In the spirit of various discussions today, I'll admit I don't hate being a spectator to mommy wars. I actually find them hilarious. Yes, it makes me cringe that so many women feel the need to tear others down, but at this point I'm secure enough in how I'm raising my child that it makes me laugh to see how worked up some people get over trivial parenting decisions. There's a lot of comedy when you cut through the BS.
Edit: crap, was that more of a confession?? I'll amend my statement to make it a UO: I think mommy wars are hilarious.
@kmalls I'm not sure that's a UO! It's part the reason why I like TB. And I jumped over to my local BWI FB group with popcorn in hand after reading an earlier thread...but was sad to be sorely disappointed by a total lack of drama. Although kind of glad that a group I'm loosely affiliated with wasn't totally sucking also.
I'll go ahead and be the one to get this topic going, it's bound to happen at some point anyway.
I believe in certain situations, spanking (NOT to be confused with 'beating' or 'abusing') is a necessary and effective evil when it comes to disciplining children.
I'm at the mfm and these people have 2 kids with them so obviously seasoned vets. both parents are here and their kids diaper smells so freaking bad and she can't even be bothered to change her. STINKS.
@AllyTheKid - Completely agree. I didn't get spankings a lot because I was a very quiet, obedient child, but my parents fully believed in it and so do I. They had very clear rules about spanking that I'll be implementing, as well...
1. My dad never spanked me. He personally felt like he was too strong to be spanking a little girl. 2. My mom would always send me to my room to think about what I'd done before a spanking. Later in life, I found out that she actually used that as "cool down" time because she refused to spank me while she was angry. 3. She always used the same paddle (Mr. Do-Right lol) to be consistent. 4. She always told me how many "licks" I would be getting before she started spanking.
It was so well structured that even at a very young age, I viewed it as strictly a consequence of bad behavior, nothing more, nothing less.
I agree with the death penalty. I feel it should be enforced more often and in more places. I feel like no punishment is good enough for people who rape, kill (especially children), and kidnap. If there is no doubt that they did it, I think it should be used more.
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I'll go ahead and be the one to get this topic going, it's bound to happen at some point anyway.
I believe in certain situations, spanking (NOT to be confused with 'beating' or 'abusing') is a necessary and effective evil when it comes to disciplining children.
Agree 100%
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I personally don't believe in spanking, ever. To me, no matter how "structured" the punishment, it's still an adult striking a child. That's not something that happens in our house.
We do some spanking when needed, although it was mostly when DD was younger and she was throwing a tantrum of some kind and I needed her attention, so it was one or two swats on the rear end and then it was a time out, or some kind of removal from the situation that was causing the behavior in the first place. Removal from the situation is our go to for bad behavior. It usually gets her attention better than anything else.
I was thinking about this thread today and I can't think if I really have any UO... Maybe my OU is that all my opinions are popular? lol
Countdown to Baby H! Mommy to Elizabeth (6/18/09), preemie at 34 weeks
I think with spanking you have to know your child. For some it's effective, but for others it can be horribly shameful and hurtful and other methods will work better with less emotional damage. That's not my UO, I hope most people agree.
My UO is that I have no desire whatsoever to observe catfishing drama. Everyone was going crazy over those threads on the random forum - I'm like why would anyone care? I like to starve attention whores.
The way I see the spanking thing is: Some children just are NOT going to respond to time-outs, groundings, or 'talks', because there isn't much consequence in them unless you have an empathetic child who actually feels some remorse on their own for wrong doing. I have a child who is not an empathetic child. If he has nothing to fear, he will do whatever he pleases with no regard for anybody else. And again, spanking is ALWAYS a last resort, but if he meets other forms of discipline with disrespect or apathy, he knows there will be physical consequences.
I hate hand sanitizer. Unless you are performing open heart surgery it's really unnecessary. Our bodies need to be exposed to germs. Wash your hands. I can't stand seeing hand sanitizers attached to backpacks. We never use them and my kids are rarely sick. I know I totally get side eyed at the park by other moms and their bottles of hand sanitizer.
I personally don't believe in spanking, ever. To me, no matter how "structured" the punishment, it's still an adult striking a child. That's not something that happens in our house.
I feel like this is a personal dig at me, but that's okay. I wouldn't judge you for not spanking and I would hope to garner the same respect in return. It would be different if I were planning on beating my child in a fit of rage, but to call structured physical discipline "striking a child" and acting like it's barbaric is a tad bit dramatic in my opinion.
I personally don't believe in spanking, ever. To me, no matter how "structured" the punishment, it's still an adult striking a child. That's not something that happens in our house.
