As far as feeding goes, I'm not going to hold my kids to a higher standard than I hold myself. In my perfect world, I'd eat whole foods and clean and organic all the time and the birds would be singing, but I live in the real world. I'm certainly not perfect, and I don't expect my child to be.
My mom introduced me to veggies and healthy foods at home, but had no problem bribing me with a Happy Meal if I was scared to get a shot. We never had soda in the house, but we did have whole juice. Most times she'd cook dinner, but if my dad was deployed for a long time, there were times where we would eat take out 3 nights a week. She taught me about nutrition and sugars and exercise, and that information has helped me make good decisions in adulthood. To me, that's fine. I'm ok with not being super crunchy in this department, although I would like to make baby food because I work from home anyway. Life happens and we do our best.
I had an extremely obese professor in college who wold eat candy bars and drink soda during class, but then one day ranted about how her child's dentist gave her a lollipop from the treasure chest. She was mad because she *never* lets her kids eat candy or junk food, so she would be switching doctors--all I could think was how hypocritical she was being.
@dmontgo I think you touched on something key with your upbringing - balance. It sounds like your mom had a really good handle on things and I *hope* we can as well. I didn't grow up with really any understanding of health and balance. My mom constantly battled with her weight. I always watched her purchase Weight Watchers meals and deserts in the frozen food section only to devour an entire cake by herself late at night. It totally screwed with mine and my sister's view of food and health. I think we turned out pretty decent all things considered, but I really want DD to have the sort of balance you did. Munchkins and happy meals have their time and place, but we are always looking for new and creative ways to introduce fruits and veggies and keep them fun.
Sorry that was long winded, I just really admire what you said about your mom... I can imagine it would be so hard with your dad deployed to not throw in the towel and take the easy route most days.
@Christinaruth74 Thank you so much! I do think my mom did a great job with balancing food and nutrition with me, and it's something I want to imitate because I think kept me healthy without restricting too much.
The thing I would change with my child, though, is the negative self-taught and body image stuff. My mom never called me fat or anything like that (my dad did but that's another dimension), but she did talk negatively about her own body a lot. So while I had the food balance, sometimes it would get confusing for me because if my mom felt like she was fat eating the same foods I was...what did that make me? But now that I am married and understand what it's like being married to a soldier that was previously gone all the time, I think she was depressed a lot of the time, and depression manifests in several different ways.
But I think overall she did a great job, and it taught me a lot. I appreciate your kind words--and I am sure you are doing great!
@dmontgo can totally relate. That's where things got really mucked up for my sister and I and where we both have had to learn to be intentional with how we speak about our bodies. Our mom has just, within the past 2 years, begun to take her health seriously and has lost about 70lbs... But she's always been one to shy away from pictures and be really self deprecating toward herself. I told my H to hold me accountable to being different and he has done a really great job at that. When I slink away from photos or stay behind the camera, he encourages me to get in a shot because some day DD will really appreciate those photos of us together.
@Christinaruth74 Yes yes yes. Be in as many photos as you can. I have zero pictures of my mom. The only picture they have in their house is an engagement photo. Every time I ask her to take a picture with me she refuses. I know a lot of it is her mental illness, but I get really sad when I think about her passing--I won't have anything to remember her by but memories and one photo that doesn't even have me in it. Your DD will appreciate you being in those photos, and I think it's awesome you are working to overcome that self-consciousness...it's not easy!
@dmontgo and @Christinaruth74 Amen, ladies! I grew up in a house where I wasn't pressured for my weight at ALL, but with an obese mother who always called herself fat and then didn't do anything to change it. She got gastric bypass a year after h and I got married and is already gaining it back. The negative body talk never stopped, even after her surgery. She never picked up any good eating or exercise habits either, hence the return of the problem. It makes me really, really sad for her. Like, just STOP, mom! Even my MIL is the same way, calling herself (and FIL) fat in front of me, talking about how she needs to lose ten pounds, but never taking the time to exercise.
