Wave of emotions — The Bump
TTC After a Loss

Wave of emotions

My husband and I were lucky enough to to get pregnant in November (my first, his second) and unfortunately had a MC with a D&C in January. I knew I wanted to try again but I decided to wait until the 3rd cycle so I was ready. I'm ovulating this week and we have started trying, but this wave of emotions just hit me out of the blue and I started crying. 
Am I ready? What if it happens again? I feel like trying again just replaces our little angel that we didn't get to have. Although I was only 9 weeks, it was very real to me. I had the sonogram and I had been writing the baby letters every week. 
How do you try again and get yourself "all in?" I don't know if I can get myself excited again because the fear of it happening again hangs over me.

Re: Wave of emotions

  • silentPsilentP
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Photogenic
    Hi there, I am so sorry for your loss and that you find yourself here, but welcome. I can say that you aren't alone in your feelings. I want so badly to get this show on the road. I am so disappointed in AF arriving today, but then I also feel like I "dodged a bullet" by not getting pregnant this cycle. It sucks. I want to be excited the next time it happens, but it will probably be a while until I feel secure in another pregnancy. 

    You'll never forget the baby you lost and it's okay to have conflicting feelings. But if you want and are pretty much ready to try again, all we can do is hope and talk to each other here while going through this crazy journey. Best to you!
  • Sorry for your loss. I had my MC in November @ 9 weeks and I still have bad moments, especially nearing my due date. I definitely can empathize with your feelings of fear and sadness. For me I know I want to be pregnant again and I try and use that as my motivating force. Bad things can happen in any area of our life, but we still have to keep moving forward. It's such a balance, but I don't think TTC or being pregnant is ever as blissful for those of us who know the pain of pregnancy loss. Good luck.
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  • @silentP thank you! It helps just knowing that I'm not crazy and that someone understands and has similar feelings. I felt like I was almost ready last cycle, but now I know I wasn't. I think I am ready, it's just that it's hard to finally move forward from the MC and move on to what could be.
    I wish you the best of luck in your journey and thank you for being so kind. It's nice to have a friend in this rough forum.
  • @BornReady I do want to be pregnant again too. I want to be a mom. You are right, I need to use that as my motivation. I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for your kind words. Best wishes and good luck to you too! 
  • Hello, I'm sorry for your loss. It's a rollercoaster of emotion all right, but you aren't alone. I don't think you're ever really all in again after loss, but you can cope by taking care of yourself as best you can and leaning on your partner and the lovely community here in TTCAL. Best of luck to you.
    Renee, 34 + Devon, 29 married 08/13 <3
    TTC  09/15
    *TW Loss mentioned*
    BFP 12/15/15 EDD: 08/26/16
    MMC discovered 1/25/16 at 9 +3
    TTCAL 3/2016
    Acupuncture 11/16
    Dx December 2016: unexplained 
    January 2017: 50 mg Clomid + TI =
    BFP #2 01/30/17  Please be a sticky baby!
    EDD: 10/15/17  Measuring ahead! 10/12/17 
    Ambrose born on his due date!

  • I totally understand how you feel and am so sorry for your loss. Its been almost 9 weeks now since my D&C and I want to be pregnant again but also so scared too. I'm just starting to feel more ready to try- DH and I's intimate life has been pretty much slim to none through this whole process and I just want to get back to normal- TTC or not. I guess I just realized that nothing is really in my control and I have to just keep moving forward because having a family is so important to me. 
    Me: 35      DH: 35
    Married: 8/16/2014
    TTC 6/2015
    BFP #1: 1/2016, MMC 3/2016 (9 weeks)
    BFP #2: 6/2016, DD born 3/1/17 at 39 weeks 1 day 
    BFP #3: 1/2019, CP (4 weeks 1 day)
    BFP #4: 4/2019, Due 12/10/19

  • @Meberly7 I am sorry for your loss, but you are definitely not alone in feeling conflicted about how/when/if to move forward with TTC again. Miscarriage is a life-altering event. You can take as much or as little time as you need to get to where you want to be. There's not a right or wrong approach and whatever you decide, this board will support you. I am glad you found us here. xo

    Me: 40, DH: 35 / Married: 2009; TTC #1: 2013

    2013 - 2015: 5 pregnancies —> 5 miscarriages

    TTCAL with RE (RPL specialist): February 2016

    2016: 3 medicated TI cycles —> 3 medicated IUI cycles: All BFN

    Donor Egg IVF Transfer: May 1, 2017

    May 11, 2017: BFP!! Beta #1: 449.1, Beta #2: 844, Beta #3: 1714

    EDD: 1/17/18, it's a GIRL!  <3 E. L. A. born 12/7/2017

  • Hello @Meberly7 I am sorry for your loss.

    I hear what you say. I had a MC in February, and in April I felt just about ready to TTC again. I have mixed feelings of being excited, hopeful and scared. This is my first cycle TTCAL and the Two Week Wait has been very emotional for me. Not knowing if i'm pregnant or just having a very badass PMS.  My H is very supportive, but they face grief in a different way. 

    Don't think that you are alone in this. I've found lots of support here, the ladies are great. Even though we are far away, we find ways to be together in this journey.

    Hugs! and all the best.
    Married 06.21.14 / TTC since 11.15 /
    BFP 01.03.2016 / MMC 6w5d D&C 02.2016 // BFP 05.06.16 / natural MC 05.12.16
    Benched 06.2016-08.2016 / TTC again 09.2016! On a diet. Cranky.
    BFP 10.02.2016 / NT scan at 12w looked normal / Anatomy scan at 20w everything ok
    Team blue! / EDD June 11th 2017
    DAVID ROGER was born on May 23rd at 37 weeks.

    Architect, Peruvian living in Chile. I love art, opera and good chocolate.
    Started PhD studies in Architecture on 2017.
    Fur mom of a rescued miniature poodle called Luke Skywalker.

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • @yolandamunoz @fivetimesnoluck @Spartanrd4 thank you all ladies for your kindness and support. This board is helping more than words can express. It's great to have others who understand. *hugs* 
  • I am glad I am not alone. I had miscarriage in March and we just started ttc again. I find this time I am not monitoring things as closely.  I also have been thinking what if I get pregnant and it happens again and scared that I will never have a baby. Hugs to all you ladies
  • What you are feeling is 100% totally normal. Huge hugs. For me, it never really goes away. It's always in the back of my mind. At times, I will think I am past the grief, uncertainty and fear, then at a time when I am least expecting it a wave of those feelings will pour over me. You are not alone.

    DD1 born 5/24/10.

    Missed M/C at 14 wks Feb 2012.

    DD2 born 5/14/13.

    Missed M/C at 9 wks July 2015.

    Expecting someone new 4/17/17.
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