November 2016 Moms
Knottie1458416769
member
Stories of in-laws driving us mad/crazy/angry...
Knottie1458416769
member
This thread is for @HomeyDontPlayThat and all the other ladies who can relate....
I will go first. MIL ain't as bad (as say BIL, who's feeling lonely and barges into our bedroom over the holidays while DH and I are already in bed, together) - not terrible bc she's a proud lady who wants to keep up appearances.
Once I got sick but still wanted to travel for the holidays bc DH and I were in school and doing long distance and the holidays were a rare oppty to be together. When I told my in laws I was still going to come but take meds, she emailed my mom and told her she felt sorry I couldn't come that year but none of her family or holiday guests could afford to catch anything from me. My mom was livid and booked me a flight to my childhood home instead (DH was studying there too), and DH stayed with me some of that time (he cancelled his flight home to please me, but didn't visit me every day to please MIL). I was mad that he didn't side completely with his wife, but at least he made sure to cancel his flight home.
I will go first. MIL ain't as bad (as say BIL, who's feeling lonely and barges into our bedroom over the holidays while DH and I are already in bed, together) - not terrible bc she's a proud lady who wants to keep up appearances.
Once I got sick but still wanted to travel for the holidays bc DH and I were in school and doing long distance and the holidays were a rare oppty to be together. When I told my in laws I was still going to come but take meds, she emailed my mom and told her she felt sorry I couldn't come that year but none of her family or holiday guests could afford to catch anything from me. My mom was livid and booked me a flight to my childhood home instead (DH was studying there too), and DH stayed with me some of that time (he cancelled his flight home to please me, but didn't visit me every day to please MIL). I was mad that he didn't side completely with his wife, but at least he made sure to cancel his flight home.
Re: Stories of in-laws driving us mad/crazy/angry...
She pretty much immediately started trying to break us up (keep in mind, married for 8 years at this point. Two kids. Happily together.) She started spreading rumours about me having been a prostitute - I literally burst out laughing when I heard this because I was such a prude until I was 18 and I met my husband right after that - and apparently being after my husband for his money (he has none! I made more than him at the time and I'm going to be a doctor.)
She started calling my parents and telling them stuff about me that she made up, including fabricated details of my supposedly sordid sexual past. She'd kick me out of the room to spend time with my husband. Oh, and she blamed me for her having a stroke. She had a TIA and was released from hospital and my husband picked her up. My husband didn't know that she had prescriptions to fill and she never mentioned it, so he never went to get them and she had another ischaemic event a few days later. Apparently it was my fault because I keep my husband too busy because I'm a student...? I can't figure that one out. But yeah, she totally blamed me for her stroke. To my father, who was visiting her in hospital. She recovered fully, just to be clear.
When I was having extreme pain immediately after the MTX for my ectopic pregnancy, my husband was rushing to take me to the hospital. She was laughing, like full-on this-is-absolutely-hysterical laughing and howling that I must be having a mental breakdown because I'm so weak. She said this in front of my kids while I was coping with a possible medical emergency and was in 10/10 pain. I know personality changes can be the result of strokes, but my husband assured me that's just her normal personality.
We gave her a month to get out. She left the next week. My husband has no desire to speak to her ever again and neither do I.
Son, K, 9 | Daughter, C, 5 | Daughter, M, expected November 7, 2016
Awesome Kid #2: Due November 2016!
Also loss related so TW
My husband's parents took it really badly when I miscarried. We had very open communication with them- they knew we were pregnant the day after we did, they knew right away when the u/s didn't go well, they knew I had surgery. Somehow when we finally saw them in person though, they didn't say a thing about it and somehow I was being a weirdo bitch that wasn't communicating. Umm you guys knew literally every detail, wtf do you want? Pics of the toilet bowl? They also only communicated to H about it, never reached out to ME to tell me how sorry they were. They made it all about themselves, like I did this to them.
