Due date/wedding day controversy~RANT

1mae2016 · April 2016

sorry this is so long, but...
My due date is May 26th and my step sister is getting married May 22nd. We live in Georgia but she is having her wedding in North Carolina which means that everyone will have to get a hotel room up there and it is going to be over a course of a few days due the reception, wedding, and "after party" she has planned.
We already don't get along that great (she sent out invitations before anyone knew I was pregnant and I wasn't invited) but she did come to my baby shower this past weekend and got the baby a really thoughtful gift which I was super appreciative of. I tried making small talk with her and thought maybe everything was going to be cool until someone had to ask a verification of my due date. After telling everyone it was May 26th, my Aunt said, "Well, let's hope you go into labor on the EDD or maybe even after so that you don't ruin (step sisters name)'s wedding".
I just kind of sat there and looked at my Aunt with a face of irritation and to everyone else nodding in aggrence. My step sistes face was a look of slight smugness and envy though. I replied with, "We didn't exactly plan this baby and I don't have control over when she decides to show up" and then my whole shower was an awkward moment of silence for what felt like forever.
Honestly, I'm kind of upset. I don't really know how to approach the matter, not that there is anything I can really do about any of it, but I don't think my step sister realizes how petty it is to be upset with my over my due date. I guess she's afraid people will miss her wedding? But, honestly, I don't want anyone coming to see us while we're in the hospital anyways.
Edited: diction

gamommyx3 · April 2016

What an incredibly ignorant thing to say. Even if you had planned the baby you couldn't predict when she would be born! Wtf are you supposed to do, just sit there and clench your vag if you go into labor before her wedding???

Also if one or two people did happen to miss her wedding and that "ruined" her day she has some serious issues that extend waaay beyond you. Are last minute cancelations annoying? Yup. Did they detract from my wedding day in any way? Hell no.

I'd be upset too. Maybe you can tell her that in light of her concerns, you've elected to move your EDD to the 1st week of June and be the first person in history to willfully extend the human gestational period beyond the 40 weeks that nature and science have assigned it. If she doesn't realize the ridiculousness of being upset after that then F her.

kyliebur · April 2016

I wouldn't sweat it. Hard to justify her being upset if you weren't even originally invited? You have way more important things to focus on. Just brush off those snotty comments. And if they are that insensitive and have such a lack of understanding, you probably won't be able to resolve the matter anytime soon.
I've been through a lot of family drama myself and have learned to just do what's best for me and MY immediate family. If people aren't cool with that, oh well. They will either get over it OR I will rest assured knowing my life is better off without the drama they bring.

mrstmoose · April 2016

I agree with PP. In all honesty, since you don't get along all that well, I would send a nice wedding gift and not waste your time or energy going out of state 4 days before your due date. I don't know why they think you have control over when your baby comes, unless you have to schedule an induction or c-section. People are dumb.

LadySamLady · April 2016

I agree with PP. Do your best not to let it get to you and focus on what matters, you and your LO! Weddings can bring out the worst in people sometimes. I remember being upset for a minute when my SIL got engaged the day before my wedding because I thought she was stealing my thunder. The day after my wedding I realized I was being stupid and that there was enough joy to go around, there is no such thing as stealing someone's thunder. I hadn't vocalized my immature feelings luckily, but I still felt guilty about it.

codeeye · April 2016

I'm so sorry, your step sister sounds terrible. I can't imagine how you would be feeling. I thought I was angry when someone at my fellas work mentioned that I should "keep my legs squeezed tight until after this weeks training" umm no. Babes come when they want to, and nothing is more important.

gracesmama · April 2016

Awe sorry that comment was made!! How hurtful! They should be happy to be welcoming in a new family member

rather be than complain about you ruining a wedding day... Oh please. I would do what a previous post mentioned, send a nice gift and don't worry about traveling that close to your due date! I wouldn't even consider it, for your comfort and safety I feel like your family should support you staying home that close to you EDD.

Ps. My due date is also May 26!

good luck with everything!

emsned · April 2016

First, let me tell you how sorry I am that your family isn't more understanding and excited for your bundle of joy, no matter when your DD is! It's incredible how insensitive people can be. This is one of the biggest events of your life too, and is extremely important to celebrate. I hope you don't think of it as something that "ruins" someone else's day just based on your family's behavior, because you have the right to be excited!

