I feel awful...(long) — The Bump
Attachment Parenting

I feel awful...(long)

doodleoodledoodleoodle
1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
member
edited April 2016 in Attachment Parenting
I have a beautiful almost 6 month old baby girl. She has been very demanding since day 1. In the hospital, she would cry whenever she was placed in her bassinet. She cries when she can't see anyone even for a second. I've read over the Dr. Sears website regarding High Need Babies and she fits almost every aspect. I just kind of fell into attachment parenting in order to survive. I had no idea it was a thing until after she was born. My DH and I have been talking about having another, but I kept waffling because I can't imagine continuing to parent this way with 2 children. I can't hold them both for every nap! I can't sleep with both, they'll have different bedtimes and LO will wake up within minutes if I'm not in the bed. I told my husband I wanted to wait another year and see where we were then. Good plan, right? Except I found out this weekend that I'm pregnant. It's a welcome surprise because I'm sure I would have never pulled the trigger. And I know that some women would kill to be in my situation, but I can't help feeling bad for my daughter. I feel like I have to sleep train her now. I don't want to wait until the new baby is here because I don't want her to resent them. She literally won't sleep if I'm not touching her. I don't know what to do. I think we're going to have to move too because we live in a 2 bedroom townhouse and it won't be fair to have DD in a room by herself and the new baby in our room. I need words of wisdom and encouragement, please! I'm in over my head.

ETA I just realized I posted something similar in March when DH and I were discussing when to have another. So sorry! Didn't want to dirty delete so I'm just letting you all know I'm aware and sorry for clogging up the board! 

Re: I feel awful...(long)

  • This is my first time on this board, but I completely feel how you feel! My youngest daughter is a little older, 18 months, but she is very similar to your daughter and was nursing all night. I also felt that I had to sleep train, but I could never stick to it without feeling crazy guilt the whole next day. I finally found a website and I read about easing into it. I SLOWLY (like one month at a time) made changes to her nighttime routine. I never left her alone crying, I was always right there. It has taken awhile, but I now have her sleeping without needing to nurse or be touched. She does listen to a combination of rain sounds and
    vacuum sounds.

    I also occasionally feel guilty for turning her world upside down, but I think that this pregnancy has
    made natural changes in our lives that are easing all of us into welcoming a new baby! Good luck! 
  • Could you pretty please post the link?
  • Let me find it. I think I found it in the middle of the night while crying! Lol! I  will post as soon as I find it! And I definitely modified some parts to work with us!
  • https://sarahockwell-smith.com/2014/08/10/how-to-gently-night-wean-a-breastfed-baby-or-toddler/

    Before you read it, I just wanted to tell you that I reread it and I don't personally agree with everything she says and it may not be 100% helpful or relevant to you because your daughter is younger!

    I definitely used this as a starting point. Especially after
    reading it the second time I realized that I didn't really follow it at all. I am a deep sleeper, so it did not work for me to have to wake up and try to remember what day we were on and how many minutes or whatever. The first night that I didn't do the normal, she cried for about 20 minutes, but I rubbed her back the whole time. The second night went great, third night was terrible. Then we were fine for about a week and she got sick so it all flew out the window. 

    Finally, after about 1.5-2 weeks she started just knowing it was bedtime and to fall asleep. I mentioned before that she listens to vacuum cleaner sounds to fall asleep so as long as those are playing, she usually is asleep within a few minutes!

    I think you have time and if you get hit with morning sickness, you're probably not going to be up for too much (at least that's how I was...I did whatever it took to get her to sleep so that I could fall asleep. But it passes, and I'm actually shocked at how quickly and positively she responded to it! Good luck, when I read your post it just brought back all of the emotions that I felt when I first found out I was pregnant! 
    doodleoodle
  • doodleoodledoodleoodle
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited April 2016
    Thank you so, so much! I'm going to read it right now. :) I'm so glad that you figured out something that worked for you. It gives me hope!