So anyway with this pregnancy we decided we would wait to tell them. We caved and told them at 5 weeks because I'd been in a car accident and had an u/s so I gave H the go-ahead. They wanted to know why we didn't tell them right away. LOLOLOL really? You think 5 weeks is waiting a long time, especially after the way you acted? So many people don't tell a soul until 12 weeks! Now I wish we would've waited til I was freakin' crowning, though I was still a little smug that they were all butthurt about it.
I always got along well with them before this and really don't have it so bad but yeah, still holding a grudge and probably always will. My parents can be incredibly insensitive and even they had the sense to say they were sorry, send a freakin' card, and weren't too chicken to talk about it to us in person when they got the chance.
ETA: my sister definitely has me beat though. Her MIL has since been disowned but just a sampling of her kind of behavior: they have one adopted kid and MIL wouldn't send him Christmas or birthday gifts but would the others since he wasn't biological. The rest was an awful lot like Kilgrave's, plus lots of abuse of her husband in the past.
My MIL refers to all her grandchildren as "my babies" and "her baby". She is a bit of a "baby addict" (works in her church's baby nursery, fostered babies even though her husband hated it) and I'm terrified of her trying to hijack my first child. One of my BIL/SILs live with her at the moment (with 2 kids under 2) so i've be spared a lot of nosiness because she has 2 of her grandchildren under her roof, but that's changing in June... She has a bad habit of just moving in with my BILs/SILs for weeks at a time to spend time with her grandkids. I have already told DH that if she tries that with us it will end our marriage- she is a debbie-downer to the max and drives me crazy. Thankfully he's on the same page.
As far as my personal interactions with her Ill just say that she is the queen of passive aggressive. Not only that but she is clinically depressed, on anti-depressant meds that don't always work, anorexic, and a born again christian. What this all really means is that she is VERY sensitive and emotional ALL THE TIME. You have to be so careful around her and its almost impossible not to upset her.
For example when she found out we had picked one of my cousins to be legal guardian of our daughter if anything should ever happen to me or my husband she broke down crying and locked herself in her room for a half hour.
If I don't respond to her texts in a cheerful upbeat way she will literally call me and ask me what she has done to upset me..? Um nothing? You are reading way to much into the text ok?
When we got married she decided not to come because she was "not feeling up to it". I mean I get that she struggles with depression but it was our wedding. Maybe Im being insensitive, I honestly don't know how hard the depression thing is for her so I tend to let that one pass but it still bothered me she didn't come.
She started following me on Pintrest and literally unfollows me and decides to re-follow me periodically based on if what I'm pinning upsets her (think political or religious e-cards) . I know this because I get a notification every time she starts following me again so I'm like, OK, I guess you are over being upset at me again.
She will send out emails trying to lock down holiday plans 2 years in advance. I'm like, DUDE do we really need to be planning this now? But heaven forbid I not act excited about it or respond in anything other than an I'm totally on board kind of way.
Anyway... I could go on. Its not terrible stuff but when it adds up it just gets super exhausting trying to manage how your actions are going to effect her and I dont always try and then have to deal with the backlash.
Awesome Kid #2: Due November 2016!
When we announced to DH's family we were pregnant with our oldest, she threw a huge tantrum about how she didn't want to be a grandma. She had to inspect him immediately after I had him but then had very little to do with him after that. They were pissed about the name we chose for him and actually demanded that we legal change it a month after he was born. She hated that he was named for someone on my side of the family. My FIL insisted that DS1 must be "retarded" because he figured he looked "retarded" (his words) when DS1 was about 4 months old.
We waited until I was 6 months along with DS2 before telling them. They were indifferent. MIL again had to show up to inspect the new baby but then very little interest after. We waited late with DS3 as well. They were upset because they had to drive in the snow to see him in the hospital after he was born (it was February).
