PPD/Postpartum anxiety check in — The Bump
January 2016 Moms

PPD/Postpartum anxiety check in

Hi ladies, I know this board isn't as active lately, but I thought it might be helpful for those of us who have postpartum depression or anxiety (or both, like me!) to have a check in for support.  I am struggling a lot lately.  Mine is mostly due (according to my endocrinologist) to my thyroid being out of control.  They keep adjusting my dose and it keeps going more and more hyperthyroid.  And some of the side effects of that can include anxiety, depression and insomnia, and I have all three in spades.  Add in postpartum hormones and finishing the last week of weaning from pumping and I am a hot mess!  

Anyway, thought this would be a good place to share our struggles and offer encouragement.  Maybe a good starting place would be talking about positives and then things we're struggling with?  Anyway, here are mine:

Positives:
-I start therapy Thursday at 10 am and I cannot wait.
-I should see a change in my thyroid in 4 weeks (that's how long it takes for a dose change to take effect)
-my mom is here this week to help out and though my anxiety is too intense to sleep, I at least can lie down, make myself lunch, etc. for a couple of hours of each day
-LO is 10 weeks today and that means she's closer toward sleeping more.  Allegedly.
-I emailed my apartment manager about a neighbor's smoking issue and it's been resolved, so that hasn't been triggering my anxiety anymore.

Things I'm struggling with:
-LO is still only sleeping in 2.5-3 hour chunks 
-LO is only wanting to sleep on a person during the day or she will not sleep at all
-I am having severe insomnia and I cannot nap due to anxiety or sleep before midnight due to anxiety.  After that my body just crashes out and I sleep from midnight til whenever she wakes up (lately 2:30, won't go back to sleep until 4, then up at 430 or 5, then back down til 7.)  So... I'm pretty deeply sleep deprived
-still having issues physically - swelling in both legs due to my thyroid being out of whack, granulation tissue that is still not fixed
-LO has been extremely cranky since her 2 month shots two days ago

Anyone else?  I'd love to hear from anyone in a similar situation.  Or anyone who has gotten on medication and is feeling better!  I hope that will be me soon!

Re: PPD/Postpartum anxiety check in

  • So I don't have PPD or PPA but from someone who has suffered from crippling OCD at various periods throughout my life, I wanted to say hang in there, and it will get better.  Therapy has been so so helpful for me, not instantly (but major improvements after a few months).

    Also, if I'm remembering correctly, you had your baby at the end of the month, and I had mine at the beginning so I'm about a month ahead of you ... And, within the past month baby went from sleeping three hours at night to eight hours.  She also went from refusing to nap unless being held to napping in her crib alone easily.  Sleep has improved my mood greatly, and it is right around the corner for you!
    maureenmceericak525anightintunisia
  • Well my PPA got so much worse this week. I thought I had it all handled then this week it just hit me like a ton of bricks. In the middle of the night I cried in my bathroom for 2 hours because I was worried the nursery theme I picked would ruin my daughters life. I called my Dr today and she wasn't in so, the Dr in her practice who I hate "helped" me. She suggested I double my meds that are already at the max dose. I am calling in tomorrow because fuck that.
    anightintunisia
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  • Thanks @ChrissyD1203 - yes, my LO was born 2/8, so she's only 10 weeks still.  I do hear that the sleeping will get better at some point!  I can't wait!

