How is everyone holding up?

Deepoet

I know this board is not as active, but I wanted to see how everyone was doing. I am 1 month and a week since my loss and I have noticed more good days than bad days. I had my doctors appointment and I am now physically cleared and I am starting first period since my loss (oh joy!). My Doctor and I both believe that trying to conceive again would not be good and most likely have the same outcome. Maybe we will adopt. Maybe we can find a baby out there that needs love!
It also seems like the universe is messing with me all the time by throwing subtle hints of my loss at me. There are babies everywhere and little girl stuff. Sometimes I am having a really good day and then something flips in my head and I get super angry that I am not still pregnant. 
We are all strong women!!! We will move forward and get past this loss with only the memories of our Angels!!! 
I do appreciate having this group to write to. Its nice to be able to vent to women who understand 100% of what I am feeling. My Step-Mom never had or wanted to have children of her own so she is insensitive to what I am going through right now. My Mom who passed 19 years ago would understand because she had been there several times. This makes me miss her more than ever!!

Ladies, I wish you all peace!! Have a nice weekend!

msunshine123

@Deepoet - Glad you are doing better. It's been 21 months since I lost my son. Like you said there are good days and bad days - there are triggers everywhere it seems sometimes. People who haven't been through this experience really can not relate or understand. Thinking of you and sending hugs your way.

rachieee2

I'm glad you wrote this.  I check this board frequently. It's nice having a group of women who completely understand. 
We lost our little girl 7 weeks ago at 22 weeks.  We also had a miscarriage at 12 weeks last Summer.    I hear ya about everyone being pregnant around you.  
I haven't had my first AF since but we decided to just let nature take its course.  I really hope to be pregnant again soon.  I feel like it will give me a sense of hope and connection again.    Nothing will ever replace the little girl we lost.    
I seem to be having more good days than bad now too.  My bad moments are rough so I'm glad they aren't taking over anymore. 
I hope you are all doing well or as good as can be! 

MamaBish

Hugs to all of you strong (even if you don't feel it) ladies.

I am one year from my loss and I feel like I've only recently started coming back to life. I feel more like myself even though the thought is always there. She is always on my mind and in my heart, but I'm starting to live life again. I need to do this for her, I can't let her life ending end my life, it's not fair to her.

cmillar36

I am 7 weeks on from the loss of our 23 week gestation daughter. She had Trisomy 18 and likely passed during labour.

I'm doing ok I guess. Some days pain is manageable other unbearable. But I've started to smile and laugh again and not feel guilty about It the last week.

I am truly not looking forward to May and June. Mothers Day and my due date are coming up. Oh and the mass we are attending for Nora is coming May 17th. It's a joint ceremony with other parents who lost babies at the same hospital as us.

Ive been off work since February 14th and will be returning May 1st it looks like. That's going to be hard as everyone knows what happened. I also work a very public oriented job. Going to be a big adjustment.

Deepoet

Its the little things I am starting to enjoy. Like the Medium Iced Decaf Cookie Dough coffee I am drinking right now from Dunkin! Or the fact that my DS still loves to snuggle me! 

Find a small thing to be thankful for today! 

Thank you ladies for all of your support and creepy internet love!!!! :-)

fiorip

Hello, I'm sorry for all of your losses. It sucks that we are here. I usually just lurk on this board because it's not very active  and I find great support on the miscarriage and TTCAL boards, but most women there have been through early loss. I loss my son in August at 21.6 weeks due to premature labor. Loss my other son 8 weeks ago due to preterm premature rupture of membranes, he was 17 weeks. I also miscarried my first pregnancy at around 6-7 weeks. No cause was determined for either one. No incompetent cervix, no infection, no coagulopathy, hormonal or autoimmune issues. At this point I am terrified to try again, but there's nothing I want more than a baby in my arms. 

