Moms Returning to Work

AliKay20

Moms - How was your transition after first baby and juggling work life balance? I plan to go back to work full time after 12 weeks of maternity leave but I fear my once alert & engaged self at work may be gone even partially after baby arrives.

I'm still working right now but with pregnancy brain and due date fastly approaching, I sense a bit of disengagement and I'm not sure if it's because of the baby or if I need to assess whether or not I like my job. Right now, fear & concern of how I will manage with my career post baby have taken over. 

I have heard of moms who manage both fairly well (career & family). Any tips or suggestions or what we may expect to go through? 

SkiChic626

My transition with DD wasn't that bad, but I only went back 3 days a week at first for two months.  I would work from home on Mondays and then Friday I took a vacation day until the end of the year.  This time I'll be going back full time since it'll be January and I don't want to blow through my vacation days that early in the year, so we'll see how it goes.  The hardest part was balancing pumping at work.  I would pump 3 times a days for 30 mins each (really 20 mins of actual pumping, but then another 10 mins to get the key to the room and get myself all set up and then cleaned up).  It was really hard to keep up with that, especially if a meeting or something appeared on my calendar during one of my normal pumping times.  However, I got a promotion about a month after I returned to work, so that was kinda nice!  It didn't go into effect for another couple months, but at least I knew I had something to continue to work toward an be engaged for.  And, honestly, the engagement part wasn't that hard.  I was so ready to go back to work and talk to adults after like 2 months lol - being a SAHM is not for me.  I like challenging my brain and feeling empowered at work everyday, it keeps me going and gives me the energy to be a better mom when I am home with DD.  As hard as traveling for work is, it also gives me time to refresh and makes me a much happier me.  I haven't traveled since February, and I feel like I need that break at this point, but I'm not going to get it anytime soon.  I just hope it doesn't have a mental impact on me.

pelorunningmama

I think it is different for everyone. I jumped back in working full-time and I was pretty emotional at first. I distinctly remember my boss coming in on my first day back and having to send him away because I was on the verge of tears. 

However, once I got the hang of pumping and DD was sort of on some kind of sleep schedule, it got easier. Everyone will tell you it gets easier (and it does), it is just hard to know when that might happen for you. You could be ready to go right at 12 weeks or it might be more of an adjustment. I think the most important thing is to give yourself time if you aren't on your a-game right away. My brain still isn't as keen as it was before becoming a mom. But, I realized that quickly and really focused on utilizing my calendar reminders and making to-do lists to help keep me more focused. 

Try not to worry about it too much right now because there really isn't a great way of knowing what it will be like for you until you experience it. I'm nervous about coming back and seeing how frazzled I'll be having two kids, but for now, I'm just trying to not focus on that.

mmclark10

I went back part time after 9 weeks and felt like the transition went pretty well for us.  Like @LWC1112 said, it's different for everyone.  Pumping took some time to get used to and I had to be pretty strict with sticking to the schedule that worked for the mother's room and that meant missing some meetings.  I have no idea what it will be like this time because I'm in a different company and city.  The commute is different and our child care has changed. 

Just allow yourself to be flexible and ready to change things up if something really isn't working for you and your family.  It may take a few months to get in a rhythm and as baby grows you will probably need to continue to adjust to a "normal" schedule.

AliKay20

Thanks ladies! It's going to be an adjustment for sure. I need to have the mentality of, "when the time comes, then I'll worry about it!" <-- something I can't do well compared to DH. We are polar opposites. He says we'll figure it out and I'm up at night being paranoid that my career is over. Dunzo. Now I know how unrealistic that thought just may be but I go there. A lot. Ahh!

texasmama2014

With DD, I went back part time at 10 weeks for 4 weeks.  It was really nice to get adjusted slowly, get the hang of pumping, etc.  My life as a mom is chaotic, and I've kinda learned to accept it.  I guess I fake it well, because I've been commended for seeming to handle things well.  You have to give yourself grace, time to adjust, and realize that this is new territory.  It gets easier, but there will always be days that I miss DD more than others... Days that I feel guiltier than others. You can do it, it just takes practice!

