How is everyone doing? Check in 5/24

rainbowturtles

Just a reminder that anyone can start this weekly thread if it isn't already up  

For the new people who joined this board in the last two weeks, we are all so sorry for your losses. This board is proof that you don't have to go through this alone!

How are you all doing this week? Any questions or anything we can help you with? Feel free to rant and vent, this is a safe space where we offer support and compassion 

I wish none of us had to be here but at least we're in it together 

GTKY: What is your favorite thing to do for self-care?

rainbowturtles

Personally, AF is due any time now and I find that to be the toughest time. Every AF makes me sad and I'm not sure how to avoid that and I don't see it getting easier when we start actively TTC so it's a bit rough  

I didn't have to see the pg SIL this weekend but she is due just a few weeks after my EDD, as suspected. 

Feeling pretty down and just want it to be my time to at least try again. Three months. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

You ladies are the best

GTKY: my favourite would be going to a spa or my favourite meal tho I don't usually put money forth for either. My favourite free self care is a bubble bath with candles and music or meditation 

BrightenMySky

Thanks for starting @rainbowturtles.  

This week I am struggling with what to say to a friend of mine who is herself pregnant after 2 losses (she is due about 5 weeks after me).  I honestly don't think I would have told her about the pregnancy and loss because we're not super close, except that we were hanging out while I was pregnant and I felt like I needed to tell her to explain why I was exhausted and couldn't deal with sitting in a restaurant.  She has made some insensitive comments that are just really not helpful since my loss, and she has been reaching out, but I don't really want to talk to her about it at all anymore.  Debating whether or not to tell her I found some of her comments hurtful, and I'm not avoiding her b/c she's pregnant.  Although when she told me she was pregnant, she sent me multiple texts & fb messages, including texting me the photo of how they were planning to announce on fb, and I was like "thanks...I could have looked on your fb page if I wanted to see it."  I am not sure what is to be gained by telling her, but I also just don't know how to deal with her.  This is a vent but also open to suggestions from you wise ladies here.  

GTKY: walking my dog & watching tv shows.  Since our dog got sick, we've started letting her on our bed, so cuddling with her while watching a favorite show is a big part of self-care for me.  

chloe97

@BrightenMySky I don't think you have to say anything to your friend- just ignore her. If she's been through losses, she should understand. I had a friend who had 2 losses, knew about mine, and was due 2 days before me. Every FB post and text message about her pregnancy, I ignore- but I did respond to her about other things. I missed her baby shower because I was in the middle of my 2nd loss. I told her the story and she under stood and even sent flowers. 

I'm back to work, which I dreaded, but has actually been good distraction. I'm also in the middle of full-fledged hypochondria, which I've learned is part of how I grieve. Today I feel like I have something stuck in my esophagus, which is probably a result of acid reflux,  but my brain jumps straight to cancer. After you've suffered the worst case scenario for your symptoms, it's easy to believe the worst case scenario for every other symptom you have.

H and I had a phone call with a couples therapist and decided to make an appt with her. My hypochondria is already wearing on H, but I have to say we're stronger right now than we've ever been. I know that we will hit some bumps in the road, especially when we start TTC and get pregnant navigating my anxiety- so I'm glad we're starting now!!!

Here a question. I swear I'm feeling my ovaries starting to get bigger (follicular phase). I felt this happen after my last D&C, but this time I'm still turning a very faint 2nd line on HPTs. Is this possible?? The line on the OPK is also pretty dark. It's all moot bc we aren't trying to conceive, but I'm just trying to gage when to expect AF.

In terms of self-care, I like podcasts and TV shows and ice cream. I've started running again, which is pretty pathetic right now, but I'm hoping to be back to easily running 5ks again soon. 

BrightenMySky

@chloe97 thanks for the advice.  She also said things after the loss (like texting "is it possible for the heart to start again") that were hurtful although I suspect coming from her own grief?  I don't know.  

Glad you found someone promising for a couples therapist.  Sorry about the hypochondria.  I hear you about once you've suffered something horrible that was really against the odds, it's hard not to come to expect that.  