In the hospital after DD was born, she waited until she had me alone and point blank questioned me about DS1. DH accidentally let it slip at a family function that DS1 was at a special preschool, a month prior. (DS1 has autism, but we did not want to tell DH's family because they would be dramatic and stupid about it) I wasn't going to lie, so I told her that he has Aspergers (which before the DSM change, that's what he would have been diagnosed with) and tried to spin it in the most positive way. She then told me that her sons (DH and his brother) were diagnosed with autism but instead of getting them help she sent a lawyer after the people offering her services. She was pretty proud of herself about this and insisted that we shouldn't "buy" into all this autism nonsense. DS1 also has pretty severe eczema and she figured she was going to "cure" him of it with essential oils. She will argue with DS1 about the stupidest things, and he's been the correct one or at least logical one each time. She hated DS3 name, again because he's named for someone on my side of the family.
She made a point of giving DS1 and DS3 the nicknames Bubba and Buster because she hates their names (because they are named for my family). She only just started calling DS1 by his name because DS1 one day finally said "grandma, don't you know who I am. I'm _____" and then refused to respond to anything but his name.
BIL (DH's brother) is a man child who still lives with his parents and likes to stir up drama. At the family function above he went on and on, in front of DS1, about how DS1 was stupid and that he was going to have no future because he figured it would piss off his mom. DH and I were pretty pissed and DS1 was so hurt (up until then he thought his uncle was cool). DS1 still brings up about how he's different as if it's bad.
This is just barely the tip of the iceberg of the sheer insanity that is my ILs.
ETA:
BIL was actually married for less than a year, then got divorced because he'd rather live with his mom. Keep in mind MIL stalked him, his ex, and her daughters while they were dating and after they were married. MIL makes a point of stating to anyone and everyone any time she gets how much better off he is.
@finacB 5 weeks is as early as many people find out they're pregnant anyway. You could easily have just found out yourself.
Also, everyone take my love-tits as hugs please. This thread is making me really grateful that there's only person in our family who occasionally makes me crazy, and she lives in a different country. Especially the stories about family being shitty during/related to losses make me so angry. Yuck.
Son, K, 9 | Daughter, C, 5 | Daughter, M, expected November 7, 2016
My husband and I sort of bonded over our families which are both so dysfunctional in their own ways. His family of origin is at least overtly crazy. Mine is more of that insidiously poisonous/perfect-on-the-surface sort. Our lives have gotten so much better with the absence of these people/
Son, K, 9 | Daughter, C, 5 | Daughter, M, expected November 7, 2016
Married: September 2012
Began TTC: September 2015
BFP #1: 10/12/16, EDD: 06/23/15,
(pPROM, 16 wks + emergency D&E 12/31/15)
BFP #2: 03/09/16, EDD: 11/16/16
DH and I have each other's backs against the crazy thrown at us by either of our families. The damage our families caused to our self esteems definitely brought us together with our determination to build each other up.
Although once when we out to eat, our baby was sitting in her lap and reaching for her silverware. My MIL picked up the KNIFE and handed it to my infant daughter to play with! I just gaped at her for a second, slowly took it away, and said "I have some toys here in the diaper bag for her...."
I don't know how to describe her. She's one of those people who believes every urban legend she hears, and SWEARS it was a friend. She believes psychics. She acts like a really thoughtful person, but then she doesn't follow through, like when we had the MC. I think she thought she was helping by talking about her fertility? I don't know. Feels good to vent though. Thanks for listening ladies
Awesome Kid #2: Due November 2016!
But the most recent story we've heard is when they put together their registry, they deliberately were very cost-conscious and didn't add a whole lot to it because of reasons. I guess my husband's little sister saw it and was complaining about it to her brother (the dad-to-be) with something along the lines of "I can't believe [wife] registered for all of this! She won't need half of it and I already bought everything else!" Now mind you, she is barely 20, has no children of her own (though her boyfriend of 1.5 years has a 50/50 custody four-year-old from a previous marriage), and has zero experience with babies. To this day, she apparently hasn't sent them anything because "she hasn't had time to go to the post office".
My story is pretty mild after some of these.
