Pregnancy expectations vs. reality

fitlady21

Saw this on the November board and thought we could use it here!

Good or bad.. What were your pregnancy expectations vs. reality?

fitlady21

I knew exhaustion was to be expected but not to the extent of first trimester! I had tons of energy through the day but by 6pm, I was ready to skip dinner and go to sleep.

My sex drive totally disappeared and hadn't come back yet (even at 15 weeks). I thought there's suppose to be a increase in the second trimester! Given I still have sex 4-5 times a week for the husband, but it definitely feels like a chore. 

MRSCORKER

@fitlady21 4-5 times a week? I'm impressed. We haven't had sex in almost 2 weeks. I feel you on the no sex drive, still waiting for it to come back. 

I I expected pregnancy to be a magical time full of anticipation and excitement. I didn't foresee the anxiety and fear that I'm experiencing on a daily basis. It's gotten better the further I get but its always there. 

fitlady21

@MRSCORKER Like I said, it's more of a chore. I feel guilty making him go without. 

Ive also been feeling a lot of anxiety and fear. Been cramping a ton and even with an ultrasound to check on that, I'm still afraid something will happen.

rozANDbenSINCE2001

The first time I was pregnant, I was so sad to learn it's not at all what I thought it would be. I thought my skin would glow and that I'd want to eat all the food and I would be this cute, little jolly pregnant lady. I ended up in the ER during second tri from dehydration from throwing up so much and my skin and hair were a wreck. I hated all food and most people. I was so emotional and down because I hated being pregnant but we had tried for two years for our LO and I felt guilty for being so miserable. 

This time around, I was hoping for some of the happy pregnant vibes since everyone assured me every pregnancy is different and, surely, this time it would be easier. I'll admit I'm not throwing up nearly as much, but the constant nausea and fatigue are very much still alive and the food aversions are back Plus, I'm kind of a jerk again as I was during my first pregnancy. And I'm with @MRSCORKER, @fitlady21, my husband would be ecstatic if we were having sex even twice a week, but I just haven't gotten my groove back yet. Although, when we have done it, it's been surprisingly good--it's just mustering up the energy to get there that seems to be the problem. 

MRSCORKER

fitlady21 said:

@MRSCORKER Like I said, it's more of a chore. I feel guilty making him go without. 

Ive also been feeling a lot of anxiety and fear. Been cramping a ton and even with an ultrasound to check on that, I'm still afraid something will happen.

Yeah, I get it. I've taken a few for the team the past few months. I'm also having cramping and I hate it. Literally ever single woman I've asked who's been pregnant has said they had it too. I just keep reminding myself that it's a good sign. 

kmvisioli

My first pregnancy, I thought I would feel all these dreamy, joyful, hopeful emotions all the time, and I never really got there. I think people always saying things like "Aren't you just SO excited?!" or "I bet you guys are just over the moon!" made me feel like something was wrong with me for just feeling fine about it all.

SuperNerd42

I was so thrilled and blissfully naive heading into my first pregnancy. Then bam- HG. The glowing and magic didn't happen until the baby showed up. 

I went into this round with really low expectations lol. I've been pleasantly surprised that I have some good days mixed in with the bad! I will take it. 

ignoscemihi

My first pregnancy was rough like @rozANDbenSINCE2001 - nausea until almost 7 months, increased migraines, no energy AND I found out I have a weird genetic mutation that necessitates daily injections of Lovenox.  Nothing like jabbing yourself in the side with a needle when you already feel awful.  I hated being pregnant and I felt like I was a terrible person for feeling that way, especially since my mom and mother-in-law both talked about how they really enjoyed being pregnant.  This pregnancy, my symptoms have been as bad (and made worse by not being able to rest, especially as my toddler has been on a no-nap kick), but I knew to expect them.  I still hate being pregnant but I don't feel as bad complaining about it and that's definitely made me feel less alone.

coffee89

I thought I'd have this super cute bump my whole first pregnancy. I did, a huge giant round baseball and then he dropped and I waddled around the last few weeks looking like I was overdue with triplets.

Also it doesn't matter when you are pregnant, hot flashes are a nightmare. There is nothing glowing about sweating in January.