Stephanie7693

With my first, I went back to work full time by 10 weeks. For whatever reason, I became a more productive employee! Something about the responsibility of motherhood was motivating for me. It did help that my mom was the one taking care of my daughter though. The first few weeks I was a little spacey and calling to check on her every hour, but once I got past that, and we all got into a routine, it wasn't so bad.

Bookhousegirl

I went back to work part time starting at 4 weeks, but was only working about 10hrs/week. I then went back to about 30hrs/week when DS was 5 months old. It was definitely challenging at times, but being a SAHM is not for me, and I love going to work. I still don't work full time, so I think that's part of why the balance hasn't been much of a challenge. I will say, there are definitely times that I feel like I'm not doing any of my roles as well as I would like (mom, counselor, wife, etc), but I know staying home would not make me a better mom. You have to learn what works best for you, but working and being a mom is totally doable and wonderful! Just remember to cut yourself some slack, it takes time to find a good rhythm. 

KMeredith82

With my first I went back full time after 11 weeks.  Like others have said, trying to fit pumping in was challenging at first, but I figured out a schedule that worked.  I was ready to go back to work too.  This time I'm going back after 8 weeks, but doing 2 more weeks of part time.  I am kind of curious to see how this compares to last time.  

You'll figure out what works for you!  One of my close friends ended up going back for only 4 days a week after her second, bc that's what worked for their family.

Duffgurl

With our 1st I went back to work after my maternity leave. It was hard and I was so scared to not be with baby but my DH is SAHD so he made sure to send me photos and videos throughout the day. Pumping was so hard though that after about 3months we went to formula. Just know it's your RIGHT to pump. Don't feel like you can't. Yes it will be tough but at least give it a go. 

Curls919

One piece of advice - don't make your first day back a Monday. It's such a jump to get back in the swing of things and leave your baby that if you start midweek you only have a couple of days before the weekend (assuming you work mon-fri). 

WinnieLou82

It was nice reading all of your replies - good advice and strategies. Thanks! 

ThisisNumber3

I wasn't able to go back part time but I did start slow the first week, like a 9-3 schedule.  

Also, have a plan for washing pump parts, transporting gear (to daycare and to work) and restocking your desk with snacks. 

charmedlifex3

As awful as my husband's new work schedule is, at least it really cuts down on little guy's daycare time. And it makes it so they can both come by work, so it eliminates the mid-day pumping session, instead with some baby time over lunch!

We're also going to have my mom come stay with us the first week I got back, so my first day back isn't his first day at daycare. (And we have extra help for everything when we both start working after baby) Baby steps for adjusting back!

Just to make things even more complicated I need to have surgery at week 9 of my 12 - I may end up needing 13 weeks, or 14 weeks depending on how quickly recovery goes. Luckily my job is on board with this, since I will loose my FMLA protection.

@Curls919 Great suggestion!

SkiChic626

FYI you don't need to wash pump parts if you keep them cold between pumping.  I didn't learn this until I was about 6 mos in and it was a huge time saver!!  I kept mine wrapped in a towel in a plastic bag in the fridge in my mother's room during the day.  

Fremdschamen

I struggled with the transition back to work for a long time, mostly because DD was an absolutely TERRIBLE sleeper.  I was working 9-10 hour days on 1-3 hours of sleep per night for 15 months or so  (and for the first 5-6 months, pumping 3x a day at work).  By 20 months out, I'd worked up to 3.5 hours of sleep a night.  However, in the last year, DD's sleep has vastly improved and so has my work performance. 

I think the transition really depends on your baby, your personality, and your job.  I'm a lawyer-- my hours are a bit flexible, but I do have high expectations and the work is not easy.  We're all desperately hoping that baby #2 is a better sleeper.

ramoseecology

That's good to know @SkiChic626!
I was actually going to post on here and ask what people did with the pump parts between pumping sessions (keep them in a wet bag in the fridge? Use multiple of the same parts, new each session with the old ones in water or? etc.). Is there any place that actually lists out how to pump at work with details like that? I feel like it seems a bit new and complicated but not sure where a step by step guide is.....

charmedlifex3

@ramoseecology I know! I thought my Medela would come with way more in the way of ... instructions...