My MIL has, on numerous occasions, ended family functions by flying off the handle at someone, causing people to leave in tears. The Easter before DH and I got married, she flipped out on her mother (who is 85 years old) and violently shook her because she had referred to MIL's boyfriend as her husband. She shook her screaming "STOP CALLING HIM THAT! HE DOESN'T WANT TO MARRY ME!" (wonder why?). My BIL stepped in to stop her, she smacked him a bunch of times, and then everyone left in tears. I ran out to the car and bawled my eyes out because this was going to be my family soon. We ended up going to BIL's, since he lives right down the street and ordering pizza for Easter dinner. He said "Welcome to the family!" and I cried more, haha. I do love my BIL, at least!
MIL and I didn't speak again for a while, and she did eventually apologize and claimed her meds were off and they couldn't figure out how to make her feel normal again. Also, this was not the first time she did something like this at a family gathering... it was just the worst of them. She has been better in recent years, although I've also severely cut back on my contact with her, and we've since moved out of state. Although, she did semi-recently say to me that she used to discipline her kids (DH & BIL) by "beating the sh*t out of them" and that if I ever had kids, I should pray that they're not boys.
I'm really, really nervous about telling her we're pregnant. I'm just afraid she'll become smothering, and it'll also be harder to limit contact with her because she'll want to spend time with her grandchild. She's such a negative person and being around her for too long just brings me down so much. I hope this good news helps with that. I know deep down she has all good intentions... I just worry about how she's going to act during the pregnancy and after the baby is born. We'll see. Maybe she'll surprise me. I hope so, because I do genuinely want to maintain a relationship with her.
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
She's right - I am a terrible housekeeper.
I've heard about nightmare in laws, but really had no idea....
Unexplained infertility
NTNP: 10 years!
TTC: Since 2014
5 IUI: BFN
IVF 1: MC
IVF 2: BFP! DD 11/20/16
The thing that really annoys me is she's all about hubby and our son. She'll tell me all about the stuff she does for them. Two recent examples: I went to the hospital at 7 weeks or so for dehydration. I stayed home the couple days after from work. They were coming over to see H and DS (H is a SAHD). I wanted McDonalds pancakes. They always bring breakfast so I asked where they were going. I was told they had already got H and DS'd breakfast but they'd stop for me too. You were gonna show up without food for the preggo? Wtf? At Easter I was informed that H had something at the bottom of DS's Easter basket. Nada for me. She did the same at my bridal shower. "My" gift had every single season of Seinfeld on dvd at the bottom. She announced it was for H.
I'll start from the beginning. This morning BF woke me up because he was crying. He has horrible anxiety attacks and I assumed that's what it was this time.
He never cries. He flew down the stairs once and didn't shed a tear.
He then explains to me that he has a severe staph infection. He used to get them all the time when his blood sugars would get too high.
So his leg is swelled to double its normal size. Is literally hot to touch and is in so much pain.
So we get up, I had the good sense to get dressed and I drove him to the emergency room.
After waiting 4 hours a Dr finally was able to see him and yes he has the infection.
So after we talked to the doc I called his mom to let her know what was going on.
So it makes perfect sense I guess that she would come visit. Which is fine. And she's going to stay the night. Also fine. She then tells me that her and I have to go grocery shopping because its 100% MY fault that he has this infection.
Excuse me ? No its not my fault. I am a contributing bad influence LATELY about the bad (ish) food we've been eating.
So we go shopping. She goes off about how I'm trying to ensure he doesn't live long, I don't want him healthy and that I should feel ashamed.
So not only am I pregnant and emotional, but she's being really hard on me, I am exhausted and I was really hungry.
So I let it go. Not worth the fight.
We get home and she decides to do yard work. I decide to go have a quick nap.
She tore up our front yard. I was looking forward to making it look nice this year but that's out.
I sound like a whiny little bitch. I needed to vent over the worst day ever.
DH and I started dating in hs (we're in our 30s now). Since I was 16 (!) she had been asking when we would have kids. She was so excited to be a grandma (DH is an only).
Fastforward to our mid 20s when DS is born. We're in the hospital and everyone and to have a party (epidurals are amazing, y'all)...except MIL. She has to work at a grocery store and can't be there. Mind you, there is nothing wrong with having a job/career in a grocery store - it's just that she finds a new "career" almost every month. She said her boss wouldn't let her have the day off, so DH called her boss pissed - she didn't even tell them or request to be let off early or anything. Fast forward 2 weeks, and she left that "career" to work somewhere else.
