***July Benched Thread***

yolandamunoz

Hugs to you @stephann85 people are just crazy rude!!! I'm sorry for your losses, feel welcome here.

stephann85

Worst part is it was my own aunt. She has never been great at sentimental or emotional things and she never had children (her choice) or her her own. I secretly wants me to be like her.

chloe97

How is everyone doing? I noticed the benched thread was a bit dormant so I wanted to bump it. After a 70 day cycle, I'm finally on CD1! My plan was to wait 3 cycles are now a bit in odds with my desire to start trying in September. We will get RPL testing the next 2 weeks and see what the results are. I'm thinking we will be ready to start after next cycle, hopefully the RE agrees!

Hopefulmommy1980

Benched till September. Also waiting for my appointment with the infertility specialist which isn't until September 20th. I just feel in limbo. But I am also feeling extra stressed I have been working extra hours and waiting for AF to show up. Which I have been super irritable so I hope it shows up soon. So Chloe I feel your pain about waiting and AF slowing things down

SnobunnieMel

Benched until DH's genetic disease screening comes back which won't be in time for FW this month then either starting clomid next cycle or planning for IVF with PGD

lin0442

@chloe97 Yay! I'm so happy for you, I saw that you were stressing out about your body not playing ball. Hopefully it's gotten back in the groove and you're RE gives you the go-ahead in a good amount of time!

@Hopefulmommy1980 Being in limbo sucks I hope the 2 months go as quickly and smoothly as possible before your appointment. 

@SnobunnieMel FX for nice clean test results for your husband!

I'm waiting for my last cycle before TTC again, and I don't think I've ever been so anxious for a nice, normal af to start. It's supposed to start tomorrow according to FF, but I've only been temping for two months, one of which was post D&E so ~it's a mystery~ really. 

chloe97

@lin0442 Fx for a good AF! If I'm remembering correctly, my 2nd AF after my first loss was also a bit funky, but not as funky as the f1st. This past time, I had a 17 day luteal phase which is insane for me. I'm also pretty sure I had a cyst though, so that would explain things. 

Hopefulmommy1980

Fingers crossed @lin0442

yolandamunoz

Hello ladies!

I am benched until further notice.  The good news is that I have an appointment with an RE this afternoon. I am preparing all my test results and things so that I can present my history to this new doctor.

///// TW MC mentioned ///////



Quick update: I have had 2 MC this year, no apparent causes.  I had a blighted ovum that was a Missed MC,  discovered at 8w, so I had a D&C on feb 2016. I was told to wait 2 cycles, and then tried again, got pregnant in may. But had a Chemical pregnancy and lost it at home when I was 5 or 6 weeks.

///// end TW /////

I was discovered to have insulin resistance, and high prolactin levels even 1 month after my last MC. So I'm on a diet and taking metformin.

I am doing good with my diet, lost some kg and some waist centimeters too, that is good news.  My nutritionist wants me to continue my new meal plan for a few months, and hopefully test my insulin and sugar levels again (I have insulin resistance). I hope they don't make me wait too much, but my doctor doesn't want me to test for insulin for 4 months.. that seems like forever to me!

I had a CAT scan of my head, to see the hypophysis because my prolactin is still high.  Everything turned out normal. My doctor now asked for an MRI of the hypophysis just to make sure. This will happen next month.

I will present all of this to the RE this afternoon. He was recommended by a new friend, a girl who runs a non profit foundation that helps and brings emotional support to parents who have gone through pregnancy loss, or stillbirth. They have been a great help to me and my husband, supporting us when we felt so lost.