Bookhousegirl

@ramoseecology kellymom.com is a pretty comprehensive website for all things breastfeeding. I'm not sure if they go into detail on that specifically, but it's a pretty amazing resource. It may be worth checking out. 

mmclark10

@ramoseecology I just put my pump parts on paper towel after my first pump of the day in the cooler that came with my pump and the milk I had just expressed.  It all went in the fridge until the next pumping session.  I didn't wash or rinse between pumps because I had trouble with my pump not working if the parts were still wet during the next session.  However, I did have a friend that rinsed and used the Medela sanitizing wipes between each pump, that's an option also.  For pumping questions (and bf in general), Kellymom.com has great resources!

bsckgb7

I bought a book called "work pump repeat" and I really like how it lays out tips and tricks/best practices for pumping at work.

Sunnyn75

SkiChic626 said:

FYI you don't need to wash pump parts if you keep them cold between pumping.  I didn't learn this until I was about 6 mos in and it was a huge time saver!!  I kept mine wrapped in a towel in a plastic bag in the fridge in my mother's room during the day.  

I breastfed/pumped for 15 months with DS and didn't ever know this!  You just changed my life!

JournoGrl23

Reading all this is freaking me out. Anyone not working at a child friendly place? I'm a FTM and stupid to this so I didn't know you had to pump at work. I just assumed I could do it before and after. I'm only staying with my current job for 30 days after I get back from leave then moving on to a better job finally. But where I currently work I don't have access to a fridge or any special rooms and I don't get nor do I have time for a dinner break. I just work 8-9 hours straight then go home. Is this something that can be done on a two minute bathroom break? I feel like I have a lot of research to do...

jamiesc58

@JournoGrl23 I pumped 2-3 times a day at work for about 20 minutes each time. You definitely don't want to become engorged...it hurts so bad! And you also don't want to end up with a clogged duct or mastitis. Your employer should have to provide you adequate pumping times and a place to do it that is not a bathroom. 

JournoGrl23

jamiesc58 said:

@JournoGrl23 I pumped 2-3 times a day at work for about 20 minutes each time. You definitely don't want to become engorged...it hurts so bad! And you also don't want to end up with a clogged duct or mastitis. Your employer should have to provide you adequate pumping times and a place to do it that is not a bathroom. 

I definitely don't want to end up with any of that! I'm so ignorant to breast feeding I had no idea it would have to be done that much. I'll ask my former coworker what she did, but I never saw her leave her desk just like the rest of us. One of the reasons she left is because she said it was impossible to work here and have a child. Maybe I should talk to HR too. I guess this gives me another reason for quitting on them 30 days after I come back.

jamiesc58

I think it would be a good idea to find out what policies and procedures they have for that asap @JournoGrl23. You also don't want your milk supply to dry up on you if you really want to breastfeed and 8-9 hours is a lot of time in between feeds/pumps. I agree with the others who suggested the websites and books about pumping at work. It would be good for you to maybe in get in a breastfeeding class before LO is born if you can. They can give you a lot of info also.

JournoGrl23

Just talked to my former coworker. She said they gave her a chair to put in the bathroom and told her to do it there. She was too embarrassed to do it in front of everyone who comes in so she didn't pump at work and severely messed up her milk supply. I'm not sure I'm comfortable doing it in front of everyone that comes in the bathroom either but I guess I have no choice. And I'll have to find a way around the no refrigerator thing. There's another huge reason to hate my current job!

jamiesc58

I used a small cooler with ice packs and that seemed to work ok until I got the milk home to store it. Maybe it depends on what state you live in, but here in Michigan, the employer must provide a locked room (that is not a bathroom) to pump in. Check your laws on pumping at work. Having the knowledge before you go to HR will help tons.

ramoseecology

@JournoGrl23 Here are some links that may be helpful!

https://kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/employed-moms/your-rights-as-a-breastfeeding-employee/

https://www.dol.gov/whd/nursingmothers/faqbtnm.htm

You're in Georgia right? Unfortunately it doesn't look like there are good state laws there that could also be used.
https://breastfeedinglaws.uslegal.com/state-laws/georgia-breast-feeding-laws/
But federal does trump state if you are covered under the federal law (FLSA).