    ETA: I just read it and while breastfeeding didn't work out for us I still think this is a very good starting point. We already have a sound machine playing for naps and at night. So I'm going to just add a muslin blanket and pick up a diffuser tomorrow. Even if it doesn't work, or if it takes longer than the 2 months, I still think this is a great starting point and it sounds so much nicer than anything else I've read regarding this. I'm sure there will be some tears, but it will make me feel better knowing that the consistency in itself should be comforting. Thank you again for responding!!
  • good luck!! I just know everything will work out for you! :)
    doodleoodle
  • Well I wanted to start off by saying congrats, you are a brave women. I do whoever believe your jumping your guns on sleep training etc. Your babe is still young and has 9 months to grow and develop. If I'm not mistaken she's a Nov babe so she'll be over a year when the second arrives? I think you can still be an attachment style parent and co sleep with both. Newborns are pretty easy when it comes to sleep and can adapt to whatever schedule your current babe is on. Give it time to settle but I think you have time to let I sink in and let your current adjust on her own.
    lmtrmamablush64SLGILL1978
  • @kdoak2015 she was born 10/30. So in your opinion I should keep holding my baby all night long and for every nap until she decides she doesn't need it anymore? My concern is that she won't "grow out of" this behavior on her own by 14 months old and then I'll have a newborn who needs constant care and a LO who will realize that mommy always held her when she was sleeping until that baby came along. This doesn't seem to encourage affection between siblings. 
  • You need to call in early intervention. Maybe she needs occupational therapy. 

    What at were your drinking habits prior to knowing you were pregnant? FASD possibility? Or just sensory processing disorder? 

    This is not normal. Our FASD needed holding for naps but was not even this clingy. Slept through night at 14 mos when weaned. 
  • doodleoodledoodleoodle
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited May 2016
    I wasn't drinking. I've been told by several people that it was normal since she's only 6 months old and separation anxiety isn't uncommon at this age.

    I thought occupational therapy at this age was only for eating or motor skills, both of which she is doing well with @Knottie1442268460 ;

    ETA it never occurred to me that she may have some type of disorder... Pretty sure it's just a survival instinct since babies aren't meant to be left alone because in the wild they would die....
  • I think what you're describing IS a high needs baby. Early intervention/OT is generally for when toddlers are still exhibiting those behaviours. What you describe is within normal for a 6 mo. They're still completing their exterogestation (Google 9mo in, 9mo out), and some babies are just not as confident as others. 

    I also want to share, that every baby is unique, and that extends to siblings too! My first was and is a very sensitive child. Wanted to be held often, preferred me, resisted daycare with all her might, was happy to be worn for hours. Now at 3yo, she likes to be held while I cook, and needs a good snuggle at storytime (afternoon quiet time) and bedtime. She's very empathetic, aware of and caring for the needs of others. Her feelings are easily hurt-if she's reprimanded she just crumples and cries, we need to redirect and teach. That said, she's never had a tantrum-she's exceptionally articulate for her age and will talk out her emotions. She is also self-aware and potty trained early (1.5yo).

    Her little sister has been the easy baby-sleeping in a crib, putting herself to sleep, happy to be down playing with DD1... it worked out better than imagined! To prepare for DD2 we did get her sleeping independently (gently, making gradual changes over months) but I don't recommend it for you because of her young age. Just keep on keeping on, and see what the new baby is like. I do recommend No Cry Sleep Solution for good ideas on building habits for high needs babies.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    TwizBeans
  • Another thing that really helped build independence for DD1 (that we started very early, at 4mo), was using Montessori theory at home. If you google it, there are many blogs to demonstrate blending AP and montessori. Your DD1 will be 14mo when the new baby comes. At 14mo, DD1 was in a floor bed (I'd lie with her til asleep then leave, leaving her in a child proofed room), and would wake and play independently. She could sign for diaper changes, and use the potty before bath time. She could entertain herself in the main area (all low shelves had her toys displayed) while I prepared a meal, and would imitate me (though not really help) when I cleaned. By 16mo she was putting her toys away in the correct places on the shelves before getting a new toy out. All those little things would be helpful to keep her distracted and busy while tending to the new baby. And newborns sleep a lot, giving you time to snuggle, wear, and play with your toddler.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Miss Lilac
  • Thank you for the great advice and insight @ForeverEverAfter ;
  • @kdoak2015 she was born 10/30. So in your opinion I should keep holding my baby all night long and for every nap until she decides she doesn't need it anymore? My concern is that she won't "grow out of" this behavior on her own by 14 months old and then I'll have a newborn who needs constant care and a LO who will realize that mommy always held her when she was sleeping until that baby came along. This doesn't seem to encourage affection between siblings. 

