Hard time dealing — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Hard time dealing

I know that's an odd title because who doesn't have a hard time dealing with life after a miscarriage?

I found out I was pregnant on March 5th of this year. About a month later, my sister-in-law announced she was pregnant, too. We were so excited to go through this journey together. However, a few days after that, I noticed something was not right and went to the doctor. They couldn't find baby's heartbeat anymore. I was and am still crushed. My sister-in-law's baby is fine and I am very grateful for that, though.

I am just having a rough time dealing with all of the emotions. Any little thing will send me into sobs and then I get angry with myself for crying because I know that I am making whoever I am around or whoever the unlucky person was that said something that hit me the wrong way uncomfortable and on top of that, I also feel guilty because I am afraid my family feels like they have to walk on eggshells around me talking about my sister-in-law's pregnancy. I am also hesitant to go to the baby shower later in the year, too. I know I will regret it if I don't go because I don't begrudge her or the baby and I am very happy for them. On the other hand, I'm afraid if I do go, I will probably just be a hot mess during the entire event.

My question is, has anyone else been through this type of situation where you were pregnant at the same time as a family member or friend and had a miscarriage? How did you cope? Are there any tips or tricks that helped you to refrain from crying?

Thanks in advance.

Re: Hard time dealing

  • I'm so sorry for your loss. Lots of hugs. I haven't been through the exact same situation, but your feelings are real and it's okay to feel the way you do! I stalk my old birth month board, and it is much harder to be around people who are the # of weeks I was supposed to be, so I totally understand that.

    I did go to two baby showers after my loss, and I like to be happy for others and congratulate them and kind of live through them and talk about all the things that I liked (car seats, strollers, cloth diapers). But talking helps me. As long as everyone at your SIL shower knows so that they won't ask you the dreaded 'when' question, I think it would be a good environment to be in for myself if I was in your shoes. If you happen to cry, cry in front of them! Tell them you are very excited for her but the emotions just overwhelmed you at the moment. They should be supportive of you as well in the moment with a hug! And I don't think you are taking any attention away. You can also secretly slip into the bathroom to cry if you feel it coming and you don't want to draw attention to yourself.

    I faked it til I made it. I smiled and held back any tears I felt coming. But I was excited to one day get to do this shower thing too.

    But in the end, only you will know if you can handle it or if you will regret being there. Hugs and thoughts for you! Hopefully this gave you some things to consider as it gets closer. 

    Me: 27 years old            DH: 27 years old
    Type 1 Diabetes since 2001, MTHFR hetero A1298T
    Dogs: Raider 4 yrs, Dex 4 yrs
    Married in July 2014
    TTC #1 since late Feb 2016
    BFP #1 3/29/16     MMC: 5/5/16
    BFP #2 7/6/16    SCH, D&C 8/4/16
    BFP #3 12/26/16     EDD: 9/6/17
    My Chart / My Diabetes/Pregnancy Blog
    My Type 1/TTC/Pregnancy Podcast: 
    Juicebox Podcast Episode 118
    A1Cs:
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    5/25/16 6.0%
    11/2/16 6.1%
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    "Sugar Fancy Tutu"
    dubcompanion
  • I am sorry for your loss
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  • I was not in that situation at the time I was pregnant, but I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss. 

    I think it's important to take one day at a time rather than stress over how you'll feel about an event months down the road. Focus on how you feel today. You will have days that are better than others, and days that are worse than others. You'll find triggers you didn't expect, and you'll be surprised that what you thought would be a trigger isn't. All of this is completely normal, and it'll be your own normal. 

    Do let yourself grieve. Those who care about you will understand. Don't let their opinions weigh you down; your heart is heavy enough. Be kind to yourself, and if you need to cry, it's perfectly okay. It's what you need to do at that moment. 

    Sorry I can't be of more help to your specific situation. :disappointed: Big hugs to you. I wish none of us have to go through any of this, but one thing is for certain is that we'll be stronger in the end. 

    *****TW*****

    Me: 32      DH: 32
    Married: 11/19/11
    TTC 3/15
    BFP #1: 10/15, MMC 12/15 (10.5 weeks)
    BFP #2: 7/16, DD born 3/2/17 at 38 weeks <3
    BFP #3: 4/18, DS born 12/11/18 at 36 weeks <3
  • *********TG CHILD MENTIONED*******





    Hi there I am so sorry for your loss though my situation is not exactly the same its similar my best friend and I were both pregnant together our first pregnancy and had our chuldren very close in age and 18 months later found my self pregnant again as was she. she was a little further along than me but we were so excited to be pregnant together again. I went to a lot of her appts and couldn't wait to get mine going but a week before my second appt at 8 weeks i started bleeding and soon led to my mc honestly its all very fresh for me still its been about 6 weeks and the day i started bleeding i was hosting my bff a baby sprinkle. it took alot to get through even though i knew the inevitable. i cried in hiding alot that day. I was starting to feel better and a few days ago she had her baby a lot of feelings came back though I am sooo happy for her it still hurts in ways I can't explain and I know thats ok and she has been my biggest support besides dh through it and she's been very understanding of my distance. I will go and meet the baby soon but I know i will break down whether I am there or when I leave and I was very honest that It may happen to her. I dont have a ton of advice here just know youre not alone. I wish you the best so sorry you are going through this its never easy!
  • Thank you all for your kind words. They really helped. I am doing better now...at the moment. I think I may have been extra emotional due to getting back into the routine of my cycle. Either way, I discussed what was happening with my sister-in-law and she understood, which I knew she would. I let her know that if I were to ever just have to bolt, it wasn't anything against her or the baby, just still coping. Thank you all.
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