Anyway, maybe as a result of the negative body talk growing up, I always hated my body and didn't figure out that exercise made things much better until I'd gained my Freshman Fifteen. I mean, I still have body image issues, but one thing I'm going to make sure to do is NEVER let that self-consciousness show in front of my child. We will eat as healthy as we can (with a healthy dose of goldfish crackers as needed, haha) and we will make exercise a habit in the house.
Me: 31 | DH: 31
Together since 2003 | Married 2010 TTC #1 January 2016 BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016 Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018 BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
@PensiveCrayon it takes serious intentional change... I can't even tell you how many times I've still caught myself body-shaming myself.. Even my H will do it with himself.. Men totally struggle with this, too! We lost sight of a lot of our healthier habits pre-marriage and pre-baby and we are trying to make baby steps to get that back. But honestly half the battle is in our minds and getting beyond that negative self-talk. I think that one benefit to social media is this movement that encourages women to embrace their bodies. I've read some really empowering blogs and have seen some really raw and humbling photographs that totally put me in my place. It's no wonder our parents suffered through some of these things in silence.
My UO is that I hate when people bring their kids into work with them on day's other than being your child to work day. A co-worker signed her kid up for camp this week that gets out at noon. So every day she goes and picks him up and brings him back to the office to do whatever (he's 6ish). He's a pretty chill kid but inappropriate for the workplace, she spends half her afternoon monitoring his camp "homework" and he asks her a million questions. Maybe I'm just a grump, but I think she should have set up a babysitter or worked from home the second half of the day this week.
Also - I'm in an office where people are known to curse, not totally kid friendly haha.
As far as feeding goes, I'm not going to hold my kids to a higher standard than I hold myself
I actually AM holding my kid to a higher standard for as long as I can get away with it!! she's 2.5...I think we are nearing the end. It's actually helped me to eat better- because I don't like to be a hypocrit. I'm awful with carbs and always wished veggies didn't make me gag so it was my goal to give her a good base.
I love all your opinions/ideas on the body shaming issue and being aware of it. These are really good ways to raise confident kids!! I'm also a bit camera shy, so this is helpful for me personally too.
I feed my kid to different standards than myself too. I indulge on stuff when I'm stressed, blue, bored... it's not the right thing to do but I'm human... and adult... and I've been around long enough to pick up some baggage or have lapses in willpower that sometimes just demand a less than healthy option. I'm not going to project that on my simple happy little guy that is currently learning from scratch what meals taste like and is developing habits and a nutritional foundation that will affect him for a long time. I recognize completely that once he starts going to school and to friends houses etc, the world of processed food and sugar will be introduced and that's totally not something I'm fighting... but will try to teach about balance with. For now, it's just so easy (and cheaper) to not go there.
Baby nutrition is huge. Never say never, sure... but I'm not talking about one offs. I'm talking about daily nutrition. If I coming off as judgy on this, I think I'm okay with that here. To each their own but giving your child a good nutritional foundation doesn't seem like a controversial topic to me. And it seems worth some effort. I'll get off my soap box now. Very ungracefully as this RLP feels like a knife in my bits.
I think my comment is being a bit misconstrued. Obviously I don't advocate giving tons of sugar and such to a baby or toddler. That's not healthy. 2.5 years old is still young enough where you can control the amount of healthy food. I get that, and I support that--it makes total and perfect sense. But we can't control everything they put in their mouths the entire time they are kids and young adults. We can teach them a good nutritional foundation, and hope they hold onto those values as they grow, even if they slip up.
Children are humans too. They have a wide range of emotions. They have good days and bad days. I understand that we adults have baggage, but I don't think it's realistic to say "My child is only going to eat nutritious foods and no junk food because they don't have baggage, but because I'm sad I'm going to have a donut." To me it's a lot of "do as I say, not as I do," which in my experience makes kids confused and angry. I eat very well, but until I'm eating clean 100% of the time, I can't expect my child to achieve the same past the years I directly control it--and you never know what the situation would be--goldfish may be the only thing available.
