How to handle stress

codeeye

ladies I need advice, I also just sorta need to vent. My SO is FTFO (freaking the F$&@ Out) about a lot of stuff lately. He has had a lot of family stress placed on his shoulders (we recently found out one of his brothers is using hard drugs, his other brother is refusing to move out of the house we are supposed to be buying in September, and his father who has lots of health problems recently told him that his mother is leaving him because he doesn't take care of himself and she is sick of the worry, he was told not to tell anyone so he has no one to talk to about it) on top of all that work has been slow (we live in an oil patch town and the economy has been greatly affected lately), and he has the normal worries and stress of a new baby who is overdue and a SO who isn't exactly feeling the best lately. 

I am normally his shoulder to lean on and his confidante, but hormones and stress are not making that easy for me right now. When he wants to vent I just end up crying and feeling helpless that I cant help him with his burdens. I have suggested that we have a sit down with his mother (she's coming over tonight) to discuss all of the stress he has going on. She is the glue of this family which seems to be falling apart at a very bad time. I'm hoping it helps but I was wondering if any of you have any suggestions on ways to help him cope and calm down. I need him to be my support now and when (IF I ever!) go into labour. The timing is awful but I need to be his support through his struggles so that he can be mine. 

So ladies! What have you got? How do you help your fella calm down when he is stressed to the max? 

proudparent2b

The key for DH is to focus on things that he does have control over. These days, that means he pampers me more than usual, because he can make my back feel less painful even if he can't control when the baby arrives- that sort of mindset.

thismakes4

I'm really sorry you and your DH are going through this. Usually DH or I will FTFO and then just deal with it. This is how we usually deal with it: When one starts to vent the other just listens. Don't add any extra crap to it. Just nod and say you understand. For us being able to say it all out loud helps us to work it out without any input. It's just thrown out there and then we sort of figure it out for ourselves. Let me add that every couple is different. This is just what works for my DH and I. Try to mentally prepare yourself with it because if he vents and you're already a wreck it's just going to make it feel worse.

Some of the problems he is stressed out about he doesn't really have much say in the matter. If your MIL and FIL are going to divorce/separate that's between them. It sucks but he can't really do anything about it. The brother on drugs... I've been there. You can try to reach out and offer help through rehab and visits. If they don't want help they aren't going to take it. The other brother who refuses to move out...I don't know much about that situation but September is still a few months away. If you're buying it then it will be your house and he will have to move. Unless he's the one who is selling and decides not to sell after all.

If you guys feel that talking to your MIL will help the situation go for it. In my case my mom is always a help and MIL is not.

It's normal to feel stressed when work is slow and especially when there is a baby on the way. If things get too tight look into some government help. Perhaps he has a skill he can do on the side of his normal job...? Or maybe you can temporarily cut excess costs so that you don't feel it financially.

Don't worry mama. Your baby will be here soon. One way or another they are coming out! And you and your DH will be fine.

camillaandcarson

I would not address your concerns with MIL.
let DH talk about his feelings to you but do not emot for him.  Let him focus on his own family, you and new LO, not the drama going on outside of it. 

lizChesnut

Defintly concentrate on your own little growing family. I went through some family drama awhile back and my husband just kept telling me our little family is what matters. No matter what we were solid! And that helped me get through all the drama I had with my own family (his in laws). Finding your rock in the middle of a storm is what it's about. Good luck! And hopefully all goes well