    And I'm sorry your anxiety flared back up @littlecrimsonjester   Mine has been very up and down as well.  I thought I was improving and then this week I had my worst episode of it yet, complete with my first panic attack of my life.  :/  I hope you get in with the doctor you like soon and that your anxiety calms back down.
  • @maureenmce thanks, the Dr is just an idiot. When I was pregnant she told me she didn't belive fibromyalgia could be effected by pregnancy. She argued with me today saying 80 mgs of celexa was fine.  I am a pharmacy technician so I super knew she was in the wrong. Lucky for me though I do have great support people. My famliy and friends are coming over more and doing anything they can to be helpful whether it's sweep my floors or just talk me through an attack. My husband came home early from work just to be with me and then did the dishes. I am so blessed and that is why this anxiety drives me so crazy.  I have no reason to be anxious or upset my life is basically perfect right now besides the anxiety.
  • I thought my PPA was getting better and was actually starting to feel back to my old self but last week I had another setback with it. DH has always left for work around 5am and while I've never loved being home alone that early, last week I had a nervous breakdown almost every morning when he was getting ready to go. I'm paranoid someone is going to break in and I won't be able to protect LO (even though we live in a super safe neighbourhood, always have at least 2 cars in he driveway and have visible security cameras and an alarm system). It's completely irrational and came out of nowhere. I've also started to get really anxious again when anyone else holds DD. I also feel like I always need to be doing something for here, either playing with her or holding her constantly when she is awake or cleaning, doing laundry etc. when she's sleeping. The other day I put her in her pack and play (in the same room as me) while I ate dinner and she was laughing and totally content but I still felt like the shittest mom ever that she was "alone" and not being played with.

    Positives right now are I have a lot of support, I see my mom or grandma everyday to get some help with DD but mostly to have the company and someone to talk to. DH is really supportive as well when he's home but he's gone for about 12-14hrs a day due to his crazy commute so that's been hard as always. I'm hoping last week was just a minor setback, I'm seeing my family dr next week to discuss what options we have, I'm hoping to skip meds and try just therapy to start but am willing to do meds if something doesn't improve soon. It's nice knowing I'm not alone in feeling this way though :)
  • claireloSCclaireloSC member
    edited April 2016
    @maureenmce I'm so sorry you're dealing with all that. I struggled for the first month until my Dr. put me on Zoloft. It took a few weeks but I feel much much better now, despite still having lots of physical issues from birth and pain. I also struggled with sleep for a while and found out I have sleep apnea. The thing that helped me was getting a Rx for Ambien so I could sleep through the night. I had DW take care of the baby a couple times while I did that and it helped so much. Lack of sleep is probably a big part of why you're feeling so crappy. I know you said hubs falls asleep so maybe he can watch her on Fri/Sat and sleep during the day? Or maybe you can hire someone? Or your mom? I would really really suggest getting a few nights of 6-8 hours of sleep for your mental health. Ambien will knock you right out. For the granulation tissue, your doc might be able to silver nitrate it off if it doesn't resolve itself. Vitamins with zinc and vitamin A helped mine heal faster and make sure to take your prenatals as well. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker TickerMarried DW <3 08.2013; AI 2x; IUI 6x; IUI #7 05.2015; DD born 2.2016 o:); Reciprocal IVF FET #1 on 11.18.2020 
    deedeecmc79
  • I thought my PPA was getting better and was actually starting to feel back to my old self but last week I had another setback with it. DH has always left for work around 5am and while I've never loved being home alone that early, last week I had a nervous breakdown almost every morning when he was getting ready to go. I'm paranoid someone is going to break in and I won't be able to protect LO (even though we live in a super safe neighbourhood, always have at least 2 cars in he driveway and have visible security cameras and an alarm system). It's completely irrational and came out of nowhere. I've also started to get really anxious again when anyone else holds DD. I also feel like I always need to be doing something for here, either playing with her or holding her constantly when she is awake or cleaning, doing laundry etc. when she's sleeping. The other day I put her in her pack and play (in the same room as me) while I ate dinner and she was laughing and totally content but I still felt like the shittest mom ever that she was "alone" and not being played with.

    Positives right now are I have a lot of support, I see my mom or grandma everyday to get some help with DD but mostly to have the company and someone to talk to. DH is really supportive as well when he's home but he's gone for about 12-14hrs a day due to his crazy commute so that's been hard as always. I'm hoping last week was just a minor setback, I'm seeing my family dr next week to discuss what options we have, I'm hoping to skip meds and try just therapy to start but am willing to do meds if something doesn't improve soon. It's nice knowing I'm not alone in feeling this way though :)
    I feel like we're living the same life. I could've written this. Word for word. Except...besides a visit from a nurse a few weeks ago to talk about my options I haven't followed up or gone in to get a referral. I guess I'm afraid of accepting that I'm going through this. Especially when I have good days...I start to think "oh maybe it's not that!..." And then LO goes to bed and it all comes creeping back. 

