Custody — The Bump
Single Parents

Custody

Can my ex get every other weekend? We are going through the custody mess and my LO is only 4 months. I breastfeed so i cant be away from him to long. I have given his dad the opportunity to come and see him but he says its not enough that he will just see me in court. He isnts on the bc and he doent help at all.

Re: Custody

  • With infants it's hard to determine visitations. Studies actually show that children under the age of 1 should not do alot of overnight stays away from the primary caregiver...especially when breastfeeding. It all depends on the judge to be honest and your state laws. But I know when my sister was going through something similar the court actually ruled in her favour. 
  • Yeah I know over here in Texas, infants and overnight stays just don't go together at all. It isn't until the baby is a toddler I think? Texas has a government website all about family laws and such so maybe yours does too! I've found so much helpful things so hopefully you can too! 
  • If he is not on the BC, he has no rights to visitation.  You can tell him that he can come to see the baby while the baby is with you (bring a neutral 3rd party as witness), but if he wants overnights and the like, especially while the baby is so young, you may tell him he will have to take you to court.  He'll have to jump through a couple hoops to establish paternity to be able to get the ball rolling on visitation, but if he does that, then you can start the ball rolling on CS and all that (if that's the road you wish to travel).  My BD was allowed to visit as long as there was at least one other person with us and he never asked for overnights or any of that, he actually disappeared shortly after the 3rd visit.

    If he starts to get upset about it, then tell him to only text/email so that everything is in writing. Document, document, document.

    Good luck, mama!
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  • I'm going through the same thing and I'm in Michigan. We are still awaiting the dna test results and he can't file a motion for visitation until after paternity is established. My daughter is 3.5 months old and he's never once seen her. Hes not on the BC. He's wanted nothing to do with her since I got pregnant. Didn't hear from him my entire pregnancy. After I had my daughter I texted him and his first words were where's the paperwork to sign off on. I told him to just stay out of our lives. He told me if I ever came after him for support he'd come for his rights. I had to come after CS bc my state mandates it if you receive any type of public assistance. He got nasty after he got served and said he's coming after his rights. When I talked with the mediator she said she's never seen the judge just hand the baby over to a father esp one who's never seen the baby. She said I would likely get my way and he would have supervised visits. (With a court appointed person) I of course have not told him this. I don't respond to any of his texts. If your babies dad didn't sign an affidavit of parentage then he would first have to take u to court for a dna test. The process takes a while too. Just to get the results it takes 3 weeks. Since the day I filed its already been 9 weeks and we should have the dna results this week. Then after that he has to come in and give his work info and then an order for CS will be awarded. From there he can file a motion for visitation. I don't imagine they are too quick about that either. Let us know how it turns out. I will keep u updated with what happens on my end. 
  • @cataleya82 thanks for sharing! I think I'm going to be in that situation myself these upcoming months. Haven't been in contact with BD since January and the state of Texas will automatically go after him for CS because I currently have Medicaid during my pregnancy and it'll be passed onto my baby when he's born until he's about 6 months I believe. It sucks because I mean I feel like in a perfect world, he could've gotten the dna test he wants and then we could come to an agreement of visiting and financial support. But like I said that's in a perfect world. I have no idea how things are going to play out but your situation has given me a little insight on what could happen so again thanks so much for sharing! 
    cataleya8220thirteen
  • @victoria98 Just wanted to update a little. Got the dna results back, obviously he's the father. I had an apt recently to discuss CS and had to give her my info. She asked if we set up any parenting time and I told her no that we don't talk to each other. I told her I wanted supervised visits.  Anyways he had his appt and the mediator told him what I wanted as far as parenting time. He didn't agree to the supervised visits and said he'd contact me to set up something. The mediator also told him u don't just pull up into someone's driveway and take off with a baby you've never seen before. His response was, well I wasn't expecting that, which is a lie bc he absolutely thought he'd get to just take her. I haven't heard from him yet and it's been a few days. Also I was granted full legal physical and sole custody and there is no set parenting time. It's automatically given to the mom. So right now his only options are to agree to the supervised visits or file a motion with the court for parenting time. The mediator told me it takes at least 12 weeks to even get a court date. And even when or if we go to court it doesn't mean he will get his way they'll still likely give me what I'm requesting esp since he has never bothered to contact me at all to see her. And before it goes in front of the judge it typically goes back and forth with the referee a few times if u can't agree to a set parenting time. I will update as things progress but I'm hoping he will just walk away considering he's never wanted anything to do with her until I filed for support. 
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