Maybe it's my PP hormones that have me all weepy but, today I have felt super sad over not having the same time and attention to give to my 2 year old! I feel so guilty. Although, I know he is find and is getting plenty of love and attention from DH and other family members. But apart of me feels so bad. Anyone else? Also, moms of two or more you all are awesome. I'm only a week in and having 2 kids is no joke!
Maybe it's my PP hormones that have me all weepy but, today I have felt super sad over not having the same time and attention to give to my 2 year old! I feel so guilty. Although, I know he is find and is getting plenty of love and attention from DH and other family members. But apart of me feels so bad. Anyone else? Also, moms of two or more you all are awesome. I'm only a week in and having 2 kids is no joke!
I've been having this same problem- last night my son threw a tantrum at bedtime and tried to kick me, so I told him he needed to take a 2 minute break in his room to calm down. He spent the whole time crying "I'm ready to be gentle! I really love you mama!" And I spent the whole time crying outside his bedroom door. I just wish sometimes I could give him unlimited cuddles and attention instead of constantly nursing this baby
I've been having this same problem- last night my son threw a tantrum at bedtime and tried to kick me, so I told him he needed to take a 2 minute break in his room to calm down. He spent the whole time crying "I'm ready to be gentle! I really love you mama!" And I spent the whole time crying outside his bedroom door. I just wish sometimes I could give him unlimited cuddles and attention instead of constantly nursing this baby
Glad to know I'm not alone! Bedtime is the hardest for me. He really wants me to just cuddle him and it's breaking my heart to have to let my husband. I'm really hoping once Baby falls into more of a routine I will be able to give him more one on one attention. I can't really trust him around the baby just yet. He's been a little aggressive (pinching , scratching). It's hard to watch him try to understand and adjust to such a big life change.
Having a 21 month old and newborn is no joke. I am exhausted. I feel like Im constantly running from ones cries and needs to the others. It's amazing how different it is with two. I know eventually we will get past this point but I feel like crying happy and sad tears all at the same time. I am trying to revel in the moment of watching my two beautiful miracles but it's also just plain exhausting. Since DD has been born DS has obviously been acting out a bit more and bedtime he is now having troubles getting to sleep. Ugh. The hours between 5-8 are horrid here between the both of them needing me. Thanks for letting me vent. I hope you all are hanging in there too.
DH returned to work this week and toddler won't go to bed until 11:00 pm until DH finally gets home. This is even with a 6 am wake up. It can't be enough sleep and is brand new behavior so I know it is just reaction to everything here changing so much and will level out in time, probably soon - but still.
Isn't it amazing how when you have one child you always are thinking "this is hard", and then when the second one shows up you wonder why you thought having just one was so hard? And I am in awe of anyone who has more than 2. I don't know how it's possible to split your time that many ways!
Isn't it amazing how when you have one child you always are thinking "this is hard", and then when the second one shows up you wonder why you thought having just one was so hard? And I am in awe of anyone who has more than 2. I don't know how it's possible to split your time that many ways!
I was just thinking to myself this morning that I can't believe I ever thought just having 1 was hard. My patience has been running really thin lately with my 3 year old that suddenly doesn't listen to a single thing I say. We went to get DD1 a bathing suit yesterday and thank goodness my mom was with us. I won't be taking both girls anywhere by myself for quite awhile!!
Having a 21 month old and newborn is no joke. I am exhausted. I feel like Im constantly running from ones cries and needs to the others. It's amazing how different it is with two. I know eventually we will get past this point but I feel like crying happy and sad tears all at the same time. I am trying to revel in the moment of watching my two beautiful miracles but it's also just plain exhausting. Since DD has been born DS has obviously been acting out a bit more and bedtime he is now having troubles getting to sleep. Ugh. The hours between 5-8 are horrid here between the both of them needing me. Thanks for letting me vent. I hope you all are hanging in there too.
This was us to the extreme the first couple of weeks. DS has calmed down a little, though we still have daily battles. It helped when DH went back to work actually because DS and I could get back to some semblance of the normal routine. I feel bad because I feel like neither kid is really getting the attention they deserve. But I'm straight up exhausted and just trying to find the new normal.