I think everyone agrees that good nutrition is vital--but I think,as some some PPs mentioned, that this shouldn't become a topic for mommy guilt. We all try our best.
I'll clarify that it's not having treats sometimes that I'd hold my kid to a higher standard to. Specifically, I eat my feelings sometimes. I overeat a lot. I have a complicated relationship with food and it's a thing I deal with every day. That's what I don't want to project on or pass to my kid. I guess I feel my baby is defaulting at a higher standard than me and I don't want him lowered to my standard because of choices I'm making for him.
The other part of my opinion was just about knowing a treat when you see one because kids food is often not advertised honestly. Gogurt is a treat, not a healthy snack. Shelf stable toddler meals are extremely processed and expensive plastic containers of crap that I would never put in my own mouth and consider real food and won't be giving to my toddler. Making healthy wholesome food for a kid when you can is not that hard and is worth a lot.
@slartybartfast I saw a very helpful article a few months ago that talked about how to use experiences as rewards or pick-me-ups instead of food. That a lot of times, food is taught inadvertently to be that salve for feelings--"Oh, you had a bad day? Let's get ice cream!" Or "You did a great job--let's get pizza!"
It's something I would like to keep in mind with my child, because I too struggle with those things, although I think a lot of it stems from the negative self-taught body talk and my dad, as mentioned earlier. I don't think it was necessarily the food itself, but the environment grewup in. Of course I'm not going to say I'll never use ice cream as a reward, but it made me think about it a lot differently.
I think if we treat our children with more kind regard, emotional intelligence, and respect than we received, they will likely have a much better food and self relationship than we had/have. Don't let it stress you too much---we're not perfect, but I'm sure your LO already is on the right path.
@dmontgo - That sounds like a really good article. I still don't quite know where my occasional need to CONSUME comes from. I think some stems from never feeling quite confident I'd be cared for (alcoholic parents) and a "get it while you can" mentality. It's amazing how getting ready to have a child makes me run over and examine all these little things that I otherwise just live with. I went through this all with DS and am surprised to find it is easily as intense with this one on the way. I don't think it's a bad thing! Anyway - You are awake too! Why are we awake? Middle of the night party!
@slartybartfast It is definitely not a bad thing that we examine these things closely--in fact, Bravo to you, because a lot of people never take the time to look at these patterns and then just repeat them with their children because it's easy. Self-awareness is always a great thing, but takes effort!
Every night this week I've had nightmares, so I'm up early. DH left to go to the field for a while so I'm trying to not let my dreams freak me out.
I think it's a LOT of people @toller02 - our food culture, advertising essentially playing on people's emotional connection to food, and what's so readily available just don't really mix well with our actual physiology often times.... what we need to balance our energy stores and what makes us gain excessive amounts of weight, dopamine responses from evolutionary drives to find dense foods. It's complicated. Some people do seem to have a pretty simple relationship with food but I can count the people I've met like that on one hand.
I'll jump in on the food discussion. Everything is okay WITHIN MODERATION. I don't plan on denying my kids ice cream or McDonalds, but I also don't plan on giving them ice cream and McDonalds every day! Even when I was following my modified paleo, once a week DH and I would get bagels. Instead of white rice we got brown rice (DH loves rice, so I couldn't cut that out) and we'd have that once or twice a week with stir frys. So yes we'll try to give our children healthy food, but I'm fairly certain I'm going to walk into the living room one day and see DH sharing his Chunky Monkey with our LO. And that's fine with me.
Married 4/12/13 TTC since 6/13 Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016 SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18
@slartybartfast.....how's your feeling on spegettios/chef boy r dee stuff? Cuz those are still delicious once in a while...with easy cheese on top!