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  • @saraawlbr I hear ya on the good days and feeling like everything is back to normal, I've been doing that as well on and off for the last 2 months - like yesterday we had an amazing day and I thought maybe I've finally got the hang of this, but I need to remind myself of all the times I've thought that then regressed back into my anxious state so I don't lose my motivation to get help. Just keep reminding yourself what we're going through is perfectly normal and lots of women struggle with it but benefit so greatly once they seek help - we have to do what's best for our LOs and that means making sure they have a happy healthy mama. Good luck on your journey
  • I just started lexapro and Xanax for my PPD/PPA. So far so good, so much better than when I tried Zoloft. I haven't noticed any significant side effects from either besides drowsiness. I'm hoping this helps.

    im between insurances right now because of terrible insurance issues while pregnant and felt hopeless last week. I called a suicide hotline that got me set up with free counseling and a psychiatrist who put me on new medications to help. I'm so thankful I did. 
    Vincent 1.1.16 & Daniel 11.6.07
    In Memory of Barbara <3 , beloved mother and grandmother
    ekscopp
  • @claireloSC - Luckily, my mom came down for a few days and I was able to sleep a bit.  She's older and neither of us were super comfortable with her doing the night feedings, but she did a bunch of them during the day so I was able to nap and that really made a difference.  I also think I'm feeling the effect of my reduced thyroid medication because today is one of the best days I've had.  Sadly, my mom had to head back home this morning, but my husband is taking a week off at the beginning of May, so I have that to look forward to!  Oh, and re: the silver nitrate - I've had it twice!  I have another appointment in three weeks to make sure the last one worked.  Fingers crossed!

    claireloSC
  • I had to call in again and a male Dr told me that losing the baby weight might help.  I complained so hard about that.  On the brightside I finally got to my Dr and I am on a new med that seems to be helping. Since I am feeling better my husband and I are working on the nursery. It is looking awesome. 
    krrpe99ChrissyD1203maureenmce
  • Hope you ladies are hanging in there and feeling better!  I've been feeling much better the last few days as my thyroid is finally coming down a bit.  Still having some anxious moments here and there, but it's definitely an improvement.  LO is also sleeping 6 hours at the beginning of the night now, so I'm much better rested, which has helped too.  

    @littlecrimsonjester -  Glad you're on new medication that seems to be helping!  
    klbhclaireloSC
  • The main reason why I stopped coming here. My PPD/PPA is out of control. My relationship is pretty much done for. I sit here with a colicky baby. At first she wasn't as bad now it seems like nothing soothes her. I am sleep deprived and don't get ANY help from family whatsoever. I am so done. :(
    DD#1 born 12/30/2015
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    DS#1 born 02/19/2013
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

  • The main reason why I stopped coming here. My PPD/PPA is out of control. My relationship is pretty much done for. I sit here with a colicky baby. At first she wasn't as bad now it seems like nothing soothes her. I am sleep deprived and don't get ANY help from family whatsoever. I am so done. :(
    I am so sorry you are going through this. I know Internet strangers can't help but I am sending you good thoughts. 
  • @2winterbabies - I am SO sorry.  :/  Dealing with a colicky baby on top of PPD/PPA sounds like the worst thing I can imagine, postpartum wise.  I am sending all of my good thoughts your way.  I hope you can get help from someone (friends maybe, if not family?) and if not, at least know that the colic will pass eventually.  My little brother was a colicky baby and it was torture for my mom, but he finally grew out of it and was a very happy and healthy little guy.  Best of luck to you that that happens sooner rather than later.
  • Thank you for the kind thoughts. I am trying the best I can. Unfortunately I feel like I am failing all together. Thearpy hasn't been working. I had to triple my dosage of anxiety meds. I know that DD won't be colicky forever. Just waiting for the day to come when she is easier. 
    DD#1 born 12/30/2015
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    DS#1 born 02/19/2013
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

  • I'm so glad to hear that @maureenmce! I'm so sorry @2winterbabies. <3
    Baby Birthday Ticker TickerMarried DW <3 08.2013; AI 2x; IUI 6x; IUI #7 05.2015; DD born 2.2016 o:); Reciprocal IVF FET #1 on 11.18.2020 
    maureenmce
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