UO Thursday

jamiesc58

Let's hear them ladies!

jamiesc58

I am so sick of hearing Adele! She is funny and I loved watching her on the Late Late Show, but her music is horrible! If I hear "Hello" one more time, I may throw this radio out the window onto the highway!

alyssajrob22

@jamiesc58 HELLLOOOOOOO FROM THE KANSAS SIIIIIIDEE.... I MUST HAVE MESSAGED YOU A THOUSAND TIMES!!! But really, I agree with you. 100%

texasmama2014

Judging by the thread this will probably be unpopular....

I don't expect special treatment from anyone because I'm pregnant.  It doesn't bother me that the US doesn't "accommodate" pregnant women's needs.  I can walk across a parking lot, carry stuff, wait in line, etc.  I am also resourceful enough to handle   I can carry things. I found last time that people actually were pretty nice and quite accommodating while I was pregnant.  Far more than when I had a baby I was lugging around.  I have asked DH for help from time to time, and played the "pregnant" card.  I'm kinda of the belief that women have been doing this since we've existed so I'm not doing anything that spectacular (I think its miraculous, but I don't think other people should marvel at my ability to procreate).

emmeline714

@texasmama2014 i hate when they treat me like i am handicapped or something, like i can't carry nothing because its bad and tell me "i will help you with it" and i give them the stare like i can do this move out my way.

@jamiesc58 totally agree her music is overplayed to much that i get mad when the damn song is stuck in my head and won't leave from so much of hearing it 

mksfav

I think the fact that professional athletes make over six figures is grotesque. Yes, I understand you dedicate a lot of time to your "craft" but so does anyone with a college degree. Also, the fact that they are often times allowed to play after minor suspensions when they have doping charges, domestic violence charges, or anything else criminal or against their contract is a total joke. No one else gets to say oops, didn't think it would be a problem....and not get fired. They don't seem to live in the real world.

mmclark10

@jamiesc58 I'm going to see her in concert in less than a week...and I can't wait!   I don't listen to the radio much now because I take the bus to work but I can totally appreciate hearing a song way too many times. 

haboobjob

@texasmama2014 I agree with you. I don't even really pull the pregnant card with DH. If I ask him for something, he usually knows something is up. I've been in immense pain due to sciatic nerve issues on my right side for the past week. I've had to ask him lately to help basically carry me to bed or help me to a chair because sometimes it will get pinched and I can't stand upright. It's probably more annoying for me than it is for him because I just want to do it on my own. 

MamaKSquared

I'm also not a fan of playing the pregnant card. Don't get me wrong, if you're in pain, on bed rest, etc...that's a different story. I also get that there are things we just can't do. Of course, I'm not going to try to move heavy furniture or scrub the entire house down with harsh chemicals, but I can still complete basic tasks and reasonably keep my home together. I do appreciate it when people offer to help me (within reason), but I don't expect it. I have never asked DH to run to the store or even just downstairs in the middle of the night to get me something I just have to have now. I can pour my own bowl of cereal at 2am. 

SkiChic626

I completely agree with @texasmama2014 and @mksfav.  I don't expect any kind of special treatment whatsoever.  I'm pregnant, not disabled.  There are sometimes things I need help with this late in pregnancy...you know, like bending over or getting up off the floor, but overall I can still do most things I'd do before.  And I also think it's disgusting how much athletes get paid and totally agree with all of the points made above.  It's your career, but my career is demanding, too, and I do not get an "off season." 

My UOs...I have 2....

First, I think it's so weird and, and kinda gross to be blunt, when people have anyone other than their significant other in the delivery room with them.  I do not need my mom, my sister, or anyone else, seeing what's going on during my labor thankyouverymuch.  I could maybe see if it it's a single mom and her own mother is her closest of kin and that's who she wants there, but if my DH is with me then my mom is in the waiting room.  End of story.  I don't have the issue because I'll be a c-section, so there's only one companion allowed, but still.  When I had DD and was attempting vaginal delivery, there was no way anyone else but DH was coming into that room until the baby was born.

Second UO, unless your kid is going to get a mani or pedi, why must you bring him or her to the nail salon???  Seriously, I honestly feel bad for the kids because they're clearly sitting there bored out of their minds.  And on the flip side, if I'm trying to relax and get a nice spa pedicure, your precious little Sally better not start acting up and ruining my experience.  Add to that people who sit and talk on their phones while they're getting a mani or a pedi.  Shut the F up and call the person back when you're done.  I don't need to hear your life story while I'm having my calluses pumiced, thanks.

