I'm 36 years old and a FTM. Never in my life have I been around kids, much less infants in any fashion. Ever. When I became pregnant with my son, I was overjoyed and so protective. I prayed so much for my son to be born well. My prayers were answered and I gave birth to my son 11 days ago.
Now, I knew that raising a baby was hard work. I knew he'd be fussy and so forth. But I just never expected to feel so negative about it.
My son sleeps poorly at night. He'll look pained as if he has gas and sleeps by making straining/grunting noises. He wakes himself up a lot. The first few nights, he wouldn't sleep for 3 hours straight. It became so awful that I decided to leave the bedroom at night and get MY 6-7 hours of sleep. My husband, a God-sent angel, said he didn't mind taking the night shift by himself. He says he loves his son that much that he doesn't mind. It made me feel like a crap of a mother.
Today, my son was fussy all day and I ended up letting my Mom take over and I locked myself in my office to cry. I felt like I didn't want to do this anymore. I told my husband, I'll cook, clean, do your laundry, take care of ANYTHING in the house as long as you deal with the fussy baby. He said that that was fine, he would raise our child - after all, lots of single parents do it by themselves. Again, I felt like crap. I'm the mother. I should be sharing baby duties with him.
My husband has been the one running on 3-4 hours of sleep per day. He's the Mom in this entire scenario; I appear to be the dad.
I did talk to my doctor about PPD, but she's hesitant to prescribe anything since it's so soon after birth. She just thinks I'm overwhelmed. So I can't do anything until at least 3-4 weeks, when the baby blues supposedly subside.
I feel so selfish - my son isnt that bad compared to other situations. At most, he's just fussy. He doesn't scream, he just cries here and there. I just get frustrated because I want things to be easy. I'm an introvert and I want me time. And I don't want to deal with this hard stuff.
I'm a crappy mom. Sorry, I just needed to talk.