I feel like this is a personal dig at me, but that's okay. I wouldn't judge you for not spanking and I would hope to garner the same respect in return. It would be different if I were planning on beating my child in a fit of rage, but to call structured physical discipline "striking a child" and acting like it's barbaric is a tad bit dramatic in my opinion.
Ok? I fail to see how my response was dramatic. In your opinion, spanking a child is acceptable. In my opinion it's not. Spanking and striking are the same thing in my book (particularly as you referenced a paddle in your post) and I don't feel like we need to argue over semantics. Do what you feel is right, and so will I.
I do believe in spanking as well only when it is truly needed. @AllytheKid I really like how your parents structured it, I will take these pointers as being a FTM.
Yes with the death penalty too, we are paying for some many people to live that don't deserve it.
Ok? I fail to see how my response was dramatic. In your opinion, spanking a child is acceptable. In my opinion it's not. Spanking and striking are the same thing in my book (particularly as you referenced a paddle in your post) and I don't feel like we need to argue over semantics. Do what you feel is right, and so will I.
Like I said, it felt like it was a personal "mommy" judgement (especially since you literally quoted me) and those make me absolutely cringe. State your opinion, fine, but don't quote me and pass judgment.
ETA: I think it was the "that's not something that happens in our house" thing that made it seem judgey. I could literally picture your little bunny profile pic with it's nose up in the air saying that as it looks down on me for spanking my child lol.
@CopperBoom86 - Haha no, sorry you took it that way. I feel really strongly about my opinion on spanking but I get that not everyone is going to feel that way, and that's fine.
@kmalls - I feel ya. I find that it's sometimes difficult to not come across judgey when it's something you really feel strongly about.
Along those same lines, my UO is that I am staunchly pro-life (and it's definitely difficult for me to withhold judgement on that topic!).
Oh man. I like you so I'm not going to engage, but it's just say I'm on the total opposite end of the spectrum (like, waaaaay opposite end) and leave it at that!
@kmalls - I feel ya. I find that it's sometimes difficult to not come across judgey when it's something you really feel strongly about.
Along those same lines, my UO is that I am staunchly pro-life (and it's definitely difficult for me to withhold judgement on that topic!).
Oh man. I like you so I'm not going to engage, but it's just say I'm on the total opposite end of the spectrum (like, waaaaay opposite end) and leave it at that!
Haha, we wouldn't be friends in real life! But this is the interwebs and we can coexist with only surface knowledge of each other lol.
Well. This UO thread is an interesting one. I think I'm going to go hide in my bed and eat some ice cream instead of engaging. I feel so much less comfortable debating about issues that actually matter/impact other people than baby related topics that are generally pretty trivial in the grand scheme of things. It usually just ends up making me feel kind of sad. Hey, maybe that's my UO.
Just to point out-- I do have friends IRL who spank and I do not. We are great friends and just live and let live with regards to how we rear our kids. Spanking isn't really a thing in my house. We remove privileges, and have consequences that don't revolve around hitting. Its unreasonable, to me, to permit an adult to hit a child and then tell a child that they may not hit anyone younger than them or their peers. Its conflicting examples for a child starting at a young age. I can't very well tell my son we don't hit others if I'm going to hit him (with a paddle or my hand, whatever) when he misbehaves, you know?
Some disagree with me and that's alright. You do you. Its just not for me. I feel the same way about sleep training (oh the UO's we will have later on this topic). Its just not for me. I don't care what you do for your kid though because its not my kid and not my choice.
My kids are very very well behaved. I get compliments all the time. In contrast, the parents I know that have employed spanking are now (at 4-6 years of age) having issues with their children hitting other children when they don't get their way. Talking back to teachers. I mean, some very real behavioral issues. Would they have this issue if their parents didn't spank? Maybe, but corporal punishment has been extensively studied and actually proven to be a bad idea.
There was some research that came out about spanking very recently that revealed that it is, in fact, damaging to a child. I'll find it here. Again, I'm not saying that anyone that chooses to do it is a bad or abusive parent. I'm saying that the research has been enough to convince me.
April 25, 2016 "The more children are spanked, the more likely they are to defy their parents and to experience increased anti-social behavior, aggression, mental health problems and cognitive difficulties, according to a new meta-analysis of 50 years of research on spanking. "
Well. This UO thread is an interesting one. I think I'm going to go hide in my bed and eat some ice cream instead of engaging. I feel so much less comfortable debating about issues that actually matter/impact other people than baby related topics that are generally pretty trivial in the grand scheme of things. It usually just ends up making me feel kind of sad. Hey, maybe that's my UO.
Welcome to a REAL UO thread! I hate the trivial crap people try to pass off as a UO. Most of the fluff posted on here is the exact opposite!