Some things that helped DS were/are talking about it all a lot (i.e. "it's hard sharing mommy's attention with baby sister sometimes isn't it", or "I know you want to make loud noises, but we have to be quiet right now. Let's color"), making time for JUST DS without the baby in the room (this usually happens at bedtime when we snuggle for a couple of minutes and talk about our day, what we'll do tomorrow, etc), and telling the baby no, which sounds silly but helps DS because he isn't the only one hearing the word no all the time (ex. "No, baby sister, I can't do that right now because I am going to read to DS" even though she is obviously sleeping and/or doesn't have any idea what's going on!). Also, during feeding and such I ask DS to tell the baby about things he's doing or things he likes ("Do you want to tell baby sister about your Thomas train? It's pretty cool!") and emphasize all the things he will be able to teach her and show her as the big brother.
I've been reassured by friends with two or more that is does get better with time, just some kids take longer to adjust. And as frustrating as it is, I'm glad that DS is acting out toward DH and I, ignoring rules, throwing fits, etc instead of toward the baby.
Things are definitely a little easier now that my husband is back at work- we're getting into a routine and the tantrums are waaaay less. I think a lot of the drama was being stirred up by just having so many visitors in & out and grandma & grandpa getting him all riled up all the time. I'm sure it won't be linear progress, but at least having some good days here & there makes the bad ones easier to get through.
And now I leave you with a (vulgar but hilarious) tale from parenting two young children- this morning I was nursing the baby when suddenly I needed to poop, and you know you don't mess around with postpartum poops, so I just kept her latched on while sitting on the toilet. Suddenly I hear my 2 year old messing around in my nightstand and he says "Ooh mama I like this toy!" I had a bad feeling about what this "toy" might be, so I said "Come show it to me buddy", and lo & behold, it was my vibrator It can only be uphill from here!
@mello13 ugh sounds like we we are going through. DH went back to work Monday and you're right seems like it has somewhat help at least restore our "normal" bedtime routine. As chaotic as it is
My 2.5 year old has been great toward his baby brother - wanting to see him first thing in the morning, being concerned when he cries, bringing him toys and helping by handing us clean diapers when asked. He's been having a hard time with all the changes in our usual routines and with DH taking over things I did with him before baby. He's been acting out, resisiting naps, doing things he knows he shouldn't. I hope this is a short phase and he will adjust to the new routines. Hopefully baby will be on more of a schedule too, so I can plan time with my toddler better.
My 2.5 year old has been great toward his baby brother - wanting to see him first thing in the morning, being concerned when he cries, bringing him toys and helping by handing us clean diapers when asked. He's been having a hard time with all the changes in our usual routines and with DH taking over things I did with him before baby. He's been acting out, resisiting naps, doing things he knows he shouldn't. I hope this is a short phase and he will adjust to the new routines. Hopefully baby will be on more of a schedule too, so I can plan time with my toddler better.
You are describing my 2.5 year old exactly. So good with the baby, but really lashing out at me and my husband. New baby is only 2.5 weeks but already my son's behavior is getting better, especially since dad went back to work and we've been able to get into a good routine. I've been capitalizing on the sleepy newborn daytime to give my son lots of cuddles, stories, etc. and involving him as much as possible in other stuff I need to get done like making dinner or sorting the laundry, because he loves having a job. I'm sure we'll continue to have lots of ups & downs, particularly since we're moving across the country in a few weeks, but it does seem to generally be getting better.
Figured I throw this out there-- anyone dealing with night terrors? DS is 21 months and woke up 2 times last night in what we believe to have been night terrors... He was screaming bloody murder shaking and didn't seem fully awake. He was nearly impossible to soothe back to sleep. It lasted both times between 15-20 minutes. Awful. Of course I cried too because I felt so bad. anyone else go through this with their kids? If so, any advice??
@Klittle779 DS1 went through the same thing at the same time. He turned 2 in March and they started before his birthday our of no where and happened for a few weeks but have since subsided. He's a really good sleeper so even waking up was out of character. We went in and cuddled him every time and talked to him about it (there's nothing to be afraid of, it was just a dream, mommy and daddy are always here etc). Unfortunately the only advice I have is to do the same and wait until he grows out of it. It was just before a large word explosion for him so I think it was caused by that, but I have no clue really. I know how upsetting it is, big hugs!
Figured I throw this out there-- anyone dealing with night terrors? DS is 21 months and woke up 2 times last night in what we believe to have been night terrors... He was screaming bloody murder shaking and didn't seem fully awake. He was nearly impossible to soothe back to sleep. It lasted both times between 15-20 minutes. Awful. Of course I cried too because I felt so bad. anyone else go through this with their kids? If so, any advice??
