1 vs. 2 kids, share your thoughts! *MC mentioned

casandkls

Hi BOTB friends! Please share your thoughts on having 1 kid vs. multiple children. I am all ears, I want to know what's hard, what are the benefits, why did you start TTC after #1 or if you only have 1 kid what are your experiences? Any wishes or regrets either way? TIA!

I have serious BOTB right now, DS just turned 2. We experienced some fertility issues trying with him, had a MC before him which really took a toll on me. Not sure I want to go through that again if it were to happen. Son is at a really fun age right now and DH worries about another child taking a toll on our marriage since DS is a lot to handle on his own. I also want a sibling for him and don't want them to be too far apart in age. Anyone else in my boat?

bmo88

Hello there. Commenting to follow.

We have not starting TTC yet and do not have any children. However, we are currently leaning toward the one and done camp. But time will tell.

shan24

I'm right there with ya!  DS is 20 months and I'm ready to TTC. My SO is not. I really want DS to have a sibling though. 

Stephorse

We wanted more children, by DS 2 came earlier than expected. I didn't think my cycles had quite returned back to normal yet and that  we were in the clear, but we got pregnant with #2 when #1 was only 8 months old. They are opposites in some ways, but they are really close together. The first year and a half was really difficult and especially since #2 was not a good sleeper, but now they play together and #2 doesn't like going anyway without number 1. It's so fun to see both of them playing together and talking to each other. They'll even wake each other up almost each day to play. So fun, but really hard to have them that close together.

kisenshe

I'm torn between the one and done idea and having one myself and adopting a second. There are lots of kids who need to be adopted, but at the same time it will be much easier financially to have the one. Only one college fund to save up for, etc

Nelbetron

I am also torn between one and done and having two. (currently I have none) I grew up with a sibling, and I think it was great! I couldn't imagine not growing up with one... even though we weren't the closest as we got older (I think we would have been closer if we were a bit closer in age).

With that being said, of the few people I know that had young children (plural), they talk about how their life was a blur the first few years, and I have seen first hand it can put a strain on marriage... I wouldnt want to put myself into depression... no one will win that way! 

I guess we will see how it goes... I obviously have some time to think it over (unless we have twins!) And finances play a huge role too

korpatch

Lol. We want at least four. We are crazy! I figure after we decide we are done, we'll try for one more then stop. That means I'll have at least one miscarriage though statistically speaking.. So we'll see what happens.

klmcguire

I thought that going from 1 kid to 2 was much easier than going from 0 kids to 1. I mean you are already up at the butt crack of dawn, you are accustomed to waking up at all hours of the night and you pretty much have all of the stuff that you need for a kid!

We had our second son when our first was 2 years and 7 months old. It was hard the first couple of months, but the 2 year old did a great job of helping out and understood for the most part and was super nice. We had a little jealousy, but it didn't last long and a couple of toy cars fixed that . We will be aiming for the same time frame! We really enjoyed it and felt like it was good enough to do it again!

emeejeeayen

I don't have any kids yet, so I can't comment on the parenting side, but I am an only child, so I can speak from that perspective. My parents had me later in life, so that might be why I'm more acutely aware of it, but I seriously wish I had some siblings as my parents age. When my parents (inevitably - yet hopefully not for a while) die, I will have to deal with that on my own. For that reason alone, I hope to have at least two children. I know that's a really morbid reason to have another child, but seriously - it's going to be really rough to go through that alone.

I also just in general think I would have been a much more sane child if I had siblings. I intellectually understood other kids went through similar things to what I did, but I never witnessed it. I did not emotionally, inherently understand that the struggles of childhood and adolescence were not mine alone. Obviously there are ways to overcome this, and I don't think I'm a damaged adult because of it, but I think I would have felt less like an outsider if I'd seen first hand that other kids struggle with similar things.

ShadeofGreen816

I have to somewhat agree with @emeejeeayen. I am also an only. I had an absolutely magical and wonderful upbringing with two loving parents and anything I could have wanted. The deficit I feel now is that I am missing an adult sibling to be there for me. I know that not all kids are friends with their adult siblings, and I have lots of friends who I can count on for anything. It just feels like I wish I had that. I have also had the aging/dying parent scenario. 

I admit I never thought about the growing up and realizing that everyone is insecure, etc. 

In any case, I hope to have 2. I used to want 3, but I'll be 30 before we start and DH only wants 2, so I suspect we'll land there!

thatcma

I have not yet started TTC, and do not have children but wanted to give my input

So I had a different upbringing. Through 6th grade I lived with my mom and sister. Up until her teenage years it was wonderful to have a friend. As she got older she kind of stopped being a friend, but always watched over and defended me from people.

7th grade through graduation though I was with my dad, and I am his only child. It was lonely when I didn't have friends I could see to sit at home by myself. I had other friends who loved their siblings and had (mostly) great relationships with them. It made me somewhat jealous to see that and not have that. (when I lived with my dad I really had nothing to do with my sister, and our relationship really drifted apart.)

I don't want my child to experience the loneliness I did when I lived with my dad. For that reason I want 2 children (my H wants 3). I know that there is no guarantee that they will be "friends" but I know that they will at least be there for each other when they need it.

Bestmomideas

Going from 1 to 2 kids is much easier than going from 0 to 1 kids.  It's not all easy, but it is easier because you already have experience with one baby so by the second things come pretty naturally.  You already have most everything you need, so it's not a huge expense like it was with the first.  It's so much fun seeing the older child interact with the younger one and love on them.  It's a blast when they get to the age where they can play and interact together.