@CopperBoom86 eh, yeah, I just don't see the appeal in reading about why others are pro-life or gung-ho about the death penalty on TB. If I wanted that kind of debate, I would go elsewhere. These aren't even interesting or novel UOs, they're just divisive, IMO.
I do find the conversation around spanking interesting, though, and it is much more relevant.
@PrimRoseMama I recently shared that article on fbook! I'm with you on the spanking. It's something DH and I have discussed at length and my mom totally doesn't get it, but I told her those are our rules and she will have to follow them. My parents weren't big spankers, but we did get swatted on the bottom or hand if we did something they didn't like. Fast forward to dating DH and he said something I didn't like and in a knee-jerk reaction I lightly smacked him on the shoulder (somewhat playfully) and he did NOT like that. He just looked at me and asked "why are you hitting me? Please don't hit me." He had a look on his face that was not angry, but kind of confused and not physically hurt, but it was obvious that I crossed a line and upset him. Even though it was somewhat in jest, it made me think to myself, "why DID I do that?". I realized growing up, even if just jokingly, I saw this in my family.
@TurtleMomma I'll go weeks or months without shaving and my friends all think I'm some crazy hippy. Granted, if I'm going to the pool or beach I'll clean up my bikini line lol. DH never says anything about it, and I give zero fucks. Shaving is a pain in the ass and waxing is literally a pain.
Well. This UO thread is an interesting one. I think I'm going to go hide in my bed and eat some ice cream instead of engaging. I feel so much less comfortable debating about issues that actually matter/impact other people than baby related topics that are generally pretty trivial in the grand scheme of things. It usually just ends up making me feel kind of sad. Hey, maybe that's my UO.
Welcome to a REAL UO thread! I hate the trivial crap people try to pass off as a UO. Most of the fluff posted on here is the exact opposite!
I don't know what you're talking about. I have an important announcement! I just don't like chocolate or think bacon is that great.
JUST KIDDING. I fucking love chocolate and bacon. And I agree, most of the UO's we've had are booooooooooring fluff.
@agogo1: I see what you mean, but often folks for get that parents (especially mothers) are people first. People come from different backgrounds, with different prejudices and hang-ups. UO about spanking etc. is awesome and relevant to being pregnant-- but there is a lot of material that is interesting. You get to know more about the people you are posting with (for better or worse). Thankfully, its ok if you (general you) need to step out of a conversation if things get too heated. I've had to learn this the very hard way and so I'm not perfect either. So, UO are always one of my favorite threads because I am always interested to see how some regulars feel about the controversial topics. There is only so many parenting topics before it gets boring quick.
@PrimRoseMamaI read that article a few weeks ago and sent it to my husband, who is pro-spanking. I wasn't spanked as a child and am anti-spanking. You guys think this UO topic is intense, you should have heard the conversation in my house that night lol I will say, as a FTM, I'm open to discussing punishment with H once we actually have a child and there is some context. The hypotheticals he was throwing out during our discussion were ridiculous and no way I'm going into this whole parenting gig determined that my unborn daughter needs to be spanked.
@copperboom86 I hear you, I'm not saying that everything has to be baby related. I just don't think that yet another opinion on pro-life/pro-choice, the death penalty, and probably gun control among a few other things falls into the category of UO since pretty much everyone feels one way or the other. This stuff is all over my Facebook and TV and I spend enough time rolling my eyes over these things as it is.
Body hair, however, rarely pops up on my newsfeed. Much more interesting!
@mommymagieh My husband is also pro spanking in extreme cases. We've had that discussion as well... many times. My post above about the time I playfully hit him was brought up, and I was like "See, you didn't like that? You have clear ideas of what personal space is..why doesn't that pertain to our children?" Oooooh that stumped him.
My H for sure prefers when I shave my lady bits. I usually keep a landing strip but I'm getting to the point where it's getting hard to navigate around my belly. I told him to enjoy it while it lasts because the days are numbered! Lol
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
I'm with you @Julia70286. I was spanked as a child and sometimes, when my toddler is misbehaving, I can see why a parent might want to spank their kids. But then I think "If my husband hit me (even on the butt) for 'misbehaving,' would it be okay?" And my answer is no, it wouldn't. So I don't think it's okay to hit my child.
@turtlemomma this is where I draw the line! I hate all body hair. my waxer was out for 2 weeks and when I got there yesterday I felt like I was a Sasquatch. legs eyebrows toes crotch everything off
Re: UO - 5/12
In the spirit of various discussions today, I'll admit I don't hate being a spectator to mommy wars. I actually find them hilarious. Yes, it makes me cringe that so many women feel the need to tear others down, but at this point I'm secure enough in how I'm raising my child that it makes me laugh to see how worked up some people get over trivial parenting decisions. There's a lot of comedy when you cut through the BS.
