STM Nerves

bundleoffund

I feel like an awful person because my excitement hasn't overpowered my nerves yet. With my first, the nervous feeling passed quickly. This time, I keep thinking, am I failing my son by having another baby already? I wanted to get pregnant in a few months (2..so really, it wasn't "too soon" from what I wanted) and then I'm blessed with a positive test and the nerves just set in. Will I love this baby the same? Can we handle 2? Will #1 adjust well? Is this abnormal?

I truly understand how blessed I am. I know how hard people try for 1, never mind 2. I just can't figure out if this is hormones going whack or maybe I just need a little time to adjust?  My husband rubbed my back while I cried myself to sleep last night and I hate that he saw me upset. It's so hard to explain, I'm not upset about the pregnancy or a new baby, I just feel like I can't convince myself that I can be a great parent to 2.  Mom's of multiples, please tell me I'm not crazy!

Renee1105

This is my second and I understand where you are coming from. It's hard not to worry because your life will change, again. Try to think of the positives like the bond your two children will have. It will be hard but it will be worth it.

Josie3=5

You're not crazy. I went through that freak out multiple times during my second pregnancy. And now, I'm freaking out about how I will logistically handle three and will all of them feel loved if I can't devote all the time I did to them as I did with #1. Change is hard, yo. 

Heres what I'll tell you. Every major life milestone is a leap of faith. Getting married is a leap of faith that two people can work through all life throws your way together. Having a child is a leap of faith that you'll figure out how to parent. And every transition is fraught with 'OMG, what have I done?' . I voiced the same concerns when I was pregnant with my second and a ton of second time moms told me, 'you're totally normal, everyone worries but somehow it all works out and you're amazed that your life ever was only one kid'. You'll see the relationship between your kids and you'll be stunned by how awesome the love between siblings is. You'll meet your second and you'll be enamored with how amazing #2 and how utterly individual and different they are from your #1. And your heart will somehow grow naturally to hold even more love. I don't know how it works but I can assure you that my love for #2 is as fierce and strong as my love for #1 ever was. 

I never ever considered having a family with three kids...until I met #2 and was blown away by how amazing having my little family was. And here we are, the hubz and I having purposefully planned for a third bc we think our kids are so fucking amazing (which I think all parents think about their kids ). 

There's nothing I can say that'll convince you that it's going to be alright. All I can say is that your concerns are totally normal and we all go through it and somehow it all works out. 

nolemomma14

I think it's completely normal! I'm so nervous for how this baby will change our family dynamic. I wonder how I will handle two little ones and how my son will handle the new baby. I have three siblings though and hope that my kids will have a great relationship like I do with my brothers. Some days I do feel bad though for DS, almost like I'm taking something away from him by having another baby. I don't think it matters how many kids you have though, I think there will always be some level of nervousness! 

ElleMF728

What you are feeling is completely normal.  I felt a lot of guilt while I was pregnant with my second.  Guilt for knowing that DS1 would have to share me, guilt that while I was pregnant with DS2 I didn't notice nearly as much as I did the first time. 

I cried in the hospital after I had DS2 because I felt so sad for my (barely) 2 year old but the nurse told me something that helped so much.  She said to remember that only your first born will ever have that special one on one time with you.  Your second, third (etc) children will only ever have you to themselves for 2 or 3 days while you are in the hospital.  

You aren't taking anything away from your first child.  You are adding another person for them to love and to play with and who will love them back.  My 9 month old completely adores my toddler and I know as all the LOs get bigger they will always have built in playmates which is pretty special.  

As far as being a good enough mom for 2, you just are.  You just do it because you won't have a choice.  I had a much easier time adjusting to 2 than adjusting to having a first child. 

daniellepittman

My babies will be a year and a few days apart and I'm feeling the exact same way as you. Much more nervous than I was with my first. I was never worried with my first, I was over the moon my whole pregnancy.

HairBossMama

Thanks for making me cry @ElleMF728 what a great nurse to help put things in perspective. 

ThePax89

I feel incredibly guilty because I'm so sick/tired and I feel like I'm not playing with or enjoying my toddler as much. 

bundleoffund

Thank you all so much! It helps so much knowing I'm not alone and that this is normal. I almost felt guilty posting the original post because I thought, "surely, these girls are gonna think I'm nuts"! Thanks again ❤️

a's mom

I am so glad that you posted this.  I have been feeling the same way and incredibly guilty.  My son is 9 months old and there will be 16 months between the two.  I had exclusively breastfed our son and the doctor told me to stop due to risk of miscarriage. It has been so hard and I feel like I am already taking something away from him. I wanted to get pregnant but now feel so disconnected. Reading everyone's replies has really helped me this morning. 

Parley

not much to add, just want to say that i'm right there too, and that this thread makes me feel so much better! 

mommywesley

5th time mom here, and I've felt that every single time! Always nervous adding another child to the mix, my poor oldest always says "whenever I want a pet you just have another baby!" LOL

Jkp7749

Whew, glad i read this! I was telling my husband last night that it was like I felt bad for being pregnant and was wishing I was excited. We are already tight on money with #1 BC we both want me to be home while they are little, so I feel bad adding #2. I don't want hubby to resent that we don't go on fancy trips or get to blow money on 'fun' stuff all the time. We came up with a plan and I do plan to go back to work when this one is 1ish. 

BBoyd2013

I completely understand! My son will be just a month over 2 when this baby is born and our first year was really, really, really tough. I had postpartum depression and my son didn't stop waking up 3-6 times a night until he was 15 months old. I have no idea how the heck I'm going to do it again. I just hope that when the times come I'm just granted the ability to do so lol. You're not alone

_orchid_

I'm with you!  This baby is very much wanted and planned for,  but I keep thinking about how great our life is now with our 2.5 y.o. ds and how that is going to change.  He's recently fully potty trained and has really mellowed out so we're able to do a lot more spontaneous activities with him,  and it's going to be so different with a newborn.  I think I'm less excited this time too bc I know the physical changes ahead,  what delivery is like (mine was tough,  but aren't most?!) And what the newborn phase was like.  I can't wait for when this baby is 6 months old bc that's when ds really became fun for me.  

karaelaine1991

Not nervous at all about being a good mom to 2 babies - there'll be an adjustment period of course but eventually we will all feel good about our family's new normal! However, I am nervous about the adjustment period itself.  LO will be born right at the beginning of tax season, and DH is an accountant so that's definitely a concern.  The good news is that in about a week we'll be moving to a house that's a half mile away from his office, instead of 25 like we are now, which means a 3 minute commute instead of a 40 minute one.  But he'll still be working longer hours than usual while I learn to balance a newborn and a toddler, and this time around our mothers, who are teachers, aren't going to be able to come visit us to help with things. After DD was born I really struggled with feelings of loneliness and isolation (TBH I still do but not to the same extent) and I'm not looking forward to that being intensified again due to PP hormones and another major life change.  

But, like I said, we will all get through it and before we know it, it'll be hard to imagine things being any other way!