first baby, alone now, need guidance — The Bump
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first baby, alone now, need guidance

I got pregnant with a new guy pretty fast.  It wasn't really working to begin with...he has unhealthy habits, is very selfish, I kind of did everything for him and his 3-year old son, and started to feel resentment for doing everything.  He lived his life as if he was single, and I got more and more frustrated.  The main issue was his ex - his son's mom.  I understand they need to be in contact for their son, and I supported that aspect.  However, he talked about her every day, texted her all the time, and she was always asking for favors unrelated to their son.  I asked him over and over to not bring her up so much because it was making me insecure and yes, jealous.  It was our relationship, not theirs.  I found out I was pregnant and he was SO excited.  We told our families early on, separately, and I started to show pretty much immediately, so my work knows too.  He mentioned him and his ex are still on the same cell plan and he's always fronting her $ to pay...sometimes she pays back sometimes she doesn't.  Mind you, he makes more than me and is ALWAYS broke, and I am always paying for things, so I said need to take her off you have been separated for two years almost!  A few days went by and we had a horrible night.  The next day I was at his house and he was telling his roommate that his car insurance bill was REALLY high because his ex is still on that with him too.  I lost it!  Him and his roommate kept talking about her like I wasn't there and I need to remove her from your bills and fast. Like NOW. I am over this!  This is ridiculous.  Sigh.  He told me that I have no right to demand him to do anything, to get out of his place, and get an abortion.  We didn't talk for 4 days through the 4th of July weekend.  I had asked him for his family health history so I can bring it to my dr tomorrow and he never responded.  So...I reached out to his mom on facebook.  He called me at work and said to stop bothering his family, they don't have time for my pettiness.  and that I am no longer welcome in their lives, and he will pay cs when the baby comes but wants nothing to do with me.  I just listened to him and just hung up on him.  I am heartbroken, but I think he should be more understanding that I want to be important in a relationship and it's not all about his ex.  I merely asked for respect and consideration, but he said I asked way too much of him.  In reality, he didn't do anything for me.  I texted him and told him I will no longer waste him or his family's time and removed them from fb...except him.  I want him to see updates on the baby...but should I just remove him and be done?  I am just so full of emotions and hormonal changes...I can't believe he's done  any advice?  I am in the analyzing phase now...what did I do wrong and can I do this alone?  I feel like if I just end it, were done with each other for good.

Re: first baby, alone now, need guidance

  • Personally if it were me I'd delete him from Fb and not give him any updates. He obviously doesn't care about updates if he's asked you to have an abortion. If he wants to be in the child's life he needs to contact you. 
  • I agree with PP.  My ex left me for a girl he was cheating on me with (the girl knew I was pregnant too, klassy), I immediately blocked him.  I deleted mutual friends.  I kept his mom as a friend, though, because she wanted so badly to be a part of DD's life.  Of course, your situation is different, I don't know how his parents feel about what is happening.  Clearly, he doesn't care, and if he wants to know anything about LO, he should contact you. 

    Congrats on the bun, mama.  Sending you lots of love!
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  • thank you so much.  It's strange knowing what I need to do, but needs others to validate it with me.  He called me last night and said he wanted to try to make it work, but that we have a lot to work on.  I really wasn't feeling the whole thing anymore...then I found out he added his ex on fb and that sealed the deal for me.  She punched him in the face and he blocked her on fb and said he'd never add her again.  It was a testament to how he isn't serious about working things out with me by throwing that in my face....he knew that would be it for me.  So, he's blocked, deleted, and gone.  Oh well.  I can do this on my own.

  • Yes, you can definitely do this on your own.  And we'll all be here to help you along the way. :)
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  • I'm not a single mom anymore but I was when I had my 3.5 year old daughter. It was really hard, but her dad is good about paying child support. He wanted me to get an abortion too, especially because we were so young, but he has really turned around and he adores her. He has only met her once because he's in the marines but he sees pictures on FB. It will work out :smile: 
    Me&DH married 04-04-14 
    A- Stepdaughter - 3-30-2008 
    K-Mine 02-04-2013 
    S- Ours 12-21-2015 
    New babies Feb 4 

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