Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

ultra sensitive?

Ugh a friend and I were emailing and I was talking about not being sure if I could go to my college reunion this weekend.  She said that she encouraged me to go because it might be the only bright star in an otherwise difficult year.  That comment really weighed on me.  So far this year I had a miscarriage and our dog was diagnosed with cancer that will probably require us to say goodbye to her within a year.  But it's only June!  I want more happy things this year, and I hope this isn't my one shot.  I feel like I might be overly sensitive about comments I find unhelpful, but this really bothered me and I ended up sending a short email (in addition to the reply I sent to her) that I know it's not what she meant, but I hoped it wasn't true and not how I wanted to think about things.  Hope I didn't mess things up with us but I'm tired of not saying how I feel because someone "means well."  Just needed to vent.
About me:
/loss mentioned/
TTC#1 July 2014
dx: MFI (morphology)
IUI #1 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Sept. 2015 ~ BFN
IUI #2 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Halloween 2015 ~ BFN
IUI #3 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Thanksgiving 2015 ~ BFP!!
hb 146 bpm at 7w5d
1/28/16 ~ began to say goodbye to our beautiful baby at 11w 
d&c, followed by cytotec
TTCAL April 2016
IUI #4 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Apr. 2016 ~ BFN
IUI #5 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ CP
IUI#6 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ BFN

Re: ultra sensitive?

  • I'm sorry about your friend's  comment. First of all it's freakin June- there is plenty of time for many bright spots in your year. It would have made more sense if she said something like it will be fun, or it'll be good to catch up with people etc. Regardless of being sensitive, her choice of words were shitty. 
    I think being more sensitive about things comes with the territory when you've experienced loss and especially with unhelpful comments. You can ignore them but it gets old and I think letting people know how you feel is good. That way you don't bottle things up and in your case you made your friend aware of her insensitive comment. 
    It's tough- I know for me I'm more sensitive about a lot of things and things that would have never bothered me in the past, make me so upset now. Hang in there and good for you for honoring your feelings and voicing your opinion. 
     ****TW: Pregnancy, loss and children mentioned****
    Me (39) DH (40) 
    From my first marriage DD: 03/04 CP:01/06 DS:12/06 
    DH- no kids
    TTC: since 2/15, RE Consult 9/15
    IUI #1 10/15: Letrozole = BFN 
    IUI #2 11/15: Letrozole + trigger = BFN
    1/08/16: Surprise- BFP!!  2/16/16: MMC @10w 2days,  D&C: 2/17/16
    TTCAL: May 2016
    IUI #3 5/27/16: Letrozole+trigger=BFN
    IUI #4 06/24/16: 7.5mg Letrozole+trigger= BFN
    IUI#5 08/24/16 Menopur+trigger = BFN
    IUI #6 09/19/16 5 mg Letrozole +Menopur + Trigger= BFN
    **10/2016: No more medicated cycles, TTCAL on our own**
    12/03/16: BFP!! EDD: 08/12/17 It's a girl!! 
    Eleni was born on 8/14/17!!
  • fioripfiorip member
    I'm sorry about your loss and your dog, my first dog, my childhood companion died from cancer and it was really rough. That being said I really don't think your friend meant to be mean, on the contrary, I actually think she was trying to cheer you up. It comes with being in a sad  emotional place, taking innocent comments to heart and being overly sensitive. Probably her wording triggered something. Saying "only bright star" instead of just saying it might be the start of good things coming is what bothered you and if I'm being honest, I would probably be a little upset myself if someone said that to me. But I'm sure your friend will understand. 
    I'm 29, husband is 30
    Together since 2006
    Married 01.17.15  <3

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

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  • @BrightenMySky I can totally understand why that comment would jilt you; it would rub me the wrong way as well.
    I think your friend worded her thoughts in a really awkward manner. It's good to let people close to us know when their words bother us, so that they can rephrase things differently the next time. 
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