May Benched Thread — The Bump
TTC After a Loss

May Benched Thread

This is where those of us who are waiting for medical/personal/emotional reasons to get pregnant after a loss can check in and vent about our current situation.

If you're new, introduce yourself.

How long since your loss?

How are you feeling (physically and/or emotionally)?

Why are you benched/ how long are you benched for?

Rants/Raves/Questions?

Age 39, H 38

Married 8/15

Pregnancy #1, MMC, D&C November/December 2015
Pregnancy #2, Dx with Triploidy at 12 weeks, MMC, D&C May 2016
Pregnancy #3 BFP 10/20/2016- EDD 7/01/2017
DD was born on June 26, 2017
Pregnancy #4 CP 4/2018
Pregnancy #5 BFP 9/13/2018, EDD= 5/27/2019
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Re: May Benched Thread

  • amberrukaamberruka
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    edited May 2016
    Hey girl! Let me just say that I absolutely *hate* that you are here. What a week of hell for you (was following) and hope that you will reach out whenever necessary.

    I've been on meds since Feb (developed symptoms ~2 weeks after MC) and my thyroid has mostly righted itself but my TSH hasn't caught up yet. We were cleared by GYN but it was right before I become symptomatic. DH wants to wait until our first appointment with the endocrinologist on 5/27 before he's comfortable again with TTC. Right after this I will be away visiting my family so that will override another cycle. So basically sitting here twiddling my thumbs....:-)

    Thanks for starting the thread.
    Me: 39 DH: 39
    CP 1/25/16 4.5 weeks, developed Graves' disease
  • chloe97chloe97
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    member
    Thank you @amberruka. I definitely think it's good you are getting thyroid under control before TTC. I was subclinical hypothyroid during this pregnancy and I had to beg my Dr to put me on Synthroid during pregnancy. My pre-pregnant level was 2.46 and that jumped to almost 4 after I got my BFP. 

    Im Chloe and I'm having a D&E tomorrow. We haven't figured out yet exactly how long we will be benched. I think the first step is to meet with the OB after surgery and then start RPL testing with the RE. I'm not sure if we will wait for my HCG levels to zero out before meeting with the RE. I'm taking the week off, so maybe I will start the conversation next week. Emotionally, we've decided that we need the summer to recuperate. If we decide to go the IVF+PGS route, we may start the retrieval cycle late summer/fall and take a long break before implanting. We have a lot of healing to do.

    Yesterday, I actually got out which is nice. We went to a beer tasting with our friends- one of whom confided in me that she was ending fertility treatments. When I told her my current situation- medical termination of a baby with a chromonsonal condition incompatible with life- she snapped at me "Well at least you CAN get pregnant." I know that she's hurting right now, but c'mon. Has anyone else gotten that response from friends with IF? 

    My my other question is about couples counseling. Has anyone been working with a couples therapist at all? I had a really rough go at it emotionally after my first MC. Ive been going to a therapist, but H hasn't. This loss has hit him much harder. I'm wondering if we should also do proactive couples counseling to avoid the meltdowns we had while TTC #2.


    Age 39, H 38

    Married 8/15

    Pregnancy #1, MMC, D&C November/December 2015
    Pregnancy #2, Dx with Triploidy at 12 weeks, MMC, D&C May 2016
    Pregnancy #3 BFP 10/20/2016- EDD 7/01/2017
    DD was born on June 26, 2017
    Pregnancy #4 CP 4/2018
    Pregnancy #5 BFP 9/13/2018, EDD= 5/27/2019
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  • I don't have any advice, but I think the proactive counseling is a great idea, esp. since your DH is hit so much harder this time. Thinking of you both. 
    Me: 39 DH: 39
    CP 1/25/16 4.5 weeks, developed Graves' disease
  • I'm not currently benched but hoping it's alright if I peek in here every so often to see how everyone is doing and to provide support when I can.

    @chloe97 I think proactive couple counseling is a wonderful idea. I've yet to hear of someone say they really regret doing it. If I do hear negative, it's more of "It helped, but we could have had a better therapist" or "We had to drive a distance to do it." (More convenience/compatibility issues, not the act of therapy itself.) Much more often, I hear of people regretting not doing it - particularly when there's been a loss and/or TTC has been a tough emotional ride. 

