a baby is a total shock to your former way of being. And it's not always a pleasant one. Bring a mom is hard. You're choosing your baby over showers and laundry which is a clear indication of your deep sacrificial love. Your baby is lucky to be loved so much. However, the realities of life demand that you take care of YOUR basic needs too - oh and that someone folds the laundry on occasion (though, on baby number three, we modtly tend to get dressed from the dryer). Enlist help where you can, take a minute for yourself, try to be okay with showering while baby cries (i do that every day, oh joy! But I know baby's fine and safe). Also know that: babies cry, babies want to be held but we can't do it ALL the time, our babies are truly in the 4th trimester (google it if you haven't read about it), some babies are harder than others, Drs are well intended but don't always know best for you and your baby (their advice is generic and also stems from their personal philosophy) Hang in there, this too shall pass, hugs!!

TheHauntedHauswife

Im so sorry you are feeling this way and glad you came here to talk and get support! That alone says you are not a bad mom because you reached out and are seeking help! Mistakes are always going to happen in life and the best thing we can do is learn from them and act differently next time. Dont beat yourself up, this is all a learning process! Release as many expectations as you can and DEFINITELY get Dad to give you a little shower break when hes home even if its only 10-15 min. Put your favorite music on in the bathroom and give yourself a little break.

As far as your issues, this is my suggestion so feel free to take it or leave it because its not for everyone.I definitely follow a more ''crunchy'' mom style. But whats right for you is right for you!

I highly recommend baby wearing. Its not going to help with the shower, but you can easily do dishes, laundry, prepare food, go for a walk or many other tasks. My LO loves this sling as its very very soft and comfy, she prefers it above all other ones https://www.balboababy.com/product/jersey-ring-sling-black-grey/ but there are tons of options out there!

Secondly, Maybe you can try, during extra frustrating times, to take naps with her from time to time. She will be happy and cuddled and you will get a little extra sleep. I know bed sharing is controversial so please do your research on safe bed sharing before making the decision, but i personally feel that for us it worked. [Though she currently sleeps in a DockaTot in our bed.]

Also as far as the feeding is concerned, I personally also would keep feeding her. Maybe just a little at a time, but i would not stop because someone told me my baby only needs an exact number of oz. They are all just tiny humans after all, we are all different. I am much more interested in intuitive parenting and using common sense with your specific child than forcing yourself into a box that a guideline provides. But again, just my opinion and no judgement on those who believe otherwise.

cait5413

Lurking from August 2016, but I just want to offer some support! You are doing the hardest job, and you have to take care of yourself, too. I have to second the recommendation for Happiest Baby on the Block and suggest turning on white noise/a vaccuum/a hairdryer while baby is in the swing. The shushing is supposed to be helpful. Also, do you have any kind of baby carrier? Maybe you could baby wear and get some of the other stuff done around the house--not that you need to, taking care of baby is enough! But, if it is really bothering you that you can't do anything else, that might help. That way baby still feels held and is close to you, but you have arms free. Be gentle with yourself. 

adiaz132003

You are so not wrong.  I think I posted something like this a few weeks ago where I just couldn't take it and I let DS cry.  I was crying in the other room the whole time.  I also felt like a failed until it started to improve a little.  Now I'm starting all over cause since his lip and tongue tie release he has been crying from gas and reflux nonstop and I feel like I failed again because he's so uncomfortable and I can't fix it.  I have to remember that it will get better and things don't go to plan.  I get so jealous of moms and friends who have "easy baby's" I want to enjoy the newborn phase cause it only happens once and it's so fast.  Hang in there and try things like wearing her, swaddles, white noise, ect.  If I could get past that "don't put me down" phase, I KNOW you can cause I'm a mess 99% of the time.  And you know what else? Let the damn chores pile up. You have a new baby and noone will fault you.  Let the chores wait and sleep when she sleeps.  If you can't sleep then do skin to skin and just doze with her on your chest while in bed.  Sometimes just relaxing and cuddles make things better. Haven't you ever just wanted a hug? It's like that and it gets me through the hard times.  This too shall pass and really try and look for the good to keep your spirits up.

ecolton01

Every parent is different and there is no right or wrong way so don't worry about what other people think about your parenting style ! 

This is my first but I can't put her down for more then 10 min without her crying . She just really likes to be held. ... To the point where she can't sleep anywhere else then on me or in my arms ... Whoops ! We will eventually work towards getting her in her bassinet but for now it's what works for us and our family so I am ok with the fact that other people are going to frown upon that . 

Also so the only way I can get to my dishes and laundry ( and I barely can ) is baby wearing . I have a ring sling and a Tula both work for different senarios but may be worth looking into if getting those things done is going to make you feel better . 