DS just turned 2 and wakes from nightmares sometimes amd can be fairly inconsolable at first. I treat it similarly to witching hour soothing and pull him into my lap, hold him close and rock back and forth until he's calm enough to talk. Then we reiterate that things he sees while sleeping aren't real and we brainstorm silly/fun things to picture before going back to sleep. He's fine for the rest of the night then and for at least a few days or a week before it happens again. Eta: we've been dealing with this off and on for a couple months.
My two are 20 months apart. DS is adjusting okay, it seems to be getting tougher for him when he's sleepy to see me feed DD, etc but otherwise kind of ignores her when not curious, giving toys, and being sweet to her. My husband is in grad school and the new quarter starts soon which means Thursday night bedtime will be just me when he's at class. Does anyone do toddler bedtime on their own with a newborn along for the ride? How? I imagine that I'll get DD settled in the rock n play outside DS room and attempt to get him to sleep....if she wakes up before he goes down I'll just give up and snuggle them both on the couch until DH comes and saves us..?
@lionstigersbears my boys are just over 2 years apart and I do bedtime on my own pretty frequently. I do exactly what you suggested, RNP right outside DS1's door and if he's fussy I hold him while we read books. If my hands are full I ask DS1 to be my page turning helper and he loves it, I also make a point to tell him exactly what I'm doing when I check on the baby so he is involved. It's getting more difficult to do the less sleepy the baby is, but just prep everything before and be prepared to feel torn between both kids but remember it's only a few minutes and eventually they'll be so close. That's what gets me through it. And wine.
@lionstigersbears my boys are just over 2 years apart and I do bedtime on my own pretty frequently. I do exactly what you suggested, RNP right outside DS1's door and if he's fussy I hold him while we read books. If my hands are full I ask DS1 to be my page turning helper and he loves it, I also make a point to tell him exactly what I'm doing when I check on the baby so he is involved. It's getting more difficult to do the less sleepy the baby is, but just prep everything before and be prepared to feel torn between both kids but remember it's only a few minutes and eventually they'll be so close. That's what gets me through it. And wine.
This. Sometimes I end up setting up DS2 to nurse on one side, and DS1 then climbs up in the chair with me to cuddle on the other side and I rock them both. When DS1 is sleepy, I encourage him to get into bed and I put DS2 down in the crib. Double bathtime is hardest right now for me.
My two are 20 months apart. DS is adjusting okay, it seems to be getting tougher for him when he's sleepy to see me feed DD, etc but otherwise kind of ignores her when not curious, giving toys, and being sweet to her. My husband is in grad school and the new quarter starts soon which means Thursday night bedtime will be just me when he's at class. Does anyone do toddler bedtime on their own with a newborn along for the ride? How? I imagine that I'll get DD settled in the rock n play outside DS room and attempt to get him to sleep....if she wakes up before he goes down I'll just give up and snuggle them both on the couch until DH comes and saves us..?
Mine are a little further apart- more like 2.5 years. I leave the baby downstairs in a swing or on a play mat, my theory being if she is just fussing, that's no big deal and I can continue to focus my attention on my son, but if she's straight up crying I'll hear her. I've streamlined the bedtime routine a bit too- 2 stories, 2 songs, hug & kiss and into the crib. If he cries when I leave I tell him that I'm going to go check on baby sister and I'll come back up in 10 minutes for another song. Most of the time he falls asleep in that 10 minutes, and if he doesn't, he usually chills out with the extra song. The few times that the baby has been really crying during bedtime I've just put her in the wrap and worn her while I do the routine and that has worked really well.
I definitely haven't tackled double bathtime yet, but we only bathe my son when he's actually dirty because he has had trouble with eczema and too much bathing exacerbates it, so nightly bath is not part of our routine.
@Bltbear82@Bellodomani@kbrands7 thank you so much! First time will either be this week or next, glad my general game plan seems to be a good starting point. Thanks again for tips on what else to do when that's not working!
Why does it seem to always be grocery shopping day when DS2 clusterfeeds all morning and DS1 goes on a toy dump rampage? My opportunity window is narrowing before we run into lunchtime and naptime but we need milk (and other things...but milk is most important unless I want a 2yr old meltdown).
@kbrands7 Do you guys have instacart/ Amazon shopping/ postmates in your area? I keep meaning to use one of these services on days like that, but haven't gotten around to it yet.
Why does it seem to always be grocery shopping day when DS2 clusterfeeds all morning and DS1 goes on a toy dump rampage? My opportunity window is narrowing before we run into lunchtime and naptime but we need milk (and other things...but milk is most important unless I want a 2yr old meltdown).
This is legitimately why I agreed to a "beer fridge" in the basement. I buy like 6 gallons of whole milk at a time and stash them down there! DS drinks so much milk....
