Yesterday turned into my worst nightmare, as I had my 8 week ultrasound expecting to see a heartbeat, and instead I had an empty sac measuring 6w1d. My doctor explained that it could be that the baby passed already, or that I got my dates wrong and I'm not as far along as I thought. I know my body well enough to be sure it's not the second one. My cycles are always shorter than 28 days, so if anything the baby should be bigger, not smaller. So I just know it's all gone wrong and now I have to start thinking about medication vs DNC, and I'm so overwhelmed. But DH doesn't want to hear anything about it. He's convinced that nothing is wrong, and when we go back next week for the follow up ultrasound there will be a baby in there. He's upset that I've "given up" and I've tried to explain that I haven't given up, I'm just positive this is how it is. I feel like it's going to make for a really long week, because I am most definitely grieving our loss and he's still, naively IMO, holding out hope. I know everyone processes this sort of thing differently, and I don't begrudge him that. I'm just wondering if anyone has had this sort of situation, and if so, how you dealt with it. I'm also interested in hearing your stories about whether you opted to go for the surgical, medicinal, or natural route.
Re: First loss and dealing with denial
I can offer you my experience with D&C. I have had two now. I was never offered cytotec either time...it was either "expectant management" or D&C. Since my line of work doesn't really allow someone to just up and leave when they start to miscarry (and I felt that waiting would cause me severe emotional distress) I opted for D&C both times. There is a very slight risk of uterine scarring, but most providers only use the vacuum and avoid actual scraping so that risk is very low. The recovery my from the first was rough initially (the next day I had a mini-labor with regular contraction-like cramps and passed a good amount of blood) but I believe this is not the norm. After the second I had minimal spotting for about a week and almost no cramping. The anesthesia is a "twilight" sedation through the IV and rarely requires "general." Either way, you do not remember anything. The advantage of D&C is that you can try to have the remains genetically tested in an easier and less traumatizing way than saving the remains yourself, but in your case this doesn't sound possible, so there's that.
Only you can decide what is the best route to take, along with talking to your OB. Many women here have shared their experiences and are always willing to share again. This is a very supportive community. I'm sorry you have to endure this.
Edited for clarity.
I immediately knew I wanted a d&c. I had a natural m/c 9 weeks prior and it was painful. I'm a SAHM with a toddler, and was terrified it would happen when I was watching her. I also had morning sickness that I wanted to be over with. Additionally, I was panicking knowing I was pregnant with a baby who wasn't alive. It scared me to the core. The d&c was a breeze. I had complications though, because I had retained tissue and needed a second d&c. This is uncommon and I would still choose a d&c again.
I chose to have a d&c. I had initially thought I would take the pills, but decided against it. I never really considered waiting for it to happen naturally because it seemed like the baby had died a week or two before we discovered the loss, based on size, and I still had pregnancy symptoms. I did not feel I could wait for my body to come around to reality. The d&c was fairly easy, physically. It was sad, though, and I remember crying when I got my IV, crying when I woke up in recovery, and things like that. I ended up having retained material and decided to take the pills (after going to the ER for pain) almost a week after my surgery. The pills for me were not physically that bad, I think because I was already cramping a lot and I did not have that much I needed to pass because of the d&c. It was difficult, emotionally, though, and when I administered the pills, I knew I would have been a mess if I had chosen to do the pills initially.
Sending you good thoughts, especially as you get through this difficult week.
/loss mentioned/
TTC#1 July 2014
dx: MFI (morphology)
IUI #1 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Sept. 2015 ~ BFN
IUI #2 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Halloween 2015 ~ BFN
IUI #3 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Thanksgiving 2015 ~ BFP!!
hb 146 bpm at 7w5d
1/28/16 ~ began to say goodbye to our beautiful baby at 11w
d&c, followed by cytotec
TTCAL April 2016
IUI #4 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Apr. 2016 ~ BFN
IUI #5 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ CP
IUI#6 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ BFN
I hope that you find peace in whatever you decide to do.
Me - 28, Lean PCOS
DH - 31
Married June 2010, TTC since March 2014
Blog: ourbinarystar.com
FET cycle #3 Transfer July 28th 2016, Triplets born healthy on February 26th 2017 at 33w1d!
For me the cytotec worked perfectly both times with most of the tissue being passed in less than 12hrs from insertion. I had cramping but it wasn't unbearable. My doctor gave me Percocet. The first time I used it (more out of fear of the unknown than any actual pain) and this last time (last night) I did not. 3 Advil would have been plenty but I didn't even take it. The first time I had no retained tissue and was able to try again as soon as I had a period. I expect the same this time around. I feel good
today. Just like I have my period. No more cramping.
I would not be able to just wait it out. I just felt creeped out by knowing it had stopped developing and it just leaving things & did not want to prolong my upsetment.
Me: 39 DH: 40
Married: 12/6/2014
BFP#2: 10/28/15 MC: 11/24/15
BFP#3: 3/20/16 MC: 4/26/16
BFP#4: 7/15/16 DD: 3/18/17
BFP#5: 5/1/18 EDD: 1/12/19
Just out of curiosity, do you temp to confirm ovulation? I know you said you are very regular, but as you'll hear on the Bump you are regular until your not, so there is a chance you Ovulated later then you thought.
As far as miscarriage, I miscarried naturally on my own. My body had started the process before the confirmation even came back from the doctor that it was a miscarriage. It was painful and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
Again, I am so sorry you have to go through this.
TTC since January 2016
BFP - 3/12/16 - MC 4/5/16
BFP - 6/11/16