    On a personal note, I probably should have attended therapy post-loss. I like to think that I'm better now, but if we have to endure another loss, we will be attending couples counseling. It would just be too hard on both of us, and as it was with our first loss, it wasn't fair to my H to have to be the strong one just for my benefit. (He still breaks down at times, and he'll only tell me when we have a nighttime chat and I bring up that I'm still sad.)

    *****TW*****

    Me: 32      DH: 32
    Married: 11/19/11
    TTC 3/15
    BFP #1: 10/15, MMC 12/15 (10.5 weeks)
    BFP #2: 7/16, DD born 3/2/17 at 38 weeks <3
    BFP #3: 4/18, DS born 12/11/18 at 36 weeks <3
    chloe97
  • @chloe97 I think couple's counseling is a great idea, if for nothing else than to keep communication open. I am a therapist, but not for couples and one of the biggest things I hear from my couple's counseling colleagues is that most people wait too long before seeking help, so being proactive seems like a nice plan.

    As for my own personal experience my H is in counseling and has been for years and I have bi-weekly supervision/counseling for my work/self. We don't have a specific couple's counselor, but I will join my H's sessions when we have an issue come up. TTC has been a huge challenge for our marriage and we were married for almost 5 years before we began TTC is 2012. 


  • I've been here a couple of months now but thought I'd do a brief intro anyhow. I'm 34, my SO is 39. We're not married yet, but I refer to him on this board as DH and hubby just because it's easier and feels normal lol I had a mc ten years ago, before DH, and now a recent one Feb 25th with DH. Both have hit me hard, the first one destroying me for years. I've wanted a baby and a family for as long as I can remember and finally found a good man who I can see such a wonderful future with. We plan to TTC in September to give us time to move and time for DH to get more comfortable with the idea...he's excited but also scared, which is normal, but I reminded him I have an expiry date lol And with two losses I'm nervous it won't be an easy road. I also have a connective tissue disorder, celiac disease, and fibromyalgia, which can be added struggles. We are using POM for now (so I still tend to get a little crazy in my TWW sometimes....)

    How long since your loss?

    On May 25 it will be three months

    How are you feeling (physically and/or emotionally)?

    Sometimes I think I'm doing well but seeing baby bumps and babies and all the pregnancy stories in the shows I watch is hard. Then DH came home yesterday and told me his little sister is pg and I burst into tears...more on this in rants.

    Why are you benched/ how long are you benched for?

    To give us a chance to move & settle. I also am hoping to get an internal stitch removed from a previous surgery that you can feel through my skin...it hurts when I wear tight clothes or my tummy distends so I imagine pregnant belly will cause problems! (Surgery was four years ago)

    Rants/Raves/Questions?

    Okay rant is that we're going out of town next weekend to visit DH's parents and family and yesterday he tells me his little sis is pg AGAIN. He has three sisters with 12 kids between them and now a 13th on the way. I'm already stressed about the trip. They know I had a miscarriage so hopefully they won't be insensitive but this will just make it that much harder :( Not to mention, there will be six dogs, six kids, and then the parents and sisters  :# 

    In other news, my rave is that I started temping. I've always charted since my first loss and checked CM but never actually temped and today I got crosshairs, which was exciting for me :)

    I think that's all for now. Thanks so much @chloe97 for starting this thread and I'm so unbelievably sorry for what you're going through, and I think what your friend said to you was shitty




  • chloe97chloe97
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    member
    Ugh @rainbowturtles I'm so sorry about your SIL. I know how triggering other people's pregnancy announcements are, particularly when it seems like you're the only one who has to deal with loss.

    Thanks @bornready and @dubcompanion for your advice about couples counseling. Luckily for me, H is totally on board with both individual therapy for himself and couples counseling. The issue right now is finding someone. Between researching REs and finding someone who takes our insurance, has evening appts, and is nearby and then also finding a new therapist for myself and a psychiatrist so that I could potentially start on meds, I'm overwhelmed. I really wish that a loss like this triggered some sort of social worker support who could help connect me with all of this stuff, because really all I have energy to do right now is sit on my couch and watch Netflix. My H takes amazing physical care of me- he does all the cooking and grocery shopping and most of the cleaning, but when it comes to researching stuff online, that's all me, so I can't ask him to take it on.