Not sure if I understand your question correctly, but are you asking if it's possible to start a cycle with hCG in your system?  If that's the question, I say yes.  Not super common, but definitely possible.  I was monitored by my RE weekly after my loss and had things start back up with hCG still in my system.  I ovulated (according to my progesterone levels) with hCG in high double digits.   

Spartanrd4

First week back to work from vacation...still not talking to my co-worker and her belly has definitely popped (shes 16 weeks now)...is that possible after a week away? Anyways seeing that definitely triggered me....Still playing the avoid game.

AF started today, even though I was hopeful I would get KU magically after one month of TTCAL I need to be realistic and just keep pushing forward. I saw my pulmonologist today and he was really empathetic about my loss which was nice...it's nice to have doctors who really seem to care about you.

rainbowturtles

Sorry about your coworker AND AF, @Spartanrd4 but glad your pulmonologist is so caring. I saw my doctor today and he was giving me tips on getting pregnant lol Bless him. But it really just made me want to start trying right away even more! I wanted to tell him to go talk to DH lol It's at least nice that he's rooting for us

BrightenMySky

@Spartanrd4 sorry about AF and your coworker.  I am glad your doctor was so caring.  I found it therapeutic to talk about my loss, so I was telling my dentist, my hair stylist, etc.  It just felt good to have someone say that they were sorry for what I was going through and acknowledge it I guess.  

@rainbowturtles sending you hugs.  

roxgibbons

I hope everyone is as well as they can be. We are coming off of a stressful weekend. One of our cats ended up having emergency surgery over the weekend and I'm dealing with some other life stress factors like work, jerk ex-husband, family obligations, etc... I am trying to be calm and cool as I'm heading into my third IUI soon, but sometimes the universe makes it impossible to stay in zen mode. I have not had an IUI since November so I'm a bit nervous. Not for the procedure itself but mostly for my response and of course the outcome. I have a scan on Thursday so FX for some good results 

@rainbowturtles- waiting is the worst and I hated having to wait so long to get back into treatments. Hope you are off the bench soon enough. In the meantime take good care of yourself.

@BrightenMySky- I'm sorry about your friend. People can be real shitty sometimes. Since you are not close, maybe just ignoring her would be the best approach. Considering she went through 2 losses, you'd think she would be more sensitive but I think it boils down to personality. Some people are far less empathetic and thoughtful than others.  I was going to ask, did you have your IUI yet? I remember on another thread you were getting close to trigger maybe?

@chloe97- I ovulated and started my period with an elevated beta. My RE explained post loss cycles can really be out of whack and hard to decipher what's going on. I hope you get back on track soon just for your own peace of mind. Also, glad you're back at work and doing ok with that part. I know  loss can trigger certain things like the hypochondria you mentioned.  I know for me my anxiety was through the roof. I hope it will pass for you soon. Hugs.

@Spartanrd4- I'm sorry for your co-worker and yes, they do seem to pop quickly. There is a girl in my office who was right around my time frame and due in September like me. She popped a while ago and I run into her all the time. It's really tough some days and there are others that are starting to pop all around. One I'm particularly close to is getting married in July, and is starting TTC right away. I was thinking great, she will probably be pregnant before me- oh well.

GTKY: For self care, I've been focusing on exercise and trying to relax more. So that could be watching a TV show, listening to a podcast, reading or simply lying down on my bed to just be still for a few minutes. I'm trying to listen to my body more and just do what I feel I need as opposed to what needs to get done (dishes and laundry can wait  )

rainbowturtles

@BrightenMySky thanks for the hugs and back atcha

@roxgibbons so sorry about your cat and the other stressors. Sending good thoughts for your IUI. Thank you for the kind words

BrightenMySky

@roxgibbons sorry about your furbaby and hope she is on the mend. GL with your IUI. I actually just triggered this evening and will have it tomorrow (not my usual schedule, but we'll see). I am feeling generally very stressed with other things going on but good about this cycle, so that may just make it all the more difficult if it doesn't work. 

