How to reject a doula candidate?

mamatopequenito

I'm struggling with the appropriate wording to reject a very lovely, yet "not the right fit" doula that we were considering for our birth...
Prior to beginning interviews, doula A seemed wonderful. I know her personally outside of her doula work and she was very supportive in my early days of pregnancy which were full of drama and craziness. This drew me to her as a person, and I asked if we could meet to consider her as a doula - emphasizing we would be meeting with a few to find the right fit.
Well, we didn't make it to the point of setting up a meeting with doula A, by the time we met "the one"- doula B- and hired her immediately. We just knew she was everything we were looking for and then some. She clicked so perfectly with both me and DH, and our birth plan. And because I know doula A on a personal level, I know that she doesn't have the same level of qualifications or qualities that doula B possesses...
Now doula A, is asking when I'd like to get together to discuss the doula stuff...I don't know how to gently explain that we've already hired one. I so badly don't want to hurt this person's feelings, she's a good soul. Just not the right fit for our birth. If I were in her shoes, though, I would question the unfairness of not having actually met with her before deciding this. Hence my struggle. I've literally googled and googled trying to find a script for this scenario because I'm so nervous! Any advice welcome!

slartybartfast

I would just say "we've decided to go another direction"
And then if she asks for more details, I think it could be a good thing to do to simply explain to her in the most constructive way possible why you went with doula B and then hope that she's got her big girl pants on. I think most of the time people appreciate honesty especially when it can be delivered constructively and compassionately.

dmontgo

I had a similar situation where my friend really wanted to be there to support me for the birth. She's also throwing a baby shower for me. I really like her, but some things should stay as friendships.

She asked me about it again a few weeks ago, and I told her that I truly value her support and friendship during this beautiful time, but going with a doula is a better choice for me at this time. She said she understood 100%, and our friendship was unaffected.

I would say something similar to doula A. Emphasize that she has been an incredible resource and support for you, and that you appreciate her friendship, but Doula B is a better fit for your family at this time. That way you are kind, but still blunt. I'm sure she understands the importance of a good fit, and if she values your friendship, I think she will be professional about it. You didn't promise her anything, so I wouldn't feel too bad. 

cgss11

I think the key is to just not make a big deal out of it. The more you think about it, the more it becomes over-thinking and it just gets harder. She's a (hopefully) professional, so rejection is part of the business. 

Next time she asks, just say either we've gone a different route, or that you've gotten it taken care of already, but thank her for asking. If you're close with her personally, just change the subject after and ask her about something else. If you're not that close, just end of conversation. 

endoivfbaby2

Being a doula myself, I would prefer if you just told me [quickly] that you had met with another doula that you decided to go with. She is probably tentatively holding 5 weeks open on her calendar for you and it would suck finding out last minute you weren't using her changed their mind.  In doula training, it's usually touched on about being a doula for friends and how it can be difficult separating yourself from the friend role, so she may be hurt at first but in the end what matters is you're most confident and comfortable with your support team!

mamatopequenito

THANK YOU everyone!! Here's how I'm thinking of responding...Yes or No?

(We) interviewed someone last week and have agreed that she's the right fit for our birth. I want you to know how much I value your continued support and friendship though, and please know I could not have survived those initial days without your caring words!  If you come berry picking out this way in the next little while I'd still love to have you over for a visit! I might even have a pie made

I wanted to end on a positive upbeat note to mask the rejection...So is this ok? Boy do I hate doing stuff like this!!! *hides face in hands*

dmontgo

@mamatopequenito I think that's perfect! You are a good friend!

endoivfbaby2

Perfect

mamatopequenito

She responded with "I understand." So...I sense hurt feelings. But I was as gentle as could be. Hopefully time heals.