Intro and long question

DanieKA

Hello all! I hope you don't mind me landing over here, but I feel like this is the best place for my questions and I hope it's okay to ask. If not, I won't be offended at all. And I'm really, really going to try and keep it as short as possible, so if I leave something out that you have questions about, please ask. Thanks in advance. So I'm 34 with no children and never been married, and no known fertility issues. I know I want children and have kind of always known I'd freeze my eggs at a certain point. Well, the time has come and I have my first initial appointment in a little over a week. I am dating someone seriously, and he knows about my plans and is supportive. Without going into too much of his personal details, he takes medication for a chronic issue and that makes it very difficult for him to "finish" if you know what I'm getting at. Sorry, totally TMI. So as we get deeper into our relationship, the idea that should we choose to have children together the chances of our using some form of ART is high. with this in mind I've been really digging into my research and searching online and now I have some hesitation about actually freezing my eggs. So I guess, my ultimate question is, would you do it?

I have been searching up and down for blogs about the egg freezing process and beyond. I have found plenty that document the process up until freeze, but I have only found 1 person who has gone back years later to retrieve her eggs and actually just got pregnant in february with no update since (this link mentions children https://intothefreezer.wordpress.com/), so the process of having a healthy baby is not yet finished. Do you know of any blogs out there from women who have gone back for their eggs? I have read the statistics on a million clinic sites about the rates of successful thaw, fertilization, etc, but for some reason I'd like to read a real voice and not just have data and percentages, you know?

Of some of the blogs I have found, there were 2 who write about going back to get their eggs once married or upon a decision to try on their own and in both cases all of their eggs were somehow destroyed. This devastated me, because although I know there is never a guarantee in medicine or in any procedure, I'm not sure I want to shell out several thousands of dollars to freeze eggs that won't make it, and I'll just end up doing fresh cycles down the road anyway. Here are those two blogs for reference. https://eggfreeze.blogspot.com/2015/06/update-7-years-later-i-went-to-use.html (children mentioned in the next link)
https://www.seleni.org/advice-support/article/putting-my-eggs-in-one-basket

I have read that embryos react better to freezing and thawing because an egg is a single cell and embryos are multiple cells and just better equipped to handle the process. So now I'm wondering if I should have a serious conversation with my boyfriend about freezing embryos instead of eggs. I don't want to put that kind of pressure on us, however we do see ourselves together for the long haul. 

I'm now more confused than ever, when for years I had been positive that freezing my eggs was the right thing to do for me. I'm starting to think it's a marketing tool for women like me, who are on the cusp of declining fertility, but the science just isn't where it should be yet. The clinics mentioned in those women's blogs aren't run of the mill. I believe all the eggs frozen in these women's posts were "quick frozen" which is supposed to be an advance and a better method of preserving the egg. I'm not yet ready to pick out donor sperm to make embryos that are not with my partner, though? So it's egg freezing, embryo freezing with him, or wait it out. 

HEEELLLPPPP!!!! All opinions appreciated. And I did not keep this short. I'm so sorry. 

Liss_37

Welcome.

Has your doctor told you that "now is the time" to harvest eggs and freeze them? Honestly you aren't that old. Chances do go down a bit around this age but you aren't going to be infertile by any means.. Unless there are other issues only which your doctor would know and advise you on.
I can't tell you what to do, obviously. But I can say that if you're having reservations, then you should wait. Only do something like that if you're absolutely certain it's what you want to do. Not only for the cost aspect but for the process in general on your body and mind.

I'll be 37 next Month. I didn't harvest and I don't plan to, for my own personal reasons.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do!!

DanieKA

Thank you so much for your reply! To answer your question my OB doesn't seem concerned at all. At my last annual a few months ago, I told him I was having a baby next year (kind of trying to make a self fulfilling prophecy, I suppose) and he just wanted to make sure I was taking a good multivitamin. I have discussed freezing my eggs with him the year before that (at 33) but not in depth and at that point I got the impression he thought it was premature. I understand his view, I'm been seeing him since I was 17 or 18, so he knows my body and I hate to say it, but I'm in perfect health gynocologically. Normal periods, never had an abnormal pap smear, never had an STD or STI, my mother had me at 34, and i'm african american and I think in some ways, even in the medical profession there's a myth that still persists that black women have somewhat unlimited fertility. At my first appointment with the specialist next week, I do plan to ask her for her honest opinion about my particular case and if I should wait a year or two.

But I also have somewhat unusual exposure to cases of infertility that aren't typical. My best friend has been married since 2007 and has been trying to have a baby with her husband for FIVE YEARS. They are about to embark on their first IVF after clomid cycles, four iuis, and her original doctor telling her she's young and there's nothing to worry about. As of right now they are still unexplained. No set diagnosis of DOR, or sperm issues, or PCOS or anything. I also have a good friend who has twins from IVF after trying with her husband and a few miscarriages. She was 29 when she did ivf. Her sister (who is a year older than me) lost a baby at 23 weeks in 2014 and has been unable to get pregnant since.My close group of friends spans the gamut from Whoops! Pregnant after a drunken romp after a wedding reception (married couple, so it's kind of a funny story instead of being completely rage inducing) to we can't figure out what's wrong with us and why we haven't been able to conceive. To say I'm nervous would be putting it mildly. It's funny, I guess I trust the doctors to take care of me physically. I trust them not to hurt my body, but I'm not sure I trust them when it comes to tell me yay or nay in an honest way about egg freezing. 