I grew up where every summer after I was 8, we were left at home all summer alone. Both parents worked full time. One brother is a year older but mentally ill and one is 5 years younger. I was responsible for cooking breakfast and lunch every day during the summer. We ate lots of over processed crap because it was that or nothing. We never had fruits or veggies. My parents did the best they knew how. I don't believe that experience led to any relationship problems with food...I'm a big cook now and we typically eat balanced meals. I would argue it's not necessarily what you are fed as a kid that makes the biggest impact but how food/weight is discussed in the house.
+1 to @sourlemon. In kinesiology in college we looked at several small (less than 30 people each) studies that proved its all about the calories you eat. You can eat 2000 calories a day of fries or salads and over 1-2 months your weight changes will be the same. Now I'm not advocating eating just fast food, but as long as you don't over indulge on any food too much you should be fine.
Formerly known as Kate08young August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Me: 28 H: 24 Married: 7/22/14 Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017. Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
@slartybartfast you're totally right. I did an 11 day cleanse last summer (almost killed me!!) And 4 of the days were the "no food just the weird drink" days and I couldn't BELIEVE how much food advertising there was. The hardest part about fasting was hearing and seeing the "food porn" (I believe some call it) everywhere- billboards, radio, commercials....it was enlightening.
I also didn't mean my last post to mean I thought emotional eating was rare.
Any recipe that calls for soda like Dr Pepper roast or Sprite chicken makes me want to barf! LOVE me some dr pepper on occasion, but in roast! Gag! Probably tastes just fine, just can't bring myself to make something like that.
My baby feeding philosophy... Balance and practicality. "Graduates" make me want to barf, but I use them on trips... Same with "pouches". There is a time and place for most everything, even if it's not "my thing". Generally, we introduce with avocado and other easy to fork mash items. We skip purées for the most part... If I am feeling very industrious, I will make and freeze stuff. I keep some jars of food in hand for when they are needed. We skip cereals and quickly move to modified table food. In Uganda (their diet is extremely healthy when people aren't impoverished) I learned there is no such thing as "baby food" they just introduce food that the family eats and our baby came home eating really any/everything we ate... I learned it's a wonderful time saver and is nice to skip buying or "making" baby food. But at other times I've made all food or bought all jarred food. The principle is... Feed the baby.
Re: UO - 6/7
My mom introduced me to veggies and healthy foods at home, but had no problem bribing me with a Happy Meal if I was scared to get a shot. We never had soda in the house, but we did have whole juice. Most times she'd cook dinner, but if my dad was deployed for a long time, there were times where we would eat take out 3 nights a week. She taught me about nutrition and sugars and exercise, and that information has helped me make good decisions in adulthood. To me, that's fine. I'm ok with not being super crunchy in this department, although I would like to make baby food because I work from home anyway. Life happens and we do our best.
I had an extremely obese professor in college who wold eat candy bars and drink soda during class, but then one day ranted about how her child's dentist gave her a lollipop from the treasure chest. She was mad because she *never* lets her kids eat candy or junk food, so she would be switching doctors--all I could think was how hypocritical she was being.
Sorry that was long winded, I just really admire what you said about your mom... I can imagine it would be so hard with your dad deployed to not throw in the towel and take the easy route most days.
The thing I would change with my child, though, is the negative self-taught and body image stuff. My mom never called me fat or anything like that (my dad did but that's another dimension), but she did talk negatively about her own body a lot. So while I had the food balance, sometimes it would get confusing for me because if my mom felt like she was fat eating the same foods I was...what did that make me? But now that I am married and understand what it's like being married to a soldier that was previously gone all the time, I think she was depressed a lot of the time, and depression manifests in several different ways.
But I think overall she did a great job, and it taught me a lot. I appreciate your kind words--and I am sure you are doing great!
You will do great ❤️
Anyway, maybe as a result of the negative body talk growing up, I always hated my body and didn't figure out that exercise made things much better until I'd gained my Freshman Fifteen. I mean, I still have body image issues, but one thing I'm going to make sure to do is NEVER let that self-consciousness show in front of my child. We will eat as healthy as we can (with a healthy dose of goldfish crackers as needed, haha) and we will make exercise a habit in the house.
