Another mil rant

sunnyd619

Has anyone got into a screaming match with their mil? It would make me feel better to hear we aren't the only ones who just don't get along. We are like oil and water. We can't even get together for outings now because we can't get along. Which is going to make it hard to see her grandchild since I don't feel comfortable with him going to their house especially without me(which will not be happening). I feel bad for my SO because I've tried so hard to just let things go with her and at some point I snap. She is so over bearing and when she drinks she acts neurotic. Which she was yesterday and we had a full blown screaming match... At the beach. It was more of her just yelling at me and me laughing cause she was acting like a crazy person. I feel like just moving far away so I don't have to deal with this lady anymore. Please tell me someone else is dealing with this and it's not just me. We never got along but it's gotten so much worse.

kdoak2015

Ok ouch, I would actually love it if my MIL yelled at me instead of acting like a fake which she does. After my DD was born we got into it a bit when she decided that my DD was lactose and needed a special formula(bfing and supplementing) so we got into it, it wasn't a yelling match but some voices were elevated and it hasn't been the same since. She constantly bugs me to go for a walk or get together but I won't do anything with her now unless DH is present. It's his family not mine so I don't want to spend unnecessary time
with her. Just try to remember it's just hurting the kids not to see/have a relationship with grandma that's the only way I get through it. 

sunnyd619

It's not healthy for her to be yelling around my child either. So I've decided she can come over and visit and I will take a nap. But there will be no more family get togethers. I've never had a bad relationship with any other persons mother. I just don't get it!

mrsbacz

I've opened up here about my MIL a little, the story is way too long to even start. It got so bad to the point where she only referred to me as "the bitch" so she hasn't seen myself or my son since January. I told my husband I would gladly forgive her and start over once I received an apology. She's so stubborn and only believes she's right so she said, "Well I guess I'll never see my grandson again." And that's been it. It's been stressful, I lost half of my hair from stress and my husband got shingles from stress also. But he's starting to figure out life without his parents and I just try to overcompensate on holidays and special occasions to try and make up for the loss.

vibarra27

You're not alone! IVe been with my husband 10years- bf/gf 4 years & married 6. They are money hungry self centered people! & by "they" i mean his mom & grandma. Yes, his family is a typical Mexican family where theyre used to doing what the grandma & mom want even as adults, married adults! & his grandma lives with his mom & dad. I was born & raised here, (Denver CO)its not that way in my family. Long story short we fight, argue, and make dumb comments all the time. They try to tell DD to do the opposite of what i tell her. They talk to me through my kids. Its ridiculous! I have 10 years worth of bull shit theyve put me through. 

But imma tell you something. I go over only with DH. I recently got in a fight with her 3 weeks ago & havent spoken to her since(she started it). So when i go over we dont speak. The only reason i go & only for an hour is for my kids. Regardless of the fights, & even though that lady  is a bitch to me,  sadly shes the grandmother of my kids. & DD loves her. The twins still dont know her well & only see her an hour a week(no they dont make the effort to come & see my kids). As long as she doesnt pose a threat to my kids, our personal fights wont affect her relationship with my kids. Yes i go over less when we fight but i dont tell DD to stop loving her(not saying you will do this just giving example). 

Just avoid going over.  Dont move so far away. Shit i wouldnt change my life because of my MIL. Just dont bother going over. Ignore her. & if staying away with LO is the best option, do it. I had to do it for a while because things got so bad between us. Know you are not alone & keep strong momma

sunnyd619

Thanks you guys. I feel so bad sometimes. My son is too young to really know who she is because she sees him maybe two times a month (even though she lives like 10 minutes away) but yes you guys are right I can't worry about it. sucks because even though my SO stands up for me(sometimes) he sticks up for his mom as well even when she is in the wrong. it causes arguments with us. last time she was screaming at me she said my son was her grandchild and she could do anything she wanted with him.... WHAT?!?

vibarra27

My husband just stays quiet as long as its not something major. 3 years ago i got in a huge fight with his grandma & he defended me which was good but for the most part he just says hes not going to get in it.