Alyeena

texasmama2014 said:

Judging by the thread this will probably be unpopular....

I don't expect special treatment from anyone because I'm pregnant.  It doesn't bother me that the US doesn't "accommodate" pregnant women's needs.  I can walk across a parking lot, carry stuff, wait in line, etc.  I am also resourceful enough to handle   I can carry things. I found last time that people actually were pretty nice and quite accommodating while I was pregnant.  Far more than when I had a baby I was lugging around.  I have asked DH for help from time to time, and played the "pregnant" card.  I'm kinda of the belief that women have been doing this since we've existed so I'm not doing anything that spectacular (I think its miraculous, but I don't think other people should marvel at my ability to procreate).

What about reserved seats on public transport? I don't really ever take public transport but last time I visited my family in Montreal I was really happy to have seats for people "with reduced mobility" (older people, pregnant women, injured people). Standing for long periods of time hurts.

the_other_mother

I don't mind when people offer extra help (carrying things etc) but I hate when people make definitive statements like "you shouldn't be carrying that." I know what I'm capable of and I'll ask for help if I need it.

ginger819

The only time anyone has gone out of their way to help me (besides DH and family) is when I went to a Dr.s appt and went in before my mom had gotten there to help with kids, so I was waddling along with a toddler who's only been walking for a couple months and a baby in a car seat. I welcomed them holding the door for me so I didn't have to guide DD over to the automatic door button. Any other time if I can't do it myself I would rather just avoid it. DH, though, has had to run back downstairs to grab me a water or whatever or help me by carrying DD anytime he's there. I have no problem having him give me a little extra special treatment when I'm feeling miserable. 

texasmama2014

@Alyeena I think its nice if people want to help and allow you to have a seat.  I'm more concerned that someone who is disabled or injured at war or has a broken limb has a seat than myself. 

Snaps816

@Lydiadiane I agree, I hate it when others try to tell me what I can/can't do. I asked a neighbor for some help moving a small dresser that I bought from my car up to our apartment. Obviously, I can't carry the thing by myself. But I offered to take two of the drawers out and carry one in each hand to make the dresser lighter for him. It was pretty heavy! But he was all like "No, I don't want you carrying anything." And I kept stepping in to give him a little support on the stairs and such, and again he'd be like "no, you shouldn't be doing that." It was just annoying because he knows nothing about pregnancy (for example, he thought I couldn't eat jarred tomato vodka sauce on pasta) but yet he is being very paternalistic and telling me I can't carry a small wooden drawer. I mean, he's a really nice neighbor for helping me with that and all, but it's so annoying to be treated that way when I'm clearly expressing what I can/can't carry. It's patronizing. 

ashleybaker712

@texasmama2014 I agree with you. The point I was trying to get across is that people have been odd and kind of rude this pregnancy. Seeing my belly and deciding NOT to be a polite person and hold a door or turning out of the aisle I'm in in the grocery store is just strange. I don't want to be looked at as though I'm contagious. I can do lots of things. If i can't, I have DH for that. Also, I'd like people to be polite. If you see someone - pregnant, old, disabled, or totally healthy - you should hold the door for them. Not shut it on them. 

mamaqdubu

I'm in agreement with all you as well. I really don't like playing the pregnant card, probably because of how many people saying i "must be miserable" and now I have something to prove lol. I have a friend who's husband was complaining to my DH that he's been annoyed with helping his pregnant wife do anything and everything. I overheard DH say to him "if Caitlin asks me to do something, I know she really needs me to do it because she's not the type to cry wolf, so I try my best to help because I know she hates asking." He's been so great to me this entire pregnancy I really couldn't ask for more. 

Pepper6

I have mixed opinions about pregnancy accommodations. No, I'm not disabled, but I'm also not as physically capable as I am non-pregnant. I don't expect public concessions, but I also feel zero guilt for taking advantage when they are offered (ie pregnant/new mom parking...especially in AZ summers). 

However, at home, I definitely need Dh's help more and I certainly expect him to help me. I'm not talking petty 'pregnancy card' things like going downstairs to get me a water because I'm being lazy, I'm talking about help with actual tasks that are getting uncomfortable/painful for me to do. 