I will let you know how it goes today. I am excited and hopeful!

hugs,
_Y

brooklyngirl18

@yolandamunoz good luck at your appointment today, thinking of you.

yolandamunoz

thanks a lot @brooklyngirl18  !!!

amberruka

@chloe97 Yay for CD1! Finally!
@SnobunnieMel I'm sorry you're in limbo. I hope you find some answers soon.
@yolandamunoz good luck with your appointment

My mom left yesterday and tomorrow I fly to NY for the weekend (my 20 year HS reunion, then to Pennsylvania for a funeral), so I've been a bit AWOL. Haven't heard yet from my bloodwork on Friday if I can finally be off the bench yet, but woo hoo! anyway. It's a shitty place to be here, but I'm glad I've had you guys for these many months. :-)

RiverSong15

@SnobunnieMel I'm sorry you're still in waiting mode. I hope you get answers soon, so you can start planning for the future. 

@chloe97 Yay for CD1/2! I'm glad you finally started a new cycle and can proceed with testing. I saw somewhere that you were anxious about the results, but I hope that the testing can bring you some peace of mind.

@yolandamunoz I'm glad your diet is working well. Hopefully you're not on the bench for 4 months, but I'm sure it feels good to know the diet is helping!

@stephann85 I'm so sorry for the insensitive comments you've gotten. There's just no excuse for that.

@hopefulmommy1980 I'm sorry you're benched and in limbo. I hope the wait for your fertility specialist consult goes quickly!

RiverSong15

As for me, my thyroid may finally be where it needs to be! The endocrinologist thinks it will be stable from here on out, because I'm basically on a full replacement dose of thyroid hormone right now. This means my thyroid is pretty much not functioning at all now. Which is fine by me, as long as my numbers stay stable!  Waiting to retest both thyroid and APS antibodies in mid-August before making any decisions.

 Originally, I was antsy to TTC again, but I'm kind of grateful right now for the break. Our new puppy is keeping us on our toes, and I think I want him to be a little older before we TTC again. I don't want to be going through a MC with a young pup around. Also, I need some resolution and boundaries with my mom before we TTC again. I started seeing a counselor, who was great when discussing the issues with my mom, but blamed my MCs on the stress of dealing with my moms situation and that she's sure my children are just "waiting" for when I'm less stressed. WTF. I'll have to have a chat with her about how offensive that is once things stabilize with my mom. Frankly though, I didn't have the energy to get all that offended. My mom tends to suck the energy and the air out of a room, and I just don't have the energy left to be offended.

My first EDD is coming up in a few weeks, and I'm mostly feeling numb about it. The idea that I should be 37 weeks pregnant right now is soooooo far away from reality that I don't think my mind can even imagine what it should be like right now. I think it will be CD 1 or 2 on my EDD, though, and that does make me cringe. I also have a book club tonight with a woman who is 40 weeks pregnant. She announced her pregnancy right around when I got my BFP and I've struggled seeing her pregnancy progress. I'm secretly hoping she goes into labor today - I was banking on having one month where I didn't have to be reminded of where I should be.

That was a lot of word vomit, so if you got through that, you deserve a cookie!

chloe97

@RiverSong15 Can I just tell you that the puppy thing gets better faster than you expect it to. We've had Barney almost 2 months- he's almost 5 months old- and the 1st month he was a crazy man. He cried in his crate, had accidents, wanted to chase every live animal outside. We have been going to training classes and I'm telling you that the dog has become so much easier the last few weeks. He's pretty much potty-trained and sleeps through the night and with the help of a great new collar, walks well on the leash. The one thing we need to correct before TTC again is to stop jumping on us because we are afraid he will step on my stomach. But otherwise, he's doing great.

I can't believe what your therapist said. My therapist made comments like that all the time and I finally had to switch therapists. After my first MC she told me to take 3 months off work to heal emotionally. I was like yeah that's not how the real world works. I can't max out my FMLA to recover from a MC because then I wouldn't have the FMLA to go on leave when I do (hopefully) have my rainbow baby. I start with a new counselor who focuses ONLY on women with fertility issues. She actually practices with a doula. I'm very interested to see what it's like.

