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May 2016 Moms
bkjade
member
Baby shower nightmare rant
bkjade
member
Apologies for the long rant but I've gotta put this somewhere.
I have a few groups of friends here in NYC, some of them know each other, some don't. Some of them are from my younger, crazier days and some are more recent, more adult friends. I have to say that while my girlfriends from my youth are still a blast to hang out with and crush margaritas, that we have grown apart a bit as the years have gone by and don't hang out much. We just have kind of gone different ways, I don't go out as much, I don't drink as much (at all right now!). Partying was such a big piece of our friendship when we were younger and there's not a ton of substance beneath it.
So, a couple of my old girlfriends texted me and asked if I wanted to grab lunch or do a baby shower thing. I was like great, sure let me know if I can do anything, I'd love to see you. Never heard back. A week passed, I got a text asking the same question, I was like sure (again) and they were like oh yeah, let's get together next week! This goes on for months. I just figured it wasn't going to happen and figured I'd see them when I saw them (same friend was supposed to plan my bridal shower which also never happened).
On Wednesday two of them group messaged me and asked if I'd be down to do lunch today. Sure, I said again. I didn't hear from them again until Saturday, when I reached out to see if they still wanted to grab lunch, and see where. We live all over the city and somehow it came up that it would be funny to go to Señor Frog's. Shitty fake margaritas and queso dip. I'm in. I scheduled a massage and pedicure after lunch since I was heading into the city anyhow. I recieved text after text this afternoon asking if I wanted to do something closer, to which I replied no, I already had plans for after in the city so it made sense. Also WTF maybe if you want to do something else try and contact me more than an hour before I'm supposed to be there since the effing train from Brooklyn takes a half hour to get to TIMES SQUARE? Then, she texts me again asking if I want to go look at a baby swing in Brooklyn after lunch. A baby swing? 1) I already have a swing and 2) NO I DO NOT WANT TO GO FROM BROOKLYN TO MANHATTAN (for lunch) TO BROOKLYN (to look at a baby swing) TO MANHATTAN (to go to my massage) AND BACK TO BROOKLYN (home). I actually said, "that might kill me, I'm rill pregnant right now and I have a massage scheduled for after lunch at 4, sorry no can do today."
I show up to lunch at 2, there's a bunch of friends I haven't seen in a long time. It was great to see all of these girls I used to party with and catch up. Despite the rocky morning, I'm thankful I got to have a virgin blended drink in a big plastic cup. We have lunch, and on my way out I ask how everyone is getting home, I'm about to hop on the train to get to my massage (at 4).
At this point the one who wanted to go "look at the baby swing" tells me that I HAVE to go to Brooklyn since there is something for me there. Ummmm, I'm standing on the street about to actually get on a train and I have a massage scheduled (with one of my friends who came into the city to give me said massage), it would be a total dick move to bail, not to mention the spa she works at will charge me for not going to my appointment. So in an attempt to make things less awkward, I call the spa to cancel (I feel awful cancelling 15 minutes away from my appointment) and we all get on the effing train to deep Brooklyn. GREAT.
So, I'm on a train completely sober with a bunch of half-drunk women headed to deep Brooklyn to go to some other piece of this baby shower, already exhausted and just wanting to have someone rub my feet.
We get off the train and walk to an apartment I don't recognize. Apparently, a very sweet friend who is also expecting wanted to throw me a shower and set up a beautiful LUNCH at her apartment where a bunch of my more "adult" friends were. In my head I was like why in the f**k would my friends take me to lunch before taking me to another lunch? It was kind of weird, I was super exhausted from already traveling all over the city and a bit cranky I had to pay for my spa services, feeling like a dick for bailing on my massage therapist friend, and didn't quite understand why I went to lunch before this other shower. It was nice, but at this point I had been "showering" for nearly six hours. I eat a bit, say thank you, and good-bye and ride the train home. On the couch at home now. Thank god.
Come to find out that the "adult" friend reached out to my husband and asked who to invite to a shower, and he gave her a list of ladies. She then messaged all of the women and out of all the women, the two that contacted me for lunch had volunteered to be the ones to "trick" me into going to her house. So it seems that my "old" friend was pissed off that she didn't organize the shower so instead of surprising me by taking me to a shower, planned a COMPLETELY separate lunch shower, right before the other lunch shower, then brought me there an HOUR LATE while dragging me across town.
I'm exhausted and pissed off. I think it was incredibly selfish and rude to go to lunch before this poor other pregnant woman opened up her house and cooked an amazing lunch. I feel awful. DH feels terrible because he gave her the number to the other woman and thinks he's responsible, which he isn't.