& i know how you feel, his mom & grama are the same way. One of my twins name is Adriel & she tries calling him Ariel. I told her thats not his name & she got mad & said "let me call him what i want!" i told her. "What do you mean let you call him what YOU want? Thats not his name hes neither the little mermaid nor the damn mexican detergent. You're not gonna re-name my son just because you dont know how to say his name." like wtf? lol. After that she tries so hard to say his name right haha.

Just do what i do & correct her when she becomes possessive. Or stay away for a while.

booksandcleverness81

Is your SO able to take your LO over to see her without you? If the problem is with you and MIL then you shouldn't have to see her if you don't want to. Let your SO supervise time with your son, as long as he is prepared to make sure she isn't trash talking you in front of your son. If he threatens to stop coming over with the baby maybe that would make her try harder to ring in her crazy around you guys. 

LoveLee85

We have had Saturn conversations where she's being rude and I call her out then she clams up...that's about it. My DH loves his momma and this would kill him. I'm sorry you have to deal with all this!!! Let's put it this way, my latest annoyance is when she asks what's new, I will reply with what LO is up to. Her comment is always this: (in a really unimpressed rude voice) yeah...all babies do that. 

WTH?! Yes I am aware my LO isn't the first to ever do something but damn lady, you just asked what your grandson was up to so I told you!!!! I just stop talking when she does that. Plus, she's always overstepping and trying to tell me what to do. Umm, no. I shut it down fast. 

sunnyd619

Yea idk if I feel comfortable with my SO taking my son over there. She's shown really irrational behavior and their life style.... It's just not fitting for a baby. I don't feel bad for fighting with her I just feel bad about what it's putting my SO through. And oh geez the name thing made me laugh! Not that it's funny but it's just so similar to what I'm going through. The over stepping is such a problem too! She treats us like we are children. I'm vegan and she tells me to do research on the things I eat when she is morbidly obese. Ugh. Thanks for letting me vent lady's! I don't want to vent to my SO anymore cause I'm trying to let it go. 

LoveLee85

If she wants access to baby, she needs to respect and be fair with momma!!!! 

vibarra27

LoveLee85 said:

If she wants access to baby, she needs to respect and be fair with momma!!!! 

I agree! Im like why not respect the woman who 1st of all made you a grandmother.  & 2nd has all the power in her hands when it comes to LO. My goodness!

MaryBeth2015preg

Completely disagree with this statement.  Two adults have the problem, they should work it out. A child is NOT a pawn to be used. Sometimes people do not get alone.  

mrsmctaggart6

My mil is good with me but it's because my husband set hard boundaries with her before we were even ttc. My nephews are totally spoiled when they go to grandmas house (sil's own fault, she values her free time a bit much and is happy to foist them off on mil) one xmas we were there and Bil was trying to discipline one of the boys (being totally fair, the kid was being a brat) nephew starts crying, and my mil kneels down and says " it's ok, you're at grandmas house you can do what you want." When they left my DH looked at her and said "if you ever do that when I have kids we will leave so fast your head will spin and you won't see us for a long time" she try's to push her luck with me a little because I'm nicer about it but I think she's legitimately surprised that I a have opinions b don't want to get rid of my baby at every convenient opportunity 

LoveLee85

MaryBeth2015preg said:

Completely disagree with this statement.  Two adults have the problem, they should work it out. A child is NOT a pawn to be used. Sometimes people do not get alone.  

It's not making the child a pawn. It's if you can't trust the adult from sketchy behavior, why should they have access to your child? 

mwertalik

I'm right there with you, we haven't had a screaming match....yet. It's all passive aggressive bullshit. I'm not comfortable with my husband taking my daughter over to his mom's house without me-at this point. I think as she gets older I will be OK with it. That way my husband can visit and she can see her granddaughter. At this point my husband and i literally sat down and agreed to the family get togethers to attend. I'm down to once a month. And during those visits I drink wine. I respectfully disagree with person above. I don't think it's using the child as a pawn if there is clearly unsafe/unpredictable behavior. 

vibarra27

I agree^^. Like i said, as long as they dont pose a threat to my kids they can see them. But if they disrespect me in front of my kids they will absolutely NOT see my kids. Thats my call. Because Im their mother & i dont need disrespectful people in my childrens lives.