TTC #1 January 2016
BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016
Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018
BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
Also - I'm in an office where people are known to curse, not totally kid friendly haha.
I love all your opinions/ideas on the body shaming issue and being aware of it. These are really good ways to raise confident kids!! I'm also a bit camera shy, so this is helpful for me personally too.
Baby nutrition is huge. Never say never, sure... but I'm not talking about one offs. I'm talking about daily nutrition. If I coming off as judgy on this, I think I'm okay with that here. To each their own but giving your child a good nutritional foundation doesn't seem like a controversial topic to me. And it seems worth some effort. I'll get off my soap box now. Very ungracefully as this RLP feels like a knife in my bits.
Children are humans too. They have a wide range of emotions. They have good days and bad days. I understand that we adults have baggage, but I don't think it's realistic to say "My child is only going to eat nutritious foods and no junk food because they don't have baggage, but because I'm sad I'm going to have a donut." To me it's a lot of "do as I say, not as I do," which in my experience makes kids confused and angry. I eat very well, but until I'm eating clean 100% of the time, I can't expect my child to achieve the same past the years I directly control it--and you never know what the situation would be--goldfish may be the only thing available.
I think everyone agrees that good nutrition is vital--but I think,as some some PPs mentioned, that this shouldn't become a topic for mommy guilt. We all try our best.
The other part of my opinion was just about knowing a treat when you see one because kids food is often not advertised honestly. Gogurt is a treat, not a healthy snack. Shelf stable toddler meals are extremely processed and expensive plastic containers of crap that I would never put in my own mouth and consider real food and won't be giving to my toddler. Making healthy wholesome food for a kid when you can is not that hard and is worth a lot.
It's something I would like to keep in mind with my child, because I too struggle with those things, although I think a lot of it stems from the negative self-taught body talk and my dad, as mentioned earlier. I don't think it was necessarily the food itself, but the environment grewup in. Of course I'm not going to say I'll never use ice cream as a reward, but it made me think about it a lot differently.
I think if we treat our children with more kind regard, emotional intelligence, and respect than we received, they will likely have a much better food and self relationship than we had/have. Don't let it stress you too much---we're not perfect, but I'm sure your LO already is on the right path.
Anyway - You are awake too! Why are we awake? Middle of the night party!
Every night this week I've had nightmares, so I'm up early. DH left to go to the field for a while so I'm trying to not let my dreams freak me out.
I think our day may just call for some naps!
@dmontgo that sounds like a great article... because no doubt rewards with food is the American way!! I'm going to search around for it.....
@Toller02 If I see it again I will be sure to share!
TTC since 6/13
Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change
BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016
SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18
I grew up where every summer after I was 8, we were left at home all summer alone. Both parents worked full time. One brother is a year older but mentally ill and one is 5 years younger. I was responsible for cooking breakfast and lunch every day during the summer. We ate lots of over processed crap because it was that or nothing. We never had fruits or veggies. My parents did the best they knew how. I don't believe that experience led to any relationship problems with food...I'm a big cook now and we typically eat balanced meals. I would argue it's not necessarily what you are fed as a kid that makes the biggest impact but how food/weight is discussed in the house.
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
I also didn't mean my last post to mean I thought emotional eating was rare.
My baby feeding philosophy... Balance and practicality. "Graduates" make me want to barf, but I use them on trips... Same with "pouches". There is a time and place for most everything, even if it's not "my thing".
Generally, we introduce with avocado and other easy to fork mash items. We skip purées for the most part... If I am feeling very industrious, I will make and freeze stuff. I keep some jars of food in hand for when they are needed. We skip cereals and quickly move to modified table food. In Uganda (their diet is extremely healthy when people aren't impoverished) I learned there is no such thing as "baby food" they just introduce food that the family eats and our baby came home eating really any/everything we ate... I learned it's a wonderful time saver and is nice to skip buying or "making" baby food.
But at other times I've made all food or bought all jarred food. The principle is... Feed the baby.
Due December 27th with baby #7