    I don't think that person was suggesting this.

    You sound like you are panicking a little and want to make changes NOW because a baby is on the way and I get that. I freaked too when I was pregnant with my second child. It's scary but you aren't in over your head. Things have a way of working out when the second baby comes along. You fall into a rhythm. Try not to stress now. You have plenty of time to make some changes so that things are easier when the new baby is here.

    My opinion is that sure, your baby might grow out of this but I truly believe all babies need some sort of sleep training. If you really do want things to change and for your baby to sleep better before the new baby comes then you can definitely do it. It can be done! Don't be afraid of sleep training. There are plenty of gentle options out there. Just pick one and stick to it night after night. If you are consistent, it will work.

    Try not to focus on all the things that will be hard with 2 kids, or about encouraging affection between siblings, etc. You don't need to think about that stuff now. That comes later. Take this sleep stuff one day at a time :) You got this.  

    doodleoodle
  • @TwizBeans thank you for your words of encouragement! I am freaking out. I don't even care about her waking up during the night. It's normal. I just want to be able to put her down in her crib and have her sleep at least more than 30 minutes and not wake up frightened. I can't imagine jumping through the hoops I do now to get her to go to sleep (walking while bouncing etc for sometimes an hour) while hugely pregnant. I figure I have a few months to figure it out. I also don't want to just wing it and continue to co sleep because she won't be able to sleep with me while I'm in the hospital and again, I don't want her to blame the new baby. You're right though, I need to focus on one thing at a time. Again, thank you for the encouragement. 
    TwizBeans
  • TwizBeansTwizBeans
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    edited May 2016

    You DO have time. Remember that. I didn't read any sleep training books with my kids when they were younger, I did just wing it BUT I was consistent and that is key with anything sleep related. You don't have to read book after book, just watch for tired cues, do your bedtime/nap routine, put her in her bed and walk out. Wait 10 minutes, go back in, rub her back, reassure her you're there then leave again. Rinse and repeat. It works, trust me.

    Hang in there!

    doodleoodle
  • Your daughter is only six months. I do think you are moving way too fast. She could be going through separation anxiety, teething, meeting milestones (crawling, pulling herself up, sitting unassisted, etc) which all can interrupt baby's sleep habits. Do you wear your baby? That way your hands are free if you need to do things. Do you use a bassinet? Or just lay your baby down next you? *My daughter was the same way, she wouldn't sleep if she couldn't see me and she loved to sleep in my arms. If I wasn't able to hold her, I would let her lay next me on the couch, floor, bed. I would also put her in her bouncy seat right next to me. 

    I don't think sleep training is a good idea for some of the same reasons mentioned above. Plus, again she is only six months. Her main source of nutrition is still breast milk/formula for another six months or so. By sleep training, she is missing out on much needed nutrition. Are you going to sleep train her every time her sleep patterns change? 

    Once the new baby is born, you can still successfully co sleep (not necessarily bed share). You can have the baby in your bed or bassinet. If your daughter is still in your room, side car a crib to your bed for her. Put a toddler or single mattress in your room for her to sleep on. 

