Ugh

kleshelle

I feel like I'm not "momming" right. She's the first one to always get taken care of, of course.. I just feel like I still don't have my crap together balancing life with a baby as a new mom. Will I ever feel balanced? How do moms keep a clean house, do good at their job, happy kid(s), happy SO, AND manage to look good all while finding time for their self?!? I'll never know. Are we all truly struggling at this and some just hide it better?

I took nearly 2 weeks off due to surgery (just returned to work yesterday) and I feel like I just returned back from maternity leave. I feel like I'm neglecting my baby by working.... My job doesn't have a set schedule routine it's all jumbled up, my SO is definitely not on a set schedule our life is CRAZY. Most of the time mine and his dinner is around 12pm. LUCKILY she got herself in her own routine/bedtime but I need my own I haven't found it yet and it's making me go nuts!

Are any of you still having issues adjusting and finding your routine?

Mizuiro007

Having it all together is a fantasy. I learned to followed my mom's and grandma's advice and pick my battles. Cleaning frequently comes last so I try to make this as simple as possible. Laundry isn't ever put away but it's clean, same with dishes. Vacuuming isn't done as often as it should be.

However, my kids are fed and happy. I have a partnership with my husband that we work out but we're both happy having mutual support. And I have to just make time for me and accept sometimes it's cut shorter than I'd like. I take the baby in the bathroom with me while DS is sleeping or with his dad, we listen to music and she chills in the bouncy seat while I relax in a hot bath. When I can get them both asleep I can watch an episode or two of a show or read the chapter of a book then got to bed after DD's first motn feeding.

yl1m32015

Im pretty sure that's just motherhood, parenting, and life in general. 

Mother0fDragons

Is your SO working? If he's not ask him to help out around the house.  Unless he's a stay at home dad.

blended10

Yes, please! Nobody has it all together. Not that cute mom at pick-up with the always nice hair, not that dad in the grocery store smiling at his toddler happily eating grapes, not the mom at church with her 3 kids all under 5 perfectly dressed & well behaved. No ones house is always clean, SO happy, kids happy- etc etc.
just do the best you can. Be your own best cheerleader. And find some mommies you like & build your village. This is THE key to sanity. IMHO 

ammnam14

Stop comparing yourself to others, you're going to drive yourself mad.

candace4erich

True story: I had to do a photo shoot today for marketing for one of my jobs. It's the first time I've seen people at this job since October. All I heard all afternoon was "You look so great!" ... "I don't know how you're not insane!" ... "You're a rock star!" ... etc.

The whole time my inner monologue was, "I haven't showered in three days, I'm running on three hours of interrupted sleep, I've eaten one small meal today while holding a wiggly, fussy baby, and I'd rather go eat my way through the bakery just north of here than go home right now."

We're all in this together and nobody has it all figured out. Fake it till you make it and remember that your baby loves you no matter what!

Knottie1456179799

All of the previous posts. 

I also have a variable work schedule, which is really tough.  I feel like I am scrambling to spend time with her, but I also want her to have space to wiggle, sleep, etc as SHE needs, not as I need.  Just remember your babe loves you regardless of everything.  Don't judge yourself based on what you think you SHOULD be doing, because you're doing great.

momotheflyinglemur

@candace4erich  Yes, this, fake it until you make it!!!

I like to think of myself as an expert faker. Going back to work has been a huge struggle and the baby's routine seems to change every few weeks. I am lucky, though to have my aunt staying at home with the baby so I don't have the stress of childcare, but still. I want to share a few of the things that I do to keep my sanity through all of this in hope that there will be something that resonates with you and can help make things a little smoother.

Related to work... I have a very casual workplace, but I know myself and if i were to wear jeans and t-shirts, I would feel like queen of the frump. Because I don't always have the kind of time I would need to do my hair or makeup, so wearing slacks and a blouse it makes me feel ready to face the work day with confidence. And when I get home, I change before taking Odie fully into my care for the evening. That five minutes in the bathroom, changing, washing my face, putting my hair up... it makes a lot of difference. I feel that it washes away the work day, so that I don't bring any of those frustrations back into the house. My SO gets in the shower right after I change, to do the same thing. 

As for cleaning... if you CAN, you should invest $100/month to a housekeeper. Even if they come in ONCE a month to do a deep clean... you will appreciate the difference. One of my STM friends recommended this to me with this quote... "Getting a housekeeper was the best thing I ever did for my marriage. I spend all day delegating work and managing my office. I owe it to myself and my husband to NOT have to manage our time as well." OR, if its laundry that you really loathe, find a place near by that does wash.dry.fold services. Usually its less than $1/lb of clothes and it is really a great investment, especially for people like me who don't have a washer and dryer in my place. It is an EASY thing to pay for peace of mind. 

Cooking... I have nothing to put here, because my hubby is the chef in the family. When Oliver goes to sleep, whenever that is (between 8 p-10 p, depending on the day) he will have our dinner ready. If he is relying on you to cook, than he should be doing nighttime stuff with baby, if not, he should be in charge of getting food on the table. It's only fair if y'all are both working. Me and hubby do alot more things together. Even things that don't necessarily need two people, we are there to support each other, and it helps keep us from being overwhelmed or feeling as though either one of us are putting forth more effort.

For baby... he'll love you no matter what your schedule is like, no matter what you look like, no matter how tired you are. The love between you is unconditional. We are 4 months into 18+ years of active parenting. Whatever free time we have, whenever we have it... goes to that little baby.

From one FTM to another, I hope something in the above ramblings will help you find some kind of rhythm in the ever-changing rhyme of parenthood. 

DandT2point0

@momotheflyinglemur, I appreciate how you've broken down your response. It helped me think of our at-home time in smaller, manageable chunks as opposed to one overwhelming span of time. That in itself makes me feel better. Thank you! 

yl1m32015

What keeps me sane, is to just take each day and break it down to make it manageable. Like on today's agenda, get 2 loads of laundry done and give baby a bath. Tomorrow is meal prep and try a mommy and me yoga DVD. The next day, grocery shop and vacuum the floors, day after that is clean the bathroom and dust the shelves. So on and so forth. Stuff that you can stay on top of and if I get just one or two of these tasks accomplished everyday, it won't make everything feel so daunting. 

momotheflyinglemur

@DandT2point0  Woot! You got this, lady! I believe in you!