Bookhousegirl

@Pepper6 I agree with you on the DH front. I have no problem asking him for a little more help - especially at the end of the day when my feet are swollen and even sitting on the couch gives me heartburn. He gets to have a glass of wine each night, I get to have him help a little more with bath and bed  We made the decision to have this child together, and right now I'm doing all the work, so he's more than happy to lend an extra hand with DS1 in return. 
In terms of other people, I actually get uncomfortable when people insist on helping. I can't stand people's comments about what I should/shouldn't do. You're not my doctor so you have no idea what I can or can't do. I appreciate the kindness, but sometimes it's a little overboard. 

@SkiChic626 I feel like it totally depends on your relationship with your mom/sister/etc. I had my mom in the delivery room with DS1 and will again. It wasn't weird at all, as she is the closest person to me, besides DH. I was going to have one person holding each of my legs while I was pushing so why wouldn't I want my mom there instead of a random nurse? If we didn't have the kind of relationship we do, then I'm sure it would be different, but she's an incredibly calming presence for me, and that's what I wanted for such an intense experience. 

ballofmeat

I'm gonna go against the grain here.

I love having people help me out while being pregnant (opening doors, helping me carry something to my car that is heavy)
I love the closer parking.
I love when people check in on me (my mom and friends)
I love when co-workers help me out in my department at work or let me go to break first because I'm really hungry or thirsty. We can't leave the lab for breaks unless someone covers our department. 
I love when DH calls and asks how I'm doing and if he can pick up anything I need on his way home.
I love it all!

I don't think I go above and beyond to take advantage of anything because I am pregnant, but I do enjoy the little perks. And how much kinder people treat you when in public. Although it's kind of sad that it takes pregnancy for someone to be polite. 

Edited to add this: I just realized this UO is stemming from the other thread about treatment in US vs. Europe. I just read the thread after I posted the above. I don't think there should be any special laws/seats or things like that for pregnant women. I think it is just freakin awesome for people to be kind and considerate to pregnant women. And I don't feel guilty about enjoying the extra compassion, especially in a world today where selfless acts can be very few and far between. 

SkiChic626

ashleybaker712 Someone actually SHUT a door on you on purpose???? 

Also, I will agree with those on the giving up a seat on a bus/train/etc.  God forbid there was a sudden stop or brake and a pregnant woman fell and got seriously hurt.  Not cool.  I think it's less about being pregnant and more about the added risks it poses if something abnormal like that happens.

texasmama2014

People should be nice to others and be considerate regardless of who they are or what they look like, period.  If a person is just being nice because I'm pregnant, I'm not interested in their kindness.

I'm pretty private so I'm not into other people being in the delivery room, but I get it to some extent.  There does reach a point when its a bit much tho-- SIL had my brother, her parents, and her older sister there. My thought is that DH and I made the baby, I want him/her to be just ours for a little while before we have to share.  Then I will share the baby with DD, and eventually other people can look too.

Car0liiine

I'm with you, @midwestbaby
I don't expect extra accommodations from the general public, but I'm certainly not going to get offended when it's offered. (Unless you're telling me what I should/shouldn't do.) I'm really grateful when people recognize that I'm pregnant and decide to be nice.
 I feel crappy! It hurts to stand/walk for a long time. I get tired out very easily. Bending over for something is exhausting. Standing up or especially getting up out of bed, genuinely hurts. So I certainly don't feel bad asking DH to fetch things for me or take over many of the chores at this point. Yes, I can manage it if I need to, but it's so much easier for him.
He's my best friend and he loves me so he doesn't mind at all. I'm not asking him to do anything difficult. He is thankful that I'm going through all this discomfort to grow our baby and he enjoys doting on me. And I think that's how it should be, honestly, and feel bad for women who's SOs don't take care of them like that. (Or to whatever extent you appreciate; I get some people would genuinely rather do it themselves or get annoyed by too much coddling.) It's an expression of love. I'd do it for him. I've got nothing to prove.

Katienu

SkiChic626 said:

I completely agree with @texasmama2014 and @mksfav.  I don't expect any kind of special treatment whatsoever.  I'm pregnant, not disabled.  There are sometimes things I need help with this late in pregnancy...you know, like bending over or getting up off the floor, but overall I can still do most things I'd do before.  And I also think it's disgusting how much athletes get paid and totally agree with all of the points made above.  It's your career, but my career is demanding, too, and I do not get an "off season." 

My UOs...I have 2....

