Ideas for Helping Your SO Bond With Baby

lalala2004

So yesterday was a rough day for all of us. I guess lack of sleep catches up and emotions run high. I've basically had my husband on diaper duty during the night so that I can sleep when not feeding him. In the middle of the night my husband brought him back to me to nurse him and he was teary eyed and said "He only cries for me." It broke my heart!

It makes sense that it's hard for Dads to bond with their babies, especially when the mom BFs. The one thing that can ultimately appease them, they can't do. 

Does anyone have ideas to help with this? I've tried to let him hold DS more when he is sleepy and calm, and I think that helps, but as soon as he wakes up hungry, DH has to pass him back to me and I know its hard for him feeling like he can't really take care of our son because he doesn't have the boobs!

kbrands7

DH's favor thing to do when the babies are this little is skin to skin tummy time. He goes shirtless and we put LO in only a diaper and he lays down with baby on his chest and talks to the baby. I remember one conversation he had with DS as a baby about all of the wonderful types of sandwiches in the world. These babies have heard about the ocean, construction management, art history, string theory...all sorts of random things. Both DS and DS2 have learned to lift their heads during this time with him too and DH loves when they just stare into his face for a few seconds (or minutes as DS got older, and I expect when DS2 gets older) then they nuzzle back into cuddling.

Jenly17

DD and her Daddy did skin to skin at the hospital and many times after we were home.  I know it might sound weird, but it was very calming for both of them. In fact in the newborn stage when DD was freaking out, or I just needed a break, I would have them both strip down and snuggle together. It was like a switch was flipped! Might be worth a try for your guys too.

kami09

Now I'll start by saying some people oppose this due to nipple confusion, but that did not happen with us. 

I used to pump a few times in the day to start a little stash for when I had to go to work at night (just once a week). On the days I didn't, I would nurse at like 7 & then go to bed, DH would give him his next feed at 9 and put him down. I would then get up at 11 to feed. So, he got that time with DS alone and I got to sleeeeeep! Besssst thing we ever started doing.

proudparent2b

It isn't a quick fix for right now, but I'm planning to start pumping around 6 weeks so DH can feel like he gets to share the experience then.

js8812

kami09 said:

Now I'll start by saying some people oppose this due to nipple confusion, but that did not happen with us. 

I used to pump a few times in the day to start a little stash for when I had to go to work at night (just once a week). On the days I didn't, I would nurse at like 7 & then go to bed, DH would give him his next feed at 9 and put him down. I would then get up at 11 to feed. So, he got that time with DS alone and I got to sleeeeeep! Besssst thing we ever started doing.

When did you start this?  I plan on having my H do one bottle feeding per day fairly early on for bonding purposes and getting baby used to taking a bottle.  A cousin of mine had a horrible experience with her daughter refusing bottles and refusing to be fed by anyone but mom.  I want to avoid that as much as possible as I will be returning to work.

lalala2004

Was definitely planning on pumping and letting him feed LO, but was trying to wait until 6 weeks, @kami09 not just for nipple confusion, but to make sure supply is established. Generally the pump is not as effective as baby.

I like the idea of the skin to skin on his chest like that, and he has tried some, but my DH has pectus excavatum (sunken chest) which makes it a bit challenging logistically for both him and baby to be comfortable.

I think it will really help, too, when he is able to respond to us better, making facial expressions and stuff. Right now is just kind of hard when this little person you love more than anything just kind of stares at your blankly. It's a little surreal.

businessmama

I plan on starting to pump once a day next week so begin a stash and because I have some things I need to do where I don't want to take baby, but I don't want him screaming bc he is hungry so there is an option for him. Makes me nervous, but since I'm starting small, I will back off if I see any drop in supply

wsgjmw1

Agree with others - skin to skin and letting DH feed baby if you can pump or formula . So far DH has done both as well as lots of diaper changing and feels like he is bonding pretty well. I encourage DH to talk and sing to LO as  much as he can when he is home since DH has gone back to work and is gone most the day, so when he comes home I hand LO to DH so they can bond and spend time together. Melts my heart 

JoMunson

My LO takes a long nap in the middle of the day- usually that's when DH and LO hang out. It's hard for me to not come running when I hear the baby make a noise but I try to hold back during that time and let DH let me know when he thinks the baby really needs me. DH is also the primary diaper man in our house. I also put them together in the morning while I brush my teeth and take my sitz bath. 
I think the most important aspect of letting baby and SO bond is not playing the mommy card too much. Your SO needs to learn babies cues as well and have some tools for comforting and getting your baby what they need. 
I know DH is really excited for when baby leaves the larva stage and becomes a lot more animated.

kami09

I honestly can't remember when we started...it may have been around 6 weeks but I may start sooner with DD. I did feed every 1-2 hrs during day/ 2 hrs at night with DS though...he loved to eat! So that on top of pumping & my supply was definitely established.

doozer1345

We dealt with this with our first. DH finally took my advice with DD1 and did skin to skin with her and hasn't looked back. He even did skin to skin while I was getting stitched back up after my C/s/Tubal was taking a little longer. It reaally helped with the bonding and DD1 to this day will fall asleep on DH's chest from hearing his HB. Another thing was getting him involved with feeding. When I was BFing DD1 he would burp her afterwards instead of me so he was still in on the feeding rituals. Once DD1 was on formula he would feed her as well. We shared diaper duty bc she hated being changed due to being cold and we didn;t want DH's only responsibility to be something she hated experiencing if that makes sense. I also had to start holding myself back and correcting him on doing things he made decisions on doing such as how he burped her (his way was efficient but not the way I did it and I told him so), the way he rocked her (efficient just not my way), and so on bc if you stop and think about the way he does things..before correcting him, ask yourself if it's efficient/harmful/etc before going through with telling him the "right" way. Their bonding will come.

DutchLucyLu

Definitely skin-to-skin time, or just lying on his tummy while she sleeps. Someone suggested baby massage to me and while I don't know if that's something we'd be into, I can see how that would help with bonding (with regards to oxytocin production as well).

MH has also already carried DD in our wrap a couple of times. They both really love it because it's so intimate. It calms DD down because she can hear his heartbeat/breathing etc., DH can feel close to her and it's super practical to boot. The other day he told me to go and take a nap and he and DD would take care of the dishes. So he just strapped her into our wrap and they did dishes 'together'. It was super cute.

lalala2004

We're now trying to make sure we change diapers AFTER he eats, that way he is content. Then the diaper change isn't traumatic (to LO or DH!) I try to let DH hold him after I'm pretty sure he's well satisfied so he'll be content for awhile. I guess it's just hard because of the frequent feedings he is having to give him back to me so often.