Deepoet

@fiorip It is not easy to deal with such loss. especially due to things we cannot control. I am 3 months out from my last and most hard to deal with loss and I still find it hard to breathe sometimes. The feeling of wanting my baby in my arms is all consuming some days. I am thankful for the friends, family, creepy internet friends and my therapist. 
My suggestion is, as soon as you are ready have a frank conversation with your doc and then go have the same conversation with a high risk OB. Ask them what your chances are to carry full term. DO NOT try to get pregnant until you have spoken to them. Then you and your SO need to see down and take all the information the docs have given you and make a very hard decision. my DH and I have decided that another pregnancy will not happen and that we will try to adopt. but you have to be ready to listen to what the docs say and to understand what you yourself can emotionally handle! 

msunshine123

@fiorip - I am so very sorry for your previous losses and your most recent loss. So many hugs to you! I'd echo the previous post in talking with your doctor and finding a high risk OB to talk with too.

gfgrump

Hi all,
I don't post much-not even sure I've ever posted here, but I find myself coming back in and checking the board every once in a while.
Lost my pregnancy at 21 weeks due to pprom on Feb 28. The due date is somewhere between tomorrow and June 30(they kept changing it saying he was growing fast). 
I feel sad thinking about it. Its also our wedding anniversary today -(2 years) and also next Tuesday (we got married twice, kind of a long story) and it seems we're always people with no solid anniversaries.  Anyway, makes it all kind of confusing. Should be happy and also torn up, and I'm kind of neither.
Just got back from two weeks in Thailand so I'm still a bit jet lagged, plus on vacation and have been a bit of hermit recently, so maybe that all contributes to my general malaise/ennui/haziness.
We're trying again, which terrifies me and also gives me hope. Currently in the TWW, which I'm telling.myself to be chill and I'm not SS, but I am anyway. And certain am not as zen as I'd like to be.
Anyway, just wanted to connect with you ladies. So sorry for your losses. I definitely have more good days than bad. I didn't do any of the things I planned to honor him-make a book, get a peice of jewlery.DH doesn't seem to really want to do it, and I'm kind of lazy and also don't really want to open any wounds.
Just trying to keep going forward and distract myself as much as possible.

gfgrump

Hi all,
I don't post much-not even sure I've ever posted here, but I find myself coming back in and checking the board every once in a while.
Lost my pregnancy at 21 weeks due to pprom on Feb 28. The due date is somewhere between tomorrow and June 30(they kept changing it saying he was growing fast). 
I feel sad thinking about it. Its also our wedding anniversary today -(2 years) and also next Tuesday (we got married twice, kind of a long story) and it seems we're always people with no solid anniversaries.  Anyway, makes it all kind of confusing. Should be happy and also torn up, and I'm kind of neither.
Just got back from two weeks in Thailand so I'm still a bit jet lagged, plus on vacation and have been a bit of hermit recently, so maybe that all contributes to my general malaise/ennui/haziness.
We're trying again, which terrifies me and also gives me hope. Currently in the TWW, which I'm telling.myself to be chill and I'm not SS, but I am anyway. And certain am not as zen as I'd like to be.
Anyway, just wanted to connect with you ladies. So sorry for your losses. I definitely have more good days than bad. I didn't do any of the things I planned to honor him-make a book, get a peice of jewlery.DH doesn't seem to really want to do it, and I'm kind of lazy and also don't really want to open any wounds.
Just trying to keep going forward and distract myself as much as possible.

msunshine123

@Dwmmwd I'm so very sorry for your loss, but I'm glad you left a message. I'll be thinking of you and sending hugs these next few days as you pass the due date. There is no right or wrong way to feel or be. Just do what's right for you. Be kind and patient with yourself. 
 Choosing to try again is a continual balance of hope and fear - hold tight to the hope.
 There is no time line in when you need to do anything specific to honor your child - anytime that's right for you is the time.

fiorip

Deepoet said:

@fiorip It is not easy to deal with such loss. especially due to things we cannot control. I am 3 months out from my last and most hard to deal with loss and I still find it hard to breathe sometimes. The feeling of wanting my baby in my arms is all consuming some days. I am thankful for the friends, family, creepy internet friends and my therapist. 
My suggestion is, as soon as you are ready have a frank conversation with your doc and then go have the same conversation with a high risk OB. Ask them what your chances are to carry full term. DO NOT try to get pregnant until you have spoken to them. Then you and your SO need to see down and take all the information the docs have given you and make a very hard decision. my DH and I have decided that another pregnancy will not happen and that we will try to adopt. but you have to be ready to listen to what the docs say and to understand what you yourself can emotionally handle! 

