November 2016 Moms

Stories of in-laws driving us mad/crazy/angry...

This thread is for @HomeyDontPlayThat and all the other ladies who can relate....

I will go first. MIL ain't as bad (as say BIL, who's feeling lonely and barges into our bedroom over the holidays while DH and I are already in bed, together) - not terrible bc she's a proud lady who wants to keep up appearances.

Once I got sick but still wanted to travel for the holidays bc DH and I were in school and doing long distance and the holidays were a rare oppty to be together. When I told my in laws I was still going to come but take meds, she emailed my mom and told her she felt sorry I couldn't come that year but none of her family or holiday guests could afford to catch anything from me. My mom was livid and booked me a flight to my childhood home instead (DH was studying there too), and DH stayed with me some of that time (he cancelled his flight home to please me, but didn't visit me every day to please MIL). I was mad that he didn't side completely with his wife, but at least he made sure to cancel his flight home. 

Re: Stories of in-laws driving us mad/crazy/angry...

  • @KilgraveMadeMeDoItyou win. That's easily the worst in-laws story I've ever heard. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that utter horse shit while going through a loss.
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  • FiancBFiancB member
    edited April 2016
    Wow @KilgraveMadeMeDoIt I hope you two never speak to her again. Family, shmamily, in that kind of scenario. 

    Also loss related so TW

    My husband's parents took it really badly when I miscarried. We had very open communication with them- they knew we were pregnant the day after we did, they knew right away when the u/s didn't go well, they knew I had surgery. Somehow when we finally saw them in person though, they didn't say a thing about it and somehow I was being a weirdo bitch that wasn't communicating. Umm you guys knew literally every detail, wtf do you want? Pics of the toilet bowl? They also only communicated to H about it, never reached out to ME to tell me how sorry they were. They made it all about themselves, like I did this to them. 

    So anyway with this pregnancy we decided we would wait to tell them. We caved and told them at 5 weeks because I'd been in a car accident and had an u/s so I gave H the go-ahead. They wanted to know why we didn't tell them right away. LOLOLOL really? You think 5 weeks is waiting a long time, especially after the way you acted? So many people don't tell a soul until 12 weeks! Now I wish we would've waited til I was freakin' crowning, though I was still a little smug that they were all butthurt about it. 

    I always got along well with them before this and really don't have it so bad but yeah, still holding a grudge and probably always will. My parents can be incredibly insensitive and even they had the sense to say they were sorry, send a freakin' card, and weren't too chicken to talk about it to us in person when they got the chance. 

    ETA: my sister definitely has me beat though. Her MIL has since been disowned but just a sampling of her kind of behavior: they have one adopted kid and MIL wouldn't send him Christmas or birthday gifts but would the others since he wasn't biological. The rest was an awful lot like Kilgrave's, plus lots of abuse of her husband in the past. 
  • @KilgraveMadeMeDoIt  - wow. just wow. :(

    My MIL refers to all her grandchildren as "my babies" and "her baby". She is a bit of a "baby addict" (works in her church's baby nursery, fostered babies even though her husband hated it) and I'm terrified of her trying to hijack my first child. One of my BIL/SILs live with her at the moment (with 2 kids under 2) so i've be spared a lot of nosiness because she has 2 of her grandchildren under her roof, but that's changing in June... She has a bad habit of just moving in with my BILs/SILs for weeks at a time to spend time with her grandkids. I have already told DH that if she tries that with us it will end our marriage- she is a debbie-downer to the max and drives me crazy. Thankfully he's on the same page. 

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  • I used to think my MIL was BSC but after listening to you guys and poor @HomeyDontPlayThat I am realizing just how lucky I really am. The only thing I can really complain about is that my MIL (who is actually DH's step mom) makes me extremely uncomfortable to be around, and she effects many others this way too as I can attest after conversations with my SIL. My BOL and his wife even stopped talking to her and DH's dad for almost a year because of awkwardness that I wont go into right now.

