Leaving my Job, looking for some opinions — The Bump
Pregnant after 35

Leaving my Job, looking for some opinions


Since before I found out I was pregnant, the plan always was for me to leave my job and stay home with the kid(s) for as long as I wanted to and to return to the workforce once I felt I was ready. I currently have a job that I enjoy, I've been at it for 5 years but the commute isn't great.  We'd be breaking even with childcare costs if I stayed.  Since I have actually been pregnant, I've had some mixed feelings about leaving my job, but most of those are around the pressure I feel to return. It's a real community where I work and I enjoy that aspect of it, however, I am ambitious and feel like I cannot go any further with my career here. Having a baby seems like a good time to leav. I want to take some time to raise my kid(s) and pivot my work experience into something more flexible and more profitable which, as a personal trainer, I know is possible.

I have been basically lying to my boss and coworkers about my return: I have filled out all the relevant paperwork, I am actively involved in the process of finding my replacement for the "interim," and I am (trying) to be vague about my date of return...

Considering all of these things, I am not certain when I should reveal my plans to my boss. My original thought was to give 2 weeks notice before I go out on maternity leave my last day would be June 29th.... or maybe just tell them with 1 week notice. A couple of friends have suggested I wait until after I have the baby, however, there is an issue of insurance: I had to complete the open enrollment stuff as if I were coming back, but my husband is planning to put me and LO on his insurance starting June 1 (i am due July 6, and my insurance coverage through my current job goes thru June 30). I don't want to commit any kind of insurance fraud. Also, the way I've been feeling lately, I am not sure if I am going to be able to work up until the last possible day as my job is very physical. 

I am not looking for any hard and fast answers. Basically, I want to leave my job on good terms and I want to be fair to them. I still plan to be part of the community on peripheral level, not working here. They have been very good to me here. I want to be a SAHM for a while, I am having some anxiety about letting them know I am leaving. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I am actively involved in finding my replacement. And I feel this pressure because my job is a "very important aspect of marketing here." I am trying not to let this tickling of my ego get in the way of what I really want... oy, I am having some confusion about this....

So, in short, when should I tell my boss I am leaving? 2 weeks, 1 week before? On my last day? After I have the baby? What do you ladies think?

Re: Leaving my Job, looking for some opinions

  • Sounds like they really love you @lillebowski23!! But you know what you want to do. I would give them the 2 weeks notice, if not more if you think they would be ok with you still being there and an active part in finding your replacement. People leave jobs all the time, they'll eventually understand.  If your hubs is putting you on his insurance June 1st, you have plenty of time to let work know. Plus I think it could relieve some anxiety, and you're not sure you want to stay until baby is due as well, so best to give them time.
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • I agree with @Wyattnash00 - I would probably give my notice after June 1 when you know your insurance is taken care of.  It doesn't SOUND like they'd just let you go because it sounds like they really like you, but I'd want that assurance.  Giving them more notice shows that you care about the company and want to be respectful of them, in my opinion.  That's a tough spot to be in.  I hope they respect your decision and realize it's about you and your family, not about them.  Good luck!
    *** Child & current pregnancy mentioned ***
    Me - 41 (PCOS), Hubby - 43 (healthy)
    7/2013 - Sweet baby girl born (Clomid + TI)
    3/2014 - TTC #2, return to RE 7/2014
    12/2015: IVF #1 transferred two great looking embryos - BFP!
    First ultrasound: TWO beautiful little heartbeats!!
    Harmony: negative; level 2: babies look great and are boy/girl! :) 
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  • First of all I just want to acknowledge what an exciting and amazing time in your life! Transitions are always a little bittersweet but I think you know what your heart wants. I would give 2 weeks so as not to "burn any bridges" but maybe frame it like "after a lot of thought and discussion, we have decided that I am going to stay home with the baby for an undecided amount of time. I have loved working here and I am grateful for the opportunities that have been available to me and I know the company is in good hands with my replacement." 

    I wouldn't beat yourself up about having to leave under slightly false pretenses, it is what it is, and it's what is best for your family. They can't fault you for that! 

    good luck mama you got this!!
  • They don't need to know how long you've been mulling over this when you give your notice. Is there an employee handbook that lists the amount of notice they want? I'd go by that or at least 2 weeks. The insurance thing is tricky assuming all of your care has been with your work insurance and if your current dr would be considered out of network with your new insurance. Those things can be figured out though and there are always those plan extensions that people do when in between jobs. I'm sure many people go on maternity leave without disclosing that they have no plan of coming back, but that can definitely burn a bridge. Leaving on good terms and giving notice sounds good. 
  • Sounds like you've gotten great advice here, @lillebowski23 ! I hope that once you've gotten the news out there, maybe the leaving part can be easier since you won't have to hide your feelings and can process the transition with your work community rather than having to keep it all bottled up inside!

  • I would tell them as soon as your insurance is in order. They will still be getting much more than two weeks notice because they have your interim replacement while they find a permanent one, or they can make that person permanent.
    TTC#1 since Jan 2015
    BFP 2/19/15  •  MMC found at 9 wks  •  D&E at 11 wks (age 36)
    BFP 8/29/15  •  CP (age 37)
    BFP 11/18/15  •  DD born at 41 weeks <3(age 37/38)

    TTC#2 since May 2017
    BFP 10/18/17  •  MMC found at 8 wks  •  Misoprostal at 10.5 wks (age 39)

    BFP 2/16/18
      •  CP (age 39)
    BFP 4/13/18
      •  CP (age 39)
    BFP 5/07/18  •  MMC found at 10.5 wks  •  D&E at 11.5 wks 
    •  Testing showed it was a girl with Trisomy 22. (age 39/40)
    9/5/18 Diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve (4-5 follicles, one ovary had none and was very atrophied)

    RE says the low egg count is likely causing my recurrent pregnancy loss. Less eggs results in more aneuploidy.

    BFP 9/24/18  • 
    CP (age 40)
    BFP 5/11/19  •  Fraternal twins  •  MMC found at 10w5d (Baby A 6w, Baby B 10w)  •  Misoprostal at 11 weeks (age 41)

  • Thank you for your advice/ opinions and support. I'm taking insurance into consideration for sure. And yeah, I think the bulk of my anxiety is the weight I feel from having to keep this a secret and keeping up the pretense that I plan to return when I know I am not. Ugh!

    Grateful to have this board of fine supportive women! Thank you!
  • For what its worth I think most employers know that its all bets off when women go on maternity leave. And I guess what I mean is we may have every intention of coming back to work but the reality is that for many women, when they actually have the baby, the decision to go back becomes more complicated and there are plenty of people that change their mind after the baby is born and decide not to go back after all. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't think anyone is shocked when a woman on maternity leave announces she is not coming back.

    That being said since you seem to have made up your mind earlier rather than later it is probably best to let them know before you go, but Id wait until it was closer to the time I was actually ready to leave. As nice as some employers are it can be a liability to them to keep someone on board who has announced their intention to leave and they may let you go sooner than you think even if they like you.
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