Pregnant and single

PrettyRed10

Well I'm due December 16. My boyfriend at the time got me pregnant intentionally, thinking that it would keep me with him.  He's been knowing that I was pregnant since I first found out.  Lately I've been feeling like something's wrong. So this morning I found out he's been cheating on me and to top it off he told me he wants nothing to do with me, no dealings and that he's going to be with the lady he's being cheating on me with. I'm at my lowest right now.  I know that when you're pregnant you're supposed to be happy and enjoying it but it seems so impossible when the person that you're supposed to be enjoying this moment with wants nothing to do with. At three months I even contemplated abortion. I honestly just don't know what to do.  I haven't been able to eat really for the past few weeks and now I can't eat at all.  I'm three months and instead of gaining weight, I've lost 12 pounds. I can't help but to think I did something wrong, like what did I do to deserve this. Sorry for the rant just needed to get that off my chest. 

slartybartfast

I'm so sorry. This sounds like an incredibly hard time. I don't even know what to tell you other than trust yourself. I feel for you

dmontgo

I am so, so sorry you are going through this--I can't imagine the anger, frustration, or even helplessness you may be feeling right now. You are also not a bad person for contemplating your options--this is a lot to handle alone! Do you have any family nearby that could help? Or any close friends? I know your heart is broken (I can't eat when I'm emotionally distraught, either), but can you eat little snacks here and there? You need some nutrients to keep your strength up. I would also recommend seeing a counselor if that is a possibility to help you wade through these feelings.

And you did nothing to deserve being treated this way! This is not a reflection of you or your character. This is a great board and lots of supportive women are on here. Please take care, and feel free to reach out at any time! You are strong and can conquer this situation!

PrettyRed10

Yeah I have family but my sister just got married yesterday so everyone is really happy and still celebrating her new marriage. I didn't really want to bother them with my problems at the moment especially being that it's only a handfull of people that knows I'm pregnant.  Thanks though for the support and encouragement. 

BabyRobbinsAdventure

My best friend went through a very similar experience, and my heart is breaking reading your post. For encouragement, her daughter is now a happy, healthy, and energentic 9 year old who has been loved by her uncle and grandfather as opposed to her biological dad.

This board is full of supportive ladies if you need somewhere to vent. To echo Dmontgo, try to eat little snacks even if it seems like that last thing you want to do (I also can't eat when stressed)

Know that there is a beautiful baby waiting at the end of this who will be proud to call you mom. 

dmontgo

@PrettyRed10 If you have a good relationship with your family, I would let them know (if you decide to continue the pregnancy). It is a big life change and there is no shame in asking for support! But you know what you need and what decision is best for you--but please don't feel like you are a burden to them. You didn't know this would happen.

I'll be thinking about you!

yellingbanana

That is really, really rough. My ex (13 yrs ago) did something similar to me, I had to make the hardest choice in my life. But I knew I didn't want to deal with him for the next 18 years. Both of my sisters had already had a child and weren't with the dad. While one of my sisters son is fine, well adjusted and his dad is involved in his life. My other sister has a daughter who is struggling partly because of her dad who is a compulsive liar. 
Weigh your options, make the choice that is best for you. But we are all behind you regardless. 
Good luck, my heart and thoughts are going out to you.

1982Babies

What a jerk!   I can't understand the thought process behind someone who would intentionally impregnate someone and then walk away from that.  I hope you go after him and win for child support.  I'm not really sure what else to say at this point, but do your best.  Lots of girls lose weight during pregnancy, so I wouldn't worry too much.  Just try to take care of yourself.

maamawaabangi

First of all, you don't deserve this and you did nothing wrong! While, I'm sure it feels like your whole world is upside down I'd at least look back and realize you gained two very big gifts... 1... You don't have to live your life with a horrible, insecure and manipulative person and you're free to move on with out him (such a benefit to this)  2... You have a son or a daughter... You get the precious gift of being someone's mama.

It's sounds like you need support... Family, friends, community. I get not wanting to rain on your sisters parade. That's love. I don't have a sister, but if I did and mine was going through what you are Id want to know it. If you're that loving to your sister, I'd assume she would feel the same about walking with you through this hard stuff. 

Also, while I know it feels very bleak right now, you have a baby! A son or a daughter. No way you spin that, it's a tremendous gift! 

This is sort of personal... And you can take or leave what you want, but two of my children are adopted and while they had no other option but to be adopted (one because both of his parents died and the other because of teen parenthood/abandonment). And while God's made two broken situations better through adoption I know deeply I'm (as their mama) totally second best. 
I just want you to know that you're the best possible mama for this baby even if it doesn't look like what you wanted it to... Being "single" doesn't disqualify you or minimize how much this baby will adore and cherish and need you. You can still make this thing beautiful. 