    As far as my personal interactions with her Ill just say that she is the queen of passive aggressive. Not only that but she is clinically depressed, on anti-depressant meds that don't always work, anorexic, and a born again christian. What this all really means is that she is VERY sensitive and emotional ALL THE TIME. You have to be so careful around her and its almost impossible not to upset her.
    For example when she found out we had picked one of my cousins to be legal guardian of our daughter if anything should ever happen to me or my husband she broke down crying and locked herself in her room for a half hour.
    If I don't respond to her texts in a cheerful upbeat way she will literally call me and ask me what she has done to upset me..? Um nothing? You are reading way to much into the text ok?
    When we got married she decided not to come because she was "not feeling up to it". I mean I get that she struggles with depression but it was our wedding. Maybe Im being insensitive, I honestly don't know how hard the depression thing is for her so I tend to let that one pass but it still bothered me she didn't come.
    She started following me on Pintrest and literally unfollows me and decides to re-follow me periodically based on if what I'm pinning upsets her (think political or religious e-cards) . I know this because I get a notification every time she starts following me again so I'm like, OK, I guess you are over being upset at me again. 
    She will send out emails trying to lock down holiday plans 2 years in advance. I'm like, DUDE do we really need to be planning this now? But heaven forbid I not act excited about it or respond in anything other than an I'm totally on board kind of way.
    Anyway... I could go on. Its not terrible stuff but when it adds up it just gets super exhausting trying to manage how your actions are going to effect her and I dont always try and then have to deal with the backlash. 
  • aquasocksaquasocks member
    edited May 2016
    Edit- Removed for privacy reasons. 
    Awesome Kid #1: Born September 2013!
    Awesome Kid #2: Due November 2016!
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  • I'm so sorry for all of you dealing with horrible ILs or parents. Our only crazy is SIL who has tried for 3 years now to give my severely peanut allergic child food containing nuts, hasn't understood me being careful about anything and everything DD eats, or thrown a tantrum when I asked that she keep nuts and foods containing them out of reach of my then-toddler who didn't understand at the time that they could literally KILL her.
  • shevaCC said:
    I'm so sorry for all of you dealing with horrible ILs or parents. Our only crazy is SIL who has tried for 3 years now to give my severely peanut allergic child food containing nuts, hasn't understood me being careful about anything and everything DD eats, or thrown a tantrum when I asked that she keep nuts and foods containing them out of reach of my then-toddler who didn't understand at the time that they could literally KILL her.
    We had this issue too. only it was my former mother in law, she never ever understood or took my word for these allergies! 
  • You ladies make my MIL look like a damn Saint. I thought she was BSC when she offered to sew my wedding dress.  Now I see you all are on a whole other level. I am so sorry that any of you were treated this way. I want to kick your MIL's teeth in. 
  • Oh can't forget when she emptied DH's bank account to punish him for dating me and later backing into his car (causing $2500 of damage) when he told them he was marrying me.
  • banfrog said:
    Oh can't forget when she emptied DH's bank account to punish him for dating me and later backing into his car (causing $2500 of damage) when he told them he was marrying me.
    And you have no clue why she has a problem with you? Are you of a different race than your husband? (read: is she racist?) Different religion? Age difference? Or is she just BSC? Also, I am not trying to justify her just maybe learn a little more about this nightmare. 
  • @TucknBoom BSC is the consensus  of DH's extended family. She's got control issues and did a number on her sons's self esteems. She insisted no woman could ever love them. She's super pleased BIL's marriage failed.  
  • @banfrog Yikes. I am so sorry. 
  • shevaCC said:
    I'm so sorry for all of you dealing with horrible ILs or parents. Our only crazy is SIL who has tried for 3 years now to give my severely peanut allergic child food containing nuts, hasn't understood me being careful about anything and everything DD eats, or thrown a tantrum when I asked that she keep nuts and foods containing them out of reach of my then-toddler who didn't understand at the time that they could literally KILL her.
    I would legitimately threaten (with full intent to follow through) to call the police if they gave my child something they were severely allergic to. That's right out assault. Attempted murder, even. Not cool at all. That's insane. 