Hopefully you managed to remain this chill as your EDD approaches. Mine was 6 weeks after my 2nd loss and by that time I was just numb to all things. I swear the puppy is so helpful in keeping your mind off babies. My anxiety is creeping back up and I will try to wake up my chill sleeping puppy to give me snuggles and kisses and he's just having none of it when he's tired. When he's awake, he's a lover. One night recently I was hysterically crying after being triggered by a friend's announcement and he started barking to get out of his crate so he could kick my tears. It was the sweetest move ever. Dogs are just the best!

stephann85

@chloe97 Yay for CD1. Hope all the testing goes well!
@SnobunnieMel FX for good results! Prayers be sent your way.
@yolandamunoz So sorry to see you here. We have kinda been on the same track. I hope that you are able to figure out the whole insulin resistance thing. 
@RiverSong15 Sorry to hear about the hurtful things some people say. I wonder if people hear themselves. The puppy sounds like fun. My husband would love to get one but neither of us is home enough. But my cat has been comforting. Pets are awesome like that!

Update for me: Had a beta drawn at 4 weeks post d&c that was 66 and had started period-like spotting. However that stopped the next day and OB wanted me to wait another 2 weeks to draw another beta, which also meant waiting on the u/s. Fortunately, I got my actual period this week and am currently CD3. And I have to say that I love my OB because I asked if we could do the beta this week and he agreed. He also threw in that we could set up the u/s for Monday. Now I am getting nervous about what they might find and if it will mean being benched longer.
And I want to thank everyone for your kind words regarding my previous post.

Edited because TB ate my words.

RiverSong15

@chloe97 im glad to hear Barney is doing well! I'm looking forward to my pup sleeping through the the night. He's 12 weeks old right now, so he's been going 5-6 hours at night. Cannot wait until we can hit 8! It is pretty wonderful having him around, despite puppy craziness. My pup's the opposite of yours - he only wants to cuddle in the morning or evening when he's tired. Otherwise he wants to be off chomping on his toys. He's a sweetheart though, and loves to give kisses. He flopped on his back in my arms this morning for a belly rub too.

i can't believe your therapist told you to take 3 months FMLA after your MC! That seems.... Out of touch with reality. Not to mention FMLA is unpaid.... I want to see how my next sessions go with my therapist. I might look for someone else who specializes in infertility and loss to help me sort through TTCAL and (eventually... hopefully!) PGAL issues, but we'll see.

ladipale

Hello ladies! July is almost over. I'm not sure how I feel about that.... I am just back from THREE fabulous weeks in my paradise in Central Oregon. The beginning was hard because my sister, who is pregnant with her 4th and due one week after the due date of my MC was there and it just was in my face sadness - mostly because I booked the trip literally the day after my MMC was discovered. But the end of the trip with my husband and 2 daughters was amazing....

I think I may be off the bench in a few days... we were going to wait until September but we've basically pulled the goalie - July was only out because my husband wasn't with us the entire trip and was home working while I was fertile. Oh well. But, but, but - DHs dad/business partner (they are partners in a law firm) was just diagnosed with cancer so the next few months are going to prove to be really hard around here so we may be benched even more. Just taking stuff one day at a time. ugh

chloe97

@ladipale Welcome back!! I'm glad your trip went well!! I'm also finding it hard to wait til September like I had originally planned. H and I have also pulled the goalie, but I'm actually going to be working long hours during my FW this month, so we should be ok. Because my post-D&C cycle was 70 days, I'm only waiting 2 cycles instead of 3. I'm a bit freaked out about it bc my 3rd cycle post-D&C was when I got pregnant the 2nd time. But there was so much funky about that cycle- I'm pretty sure I had extremely low estrogen for some reason bc I wasn't sleeping and was super anxious/depressed. I've told myself that if my body starts doing weird things while TTC, we are out that month. In the meantime, I'm on my fertility diet, cutting back significantly on coffee and alcohol and getting my body ready to go at it again! It's scary.

Hopefulmommy1980

Wow I am amazed by some of the things you guys therapist have said. Makes me sad for you guys be therapy is such a vulnerable place and to be invalidated sucks. I hope it gets better or you find a differs therapist.