JournoGrl23

Thank you for the information ladies! Yea, I do live in Georgia and our state laws seem to not be as good as other states. (Definitely jealous of New Jersey's maternity leave!) But I'll read up on all this stuff and then go talk to HR and see if there are any other options. If not, I'll add this to the list of things to bring up in my exit interview when I leave this job. I should have been reading about this much earlier but honestly never knew you had to pump that much to breast feed. That's why I'm so glad to be a part of this community. I've learned so much!

SkiChic626

@JournoGrl23 you're def going to need to pump during the day to keep up your supply if that's what you want to do.  I do know people who were able to not pump at work and just nurse when they were together and gave formula while they were away.  That would not have worked for my wonky supply, but it could be an option.

JournoGrl23

@SkiChic626 thank you! I do really want to breast feed so I'm going to go for it at work even if I have to do it in front of people in the bathroom. I'll never see those people again after 30 days anyway. The only issue is finding the time to do it since we don't get breaks, but I'll figure something out.

tigerlilly1983

@JournoGrl23- lurking from July- I was gifted Freemies from a good friend who pumps at her desk at work. They are cups that go into your bra and connect to your pump, so you can pump hands free, with your shirt on, in public, etc. I'm a FTM and have no experience with them yet, but my friend highly recommends them and might be something you can look into. https://www.freemie.com

JournoGrl23

@tigerlilly1983 thank you! That may be a good option for me.

KMeredith82

@journogrl23 do you work with anyone that takes smoke breaks?  Asking bc when I had my first, I was a little worried about how accommodating my work would be with pump breaks.  I'm a billable employee so we are heavily watched to make sure we get our hours in.  I never had to use the argument, but I know that my coworkers who smoked were away from their desks longer than I was throughout the day.  The routine that ended up working the best for me was to only pump twice at work - around 10 and 2.  I pumped a little extra each morning at home, and again before bed (after baby had gone to bed), and that helped me keep up as well.

bananers

In order for me to keep up my supply (and not be in pain) I have to pump every 3 hours. So that ends up being 3x a day at work. By law your employer has to give you breaks to pump (but they could be unpaid), and must provide a space with a locking door that is not a bathroom. 

If you do most of your work via computer, though, you may not have to actually take breaks. I don't. I have a hands-free pumping bra and I bring my laptop to the pumping room with me so I can keep working. 

JournoGrl23

@KMeredith82 I believe I have one coworker who still smokes but he only takes two minute breaks a couple times a night.

I'm sure my work will permit me the time to do it, but working for a newspaper we're obviously a fast pace, deadline driven company. If I take several long breaks I would cause the paper to miss deadline, which would get me in a lot of trouble. I think I'll have to look into the hands free option you ladies are talking about and do it at my desk. I'm sure all my male coworkers will enjoy that, but they'll have to get over it, haha. Either that or maybe I can get away with doing it less and be able to be in the bathroom. It's really important to me that I try breast feeding. I just have to hang in there for 30 days.

mamaqdubu

Is anyone else a work from home mom?? I'm not worried about pumping as I can do it from the privacy of my home office (as long as no creepers decide to video skype... Why does that need to be a thing? I think I'm going to unplug it!) anyways, my dilemma is about day care. The baby isn't even here yet and I already feel so awful about bringing a newborn to daycare when I'm working from home in yoga pants and a t-shirt. I know this is what I want in the future, being a work from home mom i think is a great balance once the children are more independent and especially once they are in school, but I have a feeling this first year is going to be roughhhh. 

Katienu

@caitlinj187 I am a STM and work from home a few days a week.  I bring my DD to daycare on those days.  It is literally impossible to do work with a newborn at home.  Don't feel guilty at all! Some days when I am done with work, I pick her up early so we can get time together.   Like all working moms, you will struggle with, "I am doing enough at work, and I doing enough for my child?" Once you find a routine, it will be very natural.

ShawnaLynn83

@CaitlinJ22 I don't typically work from home but when I do I find it really difficult with my child who is now 5.   It was much easier when she was younger to work from home but either way it is a challenge to work while there is a child at home.   I can understand the guilt though.   It's hard to put them in daycare. 

mamaqdubu

Yeah. I'm going to attempt 3 days in day care, and then have my mom / MIL come help the other 2 days