That's all. And I'm sorry. Know you're in my thoughts and feel free to pm me any time. 

emisi

Cheaters are the worst.  If you want to be with someone else, you should break up with the person you're with, not go behind their back and sleep around!  Ugh, you have my total sympathy and this is NOT your fault, it is his fault for being a horrible person.  If you do decide to keep the baby (and I in no way would judge you if you decided not to, it's a tough decision but you need to do what's right for you), then make sure you go after him for all the child support you can.

Jdlc1991

I am sorry you are going through this. We women are built so much stronger than men. All of us here, no matter what our situation is: together, married, could all at one point be in your situation. Men have the ability to walk out on their children while we don't. My mother always told me your pregnancy is for you, a guy can change his mind at any time no matter what your current situation is with him, but you will always be that babies mother. So although the decision to have a baby can be made together, ultimately you must understand that you are the one taking that responsibility on yourself in case that situation changes. The Baby belongs to MOM. Whatever decision you make, as long as you have your best intentions in mind, as women we will support you. Good luck and may you find the strength to get through this. 

cjt121413

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds like this guy has a lot of growing up to do. I know that doesn't help.

I went through something very similar with my son's dad. He definitely wanted me to have the baby but he didn't want to be with me. Pregnancy was very, very hard and I was depressed throughout. 

Long story short, I ended up having a beautiful baby boy who changed my life for the better. It was hard being a single mom, but I wouldn't change a thing. When DS was 18 months I met a great guy who loves me and my son.

My point is that your story can and will have a happy ending, too. This is just a rough patch. It'll get better. Seek out support from family, friends, clergy, a therapist, etc. Take it one day at a time.

If you decide to keep the baby, contact an attorney or your state's child support division . At least in my state (and the other states I'm aware of ), he's going to pay child support whether he likes it or not. Peaceful Co-parenting is also possible but that's another topic.

Best of luck to you. Feel free to stick around, you'll find lots of support here.

ashleaf2018

I have two younger sisters and a younger brother, and I can affirm that no matter what goes on in my life, I want to support them through whatever goes on in theirs. As siblings, you share a bond with your sister that is so special, you will never share that same bond with another person. I really feel for what you're going through, and I'm sorry that this has happened to you. You deserve to be happy, and there are some hard choices that come with that. But having a support system to help you make those choices is everything. I definitely don't think your sister will see it as you raining on her parade, she will be honored that you came to her in your time of need and that you trust her that much. That's what sisters are for. Thoughts & prayers for you that you are able to make a decision that you find peace in. 

jenlynne0624

I am so, so sorry that this is happening to you. You will have a beautiful baby at the end of this that will love you unconditionally and will light up your life. You'll be able to teach that baby to love and he/she will thrive and won't ever do those kinds of things to other people because you will teach them that is wrong. Talk to your family because you need the support right now, and you really need  to eat, mama. Even just a smoothie or a protein shake or something because that little peanut inside of you needs you.

beff12

I'm so sorry - what a terrible situation. Everyone else has already given great advice. I'll be thinking of you!

LushC

I'm so sorry you're going through this. To echo previous posters, you've done nothing wrong. You are not responsible for his behavior in any way! 

I think its kind that you're not wanting to take away from your sisters moment, however, I 100% agree with everyone else that your sibling and family will step up and be there for you! This isn't a petty situation where you're trying to steal someone's shine (for lack of a better way to put it) this is a serious situation in which you NEED support and love. Being stressed out is never good for your health but it's even worse when you're pregnant because you're got your baby to worry about as well. Let your family/friends/anyone you trust be there for you and help you as you move forward.

Im sure your family/friends will be there for you but please know that at the very least you've got this board here of lovely women who will support you and offer whatever guidance we can! You're in my thoughts 

LinziLoo09

I'm so terribly sorry you're going through this. I don't have anything unique to add, but I wanted to echo PPs that this is not your fault. And do what you need to do. There are definite pros and cons to either choice you make, so figure out what works best for you. And definitely lean on your family at this time. I truly hope things start to look up for you. <hugs>

doodleoodle

I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are going through this. I would definitely let your family know so that they can be there for you. It may end up hurting them if you don't share what you're going through. You have to choose whatever path is best for you, if you need to seek counseling in order to do so there is no shame in that. I wish nothing but the best for you.