Spartanrd4

@roxgibbons sorry about your kitty

I just realized I didn't answer the GTKY question lol....to relax/self care I like to watch tv or read. I enjoy getting a massage or getting my hair or nails done. I got a pedicure today and it was great!

KhRun17

I'm new here, unfortunately, and don't even know where to start. I was still super early in my pregnancy, and still very early in TTC so I know so many women have it way worse than me...but I guess it doesn't change how I am feeling right now. I'm stuck at work and all I want to do is crawl in a ball and sleep and cry. I feel so horrible right now. And we hadn't told anyone (I guess that's good right now) so I don't feel like I have any support. This week I am apart from my husband too, which just makes it worse. I'm all on my own. Thanks for being a place I can rant. Best wishes to all of you!!! 

rainbowturtles

@MeanttoBeMama so sorry for your loss and we definitely don't "qualify" losses here, if that's the right wording...what I mean is, every loss is valid and painful and we don't compare I'm also sorry you're going through this on your own right now but we are here if it helps 

CRJones1978

Hello ladies! I took some time off while I was going through the loss. It took 3 weeks and I was miserable the entire time. Today, I feel okay. Going to give it a few months before we try again. I'll be honest. I'm terrified of the next time. I don't want to give up but...

BrightenMySky

@MeanttoBeMama I am sorry for your loss.  No suffering olympics here...any loss sucks.  I hope you find that you can get some support here.  Also hope you are able to take some time off if that would be helpful to you to take care of yourself.  My loss was at the end of January, and I still have days where I just want to curl up in bed and do nothing.  Hugs.

@CRJones1978 welcome back.  Glad you are feeling a bit better today, but sorry for all that you've been through.  

fiorip

Welcomed AF today, I am ready for my body to move on but I'm not quite ready to start trying again. I also got my results today, thombophilia panel, genetic testing, hormone testing and there is nothing wrong, I was told before I don't have an incompetent or short cervix, multiple ultrasounds before, during my last pregnancy and after, so these last blood test rule every possible reason for my miscarriages.

I'm happy I don't have a coagulopathy or an autoimmune disease, I really am but the results are so bitter sweet, I was hoping somehow doctors could figure out why my body keeps rejecting my children but apparently it's just been random causes of miscarriage that could happen to anyone, I've just had them happened to me consecutively out of pure bad luck. No reason. 

GTKY: What is your favorite thing to do for self-care?
Mani-pedis relax me the most, getting my hair done too. 

Sugargirl1019

@fiorip I was really hoping there'd be a sure fixable reason for your miscarriages.. 2nd tri too.. I'm sad for you.

I had my 2 week followup post D&C and my doctor said that we can now have sex. Hallelujah. I'm so glad I didn't have to wait the full 6 weeks, which is apparently only for other gynecological surgeries and post delivery.

GTKY: Self Care? Massages. Pedicures. Mhm. Facials.

rainbowturtles

@fiorip I totally get your frustrations coming up with "no results". While doctors might say "it's good everything is negative" you're stuck with "but then why does something keep going wrong??!!". My fingers are crossed for you as you go forward

@sugargirl1019 Soooo happy for you that you don't have to wait the full six weeks to dtd

I just got back from a therapy appointment, only my second one post-loss. It was hard but good. She always makes me feel like my feelings are valid and it makes sense to still be so sad. 

lyndam1

To everyone here, I'm so sorry you're here! I hope everyone heals in time.

I'm here after my second loss, this one was an ectopic cervical pregnancy. Here's my rant: it's so warm and nice outside now in my little corner of the world and I can't go for any walks or hikes! Per doctor's orders, I'm to maintain pelvic rest and have no extra physical movement other than necessary to go to work and back for who knows how long. Prior to the diagnosis, I was just starting to take up yoga and absolutely loved it. I feel frustrated to not be able to enjoy the things I love. And I feel sorry for my dog who looks at me with her big eyes, begging me to go on a hike! Anyway, I know in the long run, my frustration and physical limits are small compared to what could have happened, but for now, I'll just enjoy the outdoors from my porch.  

GTKY: For self care, I love getting pedicures. More than that though, I love full body massages! Hmmm...I think I'm due!