    Age 39, H 38

    Married 8/15

    Pregnancy #1, MMC, D&C November/December 2015
    Pregnancy #2, Dx with Triploidy at 12 weeks, MMC, D&C May 2016
    Pregnancy #3 BFP 10/20/2016- EDD 7/01/2017
    DD was born on June 26, 2017
    Pregnancy #4 CP 4/2018
    Pregnancy #5 BFP 9/13/2018, EDD= 5/27/2019
    rainbowturtles
  • Thank you @chloe97 I think it kind of hurts more that it's family, in that I was "supposed" to be the next one in the family to have a baby, if that makes any sense...

    And I agree, there should be some sort of system in place to help families/mothers post mc...that would be such a good idea. It's so much to deal with. <3






  • @chloe97 It is totally overwhelming. I'm not sure how big into integrated healthcare your area is, but my OBGYN has a social worker on staff who actually does stuff like this. I agree though, finding a person who can accommodate your needs time wise, location etc.is mind boggling. Good luck and sending you and DH lots of healing thoughts today.
  • What @bornready said. What has stymied me is finding the resources to get professional help. If I need it badly enough, I'll slough through it. Still, it should not have to be this hard.

    @chloe97 I am glad that H is supportive about therapy and counseling. Your predicaments pertaining to seeking therapy are basically the same as mine.

    @rainbowturtles I totally get how you feel about being the next one to have a baby. If my sister in-law gets pregnant before I do (I don't think they're planning to any time soon, but still), it would hit me hard. On the bright side, you have time to process the news before next weekend. I suppose it's better than having her announce it, and you have to hear it for the first time AND still get through the weekend, if that makes sense. (I always try to look on the bright side; it's an annoying habit of mine...) But yay! Crosshairs!! :smile: 

    *****TW*****

    Me: 32      DH: 32
    Married: 11/19/11
    TTC 3/15
    BFP #1: 10/15, MMC 12/15 (10.5 weeks)
    BFP #2: 7/16, DD born 3/2/17 at 38 weeks <3
    BFP #3: 4/18, DS born 12/11/18 at 36 weeks <3
    rainbowturtles
  • @amberruka I'm glad your thyroid is better, and I hope your TSH catches up soon. Mine keeps being a pain - it seems every time I get pregnant, my thyroid revolts, and my dose ends up being increased and staying increased. Hoepfully yours settles soon!

    @chloe97, I have no advice, but wanted to say that I'm thinking of you today. Hugs lady.

    @rainbowturtles I'm so sorry you're having a hard time with that pregnancy announcement. Hugs.
    rainbowturtlesamberruka
  • If you're new, introduce yourself.

    I'm not new, but I've not been ready to jump into the TTCAL board full force yet, so I'll re-intro. I'm 32 (33 later this month) and DH is 33. We started trying in November last year and have had two losses. The first was the day after Christmas at 7 wks. We never had an ultrasound, so I have no idea what caused that MC. The second was a blighted ovum - first bad ultrasound was 3/21 where I was measuring behind and no embryo was seen, and that was followed by two weeks of limbo and two more ultrasounds to confirm. I MCd naturally on 4/9, right before I was planning on using cytotec.

    How long since your loss?
    5 months from the first, 1 month from the second.

    How are you feeling (physically and/or emotionally)?
    phsycially I'm feeling OK, although yesterday was CD1 and the cramps were triggering a bit. Emotionally, I've slide backwards a bit last week. The grief was really fresh the last few days. I can't believe it's been 5 months from our first loss. We're also pursuing testing, which is just 1,000 miles away from where I should be right now. I hate the word "should" these days. 

    Why are you benched/ how long are you benched for?