    There are sooooo many options than to just wean and/or sleep train. I am a huge believer of babies transitioning when they are ready. Sleeping and self soothing are developmental. She will do both when she's ready. 
    Miss Lilac
  • Your daughter is only six months. I do think you are moving way too fast. She could be going through separation anxiety, teething, meeting milestones (crawling, pulling herself up, sitting unassisted, etc) which all can interrupt baby's sleep habits. Do you wear your baby? That way your hands are free if you need to do things. Do you use a bassinet? Or just lay your baby down next you? *My daughter was the same way, she wouldn't sleep if she couldn't see me and she loved to sleep in my arms. If I wasn't able to hold her, I would let her lay next me on the couch, floor, bed. I would also put her in her bouncy seat right next to me. 

    I don't think sleep training is a good idea for some of the same reasons mentioned above. Plus, again she is only six months. Her main source of nutrition is still breast milk/formula for another six months or so. By sleep training, she is missing out on much needed nutrition. Are you going to sleep train her every time her sleep patterns change? 

    Once the new baby is born, you can still successfully co sleep (not necessarily bed share). You can have the baby in your bed or bassinet. If your daughter is still in your room, side car a crib to your bed for her. Put a toddler or single mattress in your room for her to sleep on. 

    There are sooooo many options than to just wean and/or sleep train. I am a huge believer of babies transitioning when they are ready. Sleeping and self soothing are developmental. She will do both when she's ready. 
    Not true at all.
    NESeattlite
  • doodleoodledoodleoodle
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited May 2016
    @SLGILL1978 I appreciate your concern. My daughter eats 1-2/night and I don't know why that would change if she were to transition to her crib. I feel like, if anything, she may eat more because she will be waking more frequently. Unfortunately, when I wear her in a wrap I can't do anything because she is a very light sleeper. I'm not sure how I would wear her in a wrap with a hugely pregnant belly either. If I continue to hold her for naps and sleep next to her at night, and her need for constant contact doesn't change prior to the baby arriving what would you suggest I do while I am in the hospital? She can't sleep with her dad because he is a heavy sleeper. What would I do at night when the younger one needs a diaper change or isn't going back to sleep and just cries and cries? DH works nights. What would I do while she is napping in my arms and the newborn needs to eat? As I said, she is a very light sleeper and any movement or sound disturbs her. I'm not trying to be confrontational at all. I would genuinely like to know if you have a legitimate answer. She wakes up almost the second I'm gone. I've looked all over the Dr. Sears website for answers, but even he and his wife only ever co slept with one baby at a time. 

    ETA my daughter will not sleep on a different surface than me either. She will not sleep in a crib sidecar, a bassinet, a pumpkin seat etc. she goes to bed at 6 PM and I literally have to hold her the entire night. If I get up to even go to the restroom she will usually wake up. The longest I've been able to sneak away was 37 minutes (not counting or anything) lol that was a total fluke. 
  • missphilmissphil
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    edited May 2016
    TwizBeans said:
    Your daughter is only six months. I do think you are moving way too fast. She could be going through separation anxiety, teething, meeting milestones (crawling, pulling herself up, sitting unassisted, etc) which all can interrupt baby's sleep habits. Do you wear your baby? That way your hands are free if you need to do things. Do you use a bassinet? Or just lay your baby down next you? *My daughter was the same way, she wouldn't sleep if she couldn't see me and she loved to sleep in my arms. If I wasn't able to hold her, I would let her lay next me on the couch, floor, bed. I would also put her in her bouncy seat right next to me. 

    I don't think sleep training is a good idea for some of the same reasons mentioned above. Plus, again she is only six months. Her main source of nutrition is still breast milk/formula for another six months or so. By sleep training, she is missing out on much needed nutrition. Are you going to sleep train her every time her sleep patterns change? 

    Once the new baby is born, you can still successfully co sleep (not necessarily bed share). You can have the baby in your bed or bassinet. If your daughter is still in your room, side car a crib to your bed for her. Put a toddler or single mattress in your room for her to sleep on. 

