2nd Trimester

Baby Shower Invite Etiquette

My sister is planning my baby shower for July and has asked me to start thinking of a guest list as well as addresses.  I have a few questions on who to invite.  I don't want to offend anyone by not inviting them but also do not want to appear "gift grabby" at the same time. I work at a large elementary school and teach gifted students.  This means I have the same students year after year and have formed bonds with their parents.  So, do I or do I not invite:
1. Close moms I talk to regularly
2. Coworkers I'm close with at work and outside of work (we talk, text, go out)
3. My principals (3 ladies)
4. Husband's female coworkers he's friends with

Thank you for your input!  I just don't want to hurt someone's feelings.

Re: Baby Shower Invite Etiquette

  • bsckgb7bsckgb7 member
    edited April 2016

    1 - yes for sure (assuming "talk regularly" doesn't mean about their kids)

    2 - are you having a work shower?  If so, the general rule would be don't double-up the invite list.  If no work shower, then yes invite

    3 - see number 2, but if no work shower, depends on how close you are to them

    4 - depends - do you ever see them or talk to them?  Is it possible his work could throw him a shower?

  • I don't think work is giving me a shower because one of the 1st grade teachers just had a baby and they didn't throw her one.  I don't really talk to my husband's female coworkers, he does on a daily basis.  He's a head chef at an upscale restaurant so he's in constant contact with all his coworkers and managers, male and female. 
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  • We're leaning towards a co-ed shower if that helps.
  • nanner26nanner26 member
    edited April 2016
    1- Do you talk to these women outside of work? Do you really consider them friends? My class changes every year so I never get that close to parents. 

    2-3- I agree with PP. If you are having a work shower, no. If no work shower, yes. 

    4- edited to change my answer because you said it's co-ed. Since your husband will be there, yes!

    Also think, all of these people, would you be offended if they didn't invite you if they had a shower? If they did, would you be happy to go or feel like you didn't need to be invited? 
    I guess it also depends on if the shower is big or more intimate? There are so many factors that now I don't feel I was much help....
  • 1. By close moms, this means moms of your students, right? I'm going to lean towards not inviting these women. If you're close friends with them outside of work (meaning you guys meet up for lunch/coffee/etc. and you talk regularly outside of a school setting), then that's one thing. But if you just talk to them regularly as a normal course of your work, even if it turns to personal topics, I would leave them off. 
    2. & 3. Yes if they're close enough to you that you hang out outside of work. 
    4. Do you know these women/hang out with them? 

    Also, be mindful of your hosts' budget. Ask them how many people they can afford to host before you make your guest list. That will help narrow down what "circles" you invite. So if they say unlimited, invite as many as you want, it might be more reasonable to invite your husband's coworkers. But if they were only planning on a smaller shower of 10-20 people, these women probably aren't going to be in your inner circle. 
    Married 6/20/2015
    Mirena removed 7/6/2015
    TTC#1 July 2015
    BFP 12/4/2015
    Sam born 8/4/2016

  • In general, I think it's inappropriate to invite your students' parents.  I know you don't mean it to seem this way, but it could be viewed as a gift being "expected" or in exchange for better grades, which is a bad place to put parents.  In fact, our DDs' school has an explicit limit on gifts parents can give teachers because they don't want to encourage the perception that parents are buying preferential treatment or better grades.  

    In general, I'd err on the side of under-inviting.  Truly, I have never met someone who was offended that they were not invited to a shower.  And if someone wants to buy you a gift, they will do so without being invited to a shower.

    A few other general rules I recommend:
    If you don't *regularly* socialize with person Z outside of work/school/etc, don't invite them.  (This includes your husband's coworkers and your students' parents).

    Never invite someone who may feel obligated to buy a gift because of your relationship with them (people who work for you, your students' parents, patients, etc).  You don't want someone to worry about negative repercussions if they don't get you a gift.
  • Good advice:)  I am definitely going to err on the side of under-inviting people.  I'd rather have someone say "why didn't I get to come to your shower?" than "omg I have to come to your shower?" lol.  
  • I've never been upset that I wasn't invited to a shower - even those for people with whom I am close. I hate showers. I really think people (not you specifically OP) overestimate how much a shower invite means to others. Maybe I'm wrong; maybe some people truly do get upset. However, I would be relieved not to be invited - I find showers torturous. I can still buy a gift, regardless, as I often have. 
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