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Houston Babies
BF moms...weaning help needed please
I never thought I would be here. I hit a wall at 9 months and thought, ok, I am done I don't want to BF any more. With help from all of you and especially Viula I got past it and things got better, easier. Amelia never took a bottle so I am her one and only. She of course takes sippy cups of juice and water, but no breastmilk.
I am still nursing Amelia once a day and we're having a hard time letting go. "We" meaning Amelia would nurse indefinitely if I let and and well, I just don't know how to let go. Amelia is walking everywhere, talking up a storm and doing so many big girl things. I guess that I am just having a terrible time letting go of her infancy. How in the world did you quit? Does the guilt go away quickly? I know that I'll cry, I know she'll cry (a lot), but I also know that it's time to let her grow and become even more independent.
I just don't know how to let go...
I really appreciate any advice or support you can offer.
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Re: BF moms...weaning help needed please
These things make it sounds like you're not really ready to quit. You don't have to! Have you considered keeping the one session a day? I don't think nursing conflicts with "big girl things." JMO though. Good luck whatever you choose! I know it's emotional.
thanks for the shout out. i am so glad my experiences were helpful to you. i think the best thing is often knowing you are not alone in your trials of motherhood
congrats on making it to 1~
that being said, you are in no way, not at all, stifling her or holding her back by letting her nurse once a day. in fact, as she becomes more independent that is like her home base. it enables her to explore her world more b/c she knows the comfort she has had since the day she was born is there for her. now, that is no reason not to wean. there is a line where it's enough but you;re not even near that yet.
i quit when i just knew it was time. Turtle was down to once a day, i was only producing on one side and he was barely nursing. i knew it was the end of the road and that there was no reason to continue. it was hard and we struggled but only for a short time. that was my sign that it was the right thing.
will the guilt go away quickly? it should. you have nothing to feel guilty about. you have given your daughter an incredible gift and set her on a healthy and happy path. but it's not a road that goes on forever. it ends.
so, in the end, my advice is cut it out gradually. there is no need to go cold turkey. when is she nursing? truitt was in the morning. so, when he woke up i got some yogurt in him right away and kept him occupied. in the 1st week there were some times i had to nurse him. in the 2nd week, i maybe nursed 2x. by the 3rd week, he wanted to nurse one morning but was used enough to the distraction that he fussed for a short time and was over it. after that i did go OOT for 5 days but when i came back he had pretty much forgotten all about it...
so, you'll get there. slow and steady wins the race
that is what you have already been doing so just look at when and why Amelia is nursing at this time and gradually find anacceptable subsititute. she is going to grow big whether you like it or not, so there is nothing wrong with holding on to the last connection of her infancy until it works itself out in both your favor.
I think my guilt stems from the fact that she loves nursing so much, she loves being that close to me. I also know that there are some things that will have to change...at least temporarily (undressing in front of her, etc.). I would like my body back, I'd like to drop the weight (which I'm working on through exercise and watching my diet), but I feel like I'm being selfish wanting to stop. I also feel like everyone around me looks down on nursing past a year and that pressure is annoying and hurtful.
My sadness comes from knowing that it's the last part of being an infant that we share and it will be done. I am also scared sh*tless that it will make me want another baby, ha!
She's still your baby either way - I know it's tough! And you can still share special moments cuddling or rocking or whatever. I totally thought DS would wean around a year, but he was still super attached (and I guess so was I). We gradually dropped sessions until he was around 18 months when weaned. Our last session was early morning like 4 AM... so when DH was off for a few days, he went up and got him back to sleep. He handled it really well, surprisingly, and we only had a couple of weeks where I was more careful about dressing, etc.
You are a good mommy either way... it felt selfish to me, too, even though I had gone longer than planned. You'll know when it's right, and you've obviously already gotten great advice. There is no harm in continuing, especially with it being once a day, people don't even have to know (if you are worried about that). There is also no harm in weaning, if you are sensitive to her feelings during it, give her extra love, keep her distracted, etc.
I know exactly how you feel. Mia never took a bottle either and being her "one and only" is not only tough... but kinda nice in some ways.
I, honestly, didn't have the option. We were down to one nursing and all of a sudden she just didn't want to. Weird, considering my "I LOVE nursing" baby. So, maybe it'll resolve on it's own and she'll know when she's ready to stop.
And I agree with TXSmith and Rayskit... you don't have to stop just because you started the weaning process. If you aren't ready, just don't. You aren't going to harm her by nursing once a day past 1. And it's not even something that a lot of people need to know about (if that's bothering you). Do what makes you and your daughter happy, healthy, and go from there.
You are a fabulous mommy, either way! And congrats on making it a year!
i agree with this whole heartedly. if she is only nursing once a day, it's certainly in the privacy of your home and ppl who think it's odd don't really need to know since they';ll never be a party to it.
my bff nursed her son til he was 20 mos and i was the only person, even including our very supportive to BFing friends, who knew it...
Ditto this. Quitting before you're both really ready will definitely make it a more difficult and more emotional process. I can totally relate to the feelings you have; I know it's going to be hard for me when we finally wean, too.