Remember you you are doing great ! You have a healthy baby who is fed , clothed, and taken care of . You can't ruin your baby based on Dailey choices to get you through! Take a deep breath, let hubby relieve you when he is around and remember do what's best for you and your family even if the "text book" doesn't fully agree 

AOliveira11

Thank you everyone for the support.  Last night was tough...hubby got home and baby woke up around 1am to be changed and eat.  She went back down around 1:45ish and cried for a while until she fell asleep b/c we weren't holding her.  Then 4:30 rolled around and she was up again for a change and food.  Hubby and i both got up, he changed her and fed her while I jumped in the shower to rinse off after my tatas leaked all over the bed (thank god for mattress pads). She kept crying in her crib..i went over and flipped her on her belly and she passed out with her bum up in the air.  If I've learned anything about this kid the last two days, she's a stomach sleeper just like mom and dad, so now i'm wondering about the safety of her sleeping on her belly since all you hear is "Back is Best". We let her sleep for about 10 minutes on her belly and then hubby went and flipped her over so we could go back to bed.

Since she was born, i have definitely been struggling with depression. I brought it up to my husband who said he didn't think i seemed depressed, just overwhelmed.  I let things build up like a pressure cooker until i just explode and cry.  She's 3 weeks old tomorrow and everything since her birth has been about her and what we can do for the baby. I don't sleep because any noise she makes i'm immediately woken up checking on her...i have googled and tried researching the best things for baby but that's proven to be a slew of random advice that ranges on the spectrum from normal to completely insane...and it just feels like i dont know my kid well enough to know what she would want.  Hopefully this gets easier as time goes on...again, she is beautiful and i love her...but i think it may be time to reach out to an outside source about the depression.

egirl1025

By all means if you think you are depressed please get any help you can.  Your hubby sounds like he is providing you the best support he can, but no one knows you or what you are feeling better than you.  You do what feels right for you and when it comes to baby, it is just trial and error.  They will let you know.  Good luck to you!!

RMLandy

I highly recommend the "eat, wake, sleep" routine from the book "On Becoming Baby Wise." I've never followed the book exactly but the routine aspect of it has been a life saver with both of my kids. This baby has been more difficult than my first but when you know when they ate last, how long they've been awake, how much they've slept that day, etc., it makes trying to figure out what's bothering them SO much easier. 

Hang in there! It gets easier!!

RSM0501

I've always lurked and never post (sorry!!! Don't flame me too bad ;-) ) but I feel for you and hope what I have to share helps some!! I too have a 3 week old and we recently hit a wall that I didn't think we could get over but we did and you will too! 
We had a similar problem and I basically broke down recently. I've found that my baby and I both sleep better at night if I don't get out of bed. She's in a bassinet next to our bed and I just take her out and feed her in bed doing the laid back feeding and she goes back to sleep much faster. Before, I would get up, go to her room, turn the light on to change her, and feed her and she was wide awake after that. Now, I just check her diaper and if it's not full, I feed her and put her right back to bed. She wakes up at 1, 4, and 6 so I'll change her usually at 6 unless her diaper is full. Then I just try to change her in the dark but easier said than done! 

Also try this link https://youtu.be/oewj_XEM1js 
last night she would not stop crying long enough to settle herself to seep. I turned that on ans I'm not kidding she quieted and was asleep 30 seconds into it. I don't know if it was just a coincidence or what but it's worth a try!!! We listened to it all night last night and it was by far the best night of sleep we've all gotten. 
Hang in there! You can't spoil a newborn. If anything you're just teaching your baby that you'll be there for her when she needs you. It might not seem like it now but you're strengthening your relationship for later down the road. "The pain you've been feeling can't compare to the joy that's coming"   And if you have to put her down for a few minutes to have a breather, so be it. I hope this helps!  

xc1148

1- You're doing great.
2- Babies cry. All the time. It's the only way they can communicate or get rid of excess energy
3- I would seriously reconsider your doctor's feeding recommendations....every baby is different. If your baby is hungry, feed the baby! If she is not throwing up, your doctor is clearly wrong. could be a growth spurt, could be anything...if she's fed she might sleep better!
4- everything is a phase. it may seem really long now, but in a week you'll be onto something new. and then another thing, and another thing. Take it one day at a time, one hour at a time if you have to! Hang in there

Soverthis

You are not a failure. This is hard! Do you have a family member or friend that can stop by and help out? I wouldn't hesitate to talk to your Dr or the pediatrician about your feelings. You could be having more than baby blues. Hang in there. Ask for help. Remember this isn't forever. The baby will grow up. You will get to know each other. You will get the hang of being a mom. I joined a new mom group and it is awesome to sit with other new mom's and know I am not alone in my struggles to figure out mamahood.