    Son, K, 9 | Daughter, C, 5 | Daughter, M, expected November 7, 2016
  • I'm so sorry that there are others who deal with crazy ILs too, but it's nice to know I'm not alone. 

    My husband and I sort of bonded over our families which are both so dysfunctional in their own ways. His family of origin is at least overtly crazy. Mine is more of that insidiously poisonous/perfect-on-the-surface sort. Our lives have gotten so much better with the absence of these people/ 

    Son, K, 9 | Daughter, C, 5 | Daughter, M, expected November 7, 2016
  • lilwonderlilwonder member
    edited May 2016
    Edit: removed for privacy reasons
    Me: 31, DH: 31
    Married: September 2012
    Began TTC: September 2015
    BFP #1: 10/12/16, EDD: 06/23/15,
    (pPROM, 16 wks + emergency D&E 12/31/15)
    BFP #2: 03/09/16, EDD: 11/16/16

  • @KilgraveMadeMeDoIt Here here on that one.

    DH and I have each other's backs against the crazy thrown at us by either of our families. The damage our families caused to our self esteems definitely brought us together with our determination to build each other up.
  • Woooowww. Some these.. Geesh. I feel kinda bad now, because my mother in law isn't a bad person, and she does like me and I like her. I would lose my shiiiiittt if she put my kid in danger.

    Although once when we out to eat, our baby was sitting in her lap and reaching for her silverware. My MIL picked up the KNIFE and handed it to my infant daughter to play with! I just gaped at her for a second, slowly took it away, and said "I have some toys here in the diaper bag for her...."

    I don't know how to describe her. She's one of those people who believes every urban legend she hears, and SWEARS it was a friend. She believes psychics. She acts like a really thoughtful person, but then she doesn't follow through, like when we had the MC. I think she thought she was helping by talking about her fertility? I don't know. Feels good to vent though. Thanks for listening ladies :)
    Awesome Kid #1: Born September 2013!
    Awesome Kid #2: Due November 2016!
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  • I have a very limited number of in-laws (lots of premature deaths in that family). There's been some drama in the past with me not being accepted as family by them, but so far not very much baby stuff. But I know it's coming. My husband's brother and his wife just had a baby in January and hearing their stories...and they like her, I can only imagine what stunts they'll pull with me. 

    But the most recent story we've heard is when they put together their registry, they deliberately were very cost-conscious and didn't add a whole lot to it because of reasons. I guess my husband's little sister saw it and was complaining about it to her brother (the dad-to-be) with something along the lines of "I can't believe [wife] registered for all of this! She won't need half of it and I already bought everything else!" Now mind you, she is barely 20, has no children of her own (though her boyfriend of 1.5 years has a 50/50 custody four-year-old from a previous marriage), and has zero experience with babies. To this day, she apparently hasn't sent them anything because "she hasn't had time to go to the post office".
  • I second @SRose109 that my love-its are meant as hugs because these are awful!  Also, she said love-tits, tee hee!

    My story is pretty mild after some of these.

    My MIL has, on numerous occasions, ended family functions by flying off the handle at someone, causing people to leave in tears.  The Easter before DH and I got married, she flipped out on her mother (who is 85 years old) and violently shook her because she had referred to MIL's boyfriend as her husband.  She shook her screaming "STOP CALLING HIM THAT! HE DOESN'T WANT TO MARRY ME!" (wonder why?).  My BIL stepped in to stop her, she smacked him a bunch of times, and then everyone left in tears.  I ran out to the car and bawled my eyes out because this was going to be my family soon.  We ended up going to BIL's, since he lives right down the street and ordering pizza for Easter dinner.  He said "Welcome to the family!" and I cried more, haha.  I do love my BIL, at least!