Anyhow. Really disappointed in my old friend treating my new friend so poorly (I'm thinking there might be some jealousy over being "replaced") and thankful I have friends who care, but instead of enjoying the day, I'm exhausted and kind of bummed out. Not sure how to react to the friend who was shitty, and not sure how to apologize to the friend who made me a giant lunch I didn't get to eat much of. I'm going to eat some cookies and hope tomorrow is less eventful.
I have a few groups of friends here in NYC, some of them know each other, some don't. Some of them are from my younger, crazier days and some are more recent, more adult friends. I have to say that while my girlfriends from my youth are still a blast to hang out with and crush margaritas, that we have grown apart a bit as the years have gone by and don't hang out much. We just have kind of gone different ways, I don't go out as much, I don't drink as much (at all right now!). Partying was such a big piece of our friendship when we were younger and there's not a ton of substance beneath it.
So, a couple of my old girlfriends texted me and asked if I wanted to grab lunch or do a baby shower thing. I was like great, sure let me know if I can do anything, I'd love to see you. Never heard back. A week passed, I got a text asking the same question, I was like sure (again) and they were like oh yeah, let's get together next week! This goes on for months. I just figured it wasn't going to happen and figured I'd see them when I saw them (same friend was supposed to plan my bridal shower which also never happened).
On Wednesday two of them group messaged me and asked if I'd be down to do lunch today. Sure, I said again. I didn't hear from them again until Saturday, when I reached out to see if they still wanted to grab lunch, and see where. We live all over the city and somehow it came up that it would be funny to go to Señor Frog's. Shitty fake margaritas and queso dip. I'm in. I scheduled a massage and pedicure after lunch since I was heading into the city anyhow. I recieved text after text this afternoon asking if I wanted to do something closer, to which I replied no, I already had plans for after in the city so it made sense. Also WTF maybe if you want to do something else try and contact me more than an hour before I'm supposed to be there since the effing train from Brooklyn takes a half hour to get to TIMES SQUARE? Then, she texts me again asking if I want to go look at a baby swing in Brooklyn after lunch. A baby swing? 1) I already have a swing and 2) NO I DO NOT WANT TO GO FROM BROOKLYN TO MANHATTAN (for lunch) TO BROOKLYN (to look at a baby swing) TO MANHATTAN (to go to my massage) AND BACK TO BROOKLYN (home). I actually said, "that might kill me, I'm rill pregnant right now and I have a massage scheduled for after lunch at 4, sorry no can do today."
I show up to lunch at 2, there's a bunch of friends I haven't seen in a long time. It was great to see all of these girls I used to party with and catch up. Despite the rocky morning, I'm thankful I got to have a virgin blended drink in a big plastic cup. We have lunch, and on my way out I ask how everyone is getting home, I'm about to hop on the train to get to my massage (at 4).
At this point the one who wanted to go "look at the baby swing" tells me that I HAVE to go to Brooklyn since there is something for me there. Ummmm, I'm standing on the street about to actually get on a train and I have a massage scheduled (with one of my friends who came into the city to give me said massage), it would be a total dick move to bail, not to mention the spa she works at will charge me for not going to my appointment. So in an attempt to make things less awkward, I call the spa to cancel (I feel awful cancelling 15 minutes away from my appointment) and we all get on the effing train to deep Brooklyn. GREAT.
So, I'm on a train completely sober with a bunch of half-drunk women headed to deep Brooklyn to go to some other piece of this baby shower, already exhausted and just wanting to have someone rub my feet.
We get off the train and walk to an apartment I don't recognize. Apparently, a very sweet friend who is also expecting wanted to throw me a shower and set up a beautiful LUNCH at her apartment where a bunch of my more "adult" friends were. In my head I was like why in the f**k would my friends take me to lunch before taking me to another lunch? It was kind of weird, I was super exhausted from already traveling all over the city and a bit cranky I had to pay for my spa services, feeling like a dick for bailing on my massage therapist friend, and didn't quite understand why I went to lunch before this other shower. It was nice, but at this point I had been "showering" for nearly six hours. I eat a bit, say thank you, and good-bye and ride the train home. On the couch at home now. Thank god.
Come to find out that the "adult" friend reached out to my husband and asked who to invite to a shower, and he gave her a list of ladies. She then messaged all of the women and out of all the women, the two that contacted me for lunch had volunteered to be the ones to "trick" me into going to her house. So it seems that my "old" friend was pissed off that she didn't organize the shower so instead of surprising me by taking me to a shower, planned a COMPLETELY separate lunch shower, right before the other lunch shower, then brought me there an HOUR LATE while dragging me across town.
I'm exhausted and pissed off. I think it was incredibly selfish and rude to go to lunch before this poor other pregnant woman opened up her house and cooked an amazing lunch. I feel awful. DH feels terrible because he gave her the number to the other woman and thinks he's responsible, which he isn't.