    We're doing bloodwork and probably an HSG this month, so we want to wait to see the results from that. Beyond that, I'm nowhere near emotionally ready. Last time, I was jumping into TTC as soon as possible. This time, it's taking me longer to heal. This second MC was just drawn out and traumatic. Honestly, I haven't even been able to have sex yet after the MC - it's just hard because I keep thinking of what we've lost.

    Im also struggling, because next month likely won't work out for TTC either, as I'm traveling a lot for work. There's a really good chance I won't be KU by the time my first EDD rolls by, and that's hitting me hard right now too. All around rough week for me.

    Rants/Raves/Questions?

    No rants beyond the above. Raves - we're going on a much needed vacation soon!
  • @RiverSong15 Thank you for the hugs and I'm sending one to you, if wanted ((hugs)) I'm so sorry for your losses and for the triggers that AF can bring post-loss :( Also sorry for your looming EDD. Sending love & light




    RiverSong15
  • @rainbowturtles Hugs are always appreciated! Thanks.
  • So, I just scheduled my SHG for Friday and I'm already nervous. H may not be able to make it, and while I'm not too afraid of the pain of the procedure, I'm afraid of what they'll find. I've always had a little bit of health-related anxiety and I made the mistake of Googling things that can be found during SHGs. Anyone have any words of advice/comfort?
  • @RiverSong15 My HSG was no big deal at all. I googled way too much beforehand and was terrified of the pain. I felt nothing but some mild cramping when they inserted the dye. It was over in like 90 seconds, if that. I'm hoping all is clear for you in there! And if it isn't we live in a wonderful age where we can look inside the body and see what might be going on and fix it. That's what I always try and remind myself... I'm glad it isn't the 1800's or even 1900's!
    RiverSong15catiecatp
  • Thanks @BornReady. It helps to hear others' stories.
  • chloe97chloe97
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    member
    No words of comfort, Good luck @RiverSong15 I also don't know for sure what caused my 1st MC either and it drives me crazy. The fact that I was able to carry the 2nd 13 weeks and it was chromosomal makes it very likely the 1st was chromonsonal, but not knowing the exact dx makes it hard to know if these were 2 very random events- or if both were Triploidy and my eggs are splitting properly. 

    Can I ask those of you working with REs how long after your most recent loss you needed to wait to stay RPL testing? I'm assuming I will get the CD 3 testing after my 1st real period which is probably like 2 months from now. Is HSG testing the same? Because I had 2 D&Cs, I'm mostly concerned about scarring. Though based on one ultrasound I got, I also worry I could have a bit of endometriosis. 

    Hugs to those of you with EDDs coming up. Before this last pregnancy, I was so worried about being KU-d by the end of June, my first EDD. Now that's it not possible, I'm doing my absolute best to remind myself that rushing this last time did me no good. My February ovulation cycle was out of control. I wasn't sleeping more than 3 hrs s night, my estrogen levels rose and just stayed there and I had migraine after migraine, I kept having almost LH rises before I ovulated 10 days late. It was an obvious bad egg and bad cycle, but as soon as that OPK turned positive, we went for it. And 11 weeks later here I am in a worse spot than ever.

    So this time, I'm vowing to relax, take my time and do my best to get the best possible embryo and separate the TTC from the grief. So much of TTCAL is grief-fueled. Not going to lie, being pregnant again was the best cure for my original grief, but it's not the only one. 

    Age 39, H 38

    Married 8/15

    Pregnancy #1, MMC, D&C November/December 2015
    Pregnancy #2, Dx with Triploidy at 12 weeks, MMC, D&C May 2016
    Pregnancy #3 BFP 10/20/2016- EDD 7/01/2017
    DD was born on June 26, 2017
    Pregnancy #4 CP 4/2018
    Pregnancy #5 BFP 9/13/2018, EDD= 5/27/2019
  • My first mc was ten years ago and second was almost three months ago and not knowing why they happened is awful :( I want to tell myself and almost NEED to tell myself that maybe they were "flukes". This recent one had many unusual circumstances surrounding it that may have contributed. But yes, to carry on trying again I'm trying so hard to tell myself that maybe there's nothing wrong but in honesty I'm terrified of it happening again.