First, I think it's so weird and, and kinda gross to be blunt, when people have anyone other than their significant other in the delivery room with them.  I do not need my mom, my sister, or anyone else, seeing what's going on during my labor thankyouverymuch.  I could maybe see if it it's a single mom and her own mother is her closest of kin and that's who she wants there, but if my DH is with me then my mom is in the waiting room.  End of story.  I don't have the issue because I'll be a c-section, so there's only one companion allowed, but still.  When I had DD and was attempting vaginal delivery, there was no way anyone else but DH was coming into that room until the baby was born.

Second UO, unless your kid is going to get a mani or pedi, why must you bring him or her to the nail salon???  Seriously, I honestly feel bad for the kids because they're clearly sitting there bored out of their minds.  And on the flip side, if I'm trying to relax and get a nice spa pedicure, your precious little Sally better not start acting up and ruining my experience.  Add to that people who sit and talk on their phones while they're getting a mani or a pedi.  Shut the F up and call the person back when you're done.  I don't need to hear your life story while I'm having my calluses pumiced, thanks.

I am so happy you are my labor buddy!

AliKay20

texasmama2014 said:

Judging by the thread this will probably be unpopular....

I don't expect special treatment from anyone because I'm pregnant.  It doesn't bother me that the US doesn't "accommodate" pregnant women's needs.  I can walk across a parking lot, carry stuff, wait in line, etc.  I am also resourceful enough to handle   I can carry things. I found last time that people actually were pretty nice and quite accommodating while I was pregnant.  Far more than when I had a baby I was lugging around.  I have asked DH for help from time to time, and played the "pregnant" card.  I'm kinda of the belief that women have been doing this since we've existed so I'm not doing anything that spectacular (I think its miraculous, but I don't think other people should marvel at my ability to procreate).

Preach sistah! 100% agree. 

Katienu

My UO - I don't get Game of Thrones and why people love it.

ballofmeat

@Car0liiine

I agree, if DH were sick or needed extra help at some point in our lives I would be there in a heartbeat. For better, for worse right? Ha! 

I also understand that some women don't like the attention brought to their pregnancy or the extra help. It all boils down to preferences and personalities. I definitely would not be okay with someone telling me what I can't do. I know my own limitations!

I will say I have had a fairly easy life health wise and this pregnancy is the first time I feel like I have to slow down and take breaks. If anything it has opened my eyes up a little bit more to take the time, slow down and be aware more of other people. Maybe I have learned to have a little bit more compassion for someone who can't get around as easily. I'm just so used to the hustle and bustle of daily life and it has made me very grateful for all of the blessings I have had in my own. 

ballofmeat

texasmama2014 said:

People should be nice to others and be considerate regardless of who they are or what they look like, period.  If a person is just being nice because I'm pregnant, I'm not interested in their kindness.

I'm pretty private so I'm not into other people being in the delivery room, but I get it to some extent.  There does reach a point when its a bit much tho-- SIL had my brother, her parents, and her older sister there. My thought is that DH and I made the baby, I want him/her to be just ours for a little while before we have to share.  Then I will share the baby with DD, and eventually other people can look too.

I agree. I do not need my whole extended family and friends in the delivery room. It's a moment for DH and I only. 

SkiChic626

@Katienu I'm so glad you get me!!! lol

AliKay20

Ok I just turned 28 but I love the show, "Awkward." It's about teenagers going through life drama. Ha!! Team Matty & Jenna

DressageDarling

My UO (or at least, it seems to be unpopular with my friends and family) is that I really don't want anyone coming to visit us this last month. All of a sudden, friends we haven't seen in weeks/months and family want to "get together before the baby". One of DH's friends is coming up this weekend with his wife and after that, no more. People have had plenty of time to come visit us. I'd much prefer to spend my last few weeks of being baby free with DH and local friends that have continued to see me this whole pregnancy.

I should mention, that DH and I both grew up in IL so most of these people wouldn't be just causal lunches or dinners. It would be all day/overnight. 

Nikkoli98

SkiChic626 said:

ashleybaker712 Someone actually SHUT a door on you on purpose???? 

Also, I will agree with those on the giving up a seat on a bus/train/etc.  God forbid there was a sudden stop or brake and a pregnant woman fell and got seriously hurt.  Not cool.  I think it's less about being pregnant and more about the added risks it poses if something abnormal like that happens.

THIS ^^ is exactly what I was going to say.  Especially considering that just a ground level fall after the first trimester a significant trauma risk factor for pregnant women, not to mention other moving forces that could come into play when being lurched around on public transportation.  

