Need advice

Kelliek327

Sorry, long post...I'm currently a working mom and I enjoy my job but I also miss LO a lot.  Each month that goes by I feel like I'm missing out more and more.  My husband makes enough for us to live very comfortably on just his income, so working is purely my choice.  He recently made it known to me that he would actually prefer I stay home with LO.  I always imagined I'd be a SAHM but since I don't have too many complaints about my job, and I actually like my boss and coworkers a lot, it's hard to walk away from it.  

However, I had Hyperemesis and was extremely sick with my first pregnancy and I told my husband that I will not work through that again, and by the time I have a second child I will definitely be ready to stay at home.  We were talking about how if I am going to quit within a year, why not just do it now and have some extra time with LO before I'm so sick again.  So, long story short, we recently made a decision that I would quit at end of July (yes there is a specific reason for that date, just too long to explain here).  

Well today my boss pulls me aside and tells me how I'm next in line for her job when it opens up, and she wants to switch my job responsibilities up with another woman in the department so that I can get full exposure to all of the areas I would be managing in the future.  I didn't really know what to say so I just told her that sounded great.  I'm completely open to taking on the different responsibilities, but I feel like I should tell her I'm planning to quit soon so that she doesn't end up wasting her time grooming me for the position.  I also don't want the other woman to get moved around just because of me if I am planning to quit anyway.  I like my boss a lot and I don't want to blindside her, and was planning on giving 1 months notice anyway just out of respect for her, but I just feel like giving 3 months notice is weird and I don't want people thinking I'm slacking off or don't care anymore because I'm going to be quitting.

I also feel like the main thing holding me back is that I'm not totally confident yet in my decision to quit and was looking forward to having the next 3 months to digest it and make sure it is really what I want.  However, I feel like I need to decide now before she switches up our jobs (which will probably be by end of week).  I don't know what to do, I just wish I had more time to decide!  I need advice and would like to hear what you would do in my position.  TIA!

mrscheetah

Backstory: I planned to be a SAHM my entire pregnancy-not forever, but I planned to for at least a year. I also hated my job, so that was a big factor. 

I VASTLY underestimated how difficult being a SAHM is. The obvious reason is that you're alone with the baby all day with no break, but the main reason it was difficult was because I felt like I wasn't being useful and productive anymore (which is ridiculous, because I was keeping a baby alive.) I became SO resentful at DH. He would come home from work and tell me about his day and I would just want to scream at him to shut the **** up. I had no self esteem. I struggled a lot. I ended up going back to work part time a few weeks ago. I feel so much better and am really happy with my decision. Every one needs to do what is right for them but I feel like working helps me be a better mom.

My advice is to do whatever you feel is best for you and your family (which is not really advice, so I apologize). Ask yourself, which decision will I regret more? And go with your gut. Good luck mama!

CraftyMommy14

So this is just my opinion...
3 months notice is way too much time, and it could negatively affect how people treat you at work, just like you mentioned. It could be a tough 3 months, so I would never give that much notice. You really don't owe them any more than that, and even though they are really nice, you have to look out for yourself at the end of the day. I'd only give an extra week or two to be nice Second, since you're unsure about your decision at this point, go ahead and take more time to decide, and don't feel bad about that. I don't see any need to rush it. Like suggested, maybe some sort of part time arrangement would be the best fit (an option "c"). Give yourself more time to think about options/scenarios before you lock into anything, or AT LEAST until you feel 100% confident in your decision. As for the new job responsibilities, give it a try! I don't think you should feel guilty because as far as anyone else is concerned, the promotion could still be an option for you at this point (even if you've secretly decided you want to quit on a set date in the future). In my mind, it's similar to everyone keeping their pregnancies a secret for the first trimester. Staffing issues are just a reality all businesses have to deal with. They'll figure it out, and as long as you're respectful and polite, they really can't fault you for "wasting" a few weeks while you're you're mulling over a major life change! And who knows, maybe the other woman would enjoy the change of work anyways. Anyways, good luck and try not to worry too much about it! 

thinkpink101

I walked away from a wonderful job to be a SAHM 10 years ago. I didn't feel like I had much of a choice, we had preemie twins when my oldest was 18 months, and even if daycare would have made sense ($1500/WEEK pre-taxes) which it didn't, the ped recommended that they not go to daycare. I bawled when I turned in my keys but dh worked long hours and we had no family to help us. We had just moved to a new town and I didn't know any other SAHMs so the first several months were so lonely and isolating, and I missed the comraderie I had with my coworkers (I STILL do, they are all still working there and are so close). Eventually I made some good mom friends who helped me enjoy my time at home more. However, if there had been a choice I would have kept my job. It's not just about the now, I walked away from retirement accounts, better benefits, my career (depending on your field it might be really hard to get back in if you decide to go back once the kids are in school). So think about those things too.

If you are certain you will quit in July I wouldn't give notice yet, but is there a way you could tell your boss that while you are flattered, you are happy where you are at and that you feel you can't commit to a promotion with your dh working long hours and a baby? I wouldn't feel morally right saying yes to something that would waste your boss' time, impact other people's careers, and then give notice in June. You might not want to burn any bridges.

Walking away from a career you like is a tough decision. Definitely do some soul searching. Good luck!

ForeverEverAfter

If there's any way, I like the suggestion above about gracefully bowing out of the promotion, but keeping your lips sealed about leaving. I'm resigning my position the first of August. It's a bit different, because it's being held for my mat leave-I'm not there now. But I need to keep my options open just in case something crazy happens. I'm due back August 18th.

I've started a home daycare, and I'm really enjoying my time at home. Today I only have my 2 kids, and it feels like vacation lol. We have a good routine, that includes my housework, cooking/baking from scratch and care of the garden and animals. So when the daycare day finishes, we eat, play a bit, I do a quick vacuum, then it's bedtime for the girls and I get 2-3h to myself. I'm still going to work occasional shifts to keep my licence (ER RN), and go back at least part time once the kids are in school.

ElleMF728

Can you just tell your boss that while you appreciate her confidence in you that you aren't interested in taking on any extra responsibilities with a young child at home? It might allow you to give her a little more insight into your thought process without actually giving 3 months notice. 

JenLovesDesign

I agree with the others to decline the promotion citing at-home responsibilities.  

tlc11934

Do you plan on returning to work once your 2nd LO is older?  If so, I would proceed like nothing is changing, take the promotion and then quit.  This is very common in corporate America.  Think of yourself and your future.  

Also, as PP said you might change your mind and want to go back, or you may just want to work reduced hours (if possible).  Anything can happen in 3 months!

Kelliek327

Thanks ladies, your advice has all been really helpful.  I wish part time or working from home were an option at my company-that would be ideal for me- but unfortunately it's not an option there.  

I've told my boss I'm not ready for any increased workload/promotion at this time due to responsibilities with LO, which would be the truth regardless of if I planned to quit or not.  She very much understands because she has 2 kids and actually quit herself when she had them but then came back when they were a bit older.  

I decided not to tell her that I'm thinking of quitting since I am not 100% confident that is what I want to do yet, and as PPs have said, anything can happen in 3 months.  Who knows if I would need to stay if (God forbid) something were to happen to my husband or his job in the next 3 months.   I plan to use the next few months to really adjust to the idea of quitting and see how I feel about it after sitting with the idea for awhile.  I know that I will at least stay for the next 3 months, if not longer, and if and when I do decide to quit, I will give a few weeks extra notice out of respect for my boss since I love her so much and don't want to do anything to make things tough on her!  

Thanks again for for all of your advice!  If only I could just snuggle with my little guy all day long while working too!