This time around I forgot some things. I remembered cramping the whole time, but not shooting pains. I knew SPD and sciatica would come but not at 12 weeks. I thought I would have more time to feel normal, not 1st tri hell into more crap.

TurtleMomma

I expected that I would feel like a seasoned pro since this is my 2nd but every day I'm wracking my brain trying to remember if certain things happened with DS or not. 

AshleyGemini24

Expecting to be happy all the time, because i finally get what I've wanted all my life. In reality, the slightest thing makes me cry. 

missmaehurt

None of my friends have had children, so I expected the "TV version" of puking and being uncomfortable. While I didn't really puke that much, there are way more symptoms than I had expected. The nosebleeds, constipation, constant headaches, oh and my favorite RLP. I was naive and not prepared for anything. 

socks2819

TurtleMomma said:

I expected that I would feel like a seasoned pro since this is my 2nd but every day I'm wracking my brain trying to remember if certain things happened with DS or not. 

This is me in a nut shell. My doctor grounded me in reality yesterday when she said every pregnancy is different and subsequent pregnancies are typically worse - more aches and pains etc. awesome!

fitlady21

@coffee89  I've been dealing with sciatica too! I'm been stretching and foam rolling but nothing seems to help. Any suggestions?

Blonde1817

After suffering the agonizing "two week wait" multiple times, I thought for sure once I finally got that BFP I would be over the moon and everything would be amazing.  I wasn't expecting the long, anxious wait between BFP at 3ish weeks and first doctor's appointment at 8 weeks.  It sucked that I didn't feel like I could be fully happy to be pregnant until the second trimester.  

A good surprise is that I expected to be throwing up all of the time, and I only had mild nausea.  But like PP said, there were other unexpected symptoms. The most surprising was the bloating and looking like I was super pregnant after a big meal.  I'm also surprised at how much I'm showing now at 16 weeks as a FTM.  All over the internet it says FTMs don't show until at least 20 weeks.  Not this one!  

Passing out at work was something I was in no way prepared for!  Going along with that... my expectation was that I would be able to do everything pretty much the same during pregnancy, and I wasn't prepared for this sense of anxiety that that might not be the case.  Either because I'm afraid of passing out or because I fear I'll be so huge everything will be uncomfortable!

Overall I do feel very grateful for this pregnancy and everything about it.  But I think it's so important for women to share all aspects of pregnancy, not just the amazing glowing parts or the awful horror stories.

heatherperkins14

Please don't hate me. 
I had expectations of nausea and vomitting. None for me. Baby stealing my beauty. My hair is shiny and my nails are long. Still waiting for the glow but hey. Basically all of the bad things you hear. I feel great and look pretty good. I honestly feel better during pregnancy than I did before. Maybe it's because I have PCOS and the symptoms from that were hard on my body. 
What I didn't expect was to have a SCH and to bleed while pregnant. That was beyond terrifying!

mrszoess

uh no one told me my skin would become drier than the Sahara! 

NicholeL16

@mrscorker took the words right out of my mouth. I expected to be giddy about my little bundle of joy but I'm constantly worried about all the things that can go wrong. Half the time I'm not sure if there is really a baby in there or I made the whole thing up. I feel like a crazy lady.

lindzsers

***TW***

The biggest expectation that has not turned into a reality is my emotional attachment. I was baby CRAZY when we first got married, I've loved kids my whole life and always wanted them. But like @kmvisioli said, people ask me "aren't you so excited?!" And I just kind of smile and say "Yeah it's going to be crazy!" And that makes me feel like something is wrong with me. I just haven't felt the intense, over the top love and emotion that I thought I would and it makes me feel like something is wrong with me. It's like, I know I love the baby. And I know we will be so happy. But I just don't feel connected to it yet. Maybe because we had an early loss last year I'm trying (subconsciously) not to get to excited, even though we've made it past the loss date, but I don't know. 