I did exactly this, got a referral to a MFM doctor and they did a whole bunch of tests and determined nothing. I don't have any apparent issues to conceive or stay pregnant. He suggested a profilactic cerclage at 13 weeks, putting me on vaginal progesterone and taking a baby aspirin a day, just in case. Thank you for your advice. Hugs. 

msunshine123 said:

@fiorip - I am so very sorry for your previous losses and your most recent loss. So many hugs to you! I'd echo the previous post in talking with your doctor and finding a high risk OB to talk with too.

Thank you, I'm slowly getting myself used to the idea of trying again, I'm not quite there yet, I'm still very emotional and have some extra weight I want to lose but I'll get there. Thank you for your words. Hugs. 

fiorip

@Dwmmwd I'm very sorry for your loss. I also lost my little boy to pprm and it's been incredibly hard, I hope you can find peace and your fears ease with time. Hugs. 

Deepoet

I think we are all doing wonderful!! We are living our lives and moving past these incredible losses.
It seems like every week someone who didnt know about our loss comes up and asks me how I am doing. And the good thing is that it does not crush me anymore. I am proud of that. We have a family vacation planned for the due date in a couple of weeks, so I am hoping that it helps. 

Ladies, we went through something profound and have survived, even if we are a bit changed. 

We are strong woman and we will get past it with only the memories of our angels!!!

MamaBish

Beautifully said @Deepoet

PabloAndChristine

I feel like I'm doing really well considering it's only been 3 1/2 weeks. I am up and moving, I've gone out with family and friends, I haven't gone back to work yet but I have a date set (August 1st). I still feel like this is not my real life and one day I'll wake up in my normal life and I still cry so so easily, but I'm not laying in bed crying all the time. I can even about her without crying if it's someone I'm not close to (like the parent at my stepsons soccer game who asked me last night how far along I was now). I do cry much more easily though and I think about her and everything that happened constantly. I'm not sure what to do with that because I don't want to burden my husband with my constant emotions (he is wonderful and very supportive, but he said to me today it's hard when I cry to him everytime he comes home). Anyone have suggestions on how to balance that? I want to support his way of grieving just like I want him to support mine. I can talk to friends and family, but when it comes down to it he and I are the ones who lost our little girl and he's the one I want to go to when I'm sad. 

To end on a happy note: We are restoring an old Victorian house (have been since shortly before everything happened) and it is going really well! It's been a really helpful goal for us to work on together and we are almost ready to move in!

Deepoet

@PabloAndChristine, I learned that having someone other than DH to cry to helped a lot. Because my DH grieves in a very different way than I do, it was tough for a few weeks. 

We made it through our due date and thanks to my DH and DS I didnt even think about it till I woke up the next day! It is still very hard to think about the fact that our Little Hope is not in my arms but I am proud to say that I no longer cry for hours because of it!!

MamaBish

@PabloAndChristine how did your first day back at work go?

PabloAndChristine

Hi all! @MamaBish work had been pretty good so far! They have been very supportive and respectful and started me back on a light schedule. The hard part is when I go home on my lunch break and all my thoughts just flood over me since I didn't get a chance to think about her all morning. But I am physically recovering so I need that time to rest before afternoon work. After work is better because usually I'm busy. 

@Deepoet thanks for the encouragement! Did you name your baby Hope too??? I love our little girl's name... It lifts me up just saying her name. 

How is everyone doing this week? My hubby and I have been arguing about dumb things which makes things harder. I'm going to chalk this up to the grieving process too. And we both don't like how we are arguing so I think we can get past this together. Otherwise things are going well for us-made it through my first period ( got to visit family (at the beach!) before starting back at work, we moved (mostly) into our new house, and have had some quality time at the lake in our new town.