Advice needed on leaving baby for the first time. — The Bump
January 2016 Moms

Advice needed on leaving baby for the first time.

I am very lucky to be a sahm  with a 4 month (18 wk) old son. I absolutely love it. But today, my fil made a comment that I need to start separating myself from him. I've spent maybe 6 hrs away from him since he's been born. I have a mom and a mil that are chomping at the bit to babysit. But everytime I even think about leaving him, I get really bad anxiety. I've always had anxiety and have been medicated for it for about 2 yr now. It's been a lot better since I went on medicine. Except for lately. I'm not depressed or anything. I've been very happy. Except when I think about leaving Bennet with anyone besides my husband. I get a thousand butterflis in my stomach, my chest feels heavy, I feel like crying, and my hands get all shaky and sweaty. 
So, how did all of you handle leaving your child with someone for the first time? Should I talk to my dr? 

Re: Advice needed on leaving baby for the first time.

  • Definitely talk to your doctor and consider talking to a therapist. Some things you can work on in the meantime:
    - figure out a calming technique that works for you- deep breathing, meditating, music, knitting, etc 
    - start visualizing spending some time away, and do your calming technique to help.. it's going to feel uncomfortable but will get better
    - start by having mom/mil watch you lo in just the other room maybe? Or you can work in the backyard, etc? Then just start out by small amounts of time away from lo. Make sure to do your calming techniques and keep busy while away

    I find that keeping busy helps me the most. For example, if I go get a manicure by myself, sure it's relaxing but it gives me too much time to think about lo. If I get a manicure with a friend or my mom however, then I can spend the time relaxing and talking to my mom the whole time which keeps me busy and not missing lo as much. Its always going to be at least a little hard though, I'm always going to miss her while away, that's just being a mom! 
    ctmamaoftwotfrangul
  • Ive had bad PPA as well as dealt with it in the past. I agree with everything the above poster stated. For me I started by leaving him with my husband first for an hour then two hours...ect. Then I had my mother in law watch him for half an hour while I worked out in the gym at my condo complex. Then I worked up to being able to put him to bed for the night and letting her come sit with him while we went to dinner (literally 3 blocks away the first time). I have a mantra I used in prenatal yoga (I am ok, my baby is ok) that I still use to help calm myself. I know it can be hard but you'll realize that the small break can make a world of a difference to your temperament. Good luck!
    tfrangul
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  • Lurking from Nov 15, my son is also named Bennett! 
    I feel the same way about leaving him, although I work outside the home so I justify it by saying I don't want to spend anymore time apart than absolutely necessary. One thing that helped was having sitter come right at bedtime so my husband and I could go out. It was way less stressful on me because I knew he was asleep and I wouldn't miss anything but gave us some alone adult time. You could even try this during the day with one of the moms. Have them come over around nap time and sneak out to run an errand or pamper yourself.
    tfrangul
  • l4rkl4rk member
    Our first couple dates we just went to a nice restaurant 10 minutes from our house and kept our phones on. My sister was the sitter and she had stayed with us a couple days before so she knew all the routines. Of course, no calls needed and everything went well. It was sooo worth it! 
    tfrangul
  • I agree with pps. No need to leave him for hours. Start off slow. I'm with @Peanut1128. I work outside the home so I use that as my excuse. But in all honesty it is ok to get some time away with your husband or your self or with friends . This is my second baby and it's still not any easier. Good luck!
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