Edit: crap, was that more of a confession?? I'll amend my statement to make it a UO: I think mommy wars are hilarious.
I believe in certain situations, spanking (NOT to be confused with 'beating' or 'abusing') is a necessary and effective evil when it comes to disciplining children.
1. My dad never spanked me. He personally felt like he was too strong to be spanking a little girl.
2. My mom would always send me to my room to think about what I'd done before a spanking. Later in life, I found out that she actually used that as "cool down" time because she refused to spank me while she was angry.
3. She always used the same paddle (Mr. Do-Right lol) to be consistent.
4. She always told me how many "licks" I would be getting before she started spanking.
It was so well structured that even at a very young age, I viewed it as strictly a consequence of bad behavior, nothing more, nothing less.
I feel it should be enforced more often and in more places. I feel like no punishment is good enough for people who rape, kill (especially children), and kidnap. If there is no doubt that they did it, I think it should be used more.
I was thinking about this thread today and I can't think if I really have any UO... Maybe my OU is that all my opinions are popular? lol
Mommy to Elizabeth (6/18/09), preemie at 34 weeks
Team Blue!
My UO is that I have no desire whatsoever to observe catfishing drama. Everyone was going crazy over those threads on the random forum - I'm like why would anyone care? I like to starve attention whores.
I have a child who is not an empathetic child. If he has nothing to fear, he will do whatever he pleases with no regard for anybody else. And again, spanking is ALWAYS a last resort, but if he meets other forms of discipline with disrespect or apathy, he knows there will be physical consequences.
I do believe in spanking as well only when it is truly needed. @AllytheKid I really like how your parents structured it, I will take these pointers as being a FTM.
Yes with the death penalty too, we are paying for some many people to live that don't deserve it.
ETA: I think it was the "that's not something that happens in our house" thing that made it seem judgey. I could literally picture your little bunny profile pic with it's nose up in the air saying that as it looks down on me for spanking my child lol.
Along those same lines, my UO is that I am staunchly pro-life (and it's definitely difficult for me to withhold judgement on that topic!).
My UO, in light of a recent argument I had with H, I think female pubic hair is beautiful and that shaven is unappealing to me.
Some disagree with me and that's alright. You do you. Its just not for me. I feel the same way about sleep training (oh the UO's we will have later on this topic). Its just not for me. I don't care what you do for your kid though because its not my kid and not my choice.
My kids are very very well behaved. I get compliments all the time. In contrast, the parents I know that have employed spanking are now (at 4-6 years of age) having issues with their children hitting other children when they don't get their way. Talking back to teachers. I mean, some very real behavioral issues. Would they have this issue if their parents didn't spank? Maybe, but corporal punishment has been extensively studied and actually proven to be a bad idea.
There was some research that came out about spanking very recently that revealed that it is, in fact, damaging to a child. I'll find it here. Again, I'm not saying that anyone that chooses to do it is a bad or abusive parent. I'm saying that the research has been enough to convince me.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201309/research-spanking-it-s-bad-all-kids
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/spanking.aspx
April 25, 2016
"The more children are spanked, the more likely they are to defy their parents and to experience increased anti-social behavior, aggression, mental health problems and cognitive difficulties, according to a new meta-analysis of 50 years of research on spanking. "
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/04/160425143106.htm
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
I do find the conversation around spanking interesting, though, and it is much more relevant.
@TurtleMomma I'll go weeks or months without shaving and my friends all think I'm some crazy hippy. Granted, if I'm going to the pool or beach I'll clean up my bikini line lol. DH never says anything about it, and I give zero fucks. Shaving is a pain in the ass and waxing is literally a pain.
BFP #1: 7/15/15, SB: 11/14/15
Rainbow baby DS born 9/29/16!!
BFP #3 3/26/18 | Due 12/3/18
I don't know what you're talking about. I have an important announcement! I just don't like chocolate or think bacon is that great.
JUST KIDDING. I fucking love chocolate and bacon. And I agree, most of the UO's we've had are booooooooooring fluff.
BFP #1: 7/15/15, SB: 11/14/15
Rainbow baby DS born 9/29/16!!
BFP #3 3/26/18 | Due 12/3/18
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Body hair, however, rarely pops up on my newsfeed. Much more interesting!
BFP #1: 7/15/15, SB: 11/14/15
Rainbow baby DS born 9/29/16!!
BFP #3 3/26/18 | Due 12/3/18
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16