We now have two healthy little girls. One is 3 years old (and not breastfeeding) and our second one is 2 month old (and breastfeeding). With my first child, I breastfed until she was 22 months old. (I believe I had post pardem depression as well with my first but never was diagnosed). With our second and my sweet two month old girl, I am struggling with breastfeeding. The mechanics...no problem. I have no problem feeding her, I have no problem with the actual physical aspect of breastfeeding. My problem is when I breastfeed, all I want to do is leave. I want to physically be as far away from breastfeeding as possible. I have an immediate shift when breastfeeding our little girl. I feel horrible for feeling this way. For the most part, when I'm done feeding her I return to being happy and adoring our little baby. But when I breastfeed, it is the most miserable 20 minutes of my hour. I am coming to absolutely hate breastfeeding her. I've started pumping and using the (breastmilk in a) bottle gives me relief but then I feel bad for not physically breastfeeding. Do you have any advice?
DD1: allergic to eggs & dairy
DD2: milk and soy protein intolerant, allergic to eggs, soy, peanuts, tree nuts, sesame, bananas
MSPI Moms Check-In Blog
It is worth investigating the cause behind this reaction. I imagine ppd could cause intense nursing aversion. It is important that you call your doctor to talk about it...it could be a sign that you need help (and THAT'S OK, we all need help sometimes).
In the meantime, have confidence that you CAN make the right decision about feeding your baby that is best for your baby and you and your whole family. Don't let this become a reason to doubt yourself. No one knows you and your baby like you do!