SkiChic626

@DressageDarling I HATE when people do that.  Sorry, I'm not going to spend my last few weeks baby-free awkwardly entertaining you because you didn't want to come earlier in my pregnancy.  You snooze, you lose.

ballofmeat

SkiChic626 said:

@DressageDarling I HATE when people do that.  Sorry, I'm not going to spend my last few weeks baby-free awkwardly entertaining you because you didn't want to come earlier in my pregnancy.  You snooze, you lose.

Yes same here. What is with all the people coming out of the woodwork at the last minute?? Plus I work half the weekends out of the year...so out of the 7ish weekends I have left in this pregnancy, I only have about three off. One is for my shower. So no, no I do not want to travel to see you hours away or host people overnight in my last month or pregnancy. 

Curls919

Before I was put on modified bedrest I was getting annoyed with DH telling me what I can and can't do. But now I feel like a jerk asking for help with things.  Like every time I go to the grocery store I ask for the helpers to come load my car for me, but I feel like I have to apologize or explain that my doctor told me not to lift heavy items.

I went to a baseball game a few weeks ago (the day my doc put me on modified bedrest but said it was ok as long as I drove myself there and sat most of the time).  When I went to park in the lot by the stadium they were about to send me to the far lot.  I almost rolled down my window to ask if I could park closer (I'm not supposed to do a ton of walking) but the guy actually noticed I was pregnant and sent me to the closest lot.  I almost cried I was so thankful.

tisunge602

@DressageDarling Haha, and you just messaged me to see if we could
hang out before the babies come.  J/k girl, I get it. That would be super annoying. 

Alyeena

texasmama2014 said:

@Alyeena I think its nice if people want to help and allow you to have a seat.  I'm more concerned that someone who is disabled or injured at war or has a broken limb has a seat than myself. 

Agreed, that's why at least reserved seats for people with reduced mobility not just pregnant women. I think it is a good thing to have reserved seating because (maybe this is just a Montreal thing) people still sit in them and are reluctant to give them up... So if you didn't have the argument of reserved seats people would just tell you to fuck off.

DressageDarling

@tisunge602 Haha I know, you should be flattered You've made it on my very exclusive list of people I still want to hang out with.

gadzooks_3

As a plus size lady, I have to say I wish I got a little of that pregnancy good will. Just having a stranger look at me and not assume the trouble i am having us because my body is bad would be great. For the majority of my pregnancy people have seen my body as not pregnant, just a less hourglass shaped kind of fat (I never realized the amount of good will an hourglass dhape gets you) So, when I  had  horrible sciatica pain and  needed to sit down during the second trimester while DH stood in line for me - glares and judgement. When I got dizzy and needed to sit or out of breath in the third trimester it was assumptions about my fitness level and snide comments.  Even at 35 weeks (and I think pretty darn obviously pregnant) I don't get smiles from little old ladies or anything.   Do I need that? No. I think pregnancy is a pretty private choice, I did not want comments or random help or belly rubs, but I will take a generalized good will and lack of scorn.  Plus, it feels so strange to run around in an obviously pregnant body and have people afraid to acknowledge it or just stare in confusion.  Having people assume you need help because you are pregnant is annoying, but i would take it over having them assume you are just lazy and broken (and harsher things i won't name) because you are fat. Hell, I have gotten street harassment during my pregnancy. I will take overly solicitous door holding and smolina old ladies over that.

SkiChic626

Curls919 I've been having people help me lift things from the grocery store since I was about 6 weeks pregnant and you obviously couldn't tell I was pregnant.  I had a bad bleed and HCG drop (I think it was a vanishing twin, but they'll never confirm that), and after that I was paranoid about lifting heavy stuff other than DD.  Don't feel bad!

gadzooks_3

My Unpopular opinion - I hate the term pregnancy card.

Everyone's pregnancy is different.  Everyone's body is different. How it effects and limits your body is different.  I have had a pretty gentle pregnancy, a lot of other ladies don't.  If you have hit the last month and still have near full mobility, great, but not everyone does. We as women get enough messages to do it all. I see nothing wrong with acknowledging that your body is doing this whole additional amazing and potentially taxing thing and asking for or accepting some help if you need it. 

To me pregnancy card seems to shame others for asking for or needing help. That rubs me the wrong way.

Now, I am sure there are some prima dona types who act like pregnancy makes them a delicate flower of entitled neediness, but they are few and far between.

In my experience American women in particular are pushed to prove or femaleness doesn't effect us or make us weak - we can do it all!