Save yourself from misery

searchingforameaning

never let the grandparents/in laws live with you and watch your kids. It's just not worth it. They can't be grandparents and care takers at the same time. Came home and kids have not eaten dinner but no worries- they helped themselves to 6 bags of cookies while mil was watching tv. And no worries, she does offer other food- she Does know how to feed them 3 other items- chicken nuggets, Mac n cheese, and pizza. So well balanced.... The only thing she has managed to do with them is keep them alive.  Totally normal to let kids give dog a haircut. You want to use a nail file to sand the paint off the IKEA chair? Go ahead. And 3 hours of Netflix- no one stopping you here! 

I cant take it anymore!!!!

mouse1029

I get it. My mother in law watches dd and I get frustrated because I need her to be more structured as a full time caretaker, but she still seems to just want to be a grandparent. Then she looks at me when dd doesn't listen but we don't have those problems when she's not around.

pelorunningmama

Mine lived with us for over 2 months after DD was born. She is very kind and I love her, but I love her more 4 hours away from me. Very little privacy and she fed DD the grossest things. I was grateful for the help but we won't be doing that again with baby 2. 

jamiesc58

My MIL only lives 20 minutes from us and she drives me crazy. She is completely the opposite as in she doesn't let the kids do anything. They play and to her they are being too loud. Every time she comes over she cleans and basically tells me that what I do isn't good enough. She washes everything in her sight with bleach. Yesterday she took my entire vacuum apart and bleached it because it was "dirty". It was a little dusty from being used but nothing that anyone would have really noticed. I have a full time job, 3 kids at home, one on the way, and things to do at home. I do the best I can. Yes my house is lived in, but it is NOT dirty!

ThisisNumber3

There is definitely a "cost" for "free" care. 

1faceinacrowd

Oh man, I could never have my mom live with us! I can't even tell you how many times she's tried convincing me to give my daughter what she wants when she's crying/whining (that was when she was younger - she's old enough now to know better than to even try the whining with me ). 

My step-son lives with his mom half the time, who lives with her parents, and he gets pretty spoiled over there. DH and step-son's mom actually lived with her parents for a while a couple of years ago and DH said they'd constantly undermine the parents' decisions and give him whatever he wanted. Luckily, he is also old enough to understand that what he gets away with at mom's/grandma's house doesn't apply at our house.

AliKay20

@ThisisNumber3 nailed it!!

My MIL tends to think of her own gain first in doing anything "for us" so I completely just cut off all ties with her after confronting her about all the times she's been a manipulative bitch. I would never ever trust her with our kids. Thankfully DH sees this too and supports this decision in not having her in our own family matters. Nope! 

Example: She once suggested we buy a home in Chicago (where she rents a house w her husband) and let them pay us rent (but with a limited rent amount) while DH and I still work and live in DC. Hmmmmmmm, I smelled that crazy from miles away but took DH so long to realize her true colors until now. 

TM14

Lurker from July....

I live with my MIL and she's just the best.  She knows what we'd allow or not. Sure my daughter gets a treat now and then but she would never allow cookies for dinner or for the kids to misbehave.

Talk to her? Set boundaries? That's all I can suggest. Good luck ladies!

texasmama2014

My parents don't live with us but they do take care of DD.  They don't have a great concept of nutrition, so left to their own devices its pretty scary what they will feed her, so I have had to lay down boundaries and supply food that is healthy and that I approve of her eating daily.  I know she will eat junk with them, that's just how its going to be, but I make sure that they have healthy meal options on hand. 

I would recommend making some kid-friendly freezer meals that your MIL could make just as easily as the junk she normally feeds them.  I made some homemade chicken nuggets, broccoli nuggets, and quinoa bites for their freezer.  I also stock things like Annie's soups, cheddar bunnies, and plum pizza bites so that even if that is what she eats it's a little "healthier".  I routinely buy the kind of milk I prefer for her to have as well as send some fruits, yogurt, and apple sauce.  Because its my parents I guess I can speak more candidly and be a little more demanding about her diet.

I could never live with my parents though.  That would be so uncomfortable!  Sorry for the issues with them, hope you can come to a compromise!

charmedlifex3

This is why I asked my mom for a very specific defined period of help, lol. She is coming for three weeks, once I return to work to smooth the transition back (and so I don't have to drop him at daycare before three months old, I am taking 10 weeks off) - Then she is leaving.

amccul20

my MIL offered to watch my son 1 day a week and I said no. I told her it would mess up his schedule and then I threw in there that I didn't want her to feel like spending time with him was a chore.

I'd want to kill her after a week if she watched my son!

and I actually really really like her.