Parent-led schedule : questions & discussion

Mrsrundell

I was hoping to get some input from you ladies on parent-led schedules for newborns, infants and toddlers. 

Did you follow Babywise, EASY or another schedule?  What worked for you, what didn't work? Would you do anything different this time around?  Give specific examples of schedules if possible.  

Feel free reed to add anything else I didn't cover in regards to parent-led philosophies!! 

bearsandbeets7

Honestly we didn't follow any of those. We just followed DDs lead with things like that. Also I am amazed at anyone that can put a newborn on a schedule. They need to teach me the way of their sorcery! 

texasmama2014

I definitely lean to the side of "attachment parenting"... But I know many women who used Babywise. It worked for their family. I believe they started sometime after 3 months??? It wasn't for me, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

Sekerambo

Attachment parenting here too but I have known a few women that have followed babywise after a few months.  My dd's ped doesn't recommend any sort of sleep training until after 6 months and we definitely wouldn't have even considered starting before then.  Honestly, it's too much scheduling for our lives.  We have a lot of evening activities and the idea of creating a schedule would mean giving up our lives to do so. 

bananers

We followed DS's lead in the beginning and it naturally led to a schedule, and then we stuck with that. I don't think we really started enforcing any sort of schedule, though, until he was a year, and even now (he's 3) our schedule is pretty loose and flexible. 

PeachGal23

We started using the schedules from Moms on Call at 2 weeks old, and we still use their schedules to this day with our 18-month-old. We've had terrific success. DD has always been a great sleeper and began sleeping long stretches (7-8 hours) at around 8wks. She started sleeping 11 hours straight probably around 4 months. I realize that starting a schedule that early sounds alarming, but it's really following the natural patterns of a newborn - feeding every 2-3 hours, being awake an hour and sleeping 2 - and starting to add a nighttime routine with a bath. Many, many friends have used the same books/ schedules, and I don't know anyone who hasn't had success. We'll definitely use it for this baby. 

ThisisNumber3

Isn't there a 2-3-4 schedule?  First nap 2 hours from wake up, second nap 3 hours from the wake up and then four hours before bed? 

I think  the first 8-12 weeks are the "fourth trimester" so anything goes. 

ginger819

I didn't follow any book or anything, but I found it helpful to put DD on a 2-3 hour cycle of eat, play, sleep after about 4 weeks. Then at about 5 months I just started following her cues, but still tried to maintain that order of things. Now at 11 months our schedule is pretty flexible and mostly just her nap time fluxuates, but she mostly stays on schedule for every thing else. For each stage that is just what worked best for us and her. 

I liked the 3 hour cycle because it also helped encourage her to fall asleep on her own. She would get tired from playing and I would maybe rock her a little when she was really little until her eyes started drooping then put her down. She has always been great about not needing to be rocked or nursed to sleep because of that. She's never struggled with drifting off to sleep on her own. We never had to do any crying it out, but by 3 months or so she was sleeping pretty regularly (only waking up for feedings then going right back to sleep usually). By 6 months she was sleeping through the night for 11 hours. Once her night sleep schedule was set I didn't rely on a schedule nearly as much. I'm hoping this baby falls into that rhythm just as easily

JLyn821

I didn't follow any book with DS. For his first couple months, his schedule was eat, play, sleep. He'd eat every 2-3 hours during the day. I never had to wake him to eat because he was always awake and ready for it. He started giving us long sleep stretches (6-8 hours) at night between 6-8 weeks. He's always been a fantastic sleeper. He slept 11-12 hour stretches until the 4 month regression. Once that was over after several weeks, he went right back to his 12 hour stretches. He's slept great since.

During the day, as he's gotten older, his nap schedule has changed. He dropped his morning nap at 9-10 months. At just shy of 2, he's still taking a decent length nap (2-3.5 hours) in the afternoon.

The only thing I had to do cry it out for was his napping in the crib. I went back to work for 5 months after having him and he was used to crib napping at daycare but not at home. In two days, after I started SAH, he was easily napping in his crib.

In the beginning, the "schedule" is feed baby, change baby, let baby sleep. 

karlimonster

No schedule first 3 months. Everything I read said it was important to respond to their needs.

Around 4 months I got a job. His schedule was a combo of falling in with the daycare schedule and doing the 2-3-4 method.

We struggled with night sleep (putting him down) and around 5 or 6 months taught him to fall asleep on his own.

MUCH too late (thanks to moving, holidays, etc) we let him "cry it out", about 9 months. (In reality it was a half hour of whimpering for a couple nights.)  

He is 14 months and has had the same schedule for months. We are pretty rigid as he is just no fun and melts down when he's tired. I kind of hate how stuck I am, but I also appreciate how easy he is to read. Cranky = sleep. Sleep and schedule is a very important thing for me. I know I'm setting good habits that will last many years. Now, hopefully the next one doesn't mess us up too much...

SkiChic626

I'd be amazed at anyone who can get a newborn on a schedule, especially if you're planning to BF...you need to feed on demand if your going to establish your supply.  We followed DD's queues and around 4/5 mos she fell into predictable patterns that turned into her schedule.  