A few years later, as she's getting divorced from FIL, she already has a new bf online from Australia. As soon as FIL is out the door, new guy moves in. So far they have been divorced 2 years. She's been engaged 2 times and lived with 3 different men. Her Facebook can only be described as "bewbs." Super embarrassing for DH.
Thank goodness we moved out of state and only have to deal with her craziness from a distance. DS misses her, but she calls maybe once every other month to talk to him
Me- I love Levi for a boy
Her- Ew like the jeans?
Me- Wyatt is a great, strong name too
Her- Yeah if you're a (cue pretending to have a thick southern accent) cowboyyyy
Me- Well, it has to be what we like. We can't make everyone happy.
Her- you'd make me happy if the baby was named after me
Me- Right but your name is Gail so...
Her- Well you could name a girl Gail
Me- *eyeroll* yeah definitely...for sure
Her- Seeeeee????! (Yelling to DH upstairs) even SHE likes Gail for a name!!!
Me- *sipping coffee*
Her- GASP is that coffee?!!?
Me- it is, yeah
Her- HOLY have a little COFFEE with your milk jeeze
Me- I like milk in my coffee...you don't drink coffee so anything seems weird to you
Her- well you shouldn't be drinking that poison anyway. That baby has no control over what goes in your body and it's in there trying to handle a bunch of caffeine
Me- A cup a day is fine, Gail
Her- Well when it comes out with withdrawals don't come crying to me!
Her- I'm glad you guys are pregnant again but there's no way I'll care about this kid as much as I do the first one.
plus she's crazy. Plus she can cry on cue. Plus she's stolen money from us. Plus a million other daily occurrences that I'm too lazy to type.
I'm sad we can't have the same close relationship like we do with my parents, and I wish he had had a better home life growing up, but it's really the better option over dealing with her games and emotional abuse. When and if DH wants to get back in contact, I'll support him, but I'm so glad I don't have to deal with her through this pregnancy like I did with our wedding.
(It's not the worst, but I'll never forget the essay-length email calling DH pussy whipped because I wanted my ailing grandfather to be able to attend the rehearsal dinner. Such a lovely woman.)
so my situation is a bit different. My MIL is sort of amazing to me. She is loving, attentive and respectful to me. She takes care of my son and is a great gma. But she is really hard on DH. She never tells him she loves him or is proud of him or compliments him. Instead she questions everything he does and is critical of him. It makes him super self conscious. It makes me blood boil. I never know what to do. I want to stand up to her and defend him, and at times I have. But whenever I do H tells me not to. He says she can't help herself and it's not worth ruining my relationship with her. But how can I have a good relationship with her when it's at my loves expense?! It's confusing...
I give massive props to all of you who I've avoided murder charges to date. Y'all my heros right now.
She can be quite rude though, and I don't know if I'll ever forget when she came to visit and we were talking about what to do that day and she took the baby from me and said "I'll watch the baby, you can clean." Matter of fact, super stern...as if that was actually going to happen, uh, no.
She also has to one-up me on everything. If my daughter walked at 11 months, DH did so at 8 months. She nursed longer than me, and DH potty trained earlier than my daughter did. He also ate better and slept better. As much as she thought DH was heaven-sent (he was immaculately conceived according to her - truly, that story came from her lips, I swear it!!), she doesn't give him any positive recognition anymore. It hurt my heart so much when she came out for his graduation from the Police Academy and her only congratulation she gave him was in response to his salary and "You're finally a real man now." I couldn't let that one fly, not that she actually heard anything I said in response.
It also irks the stink out of me when she calls my daughter "my baby" or "our baby" as if she actually does anything to spend time or develop a real relationship with her - the last time she was here to visit ("to see the baby") she was either on her iPad on my couch while my daughter was playing in her room or outside and/or hiding in their travel trailer reading books. Yes, a real quality relationship.