    There are sooooo many options than to just wean and/or sleep train. I am a huge believer of babies transitioning when they are ready. Sleeping and self soothing are developmental. She will do both when she's ready. 
    Not true at all.
    Agreed. As long as babies meet their daily milk requirements, they can spread it around 24h how they see fit. So if baby doesn't eat a lot at night they will probably get all their milk needs during the day.
    TwizBeans
  • TwizBeans said:
    Your daughter is only six months. I do think you are moving way too fast. She could be going through separation anxiety, teething, meeting milestones (crawling, pulling herself up, sitting unassisted, etc) which all can interrupt baby's sleep habits. Do you wear your baby? That way your hands are free if you need to do things. Do you use a bassinet? Or just lay your baby down next you? *My daughter was the same way, she wouldn't sleep if she couldn't see me and she loved to sleep in my arms. If I wasn't able to hold her, I would let her lay next me on the couch, floor, bed. I would also put her in her bouncy seat right next to me. 

    I don't think sleep training is a good idea for some of the same reasons mentioned above. Plus, again she is only six months. Her main source of nutrition is still breast milk/formula for another six months or so. By sleep training, she is missing out on much needed nutrition. Are you going to sleep train her every time her sleep patterns change? 

    Once the new baby is born, you can still successfully co sleep (not necessarily bed share). You can have the baby in your bed or bassinet. If your daughter is still in your room, side car a crib to your bed for her. Put a toddler or single mattress in your room for her to sleep on. 

    There are sooooo many options than to just wean and/or sleep train. I am a huge believer of babies transitioning when they are ready. Sleeping and self soothing are developmental. She will do both when she's ready. 
    Not true at all.
    TwizBeans said:
    Your daughter is only six months. I do think you are moving way too fast. She could be going through separation anxiety, teething, meeting milestones (crawling, pulling herself up, sitting unassisted, etc) which all can interrupt baby's sleep habits. Do you wear your baby? That way your hands are free if you need to do things. Do you use a bassinet? Or just lay your baby down next you? *My daughter was the same way, she wouldn't sleep if she couldn't see me and she loved to sleep in my arms. If I wasn't able to hold her, I would let her lay next me on the couch, floor, bed. I would also put her in her bouncy seat right next to me. 

    I don't think sleep training is a good idea for some of the same reasons mentioned above. Plus, again she is only six months. Her main source of nutrition is still breast milk/formula for another six months or so. By sleep training, she is missing out on much needed nutrition. Are you going to sleep train her every time her sleep patterns change? 

    Once the new baby is born, you can still successfully co sleep (not necessarily bed share). You can have the baby in your bed or bassinet. If your daughter is still in your room, side car a crib to your bed for her. Put a toddler or single mattress in your room for her to sleep on. 

    There are sooooo many options than to just wean and/or sleep train. I am a huge believer of babies transitioning when they are ready. Sleeping and self soothing are developmental. She will do both when she's ready. 
    Not true at all.
    Very true. Breast milk/formula is babies primary source of nutrition for the first year. It's normal and a huge reason why babies wake in the middle of the night. It would be completely different if OPs baby was "naturally" sleeping through the night but she's not. She is waking for a reason. 
    missphil
  • missphil said:
    TwizBeans said:
    Your daughter is only six months. I do think you are moving way too fast. She could be going through separation anxiety, teething, meeting milestones (crawling, pulling herself up, sitting unassisted, etc) which all can interrupt baby's sleep habits. Do you wear your baby? That way your hands are free if you need to do things. Do you use a bassinet? Or just lay your baby down next you? *My daughter was the same way, she wouldn't sleep if she couldn't see me and she loved to sleep in my arms. If I wasn't able to hold her, I would let her lay next me on the couch, floor, bed. I would also put her in her bouncy seat right next to me. 