@Bellodomani postmates is amazing! I've sent them to buy buy baby a few times when DH is traveling.
We spend summer weekends out of the city and I really don't know how to function in the suburbs with two kids. You ladies are amazing, the constant in and out of the car drives me insane. I rely on walking and delivery way too much. It feels like Fresh Direct is the only reason there's ever food in our house.
@Bellodomani I wish we did! I subscribe&save many pantry items, and one of the grocery stores that's moderately close does a curbside pickup for orders, but I haven't had much luck letting someone else pick out produce. I made it today-- just barely! @lionstigersbears we have a beer fridge...that may become a milk fridge! I buy 2 gallons each week, but we really could use 3 so that we don't hit emergency mode some time between Saturday and Monday.
@kbrands7 Produce is the same reason I haven't tried it for groceries yet either, I'm like weirdly picky and tactile so I feel like I need to smell/ feel all my fruits & vegetables when I'm buying them. Actually that's also why I can't bring myself to clothing shop online either, I'm weird about the way fabric feels too.
Figured I throw this out there-- anyone dealing with night terrors? DS is 21 months and woke up 2 times last night in what we believe to have been night terrors... He was screaming bloody murder shaking and didn't seem fully awake. He was nearly impossible to soothe back to sleep. It lasted both times between 15-20 minutes. Awful. Of course I cried too because I felt so bad. anyone else go through this with their kids? If so, any advice??
DD is 2 1/2 and has been going through this for the past 3 months. From what I've read and from our pedi's advice, since she isn't awake during the night terror (even though she is crying hysterically and eyes are open), she is confused and scared by us trying to console her and she can't respond to anything logical or rational. What we do when it happens is just to go into her room, turn the light on low, and sit on her bed with her and wait until it's over. We don't talk to her, touch her or interact with her until she initiates it (she usually ends up waking up and asking for some milk and then we know it's safe to interact). The episodes tend to be much shorter if we do this, as compared to when we didn't know what they were and would try to console her which just made it 100x worse. The other thing pedi recommended was that since they tend to happen around the same time each night and are related to transition from different stages of sleep, if you gently rouse them (just enough so they turn a head or shift their bodies a little bit, don't fully wake them up) about 15-30 minutes before the terrors tend to happen, you can interrupt the sleep cycle enough for them to be able to successfully transition to the next stage of sleep without the terror. This works for us most of the time. Good luck! I know it is terrifying to see your child like this!
Hi again! In two weeks we are taking a 2 hour flight with DS (20 months) and DD (4 weeks). I'm no stranger to traveling with a kiddo...DS took over 20 flights before his 1st birthday. I'm anxious about traveling with two though! DS is so active and it seems that he's harder to engage on the plane the older he gets. Any mom tested kid approved easy to travel with games/books/activities for a 20 month old?
ETA: I have some threading beads and a water wow that will be new to him for the flight. I plan to bring snacks, a favorite book or two, a toy car and some miniature animals that he likes. Oh, and the iPad! I think of flights in 10-15 min increments of entertainment so I'm trying to go into it with at least 8, hopefully more like 10-12 different tricks up my sleeve!
Hi again! In two weeks we are taking a 2 hour flight with DS (20 months) and DD (4 weeks). I'm no stranger to traveling with a kiddo...DS took over 20 flights before his 1st birthday. I'm anxious about traveling with two though! DS is so active and it seems that he's harder to engage on the plane the older he gets. Any mom tested kid approved easy to travel with games/books/activities for a 20 month old?
Flights with a toddler - we bring painters tape, magic sand, play doh and accessories, water wow, wikki sticks, stamps + paper, silly putty, magnetic bead maze
Hi again! In two weeks we are taking a 2 hour flight with DS (20 months) and DD (4 weeks). I'm no stranger to traveling with a kiddo...DS took over 20 flights before his 1st birthday. I'm anxious about traveling with two though! DS is so active and it seems that he's harder to engage on the plane the older he gets. Any mom tested kid approved easy to travel with games/books/activities for a 20 month old?
ETA: I have some threading beads and a water wow that will be new to him for the flight. I plan to bring snacks, a favorite book or two, a toy car and some miniature animals that he likes. Oh, and the iPad! I think of flights in 10-15 min increments of entertainment so I'm trying to go into it with at least 8, hopefully more like 10-12 different tricks up my sleeve!
I love the sticker books that fold out into little scenes. Also, Toca Boca apps for the iPad! I think at 20 months maybe Toca Train or Toca Band would be good? As they get older I love Pet Doctor and Toca Town- they're all just really well designed for toddlers and not at all irritating, which is nice.