    My thoughts are with everyone <3




  • @chloe97 - I'm not working with an RE yet, but I was told by my OB I could do testing after my first real period. The HSG has to be done between CD5 and CD9, though, which I didn't know but thankfully I called on CD2. I'm also curious what others' experiences with REs was. I think aside from the hormonal tests, all the blood clotting and immune testing should be fine regardless of when you do it. 
  • ktcakes87ktcakes87
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited May 2016
    ((hugs)) to all you ladies.  I hate that we are all here but at least we can understand each other here.


    If you're new, introduce yourself.
    I'm new ish. I'm almost 29 and DH is almost 25. We just got married in April but started trying in September, BFP 2/1/16, MC 3/21/16 after 4 weeks of basically knowing it was coming.

    How long since your loss?
    Almost 2 months.

    How are you feeling (physically and/or emotionally)?
    Physically, ok. I had never had cramps before the pregnancy and both periods since I have had cramps, which sucks. Today is CD1 and I feel like crap.

    Why are you benched/ how long are you benched for?
    Benched waiting on disability benefits to kick in. I decided after the MC it would be a good idea to have STD to use for maternity leave when we get our rainbow baby.

    Rants/Raves/Questions?

    @rainbowturtles I completely understand about how you "should" be the next one to be pregnant and I'm sorry. DH and I were "supposed" to be the ones to make his parents grandparents and then his sister has to go and get pregnant. She can't even take care of herself, is still smoking while pregnant and I am super bitter/angry about the whole situation.

    This seems like a silly question, but I'm going to ask anyhow. My periods almost always arrive mid morning, which leaves no question what day CD1 is. Today was my expected CD1 but I started spotting last night and when I got up around 6 I had fully started overnight sometime. Should I count today or yesterday as CD1?

    ETA-missing words
    Me 29 I Him 26
    Married 4/22/16
    TTC 9/2015
    **TW**
    BFP 2/1/16 I MC 3/21/16 (11w)
    TTCAL 6/15/16
    BFP 3/23/2017 Team pink! Quinn Leigh EDD December 1, 2017
    BabyFetus Ticker
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker

  • @ktcakes87 oh my, that would infuriate me, too, what you said about your sister  :# 
    And that's actually a really good question!! Are your cycles pretty regular? If they're mostly regular and say 29 days and recording CD1 as yesterday made it 29 days, then that's probably what I'd use, or today, if that made it 29 days, kwim? But if it changes then I'm really not sure which I'd choose  :/ Maybe others have better advice!




    ktcakes87
  • @rainbowturtles my cycles are pretty regular, but can be anywhere from 27-29 days (most often right at 28). Yesterday was CD28 so I am tempted to make today CD1.
    Me 29 I Him 26
    Married 4/22/16
    TTC 9/2015
    **TW**
    BFP 2/1/16 I MC 3/21/16 (11w)
    TTCAL 6/15/16
    BFP 3/23/2017 Team pink! Quinn Leigh EDD December 1, 2017
    BabyFetus Ticker
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker

  • RiverSong15RiverSong15
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited May 2016
    @ktcakes87, my OB considers CD1 to be the first day of full flow where a pad or tampon is needed. And she counts CD1 as the day you wake up to it, if it's first thing in the morning. I even think FF has a note that if you get your period late at night, you can count CD1 as the next day. I don't think it matters too much as long as you are consistent when tracking.
    rainbowturtlesktcakes87catiecatp
  • @RiverSong15  That's what I was thinking. Thanks!
    Me 29 I Him 26
    Married 4/22/16
    TTC 9/2015
    **TW**
    BFP 2/1/16 I MC 3/21/16 (11w)
    TTCAL 6/15/16
    BFP 3/23/2017 Team pink! Quinn Leigh EDD December 1, 2017
    BabyFetus Ticker
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker

    RiverSong15
  • fioripfiorip
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    member
    First, I would like to extend my condolences to everyone. Losing a child is a great burden for life, you learn to live with it but you never forget it. And you are all mothers to little angels. 

    If you're new, introduce yourself.

