Family drama

violetmarie61516

Well my aunt did it again.  She's a anxious, depressed, non-medicated crazy woman.  She called me and woke me up out of a dead sleep to say she was right around the corner from my house and she was coming by to pay me back the $25 she owed me from a couple weeks ago.  That's literally all she said.  I told her I was in bed sleep but DH would meet her at the door to take it.  So she gets here and insists that she is coming in, telling my husband that she has a gift for me and she'll only stay 5 minutes.  She tried to push DH out of the way and he got very upset.  He said no, that I wasn't dressed and I was sleeping.  It ended with him slamming the door shut and her standing on my porch screaming that my husband is a bitch.

I can't handle the drama and I don't understand why she does this all the time.  I know this post sounds harsh but she has done many things over the years.  We had an incidence that she started screaming and throwing things in my house and I kicked her out, telling her not to come back or I would call the police.  She actually came in my house one day while I was napping and watched me!  I had left the back door unlocked, but we have a fenced in yard and the door was shut.  She just wanted to make sure I was okay.  CREEPY and I felt SO violated.  I didn't sleep for days after that unless my husband was home.

Not sure what this post is for, I just really needed to vent and I know you ladies can handle it.  Thank you!!!  On another note, my husband scares me when he gets angry.  He is so level headed and always calm.  I've only seen him get angry 3 times in the 9 years we've been together and I hate it.  He still has control and isn't threatening by any means, it just makes me so anxious because I know something is really wrong when he is upset.

ETA:  Is anyone else's bump board sorted differently?  I can't find posts!

Boonhilde

First, anxious, depressed, and unmedicated people (hi there) aren't really like that, so please don't start describing her as that... It makes it sound like you're saying that's WHY she's like that. 

Second, wow. I really hope you're able to secure some boundaries. I'd be tempted to get a restraining order. 

Third, no. You should never be afraid of your husband. Talk about that with him. What does he do when he's mad? Does he ever throw or break things? That IS threatening. (For example.) My DH gets angry but I have never been afraid when around him.

Fourth, what posts are you looking for? 

violetmarie61516

I have anxiety and depression but it's under control and I'm aware of myself and my actions because of it.  It is part of WHY she is like she is.  She's out of control because she doesn't think she has a problem and won't get help for it so she goes off the deep end and becomes this way.

I don't feel threatened by her so I don't think a restraining order is necessary.  

Also, I didn't say I was afraid of my husband, I said I was afraid of the situation that causes him to get angry.  I'm not afraid of my husband at all.  I think scared was the wrong word to use, maybe anxious would be better.  My husband is not at all a threat to me and I'm not scared of him.

As for TB, my thursday check-in post is on the third page!

ahernandez16

Yikes. Your aunt sounds like a total creep. I'm glad your husband was there to get her the f out. Is there a reason she's so attached to you? Does she not have her own children? 

Anyway, I'm sorry you're feeling stressed. I also have a very level headed husband and I hate when he gets angry. He's also not threatening but it makes me uncomfortable because it's so out of character for him. Hopefully she chills out.  

MynaBird

Without knowing anything beyond what you describe here, it sounds to me like your aunt is mentally ill with something besides depression or anxiety -- some of that behavior sounds like manic episodes. Which can be really scary for the people witnessing them. Have you talked about it with other family members? When my grandmother started to exhibit symptoms of dementia, I know it took all of us comparing notes to start to get a sense of what the problem could be and how we should approach getting her some help. 

Lyette1206

Just to chime in, I know what you mean when you say you get scared when your husband is upset. I feel the same way when my husband gets sad/cries. He's literally done it three times in the 11 years we've been together, and it shakes my whole world. He is also super calm and level headed all the time, it's so off putting when he gets rattled. 

HBamama2B

I'm really sorry you're struggling. But it does sound like a restraining/no contact order (there are a variety of types and levels) would be the best route given what you've described. This would give the police quick ability to act in case things escalated. I'd say cut contact, but with the B&E, I'm not sure that'd be enough to de-escalate or control the behaviors. No matter what, she's your family and your husband shouldn't be treated like that so I would suggest taking action where he doesn't have to be put in that situation and where you can rest better. Whatever route you take, I hope everything goes smoother for you.

vintagevix2016

@Love4Labs326, yup, I'm the same way when my husband gets angry. He's always so happy-go-lucky and most things he can address with a great demeanor so when he gets angry, it's so strange and unsettling (because it's not the norm). Never felt threatened by him or anything, it's just scary to see him get to that point. He says the same thing about me as well though. I don't get truly angry often. Annoyed/Frustrated? Well sure, but not angry. Just not our style  We can't all be calm, cool, and collected all the time I suppose.

I'm sorry to hear about the situation you've been dealing with involving your aunt. It sounds very stressful! As other's have said, definitely keep setting those boundaries...even if she seems to push them, keep at it. I'm glad your husband has no problem taking a stand as well.

mar101483

What is going on with your aunt sounds way beyond being anxious and depressed, but I do agree with the unmedicated. Honestly I would call the police, if her behavior is as bad as it seems. She, based on the brief description, appears to have some serious mental illness and I would not feel safe with her around. She would probably benefit from a stay in a psych hospital for an eval. But I worked in Mental health for years, so maybe I'm just being paranoid.

almostpriceless

I agree that this is not depression and anxiety. It certainly sounds like mental illness, but there are many more out there that seem more fitting. If you aren't willing to get an actual restraining order then I would say stop taking her calls. If she shows up don't answer the door. If she won't leave then call the police. And put a lock on your gate. It's $5 and something that you should really have with or without a crazy aunt.

TheHauntedHauswife

Ugh, Sorry you are dealing with this so late in your pregnancy. I honestly thing your husband handle the situation well considering what he was dealing with. But i too have a very similar calm and collected husband who very very seldom gets upset like that so i get what you mean its just kind of unnerving when something happens that he has to go to that place cause it means its pretty bad

I too have someone in my life whose mental state is a bit concerning and out of control. Her behavoir is not okay mentally ill or not. 

MynaBird

TheHauntedHauswife said:

I too have someone in my life whose mental state is a bit concerning and out of control. Her behavoir is not okay mentally ill or not. 

Yeah, but if she is mentally ill, she may not be able to control her behavior. If someone is bipolar, say, they are not fully in control of themselves during those manic episodes. That's why it's so important to get them help. If she's diagnosed and refusing treatment, that's another thing entirely -- in that case, she is responsible for letting the situation happen, even if she's not deliberately choosing to act that way. 

violetmarie61516

Thank you ladies for all your support.  That was really what I needed.  I wasn't sure how to put it but she is definitely mentally ill.  She has been for years and she knows it but she refuses help.  She's seen many people but as soon as she hears something she doesn't like, she refuses to go back to them.  We've been dealing with it for years, it just plain sucks.  She has no other family.  She hates men and has no children.  She's in her 70s now and I'm just waiting for the day that she can't refuse help anymore so maybe the family can do something for her.

mar101483

Honestly, I know it's extremely hard to do, but if you call the cops on her, they will take her for a psych evaluation where she will be put in a hospital, at least for a few days, if not longer. Not saying she'll stay on the meds, but it's a start. But, again, I know how hard that can be, I have a bipolar 3rd cousin who went from being a home owner, 3 condo owner and adopted mother, to childless, condemed home and living as a hoarder in her condo and she refuses help too. Her mother is upset with her and sick of it, but won't call the cops on her either. It's hard.