    I don't think sleep training is a good idea for some of the same reasons mentioned above. Plus, again she is only six months. Her main source of nutrition is still breast milk/formula for another six months or so. By sleep training, she is missing out on much needed nutrition. Are you going to sleep train her every time her sleep patterns change? 

    Once the new baby is born, you can still successfully co sleep (not necessarily bed share). You can have the baby in your bed or bassinet. If your daughter is still in your room, side car a crib to your bed for her. Put a toddler or single mattress in your room for her to sleep on. 

    There are sooooo many options than to just wean and/or sleep train. I am a huge believer of babies transitioning when they are ready. Sleeping and self soothing are developmental. She will do both when she's ready. 
    Not true at all.
    Agreed. As long as babies meet their daily milk requirements, they can spread it around 24h how they see fit. So if baby doesn't eat a lot at night they will probably get all their milk needs during the day.
    missphil said:
    TwizBeans said:
    Your daughter is only six months. I do think you are moving way too fast. She could be going through separation anxiety, teething, meeting milestones (crawling, pulling herself up, sitting unassisted, etc) which all can interrupt baby's sleep habits. Do you wear your baby? That way your hands are free if you need to do things. Do you use a bassinet? Or just lay your baby down next you? *My daughter was the same way, she wouldn't sleep if she couldn't see me and she loved to sleep in my arms. If I wasn't able to hold her, I would let her lay next me on the couch, floor, bed. I would also put her in her bouncy seat right next to me. 

    I don't think sleep training is a good idea for some of the same reasons mentioned above. Plus, again she is only six months. Her main source of nutrition is still breast milk/formula for another six months or so. By sleep training, she is missing out on much needed nutrition. Are you going to sleep train her every time her sleep patterns change? 

    Once the new baby is born, you can still successfully co sleep (not necessarily bed share). You can have the baby in your bed or bassinet. If your daughter is still in your room, side car a crib to your bed for her. Put a toddler or single mattress in your room for her to sleep on. 

    There are sooooo many options than to just wean and/or sleep train. I am a huge believer of babies transitioning when they are ready. Sleeping and self soothing are developmental. She will do both when she's ready. 
    Not true at all.
    Agreed. As long as babies meet their daily milk requirements, they can spread it around 24h how they see fit. So if baby doesn't eat a lot at night they will probably get all their milk needs during the day.
    Very true. Breast milk/formula is babies primary source of nutrition for the first year. It's normal and a huge reason why babies wake in the middle of the night. It would be completely different if OPs baby was "naturally" sleeping through the night but she's not. She is waking for a reason. 
  • I'm not talking about sleep training to get her to sleep through the night though... Just to get her to sleep without being held.
    TwizBeans
  • missphil said:
    TwizBeans said:
    Your daughter is only six months. I do think you are moving way too fast. She could be going through separation anxiety, teething, meeting milestones (crawling, pulling herself up, sitting unassisted, etc) which all can interrupt baby's sleep habits. Do you wear your baby? That way your hands are free if you need to do things. Do you use a bassinet? Or just lay your baby down next you? *My daughter was the same way, she wouldn't sleep if she couldn't see me and she loved to sleep in my arms. If I wasn't able to hold her, I would let her lay next me on the couch, floor, bed. I would also put her in her bouncy seat right next to me. 

    I don't think sleep training is a good idea for some of the same reasons mentioned above. Plus, again she is only six months. Her main source of nutrition is still breast milk/formula for another six months or so. By sleep training, she is missing out on much needed nutrition. Are you going to sleep train her every time her sleep patterns change? 

    Once the new baby is born, you can still successfully co sleep (not necessarily bed share). You can have the baby in your bed or bassinet. If your daughter is still in your room, side car a crib to your bed for her. Put a toddler or single mattress in your room for her to sleep on. 