    I'm somewhat new, I've been lurking for a while but just posted today for the first time. I'm Fior, I'm 29 and husband is 30. We have been together for 10 years but have only been married 1.4 years. 

    How long since your loss?

    Well, my first loss was 1.2 years ago, second 8 months ago and the third was 5 weeks ago. 

    How are you feeling (physically and/or emotionally)? 

    I feel better this week. Last week was crap but I'm slowly getting myself together, I've started working out this week and just overall taking better care of myself. I've gained 30 pounds, with my second pregnancy I made it to almost 22 weeks and I was quite big, after the loss of my son I fell into a very deep depression and gained a lot of the extra weight. I had to go to therapy because I just couldn't stop crying every single day, I quit my job and stayed in bed all day, it was really hard. 

    Why are you benched/ how long are you benched for?

    Since I've had 3 losses, my OB referred me to a specialist, I went to my first appointment last week and got a lot of tests done, until they can figure out what's wrong with me, I was adviced not to try. 

    I'm also not emotionally ready yet, I was 17 weeks with this loss and everything was going great, I was closely monitored so I really thought this one would stick. It has been hard to come to terms with my current situation. 

    Rants/Raves/Questions?

    Rant, I don't know which will be worse, the tests coming back positive for something like a coagulation problem or some other issue; or that tests come back negative and there's absolutely nothing wrong and I've just been that unlucky. I sometimes feel I'm being punished. 

    Question: most stories I read here are first trimester loss, I've had 2 second trimester loss, has anyone else been through that? Did you ever see a specialist? Could doctors determine a cause?

    Thank you for allowing me to vent. Internet hugs to everyone. 
    I'm 29, husband is 30
    Together since 2006
    Married 01.17.15  <3

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

  • chloe97chloe97
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    member
    Welcome @fiorp. I'm so sorry for your losses. I have not had a 2nd trimester loss. My latest loss was at 13 weeks, but I think there are posters here with 2nd tri losses. Did they do chromosomal testing for your last loss? I only ask bc my Dr had told me that my baby with Triploidy could have made it up to 24 weeks. I likely would have miscarried earlier if I hadn't taken progesterone supplements or later if I would have continued them in the 2nd trimester.

    My first loss was undetermined, but based on my age and how long the pregnancy lasted, it was likely chromosomal. I haven't had any testing yet, but because I have always gotten pregnant my first try, im pretty sure I'm superfertile- meaning my endometrial lining accepts all embryos- even the ones that should be rejected.

    Please let us know how testing goes and please know that we are here to offer support, advice, and to listen to vents!
    Age 39, H 38

    Married 8/15

    Pregnancy #1, MMC, D&C November/December 2015
    Pregnancy #2, Dx with Triploidy at 12 weeks, MMC, D&C May 2016
    Pregnancy #3 BFP 10/20/2016- EDD 7/01/2017
    DD was born on June 26, 2017
    Pregnancy #4 CP 4/2018
    Pregnancy #5 BFP 9/13/2018, EDD= 5/27/2019
  • GlitterGlitter
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    member
    Hi guys! I hate that we are benched. Im benched for a long time so Ill be on this thread a lot. I had my d&c three weeks ago, got path back that it was partial molar triploidy. I do blood work every week to watch my hcg. It seems to be dropping fast but even when it reaches zero i have to wait 6 months. I hope the time goes quickly. Ive had multiple mc, all different. The first two were chromosomal the dr thinks, this one pmp, so he thinks we have good chances. I might see an RE for my own assurance. I hope everyone is doing well. 
  • fioripfiorip
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    member
    @chloe97 thanks. I did get chromosomal testing on the last two losses and babies were completely healthy baby boys. I'll for sure let you know about my results.
    I'm 29, husband is 30
    Together since 2006
    Married 01.17.15  <3

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

  • @fiorip I'm fairly certain there are women here with second trimester losses, I just can't remember. I know there are over in miscarriage/pregnancy loss and I float between both so it can be tricky to keep track. It would probably be okay to start a thread asking if you had specific 2nd trimester loss questions or just needed some specific support. I know I already said it, but I'm so very sorry for your losses. It breaks my heart what you've been through <3

