Am I being unreasonable?

maureenmce

Okay, so let me preface this by saying I'm suffering from postpartum anxiety and I no longer am 100% sure if concerns are reasonable or stem from that.  But anyway, here's the issue.  We live in an apartment building and a couple months ago a lady moved in next door as a caretaker for the elderly couple that lives there.  She is a heavy smoker.  Second hand smoke is a major risk factor for SIDS.  SIDS is one of my top anxieties and I only recently have been able to sleep at all while LO sleeps due to that fear.  

Anyway, the lady started smoking in our laundry room, closing the door and making the entire room smell of smoke, including some of the clothes.  The laundry room is also directly next to our unit (we share a wall) and the nursery window is inches away from the laundry room window.  I realized what was happening as I was rocking the baby with the window open and realized the entire nursery smelled of smoke, and went to investigate.  So, my husband emailed our apartment manager asking if she could stop smoking in the laundry room.  They asked her to stop, she complied, and I thought all was resolved!

Well, now she is smoking in front of her door, which is... also in front of our door.  It's literally like 12 inches away.  So, most times when I come and go with our LO in the stroller, we have to walk through a cloud of smoke to leave or come back to the apartment.  Okay, that sucks, but it's momentary.  But what I realized today is that if my husband ever opens the window to our bathroom, to vent the room after a shower, and forgets to close it, since the window is right next to our door, literally all of her cigarette smoke pours into the bathroom and the nursery, which are located at the front of the apartment.  I realized this tonight when, again, I was rocking LO, realized the entire nursery smelled like smoke, and went into the bathroom to find my husband had left the window open.

Now, because of my anxiety (in therapy, but not medicated yet) I am just in a downward spiral about this.  I know the severity of my reaction (shaking, tears, etc.) is related to the anxiety, but is my course of action reasonable?  I want to email our apartment managers again and request that she stop smoking in front of our door and instead, smoke in her unit (this is allowed), on her balcony (also allowed) or in the gigantic open air patio on the floor below, which is outfitted with several tables, chairs and an ashtray, as well as plenty of air for the smoke to dissipate instead of funneling into someone's apartment.

So, am I being reasonable?  Or should I just accept walking in and out of the apartment will likely be in a cloud of smoke and that I can't ever open the window to the bathroom?  Thank you so much for any feedback, I am just a shaking ball of stress about this.

TRA0816

I don't think it's an unreasonable request but I've never been a smoker and don't tolerate it well either. Hope you find a resolution and some peace about it!

mwalles

You could do another email or maybe just try to talk to her?? I know sometimes people can be crazy but you try to explain the situation and how uneasy it makes you feel... 

Hipshaker

I hate the smell of cigarette smoke. My mother is a life long smoker. I won't even get into the issues I have with her about that and being around my kids. I'd keep a big floor fan by the front doors down aim it at the door and turn it on when she's out side smoking. You could get an air purifier too. An air purifier would just be good to have in general. I hate going in and out of stores when there are people outside smoking, a lit cigarette burning in the ash can by the door; it makes me so mad. But as for eminent danger, I think your ok. My mother had an ash tray in every room of our house growing up even the freaking bathroom. I have had enough secondhand exposer to last a life time. It's good to take precautions, I hate the smell, but know that this level of exposure is not what they are talking about when they are warning moms of sids risks. They are really for people like my mom who keeps an ashtray in a kids bedroom.

Cricket99

Since there are other places in your apartment complex that are provided for her to smoke, I see no problem in asking her politely to use those designated places. I never understood why people liked to smoke in front of their door rather than on their balcony...

maureenmce

@mwalles - I would definitely prefer to talk to her (she seems nice!) but she only speaks Armenian, unfortunately.  

@Hipshaker - You are totally right that the SIDS risk is for the level of exposure you're talking about, not just casual, short term second hand smoke.  I totally needed to be reminded of that because my anxiety takes a teeny tiny risk and makes it huge and scary.  Thank you!

Overall, I think I'll just shoot the apartment managers a friendly email making my request and, if it doesn't work out, and look into getting an air purifier.  (And try not to freak out about it overall!)  Thanks for the feedback guys!

claireloSC

I used to smoke and I think this is completely reasonable. This is why there are laws that say you can't smoke within 10 feet of doors and stuff. You shouldn't have to walk through smoke with your tiny baby or have it in your house. I do agree that she will be fine, but, you're well within your rights to not want to smell smoke.

ChrissyD1203

I threatened to sue the property management company when I complained about the smell of smoke and they told me they would "try" to resolve it.  After that, they did resolve it.  You deserve to live in your unit with clean, breathable air.  I would be livid. 

JoJoMama730

Well it certainly can't hurt to ask - both her and the property manager.  The worst that can happen is. . . . nothing different, right?  That being said, making adjustments because of neighbors is a part of life, whether you live in an apartment or a detached home.  We live in a house, and sometimes can't have our windows open for any number of reasons that have to do with the neighbors, including smoke.  In those instances, we just suck it up and keep the windows closed.  But, it isn't usually a daily occurrence like what you are experiencing.  If it was, I'd definitely bring it to their attention and see if there is a workaround (like smoking somewhere else).

thecubiclee

I wouldn't email again.. Instead, keep your windows closed and actually talk to her directly and let her know how you're feeling. Let her know the smoke goes into your apartment when you open the windows and that you don't like to walk through it to simply go outside. I'm sure she'll understand and will appreciate you going to her instead of the manager. Hope it gets resolved for you!

l4rk

I didn't even know it's legal to smoke in an apartment building. Disgusting. I would for sure expect her to remain in her own apartment or go to the designated area. Even without a baby I would be complaining about her behaviour.

tiffanylea0320

I would speak to her and/or call/go to the property management company directly. You are justified and being reasonable despite dealing with overwhelming anxiety about the situation. Your child's health is more important.

beccanforrest22

I have asthma, and some types of smoke are a huge trigger for me. Since I had RSV when I was an infant, I'm really anxious about things like that. If there are designated areas available for smoking, I don't think it's too much to ask. I know you said there was a language barrier, so I'd email the manager again. 
I totally understand about the anxiety, too. I've dealt with mild anxiety/stress problems for years, and was in therapy for a short while. Just remember you are not alone and never be afraid to reach out and talk to friends or family! Hope things get better  

PedsIsHardcore

I think it's 100% reasonable. I'm a pediatric nurse and I totally agree with you emailing your apartment manager over it. It's a big deal because anyone with health issues exposed to that nicotine can have problems. Also many places are becoming non-Smoking. I would do the exact same thing. 

maureenmce

Update: emailed again and issue is resolved!  She's going to smoke on her balcony or the open air patio and it's no problem.