mrsbacz

If anything, my MIL uses my son as a pawn. We ask her not to post him on her FB because she is public and her high school friends share her pictures of him, people my husband and I have never even met. And she responds by saying to my son, "Aw your mommy and daddy won't let me be happy about you!" Super manipulative. Nope.

i had an aunt growing up who always did that to us and played us against our parents. It always made me so uncomfortable and I won't do that to my child.

amp61470

Okay why is the mothers choice if the dad want to bring their child to their mothers house? I get that we may not like our in laws but to say you aren't comfortable with your child going there without you makes me think you don't trust your partner with the child. It's his baby too. 

vibarra27

This is gonna come off sounding like a bitch, which i promise im not.

But Its not about not trusting our husbands. Its about them(MIL) not respecting us. Would you want to be around people who disrespect & bash your mother? Even if they dont bash your father? Would you like people bashing you in front of your child?

Ive had my OWN grandmother & aunt bash my mom in front of me as a teen & adult & ive stayed away. Ive had people bash my dad & even though he is a dead-beat thats my dad i love him & it hurts so i stay away from these people.  My MIL bashes my husband from time to time in front of my daughter. DD is 5 & told me a few months ago that my MIL said i was mean & i didnt love her(love my MIL) so guess what? I stayed away for a while with my kids & i no longer let her go unsupervised(husband or i). I let hubby take her when i dont want to go but when something like that has happened & i dont want her over i tell him & he respects it. Meanwhile my in laws disrespect me & even more so in front of my children I definetly have the say in weather or not my children get to go over.

laurapaine2003@yahoo.com

 Everyone has to do what is best for them, but my personal opinion is that there are a lot of horrible mean nasty people out there. Some of them we are related to and some of them we are not. But it really doesn't matter, nasty mean people are nasty mean people and I don't want my children around them. If that means keeping them from being around their grandmother so be it. i'm so sick of being around draining miserable unstable people and I don't want my daughter around those types of people either. I'd rather we spend our time with good loving people. The older I get the less concerned I am about pleasing others and doing what we are told is "right "and instead choose to surround myself with positive influences. My grandmother was a terrible person who treated everyone around her horribly and once told me she didn't love me. It truly damaged my psyche at the time, I was a teenager and bawled my eyes out. I wish my parents just would've kept me away from her, even though she is my grandmother she's one of the worst people I've ever come across and I never want my daughter subjected to something like that.

kmcshane0211

From my situation, I can see both sides. Managing my MIL/SIL can take A LOT of energy. My MIL is incredibly judgemental, anxious and insecure which triggers my anxiety often. My SIL lives drama and stirs the pot in the family all the time to boost her ego and try to win my MIL's affection. My husband and I waver..from sometimes limiting contact to other times visiting more frequently and turning a blind eye. 

Im constantly wavering between being the "bigger person" and acting with kindness. Then other times I get hurt by her comments and resentment creeps in again. It's hard! 

I think everyone has to do what feels right for them. And sometimes whatever that is may change.

amp61470

No one sounds like a bitch. I understand family problems. it was just the way we tend to say MY CHILD rather than our child. I wasn't trying to sound like a bitch either :-) 

sunnyd619

You are totally right. He is OUR child. But I don't trust his mother anymore. Just like a previous post said... I've had to deal with a not so awesome grandmother because of her drinking and my SO mother is sort of the same way. She hides her drinking and then starts acting real bizarre. We then figure after the fact that she was drinking but because we don't see it we don't put it together right then. I know keeping our son from her isn't what's best for him but I do believe limiting visits is what's best for him right now. She over exaggerates situations and freaks out. The last straw was her screaming at me with my son in my hands. I don't think that is okay. For my son or myself. 

wilcoxev

Unfortunately not all family is a good influence and will not bring anything positive to our children's lives. My father in law is an alcoholic and high most of the time as well. I don't care if he is my LOs "grandfather" he will not be spending any time with my LO, with or without me. My LO is not missing anything by not having him in his life. I know because I had an alcoholic father. To me your family is the people who treat you well and with respect and bring positivity to your life, not those that happen to  have the same blood.

