baby won't calm down with DH

PocoHR

So, last night my son wasn't falling asleep well. He was crying a lot and getting kind of panicky, it went from fussing to sobbing, so we decided to stop going in at intervals and just pick him up and rock him. My husband wanted to do it, so I let him against my better judgement. My baby had been crying on and off for about 20 minutes at this point and I knew he just wanted me. DH is great, but works late and doesn't really get to spend enough time with our son so that our son finds him comforting, I think. DH went in and picked him up and it almost made the sobbing worse. He tried rocking him and the baby just screamed and didn't calm down at all and of course he came out and brought him to me and he calmed down immediately when he was in my arms. I know it really hurt my husband's feelings, even if intellectually he understands why, he's hurt. Now this morning he is saying we need to "break the baby's habit of falling asleep in mom's arms". I find this annoying. I think he's just hurt and that is why he is saying these things. I'm afraid we're going to get into an argument tonight at bedtime, when I want to cuddle/soothe my son and he is resentful and wants me to stop. Any advice? Anyone else face an issue like this?

doodleoodle

My LO was exactly the same way for a long time. I stay at home with her and my husband works long hours. She loves playing with him, but when it was time to settle down to sleep or she became upset she wanted me and only me. As hard as it may be to listen to the crying I would let your husband try to comfort baby more at night. Let him put the baby down for naps and at nighttime. Not every time, of course, but just more often so that he gets used to it. I started handing LO to DH and going into the basement for 30 minutes. If when I came up she was still crying I would then take over. After a couple of weeks of this there have been some instances in which DH is able to get her to sleep even more quickly than I ever could. 

rachswi

My son is the same way - and my husband is home regularly. It just so happens that I pretty much always put him to sleep so he's come to expect me to do it. I know I have a more comforting air about me too - DH tends to be tense because he doesn't think he can get Zeke down or he doesn't think he can do a good job, and I think Zeke sense that so he gets more antsy too. 

My husband was able to get Zeke down for a nap the other day without any tears and it seems like the difference was that I wasn't there - I had gone to take a nap while they played together. Since Zeke was used to playing with DH, he was more willing to accept going down for DH (especially since I was "gone" so he had no other choice but DH)

VexedMommy

I would let your husband take some turns putting her to bed.  Let him practice his daddy skills the same way you get to practice your mommy skills. 

GoogleMD

I agree with Vexy, your husband and LO for that matter needs to learn how to do bedtime. What happens if you are out late one night and your H needs to put baby to bed.

I would start early so baby is not overly tired. Maybe soend time with baby beforehand and let dad handle the bedtime routine solo.

PocoHR

He doesn't want to do bed time, he just doesn't really want me soothing him either, at this point. He wants him to "go to sleep on his own", and he wants this more because he's hurt, not because he really thinks its best. He is not home early enough to do bed time in any kind of consistent way, and he doesn't want to do it on the weekends. It wouldn't be a question of me letting him do bed time, it would be more him criticizing the way I do it. 

doodleoodle

PocoHR said:

He doesn't want to do bed time, he just doesn't really want me soothing him either, at this point. He wants him to "go to sleep on his own", and he wants this more because he's hurt, not because he really thinks its best. He is not home early enough to do bed time in any kind of consistent way, and he doesn't want to do it on the weekends. It wouldn't be a question of me letting him do bed time, it would be more him criticizing the way I do it. 

So he wants to let the baby cry it out because his feeling are hurt?.. If you want to keep soothing him to sleep then you should until it's no longer working for you and you've spoken to your pediatrician. You putting the baby to bed isn't really effecting DH so I would just keep doing what you're doing as long as you want to.

PocoHR

Thankfully, he changed his tune the next day. I think it was just an initial knee-jerk reaction to not being able to calm him down. I do think it would be better if I wasn't there, if Benjamin knows I'm there and he's tired/fussy, he just sort of wants me, but he's just fine with Papa when its the two of them. We're going to try some gentler methods before cio, because it doesn't feel right for us, and thankfully we're both on board