    @glitter I hate that we're benched, too, even tho I feel like a jerk sometimes because I'm not medically benched right now. It will be 7 months for me when September rolls around and I'm basically at the halfway mark right now, 3.5 months. I know it's not the same but what I'm getting at is that you can do it, and these boards and all the wonderful women and support make it easier <3




  • GlitterGlitter
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    member
    Thanks @rainbowturtles  Oh no, dont feel like a jerk. We are all here to support one another. Everyone's struggle is a little different but we are all mothers who have lost and we all have to pick up the pieces. Im just glad to have others who understand and are in this with me, i truly wish no one else had this pain and hardship but since we do, im glad to share it with you awesome people. 
    rainbowturtles
  • Well, had my saline sonogram done today, and everything looked normal. I'm very happy that nothing is wrong. It's just tough having no explanation for our losses, because if we don't know what's wrong, we can't fix it. Now it's just the long wait for my CD3 bloodwork and the parental karyotyping to come back before we decide what to do next. I hope everyone has a good weekend.
  • Hello @fiorip...I'm also newish here just been creeping for a while. I actually miscarried twins at 18.5 weeks last May. It's taken me an entire year to get back to some version of "normal" mentally and emotionally and I actually just quit my job to take the summer to get back to where I was physically prepregnancy (I'm about 18 lbs heavier than I was). My doctors were able to determine that the membrane separating our two little guys ruptured making them mono mono twins (very dangerous in itself) and that Baby B had a smaller section of the placenta (selective interuterine growth restriction) so we knew they were in trouble from week 16. DH and I went to the Children's Hospital of Philly to see if they could offer any help and in between our AM and afternoon ultrasounds baby B passed due to lack of blood flow because the two umbilical cords were tangled and then all the blood rushed to baby A causing him to pass that night. So I have had a second tri loss but our situation was pretty rare. Sorry that probably doesn't help much. 

    I think that explanation covers questions 1-3 and the reason we are benched is bc I'm pissed that my body won't do anything it's supposed to without medication. Meds to O, meds to start AF, I hate meds. So I am taking the summer to focus on diet, exercise, meditation, stress relief and hoping my body figures it out. We have had 10 consecutive unsuccessful cycles since being cleared to TTC so I'm really hoping we can make progress naturally by August (I'd honestly be satisfied just seeing a progesterone # above .5) if not we'll probably be heading to an RE in the fall. 

    Rants: My baby sister (I'm 31, she's 24) who has decided to do everything before me...get engaged two weeks before I do knowing my husband was going to propose, push their wedding up and get married two months before us, announce she's pregnant 3 months after we started trying just told me her and her husband are going to start trying for #2. I just have this feeling that her second pregnancy announcement will happen before my first, ugh

    **Side question...has anyone here ever tried Arbonne? I have a friend trying to get me to do it saying that it will balance my hormones (I have really low progesterone) and I'm wondering if maybe I should give it a shot?
    DH - 34, Me - 32
    Married 7/13
    TTC #1 since 10/13
    BFP 2/4/15, MC twin boys at 18w3d 5/15
    IUI #1 2/25/16

    fiorip
  • lyndam1lyndam1
    10 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    I'll start off by saying, for everyone here, I'm so sorry for your losses. 
    @amberruka ;- good luck with the RE
    @chloe97 - sending you positive healing vibes for you and DH
    @rainbowturtles - wishing you the best!
    @RiverSong15 -glad your test came out well!
    @ktcakes87 - I'm so sorry for your loss
    @fiorip - I have nothing to offer, just know I'm hoping for your healing. Hugs
    @Glitter - An RE might not be a bad idea, especially during your benched period. Good luck!
    @SoonToBeMommaHowe - I have no words, only, I'm so sorry. 

    If you're new, introduce yourself.
    My name is Linda, 28 and DH is quite a few years older than me. I'm sort of newish. I was a little active on my BMB, but have decided to post today on the TTGP board and really start participating in this wonderful community. 

    How long since your loss?
    It's been 9 days since the hb was stopped. This pregnancy (2nd) was/is (?) an ectopic cervical pregnancy. 

