September 2015 Moms

Big Life Change...worth it?

Hello bumpies..
It's been a while since I've posted. DS has been getting more teeth and keeping me up at night so it's been fun lol I love the cuddles but also love sleep. 
Aside from that my husband commutes an hour to and from work everyday and it's not a fulfilling job. We live in a small town and there aren't a lot of options.
We just asked ourselves the big question of are we happy where we are? I'd like a house with more bedrooms and to live in a place with more activities. We've talked about moving to Raleigh NC or even California and I get excited thinking about all the possibilotes. 
DS is 10 months old and a very happy baby overall. Is it crazy to move our entire lives right now? The downside would be we wouldn't have family help close by and that's about it, other than missing current friends.

Any input about a big move would be nicr!
Thank you ❤

Re: Big Life Change...worth it?

  • keggenkeggen member
    I'd think about how much you use your local family support system now.  If you are both really not happy with where you are in life now, consider what it is you are looking for with the move.  I wouldn't be afraid to change things just to keep them the same for your son.  As long as you provide a loving environment, he should be able to be happy anywhere.
  • Thank you @keggen we are going to try changes here first and then if we aren't happy then maybe move 
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  • Is this a permanent move? Like to a place you plan to stay forever, even thru retirement? Things like sales tax or income tax may come into play if either of you will have a pension. College for your LO may affect your decision too. Some states have better 529 plans. Or have better in state tuition offers than others. 

    We live in indiana and and I love it. We are in the second biggest city besides Indy. It's an amazing place raise a family. Housing prices are low. You can get a lot of house for a good price compared to bigger cities. Crime is low. Schools are good. Jobs are good. We are super close to Indy, Chicago, Beautiful Michigan, all the Indiana lakes. We have little to no natural disasters to worry about. I feel like places like California you have fires, droughts, earthquakes. The east coast you have hurricanes and stuff. We rarely have even a tornado watch. We are in this perfectly protected pocket in the Midwest. Even stuff like the recent recession didn't hit us hard here. 

    Just some reasons why I love where we live that can maybe give you some stuff to think about regarding where you move. Good luck!!
  • We've made 2 big moves, one halfway across the country before kids (so DH could go to school) and another moving halfway back with DD1 (so DH and I could get better jobs, live in an area we preferred). It wasn't easy. The first move was away from family and long time friends. Then we made some great new friends that became like family (spending holidays together, vacationing together, etc). Leaving those friends made the second move even harder, but we still see most of them regularly (one blessing of the aviation community-flight passes), and the ones that moved away elsewhere call more often than our parents. You find out who your friends are-the best ones will be with you for life.

    I'm so glad we did it. We had set goals in mind both times which helped us through the crushing isolation initially. We had school/work lined up before the move both times for stability. This area is much more in line with our values (we have neighbours that homestead, babywear, cloth diaper, etc), I think we'll be very happy long term.
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  • I think no matter what stage you're at in life, it's never easy to move. Personally, for me, I'd rather do things sooner than later. Procrastination leads to either never actually getting around to it, wishing you'd have done it sooner, or if ends up being a mistake then you could have already had it fixed.
    As far as having a kid in the mix, waiting until later means moving schools and having to make new friends which can sometimes be very difficult for a child.
    PP brings up a great point about your family support system. I don't have any family nearby. We are separated by all 50 states and it isn't easy. LO goes everywhere with us, dates, weekends out, we carry her in hikes up mountains,etc. The thing that worries me the most is vacations. I'd love to take a romantic vacation for our honeymoon and I don't think I want the baby joining us but there's not really a way to have a family member take her for the week.
  • We did a big move when LO was about 3 weeks old. Just tbh my husband and I are the type to frequently uproot our lives and move out of state. Before I got pregnant with LO we sold all of our belonging (other than what would fit in our 2 vehicles) and moved from north Alabama down to Florida. I always think it's worth it. Once LO is older I don't want to be moving around anymore but for now if we think it will improve his career and/or make us happier- I'm willing to go. You only live once, might as well take risks and do crazy things while you're here!  
  • We are military and have spent the last 9 years moving constantly, including when LO was 3 months old. We've never lived closer than a 19hour drive from family either, which has been really hard sometimes. I think it would be amazing to have his grandparents around to help watch him, especially when I go back to work soon so we don't have to do daycare. And of course their relationship would be much closer which i would love. That being said, if you really aren't happy or fulfilled where you are, you should really consider this move seriously. LO will be just fine, they are so adaptable at this age, plus they won't  even remember it. I would also do it now before he's in school or has close relationships with friends that would be interrupted.