Ugh. DS1 is in some mood since he's been fighting sleep lately. He was awesome this morning, and now that he's refusing a nap (though clearly exhausted) he came up to hug DS2 and then blew his nose in the baby's hair. This poor second child.
Eta: I got him to talk and pause the tantrum that followed. He said he's mad, and wants me just for himself. Oh, the mama guilt. I give him some 1 to 1 time everyday...what else can I actually do?
@kbrands7 I totally feel you. The baby cluster fed all morning yesterday and my son was so stir crazy and frustrated that he told me, "Go away mama, I want to throw you in the garbage!" and then of course 3 minutes later he's crying and clinging to my neck and saying he loves me.
@kbrands7@Bellodomani do your toddlers also come and grab your hand to "show you something now" as soon as you start feeding the baby? Between the toddler and the dog I feel like this baby will constantly be fed while I'm walking somewhere.
@Bltbear82 My son has some sort of sixth sense about when she needs to nurse because that is without fail when he needs to poop. I've now wiped him while nursing like 5 times and it never gets any easier.
Re: Toddlers + newborn
Some things that helped DS were/are talking about it all a lot (i.e. "it's hard sharing mommy's attention with baby sister sometimes isn't it", or "I know you want to make loud noises, but we have to be quiet right now. Let's color"), making time for JUST DS without the baby in the room (this usually happens at bedtime when we snuggle for a couple of minutes and talk about our day, what we'll do tomorrow, etc), and telling the baby no, which sounds silly but helps DS because he isn't the only one hearing the word no all the time (ex. "No, baby sister, I can't do that right now because I am going to read to DS" even though she is obviously sleeping and/or doesn't have any idea what's going on!). Also, during feeding and such I ask DS to tell the baby about things he's doing or things he likes ("Do you want to tell baby sister about your Thomas train? It's pretty cool!") and emphasize all the things he will be able to teach her and show her as the big brother.
I've been reassured by friends with two or more that is does get better with time, just some kids take longer to adjust. And as frustrating as it is, I'm glad that DS is acting out toward DH and I, ignoring rules, throwing fits, etc instead of toward the baby.
And now I leave you with a (vulgar but hilarious) tale from parenting two young children- this morning I was nursing the baby when suddenly I needed to poop, and you know you don't mess around with postpartum poops, so I just kept her latched on while sitting on the toilet. Suddenly I hear my 2 year old messing around in my nightstand and he says "Ooh mama I like this toy!" I had a bad feeling about what this "toy" might be, so I said "Come show it to me buddy", and lo & behold, it was my vibrator
My 2.5 year old has been great toward his baby brother - wanting to see him first thing in the morning, being concerned when he cries, bringing him toys and helping by handing us clean diapers when asked. He's been having a hard time with all the changes in our usual routines and with DH taking over things I did with him before baby. He's been acting out, resisiting naps, doing things he knows he shouldn't. I hope this is a short phase and he will adjust to the new routines. Hopefully baby will be on more of a schedule too, so I can plan time with my toddler better.
We went in and cuddled him every time and talked to him about it (there's nothing to be afraid of, it was just a dream, mommy and daddy are always here etc). Unfortunately the only advice I have is to do the same and wait until he grows out of it. It was just before a large word explosion for him so I think it was caused by that, but I have no clue really. I know how upsetting it is, big hugs!
I definitely haven't tackled double bathtime yet, but we only bathe my son when he's actually dirty because he has had trouble with eczema and too much bathing exacerbates it, so nightly bath is not part of our routine.
We spend summer weekends out of the city and I really don't know how to function in the suburbs with two kids. You ladies are amazing, the constant in and out of the car drives me insane. I rely on walking and delivery way too much. It feels like Fresh Direct is the only reason there's ever food in our house.
@lionstigersbears we have a beer fridge...that may become a milk fridge! I buy 2 gallons each week, but we really could use 3 so that we don't hit emergency mode some time between Saturday and Monday.
ETA: I have some threading beads and a water wow that will be new to him for the flight. I plan to bring snacks, a favorite book or two, a toy car and some miniature animals that he likes. Oh, and the iPad! I think of flights in 10-15 min increments of entertainment so I'm trying to go into it with at least 8, hopefully more like 10-12 different tricks up my sleeve!
Eta: I got him to talk and pause the tantrum that followed. He said he's mad, and wants me just for himself. Oh, the mama guilt. I give him some 1 to 1 time everyday...what else can I actually do?