LMNOBaby

I'm feeling you on that @lindzsers ! I'm excited, but also lacking that deep emotional connection, that fierce mama lion feeling yet... We also had an early loss last year, so maybe that's why, I'm just nervous to accept it's real? I've always wanted children, and getting pregnant this last year has been my mission, so I'm super confused as to why I'm feeling this way. We've made it past the loss date, too, but can't seem to settle into it or something.

Granted, I'm definitely FEELING like I'm pregnant! I, too, expected nausea and throwing up...was not prepared for the dizziness/vertigo that's been constant the last 7 weeks! I'd rather have the throwing up!! It makes daily functioning so damn hard. I'm now into the 222nd trimester and anxiously waiting for the promises of feeling better to come true. Where the hell is my return of energy and damn pregnant glow??

I'm also freaking about finances lately... I knew our budget would have to stretch a bit, and things would get tighter, but I just start worrying about alllllll the things that will add up now, later and over the years. It's major stressing me out. I'm trying to tell myself that people all over the world raise babies, we can make it work, I mean, if my parents did it on a smaller budget, we can , right?!  But I always have that worry in the back of my mind...

ByeBabyBunting

@LMNOBaby I always wanted to be a mother and I struggled with attachment with DS. He was 2 months old before I felt anything but worry and responsibility for him. It's not something that gets talked about enough, but later talking to friends and online, I found that it is quite common. There's nothing wrong with how you're feeling, the overwhelming love and attachment will come. Give yourself time.

fitlady21

@heatherperkins14

Although I've had a few expectations that weren't true, I'm with you on the skin and hair being great. I also feel like I have that glow. I'm not showing yet but can notice changes in my stomach and that's definitely hard to see.

NicholeL16

@LMNOBaby I'm with you on the finances. We both work and make normal salaries, so I know people make it work on way less, but it's still so overwhelming!

LGW2015

This is nothing like what I imagined ha. I wasn't aware of the constant aches and pains from day 1. I mean, it totally makes sense but no one ever talked about it so I was not prepared for that. I also felt like I would "feel" pregnant in some miraculous way. Most of the time, even with symptoms, I just feel like I'm sick for whatever reason, not that there's a baby in me! After 16 weeks, I still can't really believe it. I'm so excited and thrilled and have wanted this baby for so long, but the baby seems so theoretical still, it's hard to have concrete emotions :-/

westcoastfoodie

Definitely the sex drive and "glowing pregnant woman" magic. All I've heard is that pregnant women's sex drive goes way up and they have glowing skin.

My skin is gross and don't touch me! 

mothernorth

You know, I remember saying to exH the first time I was pregnant "I thought pregnancy was supposed to be beautiful, there is nothing beautiful about this and it's disgusting!" He put me in my place real fast and reminded me there was a beautiful baby at the end of the ride, but I have never enjoyed being pregnant personally. As a TTM, it hasn't gotten any better for me either (that's not to say it won't for you, but it hasn't for me). I get told frequently that I am a cute pregnant lady, but I don't feel that way at all until I look back on pictures once I'm PP with LO haha
Also, as some have said, with my first I did not feel any immediate attachment. Actually, I felt some resentment toward DD after she was born but one day I don't know what happened, I just fell in love. I feel guilty sometimes because I was obsessed with DS immediately. But from my experience, the love always comes naturally at some point and parenting isn't as terrifying as I thought it would be

minnemiska

I'm not sure what I expected, but definitely not the extreme shortness of breath (pre-pregnancy I was very active) and the feeling fat more than pregnant as all my fat gets pushed to new places. Waiting patiently for the glow and sex drive and cute baby belly... 

coffee89

@fitlady21 I have a friend who had luck with prenatal massage and belly wrapping. Warm baths and compresses, taking time off my feet, and swimming were my go to's last time. It was so bad towards the end I could't roll over in bed so I ended up sleeping in a chair.

gatorMom2014

fitlady21 said:

@coffee89  I've been dealing with sciatica too! I'm been stretching and foam rolling but nothing seems to help. Any suggestions?

I had sciatica for about a month in the 3rd tri of my last pregnancy.  I ended up getting relief with a combo of physical therapy and a chiropractor (actually found a guy who does both).  If you're getting it this early, I would look into those options to hopefully get it a plan for managing it, because having it when you're huge is no fun at all!  Ask your OB to recommend someone who specializes in pregnancy if you go this route.  Good luck!