As for nighttime, we don't believe in CIO and frankly never needed to use it.  She was a great sleeper as an infant, sleeping 6-8 hours by 2 weeks old...toddler sleep, not so much.  She hit the 18 mo sleep regression around 17 mos and it has yet to improve at 22 mos.  I'm way more exhausted now than I ever wad when she was a newborn.  I just hope it improves before this baby is born.

Curls919

ThisisNumber3 said:

I think  the first 8-12 weeks are the "fourth trimester" so anything goes. 

THIS  a million times THIS

Everything was baby-led during this time.  I'd wake him to eat every 3 hours (overnight until he was back up to birth weight, also from naps until he spent more time awake).  But other than that, schedule was all on him.

Fremdschamen

No schedule for us either.  I really think it depends on the kid.  My DD wanted to nurse and snuggle for huge portions of the day (and still loves to snuggle).  Other newborns love to hang out on their own for 30-60 minutes at a time.  As she got older, she gradually settled into a routine, but it was never set in stone. 

I try to practice RIE parenting (Janet Lansbury), which is somewhat child-led (within boundaries set by parents).

Mrsrundell

Thank you all for the input!  

My SIL used baby wise from pretty much the very beginning (exclusively formula-fed though and I plan on being exclusively BF) and my nephew is the most well behaved 18 month old I have ever been around.  I know other factors also contribute to his behavior - both parents are loving, hands-on, he is watched by grandmas during the workday, etc - but, I am definitely interested in having a parent-led schedule, parenting philosophy in our home.  I do not want to co-sleep and would not feel comfortable with cry it out either. 

I have read Secrets of the Baby Whisperer and really love the middle ground approach she suggests.  It is the EASY plan - The actual time of day isn't as important as the order of events in the schedule.  Eat, Activity, Sleep and during the baby's sleep it is You time to nap, get housework done, etc.  As the baby gets older the eating time may be shorter, the activity time may be longer, the naps may be longer... or whatever just to keep the same process so that it is easier to determine what is upsetting to your child based on the cycle. 

I will be a SAHM and will be the one to handle the majority of the baby responsibilities so I was interested in hearing about the realities of what is possible - I can only read and plan so much without ever experiencing it for myself! 

Stephanie7693

Once my kids started sleeping through the night, which really means 5 to 6 hours straight, the routine just kind of fell into place on its own. They both started sleeping through around 2 to 3 months regularly, and once that happened they would nap at the same time every day, and be ready for bed at the same time every night. I chose to stick to it as much as I could, even if I had to rearrange my day around nap times. It really worked for us, and I plan on doing it again with this baby. I think sticking to the strict sleeping schedule helped my kids, mostly my son be able to self soothe as they got older (my first I had to wean from rocking to sleep at 18 months, it was so bad I didn't make that mistake the next time and it worked wonderfully). At just a few months old I could lay him down awake and he would fall asleep easily on his own. This is probably the best thing you can do for your sleep and theirs if Co sleeping isn't something you want to stick with for possibly years. 

kwilliams3402

FTM, but we'll theoretically be doing babywise.  If you're interested, follow the Chronicles of a Babywise Mom blog.  She makes a really important point--because sleep begets sleep, sleeping enough is more important than the baby falling asleep on their own, and you definitely need to respond if your child is hungry.  I like the common sense approach she takes to babywise, so we'll aim to do that.  We'll see though!

Bookhousegirl

I did a schedule similar to baby wise starting pretty early on (3-4 weeks). Obviously I was flexible with it, so if DS was hungry I fed him, if he was sleepy I let him sleep, but having a semi-structure helped keep me sane. It also helped me to establish certain routines that eased my anxiety (which was pretty bad those first few weeks post partum). DS was and still is an amazing sleeper, but I'm not sure if that was due to the schedule or just his nature. I will try to do the schedule again, more for my own sanity. 

tisunge602

Starting around two months we did the EASY schedule which worked really well for us. I especially liked it because that way, DS never learned to fall asleep nursing since he always nursed right when he woke up. 

Once he dropped his third nap, we started the 2-3-4 schedule that a PP mentioned. That worked great for us all the way til around 13-14 months when he dropped the morning nap.

Mrsrundell

@tisunge602 before month 2 were you just feeding on-demand? Did you have any type of routine or schedule before then? 

tisunge602

@mrsrundell That's a great question! I think I may have started EASY earlier than two months (with flexibility of course!) but I know for sure that we were doing it by two months. It's all so fuzzy now! 

whataboutscience

Lurking from July. I tried to follow the Eat-wake-sleep pattern from the beginning. The first few weeks DD was always falling asleep while nursing and I worked hard to keep her up because I was also worried about her eating enough. Not nursing her to sleep I believe made all the difference in the world. By 10 weeks, she was sleeping an 8 hour stretch regularly at night, despite being a largely unhappy baby who refused to nap during the day. We did not do CIO, but we did let her cry for maybe 5 minutes or so to see if she just startled and could settle down. Around 3 months was when I started attempting a more laid out "schedule." I really liked CloudMom's recommendations. You can find her online and she has sample schedules for different ages of baby.