Having a hard time with Best friends pregnancy. ( TW- mc mentioned)

Cmckenzie

So I am new to this board, although not to ttc. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 3.5 years and am currently ending my 6th chemical pregnancy ( I hate this term). We are about to begin the next steps of infertility treatment and to see if we are eligible for IVF. All that being said, my best friend found out she was pregnant in February and that pregnancy resulted in a chemical pregnancy. I knew how to be there for her and support her. Strangely I felt closer, like she understood me better. Of course this was not what I wanted for her, but I could help feeling "bonded." In April she calls me to tell me she is pregnant again. I was excited and nervous for her, and hope and prayed her pregnancy would be successful. It has been, everything looks wonderful and in two days she finds out the gender! Now I realize it is selfish, but I struggle sharing in her joy. I am going down Friday to help her start the baby shopping. I am feeling so jealous and honestly angry that it  is working for her and not me. I don't want to feel this way, but after all the pregnancy announcements, and seeing babies that should be the age of mine, well I'm not doing so hot. I guess I just need to vent to some who may have experienced similar feelings.

Isthisthereallife

@Cmckenzie I'm sorry you find yourself here. And I'm so sorry about your CP.

 I think what you're going through is very normal - and something that all of us have felt at one point or another. Regardless of how long you've been dealing with IF. It's like the moment we decide that we're ready to have a baby - we want it right away. When it doesn't work out that way, it's very very hard to deal with.

The best advice I can give is make sure to do only what you can, and accept whatever you're feeling. Be joyous when you can. Be sad when you need to. Baby shop if you can handle it, but be open with her if you cant. Being that she is your best friend who has been through this - I would hope that she will be sympathetic and understanding if maybe you need a break. 

The feelings that you have doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you human.

Hugs! 

BrightenMySky

Hugs @Cmckenzie. Those sound like totally normal feelings. Please be gentle with yourself. You don't need to go shopping for baby stuff with her, or do anything else that will make you sad or trigger you. It's ok to tell her that you are happy for her but the baby stuff brings up a lot of sadness for you not related to her, so you have to limit what you do. And I am sorry for your losses. 

/loss discussed/
I will also add that I've found it hard to relate to friends who've had losses but got pregnant pretty easily when it took us a year and a half and interventions to even get our first pregnancy (that ended in loss). I get what you're saying about feeling bonded, though. A lot of complicated emotions. 

Cmckenzie

I appreciate both of your comments. I feel kind of obligated to be excited and happy, but I am also so sad. I can't wait for her little one and am truly glad this is a healthy pregnancy. There are a lot of complicated feeling though.

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kristenlauren

When my ex husband and I had been trying for years, my sister became pregnant.  I was happy for her but I felt even more miserable for myself.  When it came time for her baby shower I didn't feel like I could emotionally handle it, and I didn't go. I regret this now, and wish I could go back and be there for her entire pregnancy.

Cmckenzie

Sandra77 I hadn't really look at it that way, thanks!

kristenlauren I know I don't want to miss her pregnancy and have any regrets and that why I am doing all this stuff with her. I want her to know I lover her and her baby. I just am worried I am going to lose it through out the process. We were suppose to be doing all this stuff together...

Boots&Co

I'm sorry you're going through this. A close friend of mine (who already has a daughter) had been trying to have a second (while I'm still struggling for my first). We found out we were pregnant around the same time, turns out we had the exact same due date! Unfortunately, mine ended in MC, hers did not. I've struggled a long time with this and have decided that at this point, I can't handle being close with her. I think she understands, and I hope she does. It's not me trying to be selfish, it's me trying to cope with loss. I know how you feel. I give you credit for being there for her, it's more than I've done for my friend. 

Cmckenzie

Boots&Co I know we all cope in our own ways, and true friends are understanding of this. I struggle with this, obviously lol, but kind of got a bit of reassurance yesterday.

 Yesturday my friend said something about how great her progesterone was and was laughing  about  how I could take some,  after I was complaining about mine being a 5 after my last test. I laughed weakly and just kind said yeah. After a that she apologized and apologized, she realized what she said ( while not meaning it to be hurtful) could be hurtful and offensive, and asked me to please tell her if she ever says something that would be difficult for me to hear.