    There are sooooo many options than to just wean and/or sleep train. I am a huge believer of babies transitioning when they are ready. Sleeping and self soothing are developmental. She will do both when she's ready. 
    Not true at all.
    Agreed. As long as babies meet their daily milk requirements, they can spread it around 24h how they see fit. So if baby doesn't eat a lot at night they will probably get all their milk needs during the day.
    missphil said:
    TwizBeans said:
    Your daughter is only six months. I do think you are moving way too fast. She could be going through separation anxiety, teething, meeting milestones (crawling, pulling herself up, sitting unassisted, etc) which all can interrupt baby's sleep habits. Do you wear your baby? That way your hands are free if you need to do things. Do you use a bassinet? Or just lay your baby down next you? *My daughter was the same way, she wouldn't sleep if she couldn't see me and she loved to sleep in my arms. If I wasn't able to hold her, I would let her lay next me on the couch, floor, bed. I would also put her in her bouncy seat right next to me. 

    I don't think sleep training is a good idea for some of the same reasons mentioned above. Plus, again she is only six months. Her main source of nutrition is still breast milk/formula for another six months or so. By sleep training, she is missing out on much needed nutrition. Are you going to sleep train her every time her sleep patterns change? 

    Once the new baby is born, you can still successfully co sleep (not necessarily bed share). You can have the baby in your bed or bassinet. If your daughter is still in your room, side car a crib to your bed for her. Put a toddler or single mattress in your room for her to sleep on. 

    There are sooooo many options than to just wean and/or sleep train. I am a huge believer of babies transitioning when they are ready. Sleeping and self soothing are developmental. She will do both when she's ready. 
    Not true at all.
    Agreed. As long as babies meet their daily milk requirements, they can spread it around 24h how they see fit. So if baby doesn't eat a lot at night they will probably get all their milk needs during the day.
    Very true. Breast milk/formula is babies primary source of nutrition for the first year. It's normal and a huge reason why babies wake in the middle of the night. It would be completely different if OPs baby was "naturally" sleeping through the night but she's not. She is waking for a reason. 

    No kidding? We all know this. But her 6 month old isn't missing out on "much needed nutrition". That's a stretch, and completely missing the point of OP's post. She just doesn't want the baby to ONLY sleep on her. She's trying to get her in her crib, not sleeping through the night.


    doodleoodle
  • @SLGILL1978 I appreciate your concern. My daughter eats 1-2/night and I don't know why that would change if she were to transition to her crib. I feel like, if anything, she may eat more because she will be waking more frequently. Unfortunately, when I wear her in a wrap I can't do anything because she is a very light sleeper. I'm not sure how I would wear her in a wrap with a hugely pregnant belly either. If I continue to hold her for naps and sleep next to her at night, and her need for constant contact doesn't change prior to the baby arriving what would you suggest I do while I am in the hospital? She can't sleep with her dad because he is a heavy sleeper. What would I do at night when the younger one needs a diaper change or isn't going back to sleep and just cries and cries? DH works nights. What would I do while she is napping in my arms and the newborn needs to eat? As I said, she is a very light sleeper and any movement or sound disturbs her. I'm not trying to be confrontational at all. I would genuinely like to know if you have a legitimate answer. She wakes up almost the second I'm gone. I've looked all over the Dr. Sears website for answers, but even he and his wife only ever co slept with one baby at a time. 

    ETA my daughter will not sleep on a different surface than me either. She will not sleep in a crib sidecar, a bassinet, a pumpkin seat etc. she goes to bed at 6 PM and I literally have to hold her the entire night. If I get up to even go to the restroom she will usually wake up. The longest I've been able to sneak away was 37 minutes (not counting or anything) lol that was a total fluke. 
    By your response @SLGILL1978 I'm going to assume you have no recommendations.
    TwizBeans
  • Maybe try to introduce a transitional object? I want to start doing this with my son

    http://sleeplady.com/baby-sleep/why-your-baby-needs-a-transitional-object/
    doodleoodle
  • Ymissphil said:
    Maybe try to introduce a transitional object? I want to start doing this with my son

    http://sleeplady.com/baby-sleep/why-your-baby-needs-a-transitional-object/
    Transition objects are for after 12 mos old. 