    MIL and I didn't speak again for a while, and she did eventually apologize and claimed her meds were off and they couldn't figure out how to make her feel normal again.  Also, this was not the first time she did something like this at a family gathering... it was just the worst of them.  She has been better in recent years, although I've also severely cut back on my contact with her, and we've since moved out of state.  Although, she did semi-recently say to me that she used to discipline her kids (DH & BIL) by "beating the sh*t out of them" and that if I ever had kids, I should pray that they're not boys.

    I'm really, really nervous about telling her we're pregnant.  I'm just afraid she'll become smothering, and it'll also be harder to limit contact with her because she'll want to spend time with her grandchild.  She's such a negative person and being around her for too long just brings me down so much.  I hope this good news helps with that.  I know deep down she has all good intentions... I just worry about how she's going to act during the pregnancy and after the baby is born.  We'll see.  Maybe she'll surprise me.  I hope so, because I do genuinely want to maintain a relationship with her.
    Me: 35 | H: 40
    Married Sept. 2013
    DS1: Nov 11, 2016 <3
    MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
    CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
    BFP!  8/24/19
    DS2: May 10, 2020 <3

  • After reading all of these, I promise I will never again complain about my in laws who stay at my house for weeks at a time.  Sheesh- the worst my MIL does is clean my house, and it makes me feel bad.
    She's right - I am a terrible housekeeper. 
    I've heard about nightmare in laws, but really had no idea....
    Age:  39 and holding
    Unexplained infertility
    NTNP: 10 years! 
    TTC: Since 2014
    5 IUI:  BFN
    IVF 1:  MC
    IVF 2:  BFP!  DD 11/20/16

  • My MIL hasn't accepted me and is neurotic but she's no where near the BSC y'all are describing. Wow!

    The thing that really annoys me is she's all about hubby and our son. She'll tell me all about the stuff she does for them. Two recent examples: I went to the hospital at 7 weeks or so for dehydration. I stayed home the couple days after from work. They were coming over to see H and DS (H is a SAHD). I wanted McDonalds pancakes. They always bring breakfast so I asked where they were going. I was told they had already got H and DS'd breakfast but they'd stop for me too. You were gonna show up without food for the preggo? Wtf? At Easter I was informed that H had something at the bottom of DS's Easter basket. Nada for me. She did the same at my bridal shower. "My" gift had every single season of Seinfeld on dvd at the bottom. She announced it was for H. 
  • @Hedgessm My MIL is the same about gifts. I don't ask or expect anything, but every Christmas she sticks my name on a gift very obviously meant for DH (think like a men's grooming kit). The one nice thing she actually got me, she demanded back a few months later.
  • My MIL is not as bad as described above at all. But she is most definitely good at getting under my skin. 
    I'll start from the beginning. This morning BF woke me up because he was crying. He has horrible anxiety attacks and I assumed that's what it was this time. 
    He never cries. He flew down the stairs once and didn't shed a tear. 
    He then explains to me that he has a severe staph infection. He used to get them all the time when his blood sugars would get too high. 
    So his leg is swelled to double its normal size. Is literally hot to touch and is in so much pain. 
    So we get up, I had the good sense to get dressed and I drove him to the emergency room. 
    After waiting 4 hours a Dr finally was able to see him and yes he has the infection. 
    So after we talked to the doc I called his mom to let her know what was going on. 
    So it makes perfect sense I guess that she would come visit. Which is fine. And she's going to stay the night. Also fine. She then tells me that her and I have to go grocery shopping because its 100% MY fault that he has this infection. 
    Excuse me ? No its not my fault. I am a contributing bad influence LATELY about the bad (ish) food we've been eating. 
    So we go shopping. She goes off about how I'm trying to ensure he doesn't live long, I don't want him healthy and that I should feel ashamed. 
    So not only am I pregnant and emotional, but she's being really hard on me, I am exhausted and I was really hungry. 
    So I let it go. Not worth the fight. 
    We get home and she decides to do yard work. I decide to go have a quick nap. 
    She tore up our front yard. I was looking forward to making it look nice this year but that's out. 
    I sound like a whiny little bitch. I needed to vent over the worst day ever. 
  • @pinnerkyou absolutely do not sound like a whiny little bitch. You sound like a person who had an AWFUL day. Of course it's not your fault that he got sick. I can't even conjure up a response to his mom saying you don't want him to live long. That's beyond horrible, and totally insane. I hope your BF feels better soon, and then gives his mother a fricken earful for treating you so badly.
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  • Definitely don't have a complete monster in law, but still crazy nonetheless.