Liss_37

I understand your fears, we all have them.. but their infertility problems aren't yours. Don't forget that!! I would speak honestly and openly with your doctor and your partner about how to go forward before making any decisions 

PoeMasque

This is post is my view and probably not how everyone feels, but I'm not sure this is the right board for you. This is a board for women who are actively trying to get pregnant after 35. I have been on here for 7 months and have yet to hear of anyone dealing with freezing eggs for future use (aside from IVF). 

please look at the board rules and take them to heart. (ie posting and ghosting)

We are a very supportive group, but a lot of us are truly struggling with infertility/getting pregnant and it's important to honor that struggle, not use it to get your questions answered and then move on. 

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but I have to agree with what others have said (including your OB), it sounds like you are worrying about this prematurely and this is not a place to air your fears and leave, it's a place to find support while TTC and support others who are actively trying. 

DanieKA

I completely understand. I never had any intention of ghosting, but if this isn't the right board, I get it. I was just hoping to get some input from some women who are perhaps 3 or 4 years ahead of me (38, 39 etc) and how they would have felt if at 34 or 35 they had the choice to do this knowing then what they know now. I do plan on actively pursuing a family and i didn't think the next few months between 34 and 35 mattered for posting purposes.

I appreciate your thoughtful responses and I wish all of you luck. I'm truly sorry if I hurt anyone with my original post. 

MntnGirl

@DanieKA - I'm not sure where else you could post this type of Q, but you may want to check out the Success after IF board. Or search boards for DOR and fertility preservation. 

Even if I knew what I know now, I am not sure that I would have attempted to freeze eggs for the same reasons you noted above. No one can tell you what to choose, but I'm assuming your OBGYN isn't the best person to advise on fertility preservation. If freezing embryos is being considered, that's a decision for you and your partner to make after discussing the potential custody and other legal issues if things don't work out - just like having a baby together. Definitely meet with the specialist and discuss options, assess your gut response to what they say, consider the statistics, then take some time to think through the risks and timing in your life. It sounds like some day you may end up back on this board and you'll be welcome - although we'll all wish you a short stay.

DanieKA

@MntnGirl Thank you so much for the sugestions. Honestly, I felt kind of in limbo after being told this wasn't the right board for me because I had no idea where to go for support. I really did intend to participate and support others and share the egg freezing journey, if that's what I decided to do since the entire process-consultation, testing, shots, monitoring, retrieval- up until freeze is the same as ivf, and I know many posters are going through this that I could share that part of the journey amd give and get support. My consultation is a week from tomorrow, but I understand that I'm not "actively trying" so I will bow out. I will definitely see if SAIF is a better place for me. This issue still seems pretty sparse online and I wish there was a place for me to talk it out like there is here. I've left a few comments on blogs and haven't gotten any response because as I said, most that I've found are old and no longer updated. I obviously don't want to be told what to do, but to have a support system and sounding board would be nice. 

Thank you, thank you, thank you! Regardless of if SAIF is the right place for me, I really appreciate your suggestions and your thoughtful response. I wish you all the beat in your baby journey! 

MntnGirl

Thanks, @DanieKA. There are IVF threads under the Infertility board to read through or join when you are starting a retrieval - there's a lot of activity to keep up with, but good info on how stim cycles vary. Best wishes for you as well. 

Edited to add better smiley.

SLGILL1978

lisswastaken said:

Welcome.

Has your doctor told you that "now is the time" to harvest eggs and freeze them? Honestly you aren't that old. Chances do go down a bit around this age but you aren't going to be infertile by any means.. Unless there are other issues only which your doctor would know and advise you on.
I can't tell you what to do, obviously. But I can say that if you're having reservations, then you should wait. Only do something like that if you're absolutely certain it's what you want to do. Not only for the cost aspect but for the process in general on your body and mind.

I'll be 37 next Month. I didn't harvest and I don't plan to, for my own personal reasons.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do!!

lisswastaken said:

Welcome.

Has your doctor told you that "now is the time" to harvest eggs and freeze them? Honestly you aren't that old. Chances do go down a bit around this age but you aren't going to be infertile by any means.. Unless there are other issues only which your doctor would know and advise you on.
I can't tell you what to do, obviously. But I can say that if you're having reservations, then you should wait. Only do something like that if you're absolutely certain it's what you want to do. Not only for the cost aspect but for the process in general on your body and mind.

I'll be 37 next Month. I didn't harvest and I don't plan to, for my own personal reasons.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do!!

I completely agree with this. I have a pre existing medical condition and I had my first (and only so far) child at age 34.