    Our infants, younger than OP have needed therapies. It is not just for eating. It's for kids that can't self soothe too. Maybe there are sensory issues. 
  • missphil said:
    Maybe try to introduce a transitional object? I want to start doing this with my son

    http://sleeplady.com/baby-sleep/why-your-baby-needs-a-transitional-object/
    Great idea @missphil I spoke to the pediatrician about all of the sleep issues and she said that I haven't allowed my baby the opportunity to self soothe and to try sleep training. She said a lovey is a great idea and suggested one of those small stuffed animals attached to a small blanket. 
  • missphilmissphil
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    member
    edited May 2016
    Ymissphil said:
    Maybe try to introduce a transitional object? I want to start doing this with my son

    http://sleeplady.com/baby-sleep/why-your-baby-needs-a-transitional-object/
    Transition objects are for after 12 mos old. 

    Our infants, younger than OP have needed therapies. It is not just for eating. It's for kids that can't self soothe too. Maybe there are sensory issues. 
    Transitional objects start anywhere from 6 months on. 

    Eta: I have also read they can be used as early as 4 months. Basically when your baby starts to understand the world of relationships (cf: the wonder weeks) or starts getting separation anxiety.
  • Ymissphil said:
    Maybe try to introduce a transitional object? I want to start doing this with my son

    http://sleeplady.com/baby-sleep/why-your-baby-needs-a-transitional-object/
    Transition objects are for after 12 mos old. 

    Our infants, younger than OP have needed therapies. It is not just for eating. It's for kids that can't self soothe too. Maybe there are sensory issues. 

    Your suggestions are awfully extreme.
    doodleoodle
  • missphilmissphil
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    member
    edited May 2016
    TwizBeans said:
    Ymissphil said:
    Maybe try to introduce a transitional object? I want to start doing this with my son

    http://sleeplady.com/baby-sleep/why-your-baby-needs-a-transitional-object/
    Transition objects are for after 12 mos old. 

    Our infants, younger than OP have needed therapies. It is not just for eating. It's for kids that can't self soothe too. Maybe there are sensory issues. 

    Your suggestions are awfully extreme.
    I read that as "extremely awful" for a sec. =^__^=
  • doodleoodledoodleoodle
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited May 2016
    missphil said:
    TwizBeans said:
    Ymissphil said:
    Maybe try to introduce a transitional object? I want to start doing this with my son

    http://sleeplady.com/baby-sleep/why-your-baby-needs-a-transitional-object/
    Transition objects are for after 12 mos old. 

    Our infants, younger than OP have needed therapies. It is not just for eating. It's for kids that can't self soothe too. Maybe there are sensory issues. 

    Your suggestions are awfully extreme.
    I read that as "extremely awful" for a sec. =^__^=
    Lol me too
  • missphil said:
    TwizBeans said:
    Ymissphil said:
    Maybe try to introduce a transitional object? I want to start doing this with my son

    http://sleeplady.com/baby-sleep/why-your-baby-needs-a-transitional-object/
    Transition objects are for after 12 mos old. 

    Our infants, younger than OP have needed therapies. It is not just for eating. It's for kids that can't self soothe too. Maybe there are sensory issues. 

    Your suggestions are awfully extreme.
    I read that as "extremely awful" for a sec. =^__^=

    missphil said:
    TwizBeans said:
    Ymissphil said:
    Maybe try to introduce a transitional object? I want to start doing this with my son

    http://sleeplady.com/baby-sleep/why-your-baby-needs-a-transitional-object/
    Transition objects are for after 12 mos old. 

    Our infants, younger than OP have needed therapies. It is not just for eating. It's for kids that can't self soothe too. Maybe there are sensory issues. 

    Your suggestions are awfully extreme.
    I read that as "extremely awful" for a sec. =^__^=
    I guess either way would work! lol
    doodleoodle
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