Being granted relocation?

btj357

Hello!
I am currently finishing my degree and have received a job offer after graduation in SC. This job will give me the opportunity to have financial growth as well as being able to work remotely.  My FI has also received a job offer at Dell.  I'm from PA and DD father is from the same town. We have been apart since DD was 1, she is now going on 5. I'm reluctant to turning this job offer down due to the fact that I am from a small town and to find a job that offers more than $12 an hour is rare. The closest city is 2 hours away. Currently her father gets her 4 days a month, every other weekend. I have all of my family in Pa, but have a few cousins that will be in the area of moving interest. I genuinely believe that the new community would be great for her.( the schools have scores much higher than the school district she would need to go to here, as well as the benefits of a family based community and all the opportunities) There will be much more educational benefits and recreational activities. As well as museums not being 2 hours away. Her father has been off work for 7 months now, after being laid off, however he hasn't requested any more time, or taken it when offered. He basically is a father on the 4 days a month then is out of contact for the rest, not showing up to her t-ball games, doctors appointments (even ones before her getting tubes). He is repeatedly moving in new women into the house, and is old girlfriend #3 in the house for just this year. The girls have children and he moves them into DD's room completely disregarding her emotions and being upset about her having to share toys with 1 year olds and so on. I get that sharing is something she must know, but I find it must be hard to go to your fathers and see a new little girl moved into your room and is using all your stuff. The girlfriends and family members on his side are always fighting in front of her. While I want her to have a healthy relationship with her father, I am unsure how stable it could possibly be. (Him and his mother have a history of getting physical, as well as the rest of his family always fighting.)

I have discussed moving with him and his concerns are that he wouldn't see her regularly. I have offered for him to see her once a month. I would pay to fly him down every other month, while we would make the trip up the other months. and a few weeks in the summer, and we could figure out a holiday schedule. I am very willing to work with the schedule for him to see her, I however want to keep her as stress free as possible. He has not agreed to any terms, and is requiring us to go to court. Have any of you had any experiences with relocations and the chances of this being granted? Any help would be appreciated.

Thank you!

20thirteen

Wow. What a shitty situation.  I do not have any experiences with this.  But what I feel is that if her life would benefit more (with you working a higher paying job, going to better schools, etc.), I would take that job.  I wonder what his motive is to take you to court, though.  the whole "I wouldn't see her regularly" isn't flying with me. And, it's hard to take his concerns seriously when he only cares to see your DD 4 times out of the month, after being offered more time with her.  BTW, do you have that in writing at all?  Because if he does take you to court, anything along those lines may benefit you and hurt his case.

If DD is bothered by being at his place, I definitely think it'd be better to move and have him come out to meet you guys in SC just to ease her feelings, since he doesn't seem to have any regard for anyone's feelings other than his own.

Good luck mama, I wish I had some good advice for you.

cataleya82

I'm from Michigan and my brothers ex wife got remarried and wanted to move out of state. She did the paperwork and there was a court date. My brother didn't show up to the court date and she was granted permission to move. But I think even if the move does benefit the child I think the father has to consent to it. 

btj357

Thank you for both of your input. It's a terrible situation. I have them over texts and have printed them out. I had spoken with my lawyer, and she said that even if it is highly beneficial I could still be denied. It's very frustrating because it seems to me that he just wants me to be stuck here and struggle to be successful instead of move. He knows how beneficial the move would be for her. Because where we live there is literally nothing for the children to do enrichment wise. She's such a bright kid and I want her to have endless opportunities as I am capable of providing.

nbc2015

Can I ask a related question? What if the father moves away first? Does that usually then give the mom free reign to move with child? 

Jesusgirl04

Most often the prevailing laws of the state you live in trumps personal desires. Your best course of action is to consult an attorney before making any move or plans whatsoever. Too often the custodial parent has moved without the consent of the non-custodial parent and the parent was forced by the courts to return to the home state. You probably want to avoid this. Good luck.