    How are you feeling (physically and/or emotionally)?
    Physically, I feel ok. Just tired mostly. Emotionally, it's been difficult, but slowly getting better. 

    Why are you benched/ how long are you benched for?
    I'll be benched for about 6 months. The docs want me to wait until then and I think I'll follow their advice. 

    Rants/Raves/Questions?
    Rant: I'm on modified activities (no excess walking, no lifting anything heavy, etc) until my hcg goes down to zero (I think). The weather is getting lovely, and I just want to go outside for a hike with the dog! This is going to be a long process, and I have to learn to cope with this part. 

    Question: Has anybody been given Methatrexate as part of their treatment? If so, what were your experiences with it after receiving it (more long term than immediate)? 
    Married 9/27/2014  :)
    BFP #1: 8/23/2015 M/C: 9/24/2015
    BFP# 2: 4/15/2016 M/C: 5/13/2016 Cervical Ectopic Pregnancy
    5/13/2016 Methotrexate Shot #1
    5/15/2016 Methotrexate Shot #2
    5/17/2016 Methotrexate Shot #3
    chloe97rainbowturtlesRiverSong15
  • fioripfiorip
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    member
    @SoonToBeMommaHowe thank you so much for sharing your story, so sorry for what you've been through. I completely relate with how you feel about your sister. My sister in law is younger than me and has two kids already, I love my nephews to pieces but it pains me I can't have my own child. 
    I'm 29, husband is 30
    Together since 2006
    Married 01.17.15  <3

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

  •  @lyndam1 so sorry for your loss and being benched for six months but welcome and hopefully you find the love and support here that you need to get through your benched period. I have no experience with Methatrexate, sorry I can't be of help there. 

    @fiorip totally agree...I love my nephew and will certainly love their next child too. However if their announcement comes before ours you'll be able to find me crying on the couch with a pint of grapenut ice cream (anyone else obsessed? Probably not, DH claims the only ppl who like grapenut are me and his gramma) snuggling my fur "baby" (he's a 70lb pit bull, lol, not very baby). Isn't he adorable though?? He's laying on top of me in bed right now, this guy has brightened some pretty dark days!
    DH - 34, Me - 32
    Married 7/13
    TTC #1 since 10/13
    BFP 2/4/15, MC twin boys at 18w3d 5/15
    IUI #1 2/25/16

    catiecatpfiorip
  • @lyndam1 first of all, i'm so sorry for your losses. I also had an ectopic pregnancy discovered at 8 weeks. I was given methotrexate and had betas drawn until they reached zero (about 5 weeks). after the methotrexate shot i bled for about 2 weeks, then it stopped and returned a week later for about a week. I got my first period a few weeks after my beta was 0. i went in for an HSG x ray after my second period to check that my tubes were clear and i was officially cleared, hopefully you will be cleared sooner than 6 months. good luck and please feel free to PM me any questions. 
    TW*** Child and loss mentioned
    Married 10/12
    DS 11/14
    Ectopic 2/16
    PCOS/Ovulation Dysfunction 11/16
    IUI x 3- BFN
    Laparoscopy 3/17 Endo and tubal damage
    IVF- 4/17- 40 eggs retrieved, 10 blasts, 7 pgs tested embryos
    FET- 6/17- BFP!
    Due Feb 15, 2017
  • Popping in to send love to everyone here. We are all incredibly strong and brave. I am so so done with waiting to TTC and I'm pms-ing which always makes it harder. But being here with all of you ladies does make it a bit easier place to be. <3 Three cycles left for me after this AF....let's hope everyone's benched times go swiftly and as sanely as possible <3




    chloe97dubcompanionlyndam1fiorip
  • @chloe97 thank you for saying this. Our endocrine appt is this Friday and I've had to wait since January, at times making me BSC but in the back of my mind knowing it's truly the right thing. Now back to my regular running schedule and enjoying some wine. My mom said when it first happened, "you have to get yourself healthy before you build another one." I *hate* it when she's right ;-).
    Me: 39 DH: 39
    CP 1/25/16 4.5 weeks, developed Graves' disease
    chloe97
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