I'm having a really hard time staying positive. *UPDATE* ❤️

LCartee2016

So, on May 24th we had our first u/s that went fairly well. We saw our baby and a heartbeat(159 bpm) but the tech said the baby was measuring about 2 weeks behind where we originally thought.  We go back June 8th for a follow up u/s to make sure everything is on track, but I can't shake my bad feeling and heavy heart. With our last pregnancy, the second u/s is when we found out we had lost the baby. We went in because I had some brown spotting that increased and became much redder. I can't for the life of me remember how far along I was then and I'm freaking out because I'm terrified of having the same outcome. I haven't had any spotting and my symptoms have been pretty constant, so I know I'm being unreasonable and freaking out for probably no reason, but it's just hard to shake. Hopefully, everything goes well and I can relax after this u/s. 

Sorry guys, I just needed to vent. 

ceclarlinetlo

Nothing to apologize for. You've experienced something traumatic in the past and your brain is trying avoid more pain by keeping you from being optimistic. Were you two weeks off by counting from your LMP or are you sure of the day you ovulated? If it's by LMP then it is completely possible you ovulated late and then baby implanted late. 

The waiting is awful - I'm sorry you have to go through it - but we are all rooting for you and your bean! 

LCartee2016

@ceclarlinetlo it was off by LMP. 
Logically, I knew everything is probably fine, and it's weird cause I'm not really the kinds of person to get overly emotional or "freak out" much. I'm just going to blame hormones and add that as another positive sign.  
It's really good to know I have other people rooting for our little "coffee bean" (that's what my aunt has nicknamed the baby for now... It fits ) and I'm absolutely rooting for and praying for all the ladies on this board. It's a tough emotional time. 

anna.oskar

*hugs*

You're allowed to freak out.  I'm pretty sure most of us do.  The thing I've been trying to remember this whole pregnancy (21w5d now) is that there is no problem until the doctor says there is a problem.  Because if I listened to my PGAL brain... I'd be a nutjob never leaving the doctor's office for fear.

waterfall213

((Hugs)) It's hard not to worry and think about the what-ifs. I hope you get good news next week!

susykat77

The PGAL brain is strong. It's hard to shake. I'm not sure that I'm handling it very well myself. Just want to offer my support. I have my first ultrasound with my OB on June 7th and the days feel like they are creeping by. Big hugs. 

LCartee2016

anna.oskar said:

*hugs*

You're allowed to freak out.  I'm pretty sure most of us do.  The thing I've been trying to remember this whole pregnancy (21w5d now) is that there is no problem until the doctor says there is a problem.  Because if I listened to my PGAL brain... I'd be a nutjob never leaving the doctor's office for fear.

Oh if I could live in her office, I think I would. I love my obgyn (and staff) so much! I'm not sure she would appreciate that though. 

LCartee2016

Thanks for the encouraging words ladies  and big hugs to you all. FX for great appointments! 

carrieandr

Good luck! I hope you get good news.

LoneStar21416

Lately, I have been really trying to focus on fact vs. fear.  (I actually mentioned this briefly in a post to someone else on our BMB.  I think we are in the same one. Hi )  So what I do is really look at what I am feeling and stop and ask myself, "Why am I feeling this way?  Is something actually wrong?  Or is it my fear/trauma talking?"  For the most part, it's always fear talking.  For me, it has been creeping in a lot because this pregnancy has been largely asymptomatic.  So my mind will wander, and I will assume something is wrong and go down a path of anxiety and doubt.  But in reality, and as one of the PPs said, it's not a problem until it's a problem.  It's the same idea as trying to tell yourself, "don't borrow trouble."  Fear vs. fact resonates with me better because it's helpful for me to identify what the trigger is and analyze what is actually happening.  It becomes a much more rationale process and helps me put a label to my fear.  Then I can dismiss it more easily by saying, "this is not a fact, this is a fear."  I hope I explained that well and that it helps you!  I'll be hoping for the best for you!

PS - I can't remember if I ever intro'd on this board so I guess I should probably do that

MrsDCruz

It's totally understandable that you are feeling this way. Sending lots of good vibes and sticky baby dust! 

LCartee2016

Thank you @MrsDCruz! 
@LoneStar21416 I think we are on the same BMB! (hi  ) 
Thank you for that advice. I'm going to try to starts focusing on fact vs  fear because often it's just me freaking myself out. And yes, you should absolutely intro here, if you haven't yet! 
Big hugs! (in a non creepy Internet way ) 

leighanne82

I know exactly how you feel! It's hard to shake that feeling that something will happen no matter what the doc says, and I would definitely live in my OB's office if I could - I don't think that there is a day that goes by where I don't have at least one moment where I feel like I need to go get something checked.  Sending positive thoughts your way for some good news!

LCartee2016

***UPDATE***
I had my second ultrasound today and ever looks great! We got to see our little "Coffee Bean* waving, kicking, and wiggling for the camera! Baby is measuring a week ahead of last time, so EDD will probably be moved to. January 5th and I'm 9w6d today.  
I can't get over how baby looks like an actual baby now, as opposed to a teddy graham! Ugh, I'm so in love.   

rkrichey

That's great news!!  So happy for you!

tinypikachu

@LCartee2016 oh my! How exciting! I love hearing great news like this. I feel our PGAL brains fail to stay positive and, although most of us still cling to hope, the fear seems to take over because we've already been there before. I was getting U/S every two weeks in the first tri because of my loss but partly because they knew how anxious I was and I remember that moment of seeing baby wiggling and waving (it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it!) so I know how over the moon you are. Congrats on a good outcome, momma!

LCartee2016

Thank you @AlwaysAuntNeverMom !  You are so right. My PGAL brain flips out over the smallest thing, but I have the little video clips on my phone so I can go back and rewatch them whenever I need to. Oh, my obgyn is an absolute saint. She's also letting me have a u/s about every two weeks(at least during the first trimester) for my sanity. God love understanding obgyns! 

johnnydro

Great News!!!! Hoping for an uneventful and Happy Pregnancy!