Second, I want to echo the idea that you stay home. I am 7 days from my EDD, and let me tell you, I am incredibly uncomfortable and also having random contractions with extreme cervix pains. As much as my friends want to hang out and see me, I just have no desire to be this uncomfortable and in pain in front of them. When you're that close to your due date, it might not be in your best interest to drive that far away from your planned hospital. Also, I feel like my distracted and pained attitude would probably "ruin" your step-sisters day more than my absence would. That is of course just my point of view though, and you may feel fine that week. But based on your family's attitude, I think you deserve a nice, relaxing, drama-free week leading up to labor.

Tawny87 · April 2016

Lurking from June:

Wow!!! That is sooooo incredibly rude to say, especially at your shower. I would have accidentally tripped and spilled punch on her ; )

My best friend, who has known my due date (June 6) since October scheduled a trip to Hawaii last week of May to beginning of June and has told me repeatedly that I better not have my baby until she gets back. Seriously WTF is wrong with people?!

durbie92 · April 2016

Or.....go to the wedding, eat a lot of pineapple and go into labor very loudly as they say I Do! Sorry, very snarky today

. Seriously tho, I'm sorry that happened, some people have no couth. I'd send a gift and enjoy your last few days before LO comes. Rest and take care of you and LO!!! Hugs!

Pascal86 · April 2016

Wait, my read on this was that you were not even invited, she's just worried that you'll have the baby early and your mutual friends and family will skip her wedding to be with you or go visit your new baby or something. If I'm right on that, that's super obnoxious. And just dumb, because I'm assuming you won't want a whole wedding party showing up while you're giving birth, or right after, so she probably shouldn't worry.

Reminds me of when I told a friend I was pregnant (told her at thanksgiving) and the first thing she said was, "looks like you can't come to my 30th birthday weekend." (Which is in June). Some people are only able to address other people's situations in terms of how it effects them, and it's really annoying.

lizChesnut · April 2016

She didn't even invite you! What a B-word! Send a "nice gift" and you enjoy your baby!she sounds like no good drama!

Myzticsunshine · April 2016

Wow, I'm seriously ticked off for you chick. Honestly, your step sister sounds annoying, but it's your aunt that really takes the twat of the year award. I'm sorry, but babies are, like, a million times more special and meaningful than weddings. Especially these days. A baby is a living, breathing, beautiful out of body type experience. The most pure love. A wedding is just an overblown excuse to show off and spend too much money for a union that people only kind of want to witness because they want to make use of your open bar. I mean, geez.

Well, you may not know me, but I'm super stoked for you. And none of that will even matter when you meet L/O. It really is better to not have people bombarding you in the hospital anyway.

1mae2016 · April 2016

Thank you for all of your comments. I'm definitely not going to the wedding, regardless of invite or not, I was just super irritated and wanted some reassurance. Lol. I think I will be the bigger woman and send her a super thoughtful "Thank You" card and a nice wedding gift.

LemmyRN · April 2016

Sounds like this would be a perfect gift
@1mae2016

BlueJuice · April 2016

People are rude, yo. If you're already not going to this wedding (which is what it sounds like, although I'm not quite clear whether that's because she didn't invite you or because you're not interested in traveling so far within a week of your EDD), it's not like you're even inconveniencing her by potentially having to change your RSVP at the last second. There is basically no way for your baby to 'ruin' her wedding.

My brother is getting married literally 1 day before my EDD (what can I say, we suck at planning in my family!), although only about an hour out of town. Obviously I have no idea exactly how this will work out: I might still be pregnant by then, or I might have a baby already, or I might randomly go into labor at his wedding..... but in any case, the wedding will happen. The baby's delivery will happen. It will all work out.

ahire01 · April 2016

I agree! Don't sweat it. There's nothing you can do; she's probably just upset you could steal the show. Do whatever feels right to you...this coming from someone who missed my BIL'S wedding because our son came 6 days late, ON their wedding day. And my husband was supposed to be the best man. They got over it, your sister should too.