LGW2015

@fitlady21 I've had sciatica forever. Unfortunately there's not much you can do. I asked my dr and she said she also had it pre-pregnancy and the only thing that gave her temporary relief was going on her hands and knees for 30 min in the evening to take the pressure of the belly off her back. But it was only temporary. It really sucks.

AshleyGemini24

@heatherperkins14, totally with you on the SCH thing. Never in my wildest dreams would i have thought it to be "normal" to have random bleeding during pregnancy 

kmvisioli

AllyTheKid said:

Also, as some have said, with my first I did not feel any immediate attachment. Actually, I felt some resentment toward DD after she was born but one day I don't know what happened, I just fell in love. I feel guilty sometimes because I was obsessed with DS immediately. But from my experience, the love always comes naturally at some point and parenting isn't as terrifying as I thought it would be

Yes to this. In the same way I didn't feel all giddy about being pregnant, I didn't have those immediate "in love" feelings for my baby when he was born. There were days I would cry to my H "I don't think I like our baby" and just feel so guilty and terrible. It was more gradual for me, as I got to know him and sort out our new normal. I think not enough people admit those feelings, which just makes having them even more difficult. Some people do instantly fall in love and have that experience, but it is okay if that's not you- it doesn't make you a bad mom!

ashleyp625

I thought people were joking about how tired I would be. 

missmaehurt

@kmvisioli That was the first thing my cousin told me, that it was perfectly normal not to be in love with your baby from the moment you see them. She explained it perfectl; it's like meeting a stranger for the first time, then one day it'll just click. 

kmvisioli

@nataliemaephotography I think it also has a bit to do with personality type. I'm not one to get super emotional or attached to things, especially not quickly. Some people are more naturally inclined to just experience all their feelings a little bigger and instantaneously.

von1976

I thought being pregnant would be blissful and fun. I thought I'd get a healthy glow and have long hair and nails and develop this cute little bump. Instead, I've been vomiting constantly, suffered from horrible fatigue, had headaches and other various aches and pains, been bloated and constipated, and my boobs have grown out of control. There is absolutely nothing I like about being pregnant. We also TTC'd for three years before we conceived, so I feel kind of guilty about hating being pregnant. I know I will love our child and love being a mom, but I really hate pregnancy.

LauraPCOS

I'm with those on the lack of sex drive.  I wanted it morning noon and night before pregnancy (hubby was the one that would turn me down due to being "tired" or "has a headache" lol).  Then pregnancy hit and nada.  Sometimes I get the urge, but I kinda wanna take care of it myself and not actually have sex.  When hubby wants it I still put out but it doesn't really do anything for me right now.

I thought I would be crying full of joy at every ultrasound and heartbeat, but nope.  I smile, and I'm happy but no tears.  I thought hubby would be all emotional too, and he was the day we found out, but hasn't been since.

jillianpardo

Pregnancy is miserable. When/if you get past one horrible symptom another takes its place. I don't feel bad thinking that it sucks.  It can be very bad depending on the person/pregnancy. Having the baby is worth it but I'm not going to pretend pregnancy doesn't suck.

rozANDbenSINCE2001

Both of my cousins had amazing first pregnancies. They looked gorgeous and they felt great. I hate them. Jk. I love them, but I still kinda hate them. 

mrskratt

My first pregnancy was incredible. I had a tad bit of morning sickness the first tri, but other than that I had gorgeous, thick hair, glowing skin, I only got big in my belly, I had tons of energy and the biggest sex drive I have ever had. 
This pregnancy... Not even close. I'm in the second tri and I feel like I'm dying a slow a painful death. I ache everywhere, my skin looks like hell, my hair is so dry and brittle, the headaches and MS just will not go away, I'm so exhausted, I feel like my ass is more pregnant than my belly, I have spider veins popping out all over my legs (can't wait to wear dresses, yay) and they throb, and I'm constantly dizzy and trying to catch my breath.
Maybe this baby hasn't gotten the memo that we are officially in the second tri and to knock all this ish off.