    DH and I started dating in hs (we're in our 30s now). Since I was 16 (!) she had been asking when we would have kids. She was so excited to be a grandma (DH is an only). 

    Fastforward to our mid 20s when DS is born. We're in the hospital and everyone and to have a party (epidurals are amazing, y'all)...except MIL. She has to work at a grocery store and can't be there. Mind you, there is nothing wrong with having a job/career in a grocery store - it's just that she finds a new "career" almost every month. She said her boss wouldn't let her have the day off, so DH called her boss pissed - she didn't even tell them or request to be let off early or anything. Fast forward 2 weeks, and she left that "career" to work somewhere else. 

    A few years later, as she's getting divorced from FIL, she already has a new bf online from Australia. As soon as FIL is out the door, new guy moves in. So far they have been divorced 2 years. She's been engaged 2 times and lived with 3 different men. Her Facebook can only be described as "bewbs." Super embarrassing for DH.

    Thank goodness we moved out of state and only have to deal with her craziness from a distance. DS misses her, but she calls maybe once every other month to talk to him :/
  • Mother In Law and my conversation about baby names:
    Me- I love Levi for a boy
    Her- Ew like the jeans?
    Me- Wyatt is a great, strong name too
    Her- Yeah if you're a (cue pretending to have a thick southern accent) cowboyyyy
    Me- Well, it has to be what we like. We can't make everyone happy. 
    Her- you'd make me happy if the baby was named after me 
    Me- Right but your name is Gail so...
    Her- Well you could name a girl Gail
    Me- *eyeroll* yeah definitely...for sure
    Her- Seeeeee????! (Yelling to DH upstairs) even SHE likes Gail for a name!!! 

    Me- *sipping coffee*
    Her- GASP is that coffee?!!?
    Me- it is, yeah 
    Her- HOLY have a little COFFEE with your milk jeeze 
    Me- I like milk in my don't drink coffee so anything seems weird to you
    Her- well you shouldn't be drinking that poison anyway. That baby has no control over what goes in your body and it's in there trying to handle a bunch of caffeine 
    Me- A cup a day is fine, Gail 
    Her- Well when it comes out with withdrawals don't come crying to me!

    Her- I'm glad you guys are pregnant again but there's no way I'll care about this kid as much as I do the first one. 

    plus she's crazy. Plus she can cry on cue. Plus she's stolen money from us. Plus a million other daily occurrences that I'm too lazy to type. 
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  • My MIL is pretty tame compared to the rest of you :-) She was raised by Holocaust survivors and is a very serious person. She is 'happy' about the baby, but there have also been some little comments about how expensive babies are, how they will cry all night and keep my husband awake, how they can cause stress in the marriage etc. I get where all of this comes from, but it's hard on my husband and I don't like that. I can handle his mom, but it's harder for him :-)
  • edited April 2016
    MIL will not stop asking about the sex of the baby. We had the blood test so I called the nurse and told her to call MIL with the results and that I'm not ready to know yet. I don't know when I'll be ready but it's not now!!!!!
  • lin0442lin0442 member
    My MIL is BSC, like a textbook case of narcissistic personality disorder, but thankfully DH doesn't talk to her anymore and she lives on the other side of the country. 

    I'm sad we can't have the same close relationship like we do with my parents, and I wish he had had a better home life growing up, but it's really the better option over dealing with her games and emotional abuse. When and if DH wants to get back in contact, I'll support him, but I'm so glad I don't have to deal with her through this pregnancy like I did with our wedding. 