Anyhow. Really disappointed in my old friend treating my new friend so poorly (I'm thinking there might be some jealousy over being "replaced") and thankful I have friends who care, but instead of enjoying the day, I'm exhausted and kind of bummed out. Not sure how to react to the friend who was shitty, and not sure how to apologize to the friend who made me a giant lunch I didn't get to eat much of. I'm going to eat some cookies and hope tomorrow is less eventful.
Re: Baby shower nightmare rant
Sorry your 'old' friends made you go through all that!
I also sometimes feel like there is a gap between my different friend groups.
Did you at least get nice things for baby?
Also, side note- how funny that you used to live in Portland and are now in NYC, because when this baby is about 2-3 months old we are moving there! My husband has worked remotely for a Manhattan-based company for 3 years, and they've always wanted him back east, so on a whim (when I didn't realize that I would soon be pregnant!) I applied to grad school in New York and got in! It will be a crazy transitional summer for us, but I've spent lots of time out there and loved it, so I'm hoping it will also be fun. Anxious about all the challenges that come with NYC mama life!
Spoiler Alert: A former friend.
You made it back home safe and okay though so your diplomacy worked.
Moments like that are meant to help people realize who is who. Now that you know- you can do whatever you want with that info.
Some of the older friends might one day 'transition' into more of what your like now, so I wouldn't give them to hard of a time. Like others have said, just no what to expect from them and what I have to learn is just to be completely honest with them. ( That's what I have to learn! "No, I don't want to go out for drinks and spicy food." Lol.
Do you still want to continue your friendship with the old friend? If so, talk to her, let her know very seriously and directly that it was a really inappropriate thing to do and you're hurt by it and she turned what should have been a lifelong memory of a great day into a terrible day. If you don't want to be friends with her anymore, then cut that tie and be done. I don't know all the details of your relationship, but for me this is something that might be the final straw for me.
Either way, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. What an emotional rollercoaster of a day :-( Lots of cookies. And be sure to replace those cookies with some wine after the big day LOL... Well, actually make it cookies AND wine!
I personally would delicately explain to your newer friend that you obviously didn't know about the shower she was hosting, and maybe plan for you to take her to for lunch since she's also expecting. That way you can celebrate both of you and also feel a little better about the situation.
Also, I'm impressed with your willingness to go from Brooklyn to Times Square and back. I'm in the very far west West Village and I call it a win anytme I've crossed 20th or 5th Ave in the last 6 months. I'd be super pissed if I schlepped all around and didn't get a massage at the end of it.
Still pretty pissed off today, but I think I'm going to just let it simmer until I hear from my old friend since we don't talk super often anyhow and see how I feel down the road. It's hard to sort out my hormone-crazed self from my real-self right now (now is not the time to f**k with me, I will stab a b***h), so the more time I have to sort through feeling angry/crying/whatever crazy feeling thing the better. Watching Beyoncé smash cars with a baseball cat has been super therapeutic
@Bltbear82 - RIGHT? I rarely make it past the East Village much less all the way to Times Square (which is a nightmare anyway). For my fat fully 9 month pregnant butt to go from Williamsburg to Times Square to Bedstuy and back to Williamsburg is nuts.
@Bellodomani - Awesome! I love it here but get back to visit friends and family out in Oregon a couple time a year which is always refreshing. Trees! Nature! Mountains! You'll have to keep me posted on your move, perhaps we can get up with the minis when you get settled on the East coast!
Me: 31
DH: 29, SA - Great
Married: June 12,2011
TTC #1: 1/2014
Diagnosis: Hypothalamic Amenorrhea
Treatment: Clomid: 50mg, 100mg, 150mg - not successful and not monitored
Menopur 75ml (upped to 112.5ml), Ovidrel, & IUI IUI #1 8/31/2015
9/15/2015: BFP HCG - 400, 9/17/2015: HCG - 827, 9/21/2015 - HCG 3,327!ME: 35 DH: 39
Married July 2011
DD Born 8/12
TTC #2 since 11/13
ME: Submucosal Fibroid Surgery Date APRIL 14th 2015 -Left Tube is blocked by Fibroid~Surgeon removed 26 Fibroids from my Ute and Unblocked my Tube
DH:Azoospermia...Thank God we have 12 vials of frozen swimmers
July 15-Check to see if Ute is all healed
IUI #1 8/3/15...BFN
IUI #2 9/5/15...BFP on 9/17/15
Beta #1-344
Beta #2-809
Beta #3 8,390
1st u/s 8/8/15 1 bean HB 135 @ 6w5d
Yeah, finished writing thank you cards today and I definitely struggled with the one for my "old" friend.