    Like PP said, consider the trade offs of not having family nearby and having to reboot your work and social lives. That's always the worst for me. Every move I have to get a new job, make new friends, and try to keep my old friendships alive long distance. It can be very lonely sometimes. I can't wait to make one big last move to a place we actually want to live! Hopefully within a couple of hours of home (upstate NY). Are there bigger cities within an hour or two you might consider? Might allow you to trade up for more culture, jobs, etc and still see friends and family a lot. Good luck! 
  • If you're looking for a bigger house, look into places where the cost of living is less and where you can live outside the big city, but have a commute that you're ok with. So California might not be a good choice because the cost of living is high compared to say the Midwest or a state like Alabama or Georgia. If you want to move and try someplace new, go for it! Life's too short to be stuck. DH and I are planning to live somewhere in Europe for a year or two at some point. We're not at that point yet, but we've made it a priority to pay off our house as part of working towards that goal since we love where we live and don't want to sell. 
  • We live in San Diego and the weather is typically always beautiful.  We do get some very hot days (like this weekend), but typically pretty mild.  But, like a PP mentioned we do get wildfires fairly often, the occasional earthquake, and we are in a big drought right now.  The cost of living here is getting pretty high again too!  It amazes me the homes and land you can get elsewhere in the country.  It's VERY difficult to find a larger home with any land in the area without paying a fortune.  All of our immediate family lives here, so it would be difficult for us to move anytime soon.  My husband also has a great job, and leaving just wouldn't make sense right now.

    We have family in the midwest, and when we go visit I can't believe how large everyone's yards are!  And all the gorgeous grass!!  We have a TEENY front yard here, and the "backyard" is basically a patio.  So not lots of room for LO to play outside!  

    My parents live in a more rural area in San Diego county where I grew up.  You can get a nice home and more land, but then you have a long drive to more major shopping, restaurants, etc (about 45 min).  

    I've only lived in southern California, so I'm not familiar with housing prices and such up north, besides San Francisco area being really pricey!

  • I really appreciate everyone's advice. I think you all made great points and we are going to seriously consider a move once my husband has some more experience at his job. I think moving somewhere would be refreshing and create new opportunities for my family ❤
  • If you have loads of family help I would hesitate! But, I live in the same town as family and my side or my DH, neither have ever babysat or even offered to hold LO so I could shower!!! (Don't even get me started on how they nonstop help my SIL and my sister) Because of their lack of involvement it would be a lot easier for me to move. I'm use to no help so it wouldn't be anything new. 

    We are considering moving to a smaller town, about 30 minutes away, for the school system, small fun town activities, and quality of life! Both sides are not thrilled but wth?! They don't even take advantage of us living in the same town now?!?! The ironic part is we are in the same town but about 20 minutes apart, so, it would be the smallest of change. I'm now just waiting on our perfect yard house to come on the market. No rush, due to school age cut off my LO will be a week shy of 6 years old when he starts kindergarten!!!! An extra year with momma! :-)
  • We've been debating moving, too. My husband worked as a coal plant operator and has been laid off since April. I work for a coal contracting company part time that's not in good shape. We use my family for a sitter. His doesn't participate. If we move, we'd want it to be somewhere we could afford on his income. Our state relied heavily on coal and there are no other good paying jobs. Actually, our area is pretty jobless right now. We almost feel like we would be holding our kid (s) back by staying here, but the comfort of family is holding us back. I want a pass to not adult for a while! Best wishes in those making decisions.
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