tarheelcaroline

I am so sorry. This is a huge and heavy situation to carry all by yourself, so I absolutely echo the other posters about finding a safe group, or even just one person, who you feel totally comfortable talking to. Hopefully in time that support system will grow, but right now I think the best goal is to allow someone else who loves, supports and respects you to share this difficult situation with you. Those who truly care will be honored that you confided in them, and take the responsibility of walking through this time with you, and giving you guidance that truly helps you, very seriously. I'm grateful that you shared with us, and you will be in my prayers! Ps - my EDD is also Dec 16

brittnic86

::sigh:: Men can be such assholes. Were you guys together for awhile? Or was this a new relationship? I don't know what your feelings are on it, but men do change their minds. My husband had what we refer to as his quarter life crisis. He thought he wanted something else, he thought I couldn't make him happy, he thought the 8 years we'd spent together was all we had in us...he left...he found someone else. But he never truly left, he was still around, still obviously fighting with his feelings. Within six months he was back, a changed man. It sucked, it really sucked, it was hell...it was the most awful thing I have ever gone through, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But we're in a better place now, happier than ever. Things could change...if they did, and you wanted to try to fix your relationship. But that's on you. And so many people will judge you for it, and think that you're weak...but honestly..everyone thinks they know exactly how they would react to a situation...until it actually happens to them. Best of luck to you

KatieJo1205

Wow - that is terrible.  I don't have any advice that others haven't already stated, but I certainly wish you all the best.

PrettyRed10

Hi everyone thanks so much for all the kind words, and the sympathy it's greatly appreciated.  Today I had the opportunity to see this blessing that gift that I've been given in action. Seeing my little jump and move around gave me hope and encouragement. Needless to say I'm in love all over again and going to proceed with the pregnancy.  I know it will be hard but I have strong faith that I will get through it. 

ashleaf2018

@PrettyRed10 So happy for you mama!!! You might want to crop your personal info out of that pic, but anyway, I am so glad that you were able to make a decision. Welcome to the D'16 board!

Christinaruth74

I am just catching up on all this now and was coming to pile on the support, but was overjoyed when I saw your recent update❤️ 
I stood by a best friend as she went through something similar 5 years ago... But she was technically the other woman. It was messy and destructive, but it's incredible to see the pure joy her son has brought her. Her son's father also sought help for some of his issues (namely addiction) and they are actually getting married this fall! It's crazy what time can do. 
Obviously this isn't the "normal" outcome of a situation like that, but know that you are strong enough to get through this strange and heartbreaking transition. 
Thoughts and prayers your way for sure. 

dmontgo

@PrettyRed10 What a beautiful baby! You are going to be a great mama--you can do anything!

maamawaabangi

Stunning little profile! Praying for strength for you mama. 

jenlynne0624

Beautiful! I'm proud of the decision you made. We're here if you need anything

sonomama14

You will be so so happy with your decision. Watching your beautiful baby turn into an amazing person will be your strength and joy. I can't imagine all of the things running through your mind right now, and I haven't read all of the previous comments, but try to focus on what makes you happy and is best for you! Whatever made you happy before your bf, try doing that again! Spend as much time as you can with friends and family (if you're close with them). It's so important to spend time with those who support you...it will make the time pass quicker and will be so good for your soul. Obviously these are just personal suggestions but you WILL get through this, and you did NOTHING to deserve this. Unfortunately these things happen to good people and we have no control over it except to become stronger and keep our faith. I'll be thinking of you! 

bobbyflies2020

I'm glad things are looking up. I tend to be cynical but I have learned to always have hope because dreams really can come true. People change, family become family again, old friends resurface and new acquaintances become best friends.. I think something good is around the corner for you.

sammyl1221

I'm so happy reading your update! There will always be ups and downs in this wonderful journey called life, but always remind yourself God has a bigger plan. There will be times you feel alone but that's what family is for and always feel free to share here. We're all women going through this incredible time together and we can always relate. Good luck 

beff12

I'm so glad to see your update!! What a sweet baby! You'll get through this and your little one has an excellent mom already.

whitneyp26

Glad to see your update. I didn't post the first time but I thought I would this time. My first son is from a previous relationship and his dad is the biggest POS in the world. He was abusive and mean and unfaithful. He didn't leave me for another woman but I really wish he would have! I left him when our son was 18 months old and my only regret is not moving out of state when I could lol. So I am very happy you are feeling better because this baby is a blessing. Just don't let that jerk back into your life. congrats!

tsoff

Be strong momma. He will miss out on something great, be mature and guard your heart.