Bellarose212

All I have to say is thank god there is a 5 hour drive separating me from my MIL. I don't know how you do it. We went to visit my husband's parents last weekend and I woke up to the sound of my MIL on the baby monitor. She crept into my babies room to WATCH HIM SLEEP and "accidentally" woke him up. I was livid. He's a terrible sleeper to begin with and she apparently didn't know that he was awake from 5am-7am and I had just gotten him back to sleep. But why oh why go into his room? If she is so desparate to watch him sleep, take the baby video monitor! She drives me insane. She's beyond overbearing. Constantly telling me what to do. So I can completely relate. The only thing that keeps me going is that it hurts my husband so much to see that I'm not getting along with his parents. We got along famously before the baby, but everything changed afterward. I am trying so hard to be strong for my husband and also for my baby so he can have a relationship with his grandparents. But man this is like THE biggest stressor. 

sunnyd619

Ugh I know. We got along so well before I got pregnant. Not sure why everything changed... 

akdewald

I could go on and on about mine.  We haven't spoken in over a year. Didn't see lo until she was three months old.  She didn't like me from day one. She never likes her boys committed to anyone but her and she is nothing but needy and full of drama.  The only time she acknowledged me while I was pregnant was to walk out from another relatives house we stopped at to visit unaware she was there.  She comes to the truck window and proceeds to scream dh just needed to push me down some stairs and leave me and she would take care of him.  Fast forward until now. She has seen dd three times for like twenty minutes each visit only because dh takes her to see his grandmother and his mother walks over to her house.  We just had another blow up.  Mil has never purchased one item for dd.  Now dd carseat is an infant carseat ( carry handle)  but is good for up to 40lbs rear facing.  She asked us if we could give it to my bil who is expecting a lo with his wife this fall.  We said no sorry we don't have the extra money now to buy another suitable carseat.  She goes online and finds a used one for 20 bucks and when dh said no sorry we don't get second hand carseats that I read reviews and check safety ratings she replied by calling me a stuck up you know what.   I'm not too good for second hand infact we went to numerous yardsales to gather up items for lo.  Carseats need to be bought new though. So she said okay I'll buy it but you have to pay me back because she is demanding we give the current one to her other son.  This is where I lost it.  She wants us to give an almost three hundred dollar carseat away then turn around and pay her back when she has not purchased one thing for lo.  Don't think so 

FatPony

^what a psycho! Push you down the stairs???? 

LoveLee85

After that comment of treating your life and your child's, I would have tried to get a restraining order on her! 100% psycho. 

sunnyd619

Yea geez... Unfortunately (for you) your mil takes the cake... thats horrible behavior on her part. So sorry! Hope she comes around to her senses. 

akdewald

We had a temprorary restraining order for six months from this incident. I try for dh to not even talk about her.  He puts up with her but we aren't sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner anytime soon.  

LoveLee85

akdewald said:

We had a temprorary restraining order for six months from this incident. I try for dh to not even talk about her.  He puts up with her but we aren't sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner anytime soon.  

Good for you! Being around someone like that is very dangerous. I was the one that said restraining order and I would have had one to! 

ElleMF728

@akdewald If your MIL is offering to loan you the money for a new car seat then why on Earth doesn't she just loan BIL the money for one instead and be done with it? She sounds crazy, DH and I buy ton of second hand and loan out a ton of our baby stuff.  Car seats though? No way, those are ours for good and are bought from the store. 

akdewald

@ElleMF728 exactly what I said. She said they don't have the money and want one like ours but cant afford it.  So she thinks we will just give up our pricey one for them and get a cheaper one.  The track one we will get getting next is 160. I told her she could just buy one like that for them it works from infant to forward facing. Let's just say she is a few crayons short of a crayola box. Oh and did I mention she is a maternity nurse ?!?

LoveLee85

akdewald said:

@ElleMF728 exactly what I said. She said they don't have the money and want one like ours but cant afford it.  So she thinks we will just give up our pricey one for them and get a cheaper one.  The track one we will get getting next is 160. I told her she could just buy one like that for them it works from infant to forward facing. Let's just say she is a few crayons short of a crayola box. Oh and did I mention she is a maternity nurse ?!?

She's a MATERNITY NURSE?!?! Omg!!!! Now I really can't believe she said that!!!! Scary! So sorry you have to deal with that.