    (It's not the worst, but I'll never forget the essay-length email calling DH pussy whipped because I wanted my ailing grandfather to be able to attend the rehearsal dinner. Such a lovely woman.)
  • Oy vey ladies!! I want to drop kick your ILs!!!! 
    so my situation is a bit different. My MIL is sort of amazing to me. She is loving, attentive and respectful to me. She takes care of my son and is a great gma.  But she is really hard on DH. She never tells him she loves him or is proud of him or compliments him. Instead she questions everything he does and is critical of him. It makes him super self conscious. It makes me blood boil. I never know what to do. I want to stand up to her and defend him, and at times I have. But whenever I do H tells me not to. He says she can't help herself and it's not worth ruining my relationship with her. But how can I have a good relationship with her when it's at my loves expense?! It's confusing...
  • I can't even imagine what some of you ladies have to deal with. My MIL droves me nuts, but she's an angel compared to some of your stories. I think our bigger issue is that we don't know each other very well as the IL's live a 10hr drive from here. 

    I give massive props to all of you who I've avoided murder charges to date. Y'all my heros right now. 
  • ficbotficbot member
    @Thewizardofrhythm My MIL always makes a point of complimenting me on how clean my house is every time she comes over. It turned out my husband complained once that she isn't 'nice' and this seems to be her way of manifesting her niceness to me :-) It's partly that she truly isn't as 'nice' to her own kids (I guess if there is anything wrong with me, it's my own mother's fault and not hers). But my husband also can get very triggered by her. One of his ongoing personal issues to work on has been to try and respond better. He can't change her behaviour so he has to change his own.
  • I thought my MIL had her moments, but they really do seem mild! 

    She can be quite rude though, and I don't know if I'll ever forget when she came to visit and we were talking about what to do that day and she took the baby from me and said "I'll watch the baby, you can clean." Matter of fact, super if that was actually going to happen, uh, no.

    She also has to one-up me on everything. If my daughter walked at 11 months, DH did so at 8 months. She nursed longer than me, and DH potty trained earlier than my daughter did. He also ate better and slept better. As much as she thought DH was heaven-sent (he was immaculately conceived according to her - truly, that story came from her lips, I swear it!!), she doesn't give him any positive recognition anymore. It hurt my heart so much when she came out for his graduation from the Police Academy and her only congratulation she gave him was in response to his salary and "You're finally a real man now." I couldn't let that one fly, not that she actually heard anything I said in response. 

    It also irks the stink out of me when she calls my daughter "my baby" or "our baby" as if she actually does anything to spend time or develop a real relationship with her - the last time she was here to visit ("to see the baby") she was either on her iPad on my couch while my daughter was playing in her room or outside and/or hiding in their travel trailer reading books. Yes, a real quality relationship. 

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  • I can now post in this thread. My MIL is an incredibly sweet lady, BUT, she is getting clingy already from 3 states away. DH and I are going to visit my family out of town for memorial day weekend. The main reason we're going up there is for my brother and future SIL's bridal shower. While we are up there we're also going to be having a gender reveal cake for funsies on a different day than the bridal shower. So I'm telling my MIL this and now she's talking about flying over JUST FOR THE FUCKING CAKE REVEAL. We have nowhere for her to stay as we're not even sure where we'll be staying yet and honestly it's just completely unnecessary. That plane ticket will cost about $500+ for a round trip and will just be a waste. 
    Grayson Matthew Due 11/4/16
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  • shevaCCshevaCC member
    @NavyBride93, skype? That way she can "see" the reveal but not have to travel/be in your hair.
  • shevaCC said:
    @NavyBride93, skype? That way she can "see" the reveal but not have to travel/be in your hair.
    That's one of the things I'm going to propose to her. I really don't want to deal with her travel while dh and I already traveled (6 hours in the car) to get